Author's Note: Hi everyone! I hope you're doing well! My name is Bambi. Welcome to my very first story in the Bob's Burgers fandom! I'm so excited to be here. I'm writing this story because Jocelyn and Regular Sized Rudy are my two favorite side characters. Rudy already has a lot of fics with my girl Louise (Shoutout to all my fellow Louwheeze shippers). Jocelyn doesn't have that much. So, allow me to be your dose of vitamin J. I do not/have not/probably, nor will I ever own the rights to Bob's Burgers or any of its characters. They belong to Disney/21st Century Fox and Loren Burchard. Now, onto chapter 1

Chapter Summary: What IS Jocelyn's last name?

Chapter 1 What's in a Last Name

"Come on, Jocelyn. Just tell us! Like it's not even a big deal. Like I don't even care." Tammy Larsen, Jocelyn's best friend, begged.

"Tammy if it's nawt that big of a deal than why do you keep asking me?" Jocelyn questioned as she tried to hold back a sly grin.

Tammy had an epiphany earlier that day in Ms. Jacobson's science class. She realized that she didn't know what Jocelyn's last name was. Which to her was weird. Like they were best friends. Jocelyn knew everything about Tammy. Why couldn't she know this major detail? So, she starts hounding Jocelyn about it. It's been like this for the last three periods and has come to a head during lunch.

Jocelyn was pretending to be annoyed but in truth, she finds this funny. It could be hilarious watching Tammy sweat sometimes.

"Ugh! Jocelyn, you're not being fair!" Tammy whined loud enough for the whole cafeteria to hear.

Zeke and Jimmy Jr walk up, clutching lunch trays of fish sticks, mixed vegetables, and fruit cocktail.

"Geez Tam Slam! Why ya screamin'?" Zeke asks as he sets down his tray.

"Yeah. You sound like a bird." Jimmy Jr pointed out.

"It's all Jocelyn's fault. She won't tell me her stupid last name!" Tammy explains in a huff, folding her arms over her chest.

Jocelyn stifles a laugh as Jimmy Jr looks over at her with a confused look. "You don't know? Aren't you her best friend?" Jimmy Jr asks.

"I thought we were." Tammy scoffs.

"Jay Ju and I know everything about each other." Zeke adds.

"Hell yeah, Zeke!" Jimmy Jr cheers.

Tammy was fuming by this point. "Do you two know her last name?" Tammy snaps.

"Can't say I do." Zeke shakes his head.

"It-" Jimmy Jr is cut off by Jocelyn.

"Jimmy Jr, you don't know either." Jocelyn's eyes narrowed.

Jimmy Jr was confused. He was telling the truth. He knew Jocelyn's last name. Tina Belcher walks up to the table with her two younger siblings Gene and Louise in tow.

"Hi Jocelyn, hi Jimmy Jr, Tammy, Zeke. What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing you need to worry about, boob sweat. I bet you don't know either." Tammy glared.

"Know what, Tammy?" Louise Belcher as she asks, protectively stepping in front of her big sister.

"Jocelyn won't tell anybody her last name." Jimmy Jr pipes up.

"Maybe she doesn't have a last name! Like Cher or Madonna." The middle Blecher shouted.

"Uh no, I totally have a last name." Jocelyn confirms.

"Then what is it?" Louise asks.

"Come on, Jocelyn. Just tell us!" Zeke urged.

Regular Sized Rudy, Andy Pesto, Ollie Pesto, and Darryl walk up to the table. Jocelyn gets quiet and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Hi, Darryl." Jocelyn greeted.

"What's up, Jocelyn?" Darryl replied.

"Jocelyn's being a dummy! I swear to God, Jocelyn. If you don't tell me, I'm not your best friend anymore!" Tammy laid down the law. Usually, this kept Jocelyn in check. Tammy has given her this ultimatum several times.

"Ugh! Whatever Tammy! I gotta go!" Jocelyn rolls her eyes, grabs her semi empty lunch tray, and leaves the lunchroom.

"Was that weird to anyone else?" Jocelyn heard Regular Sized Rudy ask.

She laughs to herself. Jocelyn Donahue's last name wasn't a secret. If anyone would take more than one second to look at her papers or school supplies, they would know that. She'd never say what it was. To her, it was hilarious. Watching people trip over themselves to figure it out. For two straight weeks after the incident in the lunchroom. Tammy, Zeke, Tina, Gene, Louise, and Rudy follow Jocelyn around everywhere. They beg and ask her for hints.

"Is it something weird?" Louise has asked her that following Tuesday.

"No." Jocelyn shook her head.

"Is it some fruit?" Gene asked.

"Omigawd, Gene. Why would my last name be a fruit?" Jocelyn replied.

"It's possible." The boy squawked.

Zeke tried to get her to talk by selling her knock off Boyz 4 Now tickets, to no avail. Tammy took a completely different approach. She tried hanging out with other eighth grade girls.

"Ha! Ha! Ha! You're sooooo much funnier than Jocelyn. Oh my god hi, Jocelyn! Sorry you're so weird!" Tammy called out to her.

The one who comes the closest is Tina. Ms. Jacobson had asked her to help hand back quizzes they did a few days prior. Just as Tina gets to Jocelyn, she snatches her quiz away and turns it over. Chances are she didn't do well anyway.

"I don't get it, Jocelyn. Why don't you just tell them your last name? They'd leave you alone." Jimmy Jr suggested as she stood by her locker.

"I don't really care. It's not that big of a deal. They're the ones freaking out." Jocelyn shrugged.

"Yeah, but aren't you annoyed?" Jimmy Jr asks.

"Not really. Just don't blab." Jocelyn warned him.

Jocelyn and Jimmy Jr had known each other since they were kids. Their moms took the same Pilates class and constantly hung out together. Nowadays, they aren't as close as they used to be. Jimmy Jr moved in with his dad, Zeke moved to town, and Jocelyn became friends with Tammy. Sometimes, she misses when it was just them.

"Fine, Joc." Jimmy Jr sighed and walked away.

Besides the Pesto boys, the one to get an honest answer was Darryl. He was her math tutor and maybe she had a bit of a crush on him. Course she would never say that out loud. She tried to shake it off, but she just couldn't. Darryl was cute, smooth, smart, and he could sing. He gave Jocelyn butterflies every time she saw him. He had been in the middle of showing her how to solve for x when he looked up at her curiously.

"Can I ask you something?" Darryl asked.

Jocelyn was caught off guard. Usually, she's the one asking him questions.

"What's your last name?" Darryl grilled.

She can't lie to Darryl. He's way too smart to not catch onto her fun.

"Donahue." She replies.

Darryl's surprised. He honestly thought that she was going to blow him off just as she had done with the others. That wasn't the case at all. Darryl nodded in response.

"But like you can't tell anybody." Jocelyn warned.

"Why?" Darryl wondered.

"Cause what's the fun in that?" Jocelyn giggled.

Luckily for her, Darryl never told anyone. Matter of fact, nobody knows till they get the invitations to her graduation party for high school. Cause one again, her last name wasn't a mystery.

A/N: Thank you so much for the first oneshot! I know Jocelyn's last name isn't Donahue. A lot of these are headcanons of my own or headcanons I had found online. I really hope you enjoyed this story. I don't know when the next upload will be. I promise you'll get it soon though. Have a great day and I'll see you next time.