"Call me stupid—" Cody said, brushing a hand through his hair that was still wet after the shower. "- but I really thought there was more to Karate than just trying to catch fish with your hands."
"Come on, had we been with Johnny, he would have made you jump from the roof. Would you have liked that better?"
The smile that briefly lit up Sky's face was the most beautiful thing Cody had ever seen. After this nightmare of a week, it squeezed his chest so that he could barely breathe.
They were in the kitchen, she was sitting across the table from him, wearing his clothes - a pair of gray sweats and a plain, white T-shirt, a towel in her hair, her fingers wrapped around a cup of coffee. The rich scent of the dark roast blend filled the room, and for a short moment Cody let himself fall into a dream, a fantasy, where this wasn't his parent's house, that was empty just because Mom and Dad had taken David and Leigh on a surprise weekend getaway, but instead this was his house, the house where he lived with Sky.
In that dream, nothing bad had ever happened between them. No one had died. No one had lied. No one's heart was being ripped to shreds by fears, doubts, and darkness. This was just another Saturday afternoon when they were having coffee in their kitchen, just another perfect day of his life, when his beautiful girlfriend was smiling at him over the table, happy and relaxed after an afternoon in the home spa, and she loved him, loved him, loved him, it wasn't just a lie.
He had to look down. The sudden emotion almost crushed his chest, but he hid it the best he could, taking a sip of his coffee before replying.
"Jumping from roof to roof? I fail to see what that has to do with karate either."
"That's Johnny Lawrence for you," Sky said and her nose scrunched up in the cutest way as she smiled. "He'll make you believe you can fly."
"Huh. And I thought catching the fish was weird enough."
"Come on," Sky giggled, bringing the cup closer to her lips. "You loved every second of it."
"I loved it because we were together," he told truthfully. "I didn't like getting wet, though."
Sky smirked. "Pussy. The water wasn't even that cold."
Her smile was contagious, it was radiant, it was a miracle. He felt a smile on his own lips too, a shadow of hers, but still genuine enough.
"Oh, it was pretty cold. I didn't see you complaining when I suggested the steam room and the jacuzzi after that dip."
"Oh my God, that was so nice," Sky stretched her arms over her head and let out a satisfied sigh. "I could fucking live in your home spa. You're so damn lucky to have one."
"I wouldn't complain if you lived there," Cody let out a small laugh. "Just a word and I'll kick my folks out and make this our place."
Sky laughed, and even if it was amazing to hear her laugh, to see her smile, there was still a tight band squeezing the air out of his lungs. Our place— if only. The chances that he could ever afford a house like this after Mom and Dad kicked him out, were slim to nothing. And even if he did—
Would she even want to live with me? She doesn't love me. It was just a lie. I'm a fucking idiot.
"I'm glad Miggy finally caught the fish, though," Sky went on, oblivious to the heavy weight on Cody's chest, the darkness that was dragging him down. "Now we don't have to continue that next week."
"Next week?" He cleared his throat to be able to speak. "You— you want me to continue going to the dojo with you?"
They hadn't talked about it. Hell, they hadn't really talked about anything. Ever since the damn birthday party last weekend, and everything that had happened—
The lies. The death. The heartbreak.
It was too much. Everything was too much, he wanted to give up, to just fall asleep and never wake up, and yet, every morning, he forced himself out of bed, after another sleepless night, forced himself to go on, to be strong for her, to be there for her, to help her. Because that was what you did if you loved someone, right? You put their needs before your own, you took care of them, no matter what it took, no matter how hard it was.
These past couple of days, he had abandoned everything to take care of Sky. In the morning, after taking David and Leigh to school, he had driven by Sky's house to pick her up. He had brought her coffee and bagels for breakfast, had made sure she ate them in the car. He had carried her bag, had walked her to her classroom, had made sure she remembered which class she was supposed to take, had sat with her at lunch, watching that she ate, had waited for her after school to drive her back home, had held her in his arms when she cried, had told her it was going to be okay, that he believed in her, that she was the strongest person he knew, that he was so proud of her for getting up and doing things.
He had skipped the debate team and the drama club too, making Jess angry and Tom worried. It should have made him feel guilty, but it really didn't. All he could feel was fatigue, like an ache inside of his bones, when he thought about their unanswered calls and messages. It didn't matter, hardly anything did these days, not even Mom who had started yelling when Cody had told her he couldn't take David to his soccer practice yesterday. If you're not taking care of your duties, then it's time you start looking for a place to live, Cody. Just who do you think you are? You think you can do whatever you want?
But whatever. Mom could be as pissed as she wanted to be. Sky needed him, and he wasn't going to let her down. He would give everything if she asked. Hell, he had already given everything, his time, his heart, his soul. She owned him, just by sitting at this table, looking at him over the cup of coffee, her cheeks pink like freshly bloomed roses, she fucking owned him, she had bewitched him, making him her willing slave.
And it was all fine. He would do all this, and more, if it made her stay with him, but—
To continue karate, for her?
That he wasn't sure he could do.
Just the thought of going back to the dojo turned his gut tight with anxiety and brought cold sweat onto his skin. It wasn't because he didn't like karate - to his surprise he did. He liked Mr. LaRusso. He liked Miyagi-Do. He liked the kata, the meditation, the physical exercise, the silence, and the calm. He even liked some of Sky's friends, especially Miguel, who was a good guy, a kind and honest person, someone Cody could see he could easily be friends with.
But then there was Hawk.
Spending time with him was unbearable, and not just because of the way he kept checking Sky out or the way Sky kept looking at him every chance she got, carving Cody's heart out of his chest. It was simply his presence, the fact that Cody couldn't get away from him even if he wanted to. Every time Hawk laughed, Cody heard that sound echoing from the tiled walls of the bathroom. Every time Hawk raised a fist, Cody felt it in his face, in his gut, in his ribs. Every time Hawk as much as walked past him, Cody's tongue searched the empty spot in his toothrow, where the molar was missing. The pain and the fear turned his whole body tense, agitated, prepared for another fight, another loss, another day when he'd be throwing up bitter blood and bile under the toilet seat.
He hadn't said anything about that to Sky, but it hurt that she didn't notice, that she didn't care. So easily, she had forgiven Hawk for everything he had done, but Cody knew he could never forgive, never forget.
Did that make him a bad person?
I should be happy that Sky is healing. That she's letting go of her anger. It's what I want for her, right? It's what I should want for her.
His heart was so heavy it hurt. Oh God, how sad he was, how desperate, oh, how his heart was breaking, and yet it still beat for her, always for her. He knew, there would never be anyone else. He would never love anyone the way he loved her, this all consumingly, this desperately, like she was holding his whole fucking world in her hands.
"Of course, I'll be there next week if you need me," he said, his voice a bit hoarse in his ears. "I mean— I'll have to make some arrangements. We have the play coming up in the drama club and stuff, but it's nothing I can't handle."
"The Dead Poet's Society?" Sky asked suddenly serious.
"Yeah," he leaned his elbows on the table and pushed the wet strands of his hair off his forehead. "Will you come see it?"
A soft smile touched her lips. "Of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world. And I understand that you need to practice. I'm sorry, I've been so selfish—"
"Come on, stop that. You needed me. I'm here. That's more important than some stupid play—"
Sky frowned. Her voice came out a bit sharp when she spoke: "It's not a stupid play. It's important. It's your dream. Have you heard from the acting school yet?"
Cody shook his head and looked down at his coffee, sudden anxiety clenching his chest. His grip on the cup turned hard.
"Not yet. Soon, I hope. God, I don't know what I'll do if I don't get in—"
"You'll get in. I know it. You're fantastic, destined to be a star. They would be crazy not to see that."
Cody let out a sigh and took a sip of the coffee that had gone cold, but the lump of anxiety in his throat wouldn't move. The aftertaste was bitter and dark, like everything about him lately. He tried to push those feelings away, but they lingered - the suffocating worry about the letter that still hadn't arrived, about Mom and her threats, about the money that he didn't have. Dream, Sky had called it, and that was what it was. Just a child's dream, nothing more. It would never come true, because things like that didn't happen to guys like him, guys who'd been left to die next to the trash cans at a Walmart parking lot.
"I don't know," he muttered, rubbing his temples. "Counselor Blatt certainly doesn't think so. She keeps going on about how I need a plan B."
"Counselor Blatt is an idiot. Don't listen to her. She knows nothing."
Cody shrugged. "Yeah well, we'll see. She might be right."
"When has she ever been right?" Sky asked, a small smile playing in the corner of her mouth. "And who cares about what she thinks? I think you're amazing, and I know you'll achieve anything you set your mind to."
Her words made Cody's chest ache. Why did it even matter that Sky believed in him, that she thought he would actually make it out of here, that she thought his dream would come true? The only thing he wanted to hear her say was that she loved him, but that would never happen, and he was too scared to even open his mouth and ask about it, to ask how she felt, because the answer would rip his heart out of his chest.
It was better to have her lies, than not to have her at all.
She abandoned the cup of coffee, stood up, and walked around the table. Her faint scent of eucalyptus - a remnant of the steam room - entered Cody's lungs and his bloodstream as she stopped in front of him.
"You look tired," she said softly. "Are you… still not sleeping?"
Cody let out a strained laugh. "Are you?"
She didn't answer the question, but just brought a hand to his cheek, her cold fingertips followed the line of his jaw, brushed his lips before she let that hand fall.
"You want to go upstairs? To your room?" She asked, her voice silent and gentle. "We could… take a nap? Or cuddle."
A nap. Right. Cody's breath got caught in his throat and he swallowed hard. He was willing to bet that it wasn't a nap she was after - it was oblivion, an escape from the reality, from the thoughts that were haunting her, keeping her awake at night, making everything insufferable. She wanted him to take her into his room, and to— what?
To fuck her so that she couldn't think about anything else?
Suddenly that thought made him miserable, and he had to look down to hide the bitterness that took his breath away.
That's all I'm ever gonna be to her. She just wants my body. She doesn't give a shit about me.
And yet, he knew he couldn't tell her no. Things had been strained between them all this week, they had barely touched each other and he was withering, diminishing, dying without it. The memory of Sky on her bed, her legs wrapping around his waist when he pushed in deep, the strangled sound of her voice when she sighed I love you Cody, I love you so much still haunted him, it turned everything inside of him hot, tense, agonized.
It had been perfect.
It had been just a lie.
That hurt like a knife to the gut, but he hid his pain, let Sky take his hand and walk him up the stairs, into his room. And when the door closed and she kissed him, he kissed her back, kissed her hard, kissed like it was the only thing that kept him alive. His heart might have been breaking, but it hardly mattered. Nothing mattered. She was here, in his arms, she was the only light in his darkness, and if that light burned him to ashes, he was happy to die.
Already in the steam room, he had been half-hard, desperate. Watching her as she sat next to him wearing nothing but a towel around her body, had been torture. She looked like a fucking miracle, so beautiful he had been unable to draw his eyes off her flushed cheeks, the glistening of sweat pearls on her smooth skin, the slow travel of the droplets down her neck. Beautiful, she was so beautiful, he had never seen a girl that gorgeous before, she took his breath away.
"Cody—" she moaned his name when he pulled her close to his body, his fingers digging into the soft curves of her hips, and his name on her lips was a spell, it made him burn like there was a wildfire in his veins.
Groaning, he dipped his head, his lips hungrily sucking the skin of her neck as they stumbled towards the bed. Her small hands moved to his waist, tugged up the hem of his shirt, and he let her pull it over his head before she pushed him down on the bed.
A nap and cuddling. Right. She wasn't even pretending anymore. The way she crawled on top of him was unashamed, urgent, needy - she knew what she wanted and went for it, and nothing in the whole fucking world was hotter than that. Her hands were greedy on his skin, her lips hungry on his. Her tongue dipped deep into his mouth and he was drowning in that kiss, in her taste that was all coffee and cardamom, with a sharp, sweet tang of sugar.
His fingers gripped her waist as he bucked up his hips, making her moan. This, this moment was everything. This was what they were good at, what they had always been good at, ever since that first night at the Halloween party, when he had fucked her against the wall. She matched his passion, his need, his desire. Their bodies were beautiful together, they fitted perfectly, it was a miracle, it was more than most people got in their whole lives, so why, why, why couldn't he be satisfied with that, why did he have to want more, why did he have to want love?
His thoughts were slipping, he was too tired, too hurt, his mind was all sharp edges and dark hollows, he wanted to forget, he wanted to be someone else, anyone else, someone who had no doubts, no fears, someone who had their shit together. But Sky was pushing him down on the bed, and the scent of lavender on the sheets filled his nostrils. The bed was unmade - he had been too fucking tired to even think about that in the morning. His whole room was a mess - yet another thing Mom had been bitching about, but the truth was he was so exhausted, so drained, that he didn't even care.
He hadn't really slept since the birthday party. His nights had been filled with nightmares, with waking up sweaty, a scream on his lips, sheets tangled around his trembling body. In his dreams, Luke was dying again and again, Sky was breaking his heart, Carol was screaming at him, JD picked up the baseball bat, and Hawk was tearing him apart in the school bathroom with Kyler, and then there was Enrique's voice in the phone saying You think you can just walk away from the business? You know nothing, you piece of shit. You'd better watch your back.
He pushed away those thoughts that threatened to crush his chest, those memories that were drowning him, shoved them into the darkest, deepest corner of his mind. Sky was straddling him on the bed, her lips were traveling down his neck, her hands were feeling his torso, running up and down his abdomen, and she wanted him, she needed him, the dreams weren't real, but this was, oh God, she still wanted him, she still needed him, she was here in his bed and nothing bad had ever happened between them.
"Sky— oh, God— please—" He was sighing and moaning, his hands found their way under her shirt and he shimmied his palms up her sides. Her ribs were sharp and too close to the skin, but her chest was still soft, her breasts fit his palms perfectly. She was kissing his neck harder, her hungry lips no doubt leaving marks on his skin, and her body was moving on top of him, squirming as if she burned for him too, just like he burned for her. Her weight was on his cock, making him see stars and he let out a strangled moan when she started circling her hips against him. Jesus fucking Christ— his erection would burst through his jeans if she kept on like this, he would fucking come into his pants—
A low growl escaped his lips as he gripped her waist and rolled them around. Sky yelped, but that sound melted into a giggle as he pushed her down on the bed and kissed her hard, his tongue grazing the roof of her mouth.
"I want you so bad—" he groaned, breaking the kiss. "I want you more than anything."
"Oh Cody—" she sighed, her eyes half closing in pleasure.
"Tell me you want me too— Tell me you need me."
Her eyes opened, and they were dark, lust-filled, deep with secrets that would kill him, but he didn't even care. For this, he would die a thousand times.
"I need you," she sighed, and that was all he wanted to know, her words were sweet like honey, they were a spell that bewitched him. "I need you, Cody Bishop."
His chest heaving with fast, panting breaths, he sat up on his knees between her legs and brought his hands to the buckle of his belt. It came loose easily, as did the buttons of his jeans. Sky's eyes grew darker when her glance traveled down his naked chest, and his belly, to his erection that was stretching his underwear.
"Take off your clothes," he rasped. "I want to see you."
She did as he told, pulling her T-shirt over her head, revealing her gorgeous body to his view. The sight of her small breasts took his breath away, and he couldn't hold back, he closed the distance between their bodies, crawling back on top of her, still wearing the jeans and the belt that hung open, his cock throbbing in the agony of his underwear. His lips closed around her nipple, his tongue lapped over it, and Sky moaned, her body arched against him—
"Wait—" she breathed, making him release her nipple from his mouth. "Cody, wait a sec—"
He brought his face up, fast, strangled breaths breaking through his chest. "What? What's wrong?"
She frowned, and squirmed on the bed under him, trying to turn around.
"Wait, there's something— do you have something under the pillow?"
A cold, sudden horror clenched Cody's chest. He froze, his jaw dropped but no sound came out. Oh God, he had forgotten to make the bed in the morning. He had been so fucking tired, he had forgotten all about it—
"Sky, no— shit!" he gasped, but her hand was already reaching under the pillow, and—
"What the fuck—?!" Her confused words turned into a horrified cry, as she realized what she was holding and dropped the item, shoving it as far away from her as she could.
The gun fell on the bed, dark against the white sheets, and the next thing Cody knew was Sky's hands on his chest pushing him off her.