Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of its associated characters!
Summary: Naruto's built a house for them both. Sasuke doesn't understand where he's supposed to fit into it. Written for snsmonth23 - prompt: there was only one bed! Canonverse, SNS.
A/N: Hello! I lied! I fully intended on skipping today, but - ah. You know this is one of my favourite tropes. So here - day 6, there was only one bed.
Also, for a note for you all on FFN - it seems like things are breaking a little. I'm not longer getting emails about some things (like comments! :( ) and some stories just aren't appearing on my profile. Ao3 should be okay, you just have to be logged in to read my stories, but please feel free to let me know if there are any other issues on here!
beds and lack thereof
Sasuke doesn't understand what he's doing here.
Naruto moved them in together four months ago. Didn't ask. Didn't run the idea by Sasuke, as he never tended to—Sasuke found out in the form of a letter, in the form of an envelope, in the form of a key.
It's quite a commute, to Konoha, for Naruto. Almost two hours, full speed. It's less for Sasuke. He has nowhere to go. He goes anyway, sure, but—
There's a radius, now. He circles.
He presses his lips together, and the bed shifts.
The furnishings came with it. A good thing, too, because all Naruto had brought was plants and chaos to the thing. He hadn't thought of towels or sheets or anything else that Sasuke—hadn't had in a long time. Still remembered. Naruto had been too focused on the walls. Too focused on the place. Too focused on…having somewhere. He hadn't thought of the fact that the kitchen was too small for two strangers, no matter their intimacy. No matter their bond. The seating was for four, the couch was meant for two, and the bed—
Well. That was the problem.
The bed.
Sasuke wasn't even used to a bed at all. A mattress. Curtains and windows and ceiling fans—the room in itself is built to disorient him. He would have had enough trouble sleeping without a…weight. Next to him. A warmth. A reminder.
Sasuke's heart is in his throat.
He'd accepted the key on sight. He hadn't even replied. He'd only just—travelled. Under the guise of curiousity. Under the guise of simply wanting to know.
And Naruto had been surprised to see him. Delighted, too, with all of the force of a thousand suns, but the surprise hummed like cicadas in the summer. Screaming away in Sasuke's periphery. Naruto had built them a life together, and Sasuke—
Sasuke didn't know if the man even knew what he was doing.
It's what keeps him awake. It's what keeps him in this bed. Sasuke spends his days analyzing and staring and learning nothing. Nothing. Naruto is loud and stupid and himself, always himself, all the time, and nothing is different. Things should be different. Things should be strange, awkward, obvious, alarming—
But they're just them. They continue to just be…them.
Naruto goads him against his best efforts—Sasuke snaps. Sasuke argues. Naruto grins and argues back and suddenly they're stuck in conversation, and Sasuke forgets where he is, what he's doing, the life he's living—
This house.
This life together.
Naruto had to know what it meant. Didn't he? Wouldn't it be obvious, if he did? Wouldn't it blare from every part of him, the way everything else did? Wouldn't Sasuke have noticed a—a change, something, anything, if some feelings had suddenly come to rise—
No. Maybe he wouldn't have. Maybe Naruto wouldn't have noticed, either. Because above all else, this keeps Sasuke here. And that was Naruto's goal, was it not? A Sasuke who would not run. A Sasuke who would stay contained. The bed is simply a manifestation of a cell. It's the same, isn't it?
It's the same, except Sasuke stays of his own will. Naruto opened the door, and handed him a key. Welcomed him home, like either of them knew what that meant anymore. Sasuke is a free man. He wanders every day. Naruto couldn't have known he would return for this. Why this? Why now? Why this bed? Why did Naruto choose this bed?
Not for him. He couldn't have. He wouldn't have known.
Sasuke closes his eyes, but doesn't sleep. He decides he won't return tomorrow.
He returns in two days, instead. The night outside was cold. Colder than he remembers. He'd barely slept, between the breeze and the noises and the movement in the dark. Sasuke's grown weak in his safety. Sasuke's grown weak in his comfort.
He returns, and the look Naruto gives him makes him sick.
It's so happy.
It's so relieved.
Above all else, it's dead, dead silent.
It's a containment that has Naruto immediately turning around. Blabbering on about tea and food and how Sasuke must be hungry. Must be tired. Must be cold, being out there in the winter! Must have been something interesting, to take him all the way out there! Not that he had to say, of course, Naruto's delicate and unassuming and wouldn't push. Wouldn't push. Would never push.
Sasuke's put the fear back into his voice. Like a coiled hand around his throat. Naruto says something stupid and distracting about an upset stomach, and walks to the other room. The bathroom.
He doesn't need to.
Sasuke can see him sitting on the tile floor from here. He can see his head between his knees. He can see his eyes shut, and his breathing—
Uneven.
Sasuke sits down, in their house, and he hates it. He'd hated being away. He hated not understanding why Naruto wanted him here. He hated trying to find it. He knew him. Of course he did. But—
He stands and walks to the bathroom, and Naruto didn't lock the door.
Naruto jumps to his feet as it opens.
"Oh," he says, as if he isn't visibly still crying. "That's—uh. That's bold! I could've been—"
"Why is there only one bed?" Sasuke asks, and Naruto's excuses fall from his mouth.
"I—what?"
"The bed. That bed."
Sasuke doesn't even point to it. Naruto still—still stares.
"Oh," he says again. "Um. Is that—oh. Is that what you needed? I can get another one. I'll—hell, I can make another one, I'll make a bedframe right now—"
His hands move to make a clone, and Sasuke snatches them apart.
"That's not what I asked," he says, and Naruto looks at him with aching eyes. Sasuke drops the hands like they burned him.
"What—"
"Did you plan for it?" Sasuke asks. "Did you even notice?"
"I noticed," Naruto says, defensive. "I noticed, I just didn't know if you'd—care."
Sasuke stares at him. He doesn't understand. He doesn't understand. Naruto wasn't even a consideration in his own mind and it made no sense—of course Sasuke wouldn't have cared, Sasuke would have never come back if he cared, but Naruto—
Naruto should have.
Naruto should have.
…
"D'you want another bed?" Naruto asks quietly, and he doesn't ask for himself. Does he think he hasn't earned it? Has he built this house for Sasuke, and no one else? Does he not even think himself a part of it?
"No," Sasuke tells him, and Naruto's brow furrows.
"Okay," he says, but it isn't. Sasuke had left him last night. Sasuke had left, and not given word on when he'd return. Sasuke hadn't even said a goodbye. And Naruto—
Naruto just stood here, hurt. Forgiving. Accepting.
Sasuke takes to leaving notes, after that. He sends a letter if he's gone too far. He always returns at night.
He finds Naruto in their bed, tired, awake, and happier.
It takes two more months for Sasuke to realize he might not care. This house is theirs and Naruto can't stand to be apart from him and that—
That is enough, really. What other explanation does he need? What other feelings does Naruto need to harbor for him? Hasn't he consumed enough?
He has, Sasuke thinks, and so his confusion—settles. He tucks it away. He accepts it. He wants an explanation and that explanation will never come and that—that is fine. This is enough.
He can't stop himself from looking, though. Searching. Finding. Sasuke wakes in the middle of the night and Naruto brings their blanket to him. Naruto readies a breakfast on the table and has eaten none of it by the time he's forced to leave. Naruto heads out in the mornings and spends three minutes, every day, scanning Sasuke as he sleeps. Sasuke knows. He counted the seconds.
And Sasuke expected more—problems to come with living with someone. Even someone who knew him. Seeing someone's soul inside and out was one thing, but living with it—Sasuke hadn't been in Naruto's proximity in a very long time. Not for longer than a day or two. He doesn't find the irritation, which isn't surprising, but—Naruto doesn't seem to, either. The quiet hum of happiness hasn't seemed to subside. It had dampened, sure, from time to time, but it revives and holds strong, even now. Even almost a year within. Sasuke hears it loud, like a ringing in his ears, when Naruto's returned first, and it's Sasuke's turn to receive a welcome.
He doesn't respond to it, but Naruto's smile still grows.
There's a warmth, there. A kindness. A happiness. Anything more? Sasuke doesn't know. Sasuke doesn't know if he'd even see it, if it was in front of his face anymore. Did he remember what love looked like?
Did it look like this?
Sometimes, Sasuke thought it might.
Naruto rolls over in his sleep, and Sasuke forgets to push him away.
Summer returns to them, hot and angry. They have to close the curtains. Get rid of the blankets. Naruto spends his evenings shirtless and groaning, and Sasuke…
…
Sasuke finds he cannot speak.
It's so—mundane. It's so idiotic. These little carnal desires, Sasuke sneered at them. Sasuke hated them. Sasuke had wanted nothing to do with them, at any point in his life, even with each time they returned to him. Sasuke was no stranger to lust, but this—
This was something much more consuming. Sasuke feels himself succumbing to the heat.
"You okay?" Naruto asks, and Sasuke's stare is a sad little flame. Pathetic and wanting and kicked, as it should be, to the side.
"Fine," he says, and he gets himself a glass of ice water. He drinks it in the kitchen. He drinks it with his back to Naruto.
"I'll get something to fix this," Naruto says, and he's come to bother him. Come to follow him. Sasuke will never know a moment's peace. "You're right, this is—too much."
Sasuke says nothing. Sasuke hadn't said anything at all.
Naruto nods and makes good on his promise, and the shirts return to him—steadily, after that. Sasuke's rationality doesn't.
He's developed a taste for something.
He can't convince himself he doesn't want to try.
It's one thing to feel a yearning for something, Sasuke thinks. Sasuke knew well what desire felt like. What drive felt like. Longing for something—missing something—sure. Sasuke was acquainted with the feelings.
But they had never been a…happiness. They had never been something—available. Sasuke had longed for good things, sure—parents that hadn't been dead in front of him, for example—but there had never been a hope attached. Only loss. Only devastation.
Sasuke is not…used to hope. He doesn't know what to do with it. It almost—panics him. It almost frightens him completely. Naruto forgets himself one day and hugs Sasuke as a welcome back to this house they live in together and always and even with his blabbering apologies, afterwards, Sasuke's heart is thundering. It's slamming into his chest. Sasuke's hand feels unsteady, of all things—unsteady! Him! After all the training he'd done, after all the emotions he'd fought down and against—this is the one that would have defeated him.
This hope.
This affectionate, whispering hope.
Naruto looks at him, and Sasuke feels himself start to tremble. Sasuke feels like a desperate man in front of a swindler. Ready to accept. Ready to nod. Kneel. Give himself and the rest of what he had. It could be true. Couldn't it? What if it was? What if it was?
What a life that could be.
Sasuke gives in—twice, that week. Stupidly. He tells himself so after each one. Naruto wakes, on his chest, and asks for five more minutes. Sasuke allows them. And then. Then! Not a day later, and Naruto asks what Sasuke wants for dinner.
And like an idiot, Sasuke tells him.
And no, Naruto did not respond to the gaping hole in Sasuke's chest by punching a fist into it, but Sasuke knew better than to open it at all. It's raw, now. It's exposed again. The meal Sasuke asked for was his mother's and Naruto doesn't even know that, but he learns to make it.
…
Sasuke's hand trembles again. He doesn't hide it well, against the clattering of the plate.
"Here," Naruto says, and he's worried. Sasuke rejects his help with a look, and Naruto—Naruto listens, but not well. Not ever well. He's hovering, now. He's looking for ways to help. Without Sasuke knowing.
They don't exist. Sasuke tells him so.
"Then—you—" Naruto breathes out. "Will you tell me what's wrong?"
Nothing.
Nothing.
That's the problem.
It takes two more months for Sasuke to spend a day—in full—in the house. An illness, as well, to knock him down. A stupid little cold. Sasuke is heavy and tired and tired and tired again, and Naruto takes one look at him and sends a letter.
He doesn't leave.
He doesn't leave, either.
"Doesn't a village need its Hokage?" Sasuke mutters, delirious. Naruto sits at his bedside. Their bedside.
"You need me more," Naruto says, and Sasuke doesn't. Sasuke really, really doesn't.
"Don't act like this is a choice you didn't make," he mutters, and he—isn't sure he says it out loud. He isn't sure the words are fully formed at all. He doesn't want to open his eyes, but he does, forcing himself to roll and turn and glare at Naruto through blurry eyes.
Naruto stares back, and Sasuke's stupid, sick brain suddenly doesn't want to wait for a reply.
"Hold out your hand," he asks, and Naruto—Naruto blinks.
"What?" he says.
"Hold it out," Sasuke snaps, and Naruto—
Naruto reaches for him.
"I meant in the air," Sasuke says quickly, and Naruto flinches back.
"Oh," he says quickly. "Oh. Sorry."
He holds it up, and his hand holds steady.
But Sasuke doesn't care about that anymore.
In the light of the next morning, the air breathes differently. Sasuke is in bed, alone. Naruto fell asleep on one of the chairs he'd pulled from the kitchen. He's collapsed on the side of Sasuke's bed like they're in the hospital. Like Sasuke's all that sick. In Naruto's mind, maybe he is.
He blinks awake, and his eyes shine blue.
"Hey," he says, soft and smiling. "How're you feeling?"
What a question.
Sasuke has no idea how to answer.
"Better," he offers, and it makes Naruto beam.
"Good," he says. "You want something warm? Or—food? Water?"
He glances to the table. All he'd brought was empty, now.
"Water," Sasuke says, and Naruto jumps to his feet. There's little Naruto loves more than feeling helpful.
Little.
Some things, though.
"What did they say?" Sasuke asks, as Naruto returns. "About your…day off?"
"Oh, Shikamaru stepped in for me," Naruto says, waving a hand. "It was good. I'll—I'll probably get an earful outta him when I'm back, but—that's fine."
He laughs a little, and sits back down on the kitchen chair. Sasuke resists the urge to make room for him. This bed is not meant to only be his.
"How long did you specify?" Sasuke asks, and Naruto…shrugs. Avoids the question. Sasuke raises an eyebrow, and stares at him until his discomfort forces him to answer.
"It's an indefinite. Leave. Um." Naruto says. "Obviously I'll have to go back eventually, I just—I didn't know how long I'd be. Any longer than a week and I'll probably be in trouble."
He laughs a little, but his eyes stay serious. He's still searching Sasuke for a reason to worry.
"For a cold," Sasuke says, and Naruto huffs out a breath.
"You don't get sick!" Naruto points out. "You—it's—weird. When you do."
Sasuke will give him that. He feels as if he's awoken from a deep, deep sleep.
"You're pathetic," Sasuke tells him, and Naruto swears at him.
"Glad you're feeling better, asshole," he concludes, leaning back and resting his feet on their bed. "Want anything else?"
"Your feet off my lap," he says, and Naruto—
"Oh! Shit, sorry, I didn't think that was you," he stutters, flinching back. It's enough panic to immediately have him standing up again, saying something about other things to grab, dishes to do, he takes everything from Sasuke's bedside table except for the water—
Sasuke watches him leave, and there's that hope again.
Brutal. Sasuke wants to go back to bed. Naruto had flinched back because of disgust or fluster, and unfortunately. Unfortunately. Sasuke knows him too well to think it was the former.
And so.
Here he is.
Laying here, waiting for Naruto's return.
It comes in a minute. With Naruto's peer into the room, and shuffled step in. He's still feeling embarrassed. As if he's overstepped. As if Sasuke will—what. Judge him? Hate him? Leave him? Have those attempts not already only left him in spectacular failure?
Sasuke watches Naruto, and the fondness blooms in his chest. He swallows it down.
"Sorry," he says again, and this is just like the hug had been. Sasuke still remembers the warmth.
"Are you unable to handle insults, now? Put your feet back."
Naruto stares at him. Sasuke's challenging something. He feels himself be—locked, to it.
"Put them back," he says, and Naruto…obeys. Slowly. Awkwardly. Sasuke feels the warmth and the weight and the comfort comes drenched in resignation. It's a decadent sort of feeling. Sasuke doesn't allow himself things like these.
Neither does Naruto.
"That. Uh. That okay?" he asks, and no. No, it isn't. Sasuke pushes his feet down and sits up. Stares him in the face. Naruto flinches, but stares back.
"I don't understand you," he says, and Naruto's brow furrows.
"Yeah, you do," he argues.
"I don't."
"You do, though—"
Sasuke's lips thin, and Naruto's—
"Well, fine, then," he says, "about what? What's confusing?"
This house. This bed.
"You," he says, and Naruto huffs.
"You're gonna have to be a little more specific."
"Why abandon your duties for a cold?"
"'Cause you—I said that! It's weird when you're sick!"
"A few hours would have made no difference," Sasuke argues. "You could have at least gone to inform them in person."
"Then there'd be no point in—no. Hell no. I'm not gonna leave you when you're—fuck off with that."
Naruto's eyes flash, and Sasuke catches the light.
"Why travel so far every day?" he asks. "Why choose so far from your home?"
Naruto scowls.
"This is my home," he says, "and it—don't act like you wanted it to be closer."
Sasuke leans forward.
"Why choose your home," he asks, and it's low, "to also be mine?"
Naruto's mouth opens, but no sound comes out.
"Why offer a key?" Sasuke asks. "Why insist that I stay?"
Naruto breathes in—
"Why make no effort to remove my space," Sasuke asks, "from yours?"
The words hang in the air. Naruto cannot seem to touch them.
"Why only one bathroom?" Sasuke asks. "Why only one bed?"
Naruto looks down. He pulls at the bandages on one of his hands. A bad habit. He'll unravel them.
"Seems like you already know why," he says softly, and Sasuke snatches him by the collar.
"I do not," he says, and it's angry. It's frustrated. It's a lie and he knows it, he knows it— "I do not understand you, Naruto."
"You do," Naruto tells him—
"Tell me, then," Sasuke snaps, because he's wrong. He knows he's wrong. He's known it the moment he's stepped foot into this place, in all of it's warmth and comfort and promises and hopes—
"Because I love you," Naruto says, and it's helpless. "Don't you know that?"
Sasuke doesn't. Sasuke can't. Sasuke—
Sasuke lets go, and thinks he might be still sick. Still feverish. Dreaming. Hallucinating.
…
His hand starts to tremble.
"Sasuke—" Naruto starts, and it with a reach. Sasuke snatches his hand out of the air—just to stop him. Just to silence him. It works, but it backfires, because Naruto's hand is now being held, and Sasuke.
Sasuke does not want to let go.
"Oh," Naruto says, and Sasuke is going to break. Sasuke is going to break completely. This is not how the world works, this is not how thing are, this is not how things end up, Sasuke doesn't get what he wants, Sasuke doesn't end up wanted at all—-
But Naruto looks at him, and Sasuke's mind goes blank.
"I love you," he says, and Sasuke's hand tightens. He can't let go. He can't let go. Naruto's smile grows, and then he's crying and Sasuke is crying and Naruto is crawling into the bed and tackling him to the pillows and it's stupid and wet and laughing and perfect—
Naruto doesn't leave, the next day. Sasuke doesn't, either. It takes a week for them to return to a schedule, and even then, it's reduced.
Sasuke doesn't head out as much anymore. Naruto doesn't really head in. There's too much time to make up for. There's too much of a future to build.
A/N: And that's it! Apologies if there are any mistakes, it's been a while since I've written and posted something the same day. But I hope you liked it! Thanks friends.
See you soon,
- Kinomi