Katara laid awake again, this time instead of the air temple ceiling, she was staring at the fabric of her tent, and this time, her thoughts of Zuko were not confused. She hated him. Hated him for all the destruction he brought, hated him for putting them in danger, and hated him for putting them on the run again.
That would have happened with or without him, danger always seems to catch up to us eventually, a voice in her head reminded her. A small part of her was glad to be in a different place. The grass was sweet and the ground was soft and their mission and purpose felt renewed.
They would kill the Fire Lord, probably Azula too and then this wouldn't keep happening. They would kill all of Zuko's family.
The weight of that statement hung heavy on Katara's chest. Not two hours ago she was screaming at him about the death of her own mother in Zuko's face. Seeing her father made the loss so apparent, it was all she could think about. She was angry for everything that happened because of her mothers murder. She nor her brother were allowed to be children after that. She had to grow up, had to cook and clean, skin animal pelts and make sleds and work. Her father left on a never ending mission, her brothers mind turned to war. She was forced to harden, forced to always think responsibly all because the fire nation needed to show their power. And just over dinner the others were toasting Zuko and singing his praises. That moment around the fire made her sick. How could they not see this was his fault?
Azula would come another time, if not then, came another betraying thought, and if Zuko wasn't there fighting her, we might not have survived the encounter.
Her mind wouldn't let Zuko be the simplified version of himself she thought he was for all these years. The world was no longer black and white, good and evil as it was when she was younger. While she thought of what darkness was, her mind jumbled and hazed and she began to fall asleep.
She dreamt of war that night. She dreamt of being attacked, rocks falling, fire pulsing in her peripherals. A hand reached out to her, first Aang then he phased and it was Zuko's hand she held. He lead her out of the fire, out from under the falling rocks. He was looking in her eyes and she was surrounded by golden yellow and felt so so warm.
She awoke in her tent, the morning sun warming her in the cocoon of blankets and pelts. Would Zuko ever be out of her mind? She shouldn't have to be thinking about this now, she should be concentrating on training, getting stronger. She should have all of her attention on Aang, not having conflicting thoughts about someone who terrorized them for years. Why did it seem to just be her who was having trouble excepting him? Everyone else seemed just fine excepting him into the fold.
While truthfully, he wasn't the best at actually capturing them, the feeling of being pursued for all those years did not go away lightly. Her body couldn't sit still when he was close to her. Her body would clinch and her heart would race when he was around. Reminiscent of fear she told herself.
As she lay under her blankets feeling their weight as the tent got warmer and warmer under the sun she thought of the pressure of his body when he had pushed her aside from the crumbling temple ceiling yesterday. His body was warm, her skin felt his lingering touch where his bare skin met hers. He had protected her in that moment, falling on top of her, pressing into her softer body with his firm one.
She shook her head and threw off her hot blankets metaphorically throwing Zuko off her body too. But then the warm air brushed her bare skin and her nipples rose and she was brought back to her mental weakness in the baths the other night. She had tried not to think about what she had done, not what she had done per say, but who she had been thinking about when she did it. She had chalked it up to being traumatized. An unfortunate reaction to her life and chosen family being invaded by the enemy.
She dressed herself and prepared to ignore Zuko today. She could go on a long foraging trip. Spirits know they need some food.
But as she walked out of the tent she knew her plans were not fated to become reality because Zuko was sitting right outside.
She started with surprise and then sneered at him.
"You look terrible." She busied herself by rummaging around in her bag for her comb.
"I waited out here all night" Zuko said tiredly. Katara hated him most when he was like this, acting pitiful like a sad puppy.
"What do you want?" She asked briskly, running her ivory comb through her long tangled wavy hair.
"I know who killed your mother." Zuko said in a dark voice. Of all things she thought he might say, this was not one of them.
"I'm going to help you find him." He continued as she turned to look at him with shock. He held her gaze, his mouth set in a tight line. She was used to this look, the anger dancing behind his golden eyes. But the anger was not at her, not at himself, but the anger seemed to be for her.
She frowned. She did not need him to be angry for her. She had been angry for 12 long years.
"How." She asked, her eyes tightening distrustfully. She kept the "and why" to herself because she didn't really care why. If he wanted to help her, then she would use him.
She stared him down as he explained his plan and for the most part he kept her strong gaze. As she listened to his plan she saw a glimmer of a great leader, and the shadow of the true person he was deep down that she first saw in Ba Sing Se and again briefly at the air temple. If he could give her this, maybe there was a chance she wouldn't associate him with her mothers death.
The plan felt strangely simple and well thought through. He spoke clearly and eloquently and unlike when her brother had a plan, she did not immediately look to find fault with its design. It required stealth and precise timing, and he did not elaborate on what would happen when they caught up with the man responsible, but Katara didn't need him to say anything. She knew what she would do.
"Okay," she said, nodding her head curtly, "Let's go."
"Now?" He said a little shocked.
Katara nodded, the moon was full tonight, and she wanted as much of its power as she could get.
"I've waited long enough."
—
—
Zuko wondered if he had done the right thing as he watched Katara sit at reins on Appa's head. He knew he had awoke a deep darkness inside of her the moment he offered her the chance to track down the man who killed her mother. It was something he would do if given the chance, but he knew he wasn't being entirely altruistic. When he came back from Boiling Rock with her father he was surprised at the pointed anger he felt from her. She must not have felt that he helped Sokka for her. If she was angry at him now, imagine how angry she would have been if he let Sokka go off without him and gotten himself killed. He had felt a bit of hope for a day back at the air temple when he got up the courage to sit next to her and help prepare the meal. He liked that she felt comfortable enough to ask him questions, and he liked that it seemed she wanted to get to know him.
But then Zuko had felt the difference the next few days. He could tell she was ignoring him, so he didn't interfere, he just watched her from afar. It was startling when he was put in the cave with her at Ba Sing Se. He hadn't seen her in ages at that point, the last time he had seen her was in that abandoned earth city town fighting against Azula. Back then he had found her young and small, and a bit disheveled and dirty, but she was a strong bender. Their fight in the northern water temple was enough for him to already know that, but she had held her own in front of Azula that day, and that is no easy feat. When he saw her in the cave all that time later she was taller, her face leaner but her body full and slim at the same time. Her face had glowed beautifully in the green light and the tears flowing down her face had shimmered. And in that moment he had given in to those feelings he was struggling with. In her presence he had admitted something he had never spoken allowed… that he was in turmoil over his destiny. And then she offered to heal him. She meant only physically, but in that offer was the chance to begin to heal emotionally and move on and then only minutes later he stared into her blue eyes, made his choice and fired a fireball at her.
He winced. That moment was in his top 3 to look back on when he wanted to feel like a piece of shit and wallow. So yes he was being selfish by offering her this opportunity for vengeance. He needed her to forgive him. He had been seeking her approval ever since he got there and nothing had worked. Back at Ba Sing Se she had said his face was the face of the enemy, so maybe if she saw the face of the man who truly was her enemy, she could begin to accept him.
He watched her now like he had been since he showed up to join the avatars team. She compelled him. There was a deep depth to her, like an incredible ocean that he imagined drowning in. He watched her silhouette backlit against the bright night of the full moon and imagined smoothing the creases between her furrowed brows with his thumb, but she would never want him to touch her.
Working alongside her was incredible. They barely spoke yet they moved in tandem, her taking the lead and then falling back to let him move up seamlessly. They quickly infiltrated the Fire Navy Communication Tower and were racing towards the leader of the Southern Raiders.
Katara had refused to sleep, turning him down twice, assuring him that she was strong, which he never doubted in a second, but now it was getting extremely late. He decided to change his tactic.
"Please rest," Zuko said softly, sliding down Appa's neck next to Katara. Her hands held the reins limply and her eyes looked up at him hooded and shadowed with exhaustion. She smiled a little sleepy smile and his heart sputtered in his chest.
"Okay," she finally agreed and she held out her right hand to him to help her up. For a second he just looked at it incredulously, but then he took it, feeling her cool fingers slip across his warm hand. As they stood together she wobbled, the only time all night she hadn't been the epitome of grace and agility, and he slipped his arm around her slender waist to steady her. She looked at him gratefully. He knew she wasn't a person used to help and he was glad she accepted now. He guided her around and up Appa's neck and wished he didn't have to let go of her hand when she stepped down into the saddle. She looked back at him as their fingers slipped apart.
"Thank you," she whispered, and she slipped out of his sight as she laid down on the cushioned saddle. His eyes lingered on the space her face had been for a moment before he turned around and sunk down into Appa's deep fur.
He was beginning to realize he may want more then just her approval.
Hello! I have started writing again! comments are always appreciated, and you can ask me any questions. i apologize if my writing style has changed, I want to get to the good parts so i may be rushing a bit.
we are now in the southern raiders episode.
my goal is to fill in parts that are missing, filling in gaps in the story to create their relationship. i will stray from the original story at some point but not yet :)