2brown-eyes pre-reads!
No song so…
I Want You Back—The Jackson 5
"Here you go, honey," Mom says as she sets the basket of fries and a strawberry milkshake in front of me. "It's mighty early for you to be in here, isn't it?"
I shrug, grabbing up a fry. "Just wasn't feeling it tonight," I say about the gathering at Emmett's house. "It just felt like the same thing I've already been doing all summer."
"You're alone, sweetie," she says, scooting onto the bench across from me. "And I know my girl. Does this have to do with Edward?"
My eyes jump to hers. "No."
She crosses her arms, giving me the look. "That was a swift denial." She leans closer, holding my gaze. "Too swift. Talk to me, honey."
"I'm tired of talking about it," I say, huffing. "I love him, he loves me, he loves Bree, but I think he loves me more, though he chose her when he had the chance. It's all just driving me insane, and I don't have a clue what to do about any of it."
"Well," she says, sitting up straighter. "Glad you didn't share too much."
I bark a sudden laugh, and it feels good, so I laugh some more. "God, I'm a mess," I say, rolling my eyes. "Maybe I don't even deserve him anymore."
"Baby," she says, holding her hand across the table for me to take. "Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is messy and weird, and we don't always make the best choices, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as fun if we didn't live and learn." She pauses, taking a breath and blowing it out slowly. I copy her, and she nods. "Good, that's it. Now tell me about this Bree person."
"You haven't seen her?"
"I have," she says, nodding once. "But I want your take on her."
"She's a nice girl," I say, my eyes dropping to my basket of fries. "Who wouldn't be here at all if I hadn't shoved Edward away for an entire year."
"And you don't want to push him away anymore?" Her voice has that coaxing softness to it that makes the answers just spill from my lips.
"No."
"But you're holding out because you don't want to hurt this girl?"
I nod.
She holds my hand tighter and pulls it to the center of the table, cocooning it between both of hers. "I don't know if I should say this or not, but I'm going to. And I'm sorry if it hurts your heart." She clears her throat, blinking furiously before meeting my gaze with glassy eyes. "If we've learned anything this summer, it's that you have to grab hold of every single second and spend it like it's your last."
My chest seizes.
A sob works its way up.
"If you'd told me in May that something was going to happen to your father, I'd have flat-out denied it," she says, a tear rolling down her cheek. "Oh, how I wish I could go back and spend a little more time letting him know how much I loved and appreciated him. Divorced or not, Charlie Swan was the love of my life, and neither of us ever truly moved on." She sniffles, a chuckle bubbling its way up. "We just couldn't live together."
"Mom." My voice cracks. "He knows you loved him."
"I know he did, sweetie," she says, smiling softly. "Would Edward know?"
A chill moves over me, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. It's dread, and it's all-encompassing. The thought of losing Edward without ever repairing this awful mess I made of our lives is terrifying.
I stand abruptly.
"Are you going?" she asks eagerly.
The need to do something is strong, but the clock on the wall tells me it's already past ten. He's home, in bed, most likely with Bree, and that's the last way I want to find him.
I sink back into my bench. "I'll go to the hospital tomorrow. Talk to him at lunch."
My mother beams through her tears. "That sounds like a good plan."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Anytime, sweetie."
It feels like a fifty-pound weight has been lifted from my shoulders when I go home and close my eyes.
Tomorrow.
Perfect spot to end the week on, but tmr would be good too (probably slightly better … for you … until Monday, that is hehe).
2 epis left to write (looks like 7 total), so if I get at least 1 of them done today, I'll post tmr too.
See ya soon :)