After I accidentally betrayed my kindred adventurers, Luna wasted no time in shepherding Faitfore away and feeding her stew along with her lines for the poor souls who were still filtering in. This didn't take long, she seemed to be a natural, and was soon working the room on a charm offensive. Doing her level best to guilt even the crustiest sword and spell slingers in the room into taking the oldest, thorniest, most hated requests on the board.
Eris help us all, it seemed to be working.
With that in mind, I decided to be somewhere else for a while. If nothing else, I needed more grenades after last night, and a bath wouldn't be a bad thing either.
So I made myself scarce in the guild hall, dropped off my stuff at the bunkhouse, and got in a good soak.
If nothing else it gave me some time to think, and I still hadn't worked through all the back to back Explosions my world view had taken these last few days. A dangerous pastime if you want to keep your illusions, but sometimes you don't have a choice.
Meeting Eris and getting my memories of coming here back. Finding out what my special skill actually was. Getting conscripted into the Axis cult. Learning the woman I'd been pining for was actually the goddess of the national religion. Little things like that.
Not only that, I had a pretty good idea who Chris' bigger hammer was going to end up being. I wasn't looking forward to meeting Aqua again given she ran the whole cult of craziness, but now knowing how our last meeting that got me sent to this world went…I could just imagine it. The only time I'd been that much of a dumbass was…a few days ago Eris help me.
Not that I had to worry about impressing her after she'd seen me at my lowest and I'd cried on her lap. Especially since she already knew the whole story with Aqua and then some. No danger of being cool now.
It's not exactly romantic and I don't like admitting it. But it was a lot easier on my ego to live with the idea I'd never have a chance with a literal goddess, who I'd honestly be a little afraid to chase anyway, than just striking out with a cool older woman who pushed all my buttons.
What do you want? I was seventeen.
Before I knew that Chris was Eris, she was out of my league but I could dream about it and convince myself there was a chance. Now? It would be like winning the lottery twice.
Which, luck goddess, she might actually be able to do now that I thought about it…
The water was starting to cool by then, so finished up and toweled off. I'd taken more time there than I expected, so I had to skip my restock and go back to the guild hall to meet…Chris. Easier to think of her that way.
I walked in to find her alone at a table and made my way over.
"What's the plan, fearless leader?" I asked, pulling out the bench and trying to pretend nothing had changed.
She must have appreciated it, from the little smile that still gave me flutters, even if…well.
"To start with, we figure out how to contact the capital and make sure the news reaches someone important who isn't under control. Even a Duke of Hell can't puppet the entire government."
Ah. Yeah.
"Um, I took care of that, boss." Before I got distracted by navel gazing, but no reason to mention that. "According to Megumin, Yunyun's dad has a title as a Royal Governor plus his chiefship. She's carrying a message to him now." I coughed in embarrassment. "Sorry I didn't tell you first, the morning carriage was about to leave so I had to hurry to get her on it."
Chris shook her head, waving off the apology while giving me an approving smile. "No, you did right. I should've thought of that, though I doubt any help will make it in time. The crown will at least send a troubleshooter team to Alderp's estate before pushing a warrant or charges on a noble."
I shrugged. "No, probably not. So, the bigger hammer. It's Aqua isn't it? The real one, not the priestess who dresses like her…who is the real one I guess, just…You know what I mean."
Chris nodded, nice enough to let my fumble go. "None other. I ah…understand it might be a little awkward, but…"
"No," I shook my head. "If she's the real deal we need her. Not that I'm looking forward to getting called a water hating moron again. That's more Darkness' thing."
I got a giggle for my trouble, then Chris sobered. "I wouldn't worry about that. But, do go take the day off. You had the worst night of any of us, I'll fill you in on anything the others bring up."
That actually sounded really tempting. The bath took the edge off, but an all nighter is still an all nighter.
"Get going," she said as I hesitated. "Nothing important is going to happen before tomorrow anyway. Seriously, go."
Getting killed twice in a row does take it out of a man, so I didn't argue with her. Waving goodbye, I decided to do that restock after all before I crashed out.
I woke up very early the next morning to a fierce banging on the door of my room.
"Subaru, open up!" an all too familiar voice bellowed from the other side. "We demand your presence forthwith!"
"Do you really mean that, or can I put pants on first?" I snarled back at the Megumenace, throwing off my blanket. I took the silence afterwards as permission, and did just that as well as adding a shirt and a quick swish of water to get the worst of the morning breath out. Shuffling to answer the door, the 'we' part of her demand didn't register on me until I found eight glowing red eyes spearing me on their gazes in the hallway.
I froze under the combined stares for a crucial instant, and that sealed my fate.
"BEHOLD! Did I not say that he resided in this very place!" Megumin proclaimed boldly. The effect was ruined by the cascade of complaints from the neighboring rooms about the noise before the first roosters were even up.
"Indeed, it is so. My most fulsome apologies for my doubts," a tall, lovely, college age brunette in a halter top and fringed wraparound skirt turned and bowed her head slightly to the walking high explosive. Then, pivoting on the ball of her foot, she threw out one arm and raised the other high, proclaiming "Bear witness! I am Soketto, foremost fortune teller of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
The man of the group jumped in next, also tall, a bit older than me and brunet but reminding me more of a former fellow basement dweller than anything. "You stand in the presence of Bukkorori, heir to the foremost cobbler's shop in the Crimson Demon Clan!"
By now the complaints were beginning to turn to threats of violence, and doors were opening to reveal adventurers getting ready to make good on them. Until they saw who was making them, then the smarter ones decided to mind their own business.
Praise be to my favorite goddess, sanity finally stepped in and started herding the three instigators away.
"And I am sorry..I-I mean Yunyun, who w-will be moving everyone elsewhere so please go back to sleep!"
Hurriedly grabbing my boots from inside and closing the door behind me, I followed after the drama quartet and tried to ignore the glares and sniping comments on the way out of the bunkhouse.
On getting outside, I found the Crimson Demon contingent standing in the street, Bukkorori and Sokketto looking around the town with mild interest. The younger pair instead both stared me down as I descended the steps leading inside, though Yunyun quickly looked away as I approached. In the slightly better pre dawn light I saw all of them were dusty and travel worn, though how they'd even gotten here before the morning carriage I couldn't say.
"You got my message?" I asked, proving my mastery of the obvious.
Yunyun nodded, still not quite looking directly at me. "Yes, but that's not the only reason we're here. R-remember when we suspected that the Destroyer was s-seeking out Desrovian cities or facilities?"
"Yeah, it kept looping through…" My mind halted in its tracks. "Like it was looking for Desrovian…" I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.
"The Destroyer arrived in the Village yesterday, making a straight line to where we had pushed the Dragonfly out of the way," Yunyun said softly, finally looking at me with a level, intense stare. "Flattening everything in its path. Not only the Village, but an ancient ruin that stood since before the Clan was founded."
"I…I…brought…" I couldn't even get the words out. On top of everything else, I'd managed to destroy her home, her whole clan's home. There was no way any of them would ever forgive me, nothing I could ever do to make it…
"You brought the greatest gift you and Yunyun could have bestowed upon us all!" Sokketto proclaimed grandly. "After you brought the Dragonfly to the Village we were at a loss for what to do with it! The Adventurer's guild seemed unwilling to send an expedition to retrieve it whole, and it would have grated our very souls to break apart such a marvel to be carted off for scrap!"
"But!" Bukkorori broke in, practically bouncing in excitement. "Then the Destroyer arrived to face all three hundred and more of the Village! And unlike the armies the Demon King sends down the gap, this foe had staying power! Over and over, we unleashed our most potent magic, our most deadly spells! But still its barrier held, despite hundreds of hits! It was a display of magical might not seen in our generation! Even Megumin's Explosion was no match for it alone!"
"Still, the clan pressed on." Sokketto took back the story, sadly without any bouncing.
"Each attack sapped its strength that much more, each of its counter attacks wasted on someone who already teleported away weakening it further. At last, after an hour of bombardment and untold amounts of the Clan's wrath the barrier began to flicker at last, then collapsed with a sound like a vast kettledrum booming across the valley."
"Once we were able to board the giant the rest was simple enough, though the magic core driving it had to be teleported out! Utter devastation would have resulted had it been allowed to vent its fury! Fortunately, I had a teleport point registered to a suitable area, allowing me to whisk the core away to explode harmlessly! Though my very soul screamed denial to erase a place so dear to my heart!" the male of the drama queens exclaimed, throwing one arm across his face as though to shield us from the depth of his despair.
"Your NEET retreat was a worthy sacrifice, indeed. The effort to find a new cliffside overlook shall surely tax your abundant free time," Megumin said dryly, looking extremely put out that her only mention was that her Explosion wasn't up to the job.
"So…so I'm not going to get murdered the minute I step foot in your village?" I pressed, getting things back on track before an argument broke out.
"Only if you count the entire clan lining up to kiss you for bringing the greatest confrontation of our lives right to our doorstep." Bukkorori confirmed. "Feel free to send some my way if you get tired of it. Our foremost bards will be composing songs about that day for years!"
Yunyun didn't seem to share that view, not surprisingly, but she did add:
"W-we're rebuilding the Village and salvaging the husk of the Destroyer, but Dad took your message seriously. He delivered it to Princess Iris personally, and sent us to help."
I nodded, breathing a sigh of relief. I hoped my half baked plan would work, but I've never been happier to be right.
I'd heard the phrase 'speak of a devil and he shall appear', but how someone showed up at the worst possible moment, when I'd been doing my level best not to think of her at all…
"Wow! A Crimson Demon war party? I've never heard of one of those coming south of the capital, nevermind out to the sticks like this. What's the occasi…Megumin! And… 'girl with Megumin!' I knew it, it really was fate that I'd walk down this street and find both you and his holiness!" Cecily pressed up against my back and peeked around me to stare at my other visitors, big blue eyes wide with shock. Why Warn didn't register her as a threat I'll never know.
'His holiness?' Soketto mouthed to Bukkorori, giving me a side eye that would've made me die inside even on another, much better, day. The real sting came from the hurt in Yunyun's eyes, and the icy scorn in Megumin's, that Cecily's antics provoked as she detached herself from me to flounce over to the two younger wizards.
"Cursed by Aqua," I said, unable to meet their eyes. "And I've told you not to call me that!"
"How dare you! Lady Aqua's bountiful, magnificent blessing is no filthy curse! Even you can be smited if you blaspheme against your Lady so!" the priestess of perversion snapped, eyes flashing as she whirled to glare at me while trying to hug Megumin, so far unsuccessfully.
Bukkorori nodded as if all was explained. "To be cursed so is truly a heavy weight to bear. May your travels deliver you to peace from your struggles," he said, stepping forward to lay a consoling hand on my shoulder. Straightening, his demeanor changed to a more relaxed one. "Still, a very impressive dramatic backstory for an Outsider. Even though you neglected a proper introduction."
I blame the fact I was still half asleep at the time, but that was when the full reality of my situation finally set in. All along, I'd always assumed that it was Megumin that was the strange one of her clan, the outcast who hid her loneliness by leaning into her fantasies. But I'd been wrong.
So very wrong.
"Introduction?" I asked him. I could feel a smile coming on, the first real one I'd had in days, as I stepped back a pace. I hadn't done this in ages, not since I came here and had to buckle down and stay alive, but just this once…
"Of course! All who bear the mark of Crimson forge a unique greeting! How else would we detect imposters?"
"Well then! My apologies, Son of Fire! I didn't know an introduction was required!"
Pointing one finger straight up, I cocked my hips like a scene straight out of Saturday Night Fever and spoke from the diaphragm to deepen my voice as far as it would go. "I have traveled beyond the very void between the stars! Cursed with knowledge beyond the ken of those souls weighed down by gravity, cut adrift from the great wheel of time! I am Subaru of the Erisite Monk Class!"
There was a brief silence, then Cecily released Megumin and came to me. A look of utmost pity graced her features as she lay one hand on my head.
"Heal!" she said emphatically, and a wash of power flowed over me for an instant, banishing my lingering fatigue from waking too early.
"Thank you?" I replied quizzically.
She sighed despondently, her hands clasping in prayer. "I've failed you, my lady. Your champion's wounds are beyond my ability to mend," she said mournfully. "I shall bring him to you at once before it is too late."
"There's nothing wrong with my head," I growled at her. "And as if I'd take that from you of all people."
"Indeed not! While your pose was much too static, the speech itself was excellent!" Sokketto, agreed wholeheartedly. "Yunyun! Megumin! How is it possible this man adventured alongside you for weeks and yet you taught him nothing of our ways!"
"I did one quest with him, and he has done nothing but mock the majesty of my name and deny the glory of Explosion! Any blame for his lack of a proper education lies with my rival's refusal to demonstrate our traditions as an heir ought!" Megumin scoffed.
Yunyun flinched at the accusation, but straightened and tried to glare back at her assailant. "I-I don't do introductions because they scare o-off people who might want to be f-friends, I mean party members! How many p-party members have YOU gotten by doing them and shouting at the top of your lungs all the time?"
The two wizards stood almost nose to nose, being about the same height with Yunyun perhaps a few centimeters taller at most, close enough Megumin could loom at her pretty impressively. "Just because you got lucky and swindled that idiot Mitsubishi into letting you salvage a fortune from the other wrecked Dragonfly with your overgrown melons doesn't mean you've won!" All the while she jackhammered a finger into Yunyun's, also pretty impressive, chest with each word as if to drive them home.
"I nearly died! I earned that salvage and don't you dare…"
Back home two girls bickering might've been cute, or at worst a bit annoying. When the two of them could level a town either all at once or 'only' block by block as the case may be…
"Let's get off the street, I need to eat anyway and Chris will probably want to know about this," I suggested carefully.
Thank Eris, not her supposed boss, that seemed to get Megumin's attention, and she turned away with a huff. "Very well, I shall agree to let you break my fast today."
"Subaru's buying? Outstanding! Riding all night from Arcanretia works up an appetite," Bukkorori added with a hearty back slap for me.
After that, I couldn't exactly say no when Sokketto, Cecily, and Yunyun jumped in as well. The road to Arcanretia was dangerous enough in daylight that caravans ran with escorts. At night? Near enough suicide for any but the best, or most desperate, travelers.
Maybe I could bill it to the Dustiness' account as a business expense? For now, about to be significantly poorer, I led the way to the guild. Well, for two of them at least, Megumin, Cecily, and Yunyun knew where it was perfectly well. So while the former quickly took the lead from me, I stepped back a few paces to Yunyun.
"Look, this probably isn't the right time…" I said quietly, watching her face nervously.
She shook her head slightly. "N-no it isn't. But I don't blame you for what h-happened to the Village, I didn't think of the chance either. The rest…later." She glanced at Cecily, who was trying to chat up Megumin again, as she said it.
'Later' had a good sound to it. Much better than 'never', or 'get lost.'
"Deal. Then for now, let's do this."
The guild opened early, but even so we actually beat the workers there. With nothing better to do, I talked Sokketto and Bukkorori into telling stories about their village. Naturally Megumin couldn't resist a challenge and chance to boast, and soon the three were competing to tell the most ridiculously over the top adventure story.
No, I didn't join in, why do you ask? And I definitely didn't recite a Final Fantasy plotline as the story I didn't tell.
The doors seemed to get unlocked a little more quickly than usual that morning for some reason.
Of course, the second we walked through the doors Cecily took one look at Luna's new recruiter, now in a neatly tailored guild uniform her size, and Sokketto had to grab her before she reflexively tried to take Luna's little helper home. Just when I thought she couldn't sink any lower…
Ignoring that little struggle, I saw Chris coming back from her hunting expedition with Aqua in tow, straight from work by her outfit of green canvas pants, tanktop, and bandanna. The other, bluer, member of her convoy skipped ahead and made a beeline for the bar.
"If I'm going to banish some smelly demon I'd better get my bubbly first!" the so-called goddess of alcoholism said over one shoulder at Chris, causing her to look right at me.
Time stretched as our eyes met. My mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and I could feel sweat prickling at my hairline as I braced for the storm.
And then our gazes broke apart and she skipped on as though absolutely nothing had happened, just giving me a vaguely puzzled look as though she didn't have the first clue who I was. Leaving me to stand there like a stump in shock.
I spent weeks ever since she'd shown up convinced that she was dangerous and avoiding her at every chance. That the power I'd sensed could smite me in an instant if I so much as twitched in a way she didn't like. And I hadn't even been wrong, I could still feel that fizzing potential.
Then I'd spent the last few days afraid she was going to recognize me and demand to know what I was doing to end the Demon King's threat, who I was recruiting to help me with that, and whether the investment she put in me was in any way paying off like a Tiger Mom from hell.
But right now? Now I was watching the mortal shell of her subordinate put Aqua in a headlock and drag her away from the bar's counter to the pair of pushed together tables Dust, Taylor, and Rin had claimed towards the back. It was…an experience, let's say.
"Work first, booze later! That was our deal!" Chris lectured the wayward divinity as I approached tentatively.
"Fine." Aqua pouted. "So where is it? The most evil thing here is Dust, and he's not even an imp."
"We'll show you later. First, we need to do a little planning," Chris replied patiently. She looked at Cecily, then at me questioningly. I didn't blame her.
"Where Aqua goes, I go." the priestess said stoutly. "Besides, this sounds like fun. I haven't been in on a heist since I had to raid an Eris cathedral's kitchen to cover my books last year."
Chris' eyes narrowed, visibly filing that tidbit away for later. "Fine. Alderp is panicking. He's moving as fast as he can to push the wedding through, the invitations have already gone out for two days from now."
"I get he's got nothing to lose with a death sentence about to be on his head, but shouldn't he be like, fleeing the country or something? What does marrying Lady Lalatina get him?" Rin asked. "He can't think he can take her and run afterwards. Maxwell puppetting people left and right is the only reason he could hope to make this joke stand up in the first place. Without him…"
"And he won't have him for much longer, one way or another. I'd say satisfying an obsession," Chris all but spat in disgust. "He was negotiating to marry his son off to her, probably soon, remember. He could've tapped the Dustiness' political clout that way, no problem. Just another Tuesday in noble politics. Instead…here we are. And that's why we can't just just purge the demon and wait for the courts to unwind this mess. Again, Alderp is desperate, and desperate men do dangerous, stupid things. I won't take a chance on a friend getting hurt from him lashing out, no matter how doomed he is afterwards."
When people ask me why I favor the Eris faith, it's times like this I think of. Nothing beats a personal touch.
Chris pulled out some random coins and started placing them one by one on a street map of Axel. "Right, that's the why, now for the how. Dust, I wasn't counting on you or your…friend…to be here or for Subaru to turn up with a war party. But you're all welcome to get in on this as long as you pull your weight, we'll need all the hands we can get."
"First off, there's no way even Alderp thinks he can get a demon near the cathedral. But while I hope to get word back on where he did stash him and then go to work I'm not counting on it anymore. There just isn't enough time, most likely we'll only be able to move the day of. The good news is that even if Alderp can't bring him inside, he'll want Maxwell close and that gives us a much smaller search footprint. Either way, Aqua and I will handle the heavy lifting. Subaru, you're with us to help look." She gave me a quick glance as she said it, the implication clear.
"Sure, can do," I replied. Part of me wanted absolutely nothing to do with hunting that monster down and facing him again. But the bigger, maybe dumber part? It was all about some payback, even if it was another Maxwell that handed me the butcher's bill.
"Great! Taylor, Rin, Cecily, and Dust? You'll be at the wedding, stop it any way you have to. Be creative, by the time this is over pissing off nobility isn't going to be a problem as long as you don't damage the guests. What few bother to show up with that little warning anyway. We saw that Alderp's guard force isn't much, relatively speaking, but it's way more than a small party should have to deal with alone. I hope it doesn't come to storming hallowed ground, but if it comes down to it you might be awfully lonely."
"Not that hallowed, it's run by Erisites after all," Cecily chuckled, missing Chris' eye twitch. "But bailing out the Dustinesses has to be worth a mint, I'm in!"
"And as for our new recruits, you would even the odds amazingly if you assisted at the cathedral."
"You also might try Wiz's shop, ask for Kazuma," I suggested. "The grenades he made were a lot of help getting us out of Alderp's mansion, he might have something else to even the odds too."
Taylor looked more than a bit skeptical at the idea of any of Wiz's products being useful, but nodded and agreed to go look. Meanwhile, Dust looked ill and kept glancing at Faitfore making her rounds of emotional blackmail. If they were as close as they seemed, I couldn't blame him for being worried about leaving her while going in harm's way.
Chris stood up. "Then that's where we stand. As I said, I'm still checking in with my contacts on which properties Alderp owns locally, I doubt he stashed Maxwell in the middle of the woods. But it's a lot, and I'm not counting on hearing back from them before the big day. If it's before the wedding, all the better. We all go in together and we nip this thing in the bud. If not, then Eris favor you all, and we'll meet again when the time comes."
Aqua had been suspiciously quiet this whole time, and on looking at the others as we stood and memorized our positions on the map, I saw why. She'd gotten a broomhandle and a penknife from somewhere and been busy whittling a little statuette at the end of it that I would've gladly kept in my house. Either of my houses, it made my old figurines look like hack work.
"There! Now, what were we talking about?" she asked brightly.