To be honest this day was a mess. After all that happened Jack finally tried to go to sleep at 3 in the morning. Well he tried, but as soon as he lay down in his quarters his thoughts were running.
The fear of being a Za'tarc, some brainwashed killing machine, that got a hold on him. The fear of losing Carter, again, he couldn't get this feeling out of his head.
It was like this damn force shield all over again.
He was ready to die for her. Her brain is worth much more than his. And he was right, because even sedated her brain worked so hard that she figured it out.
This was not getting anywhere, he wasn't able to sleep and he knew it. He stood up again, put on his green BDUs and left his room.
He wandered down the halls until he found himself right in front of Carter's lab. There was a soft light shining through a crack under the door. He knocked, but didn't get an answer.
Maybe she was asleep at her table again. He took his security card out and ran it through the card reader. The door opened but Sam wasn't fast asleep. She sat in a corner across the room, half hidden in the shadow.
She looked up with puffy red eyes. Not able to speak.
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Just a few steps and he was right beside her.
Even with his knees protesting he let himself slide down the wall until he sat beside her, knees touching.
A quiet "C'mere" was all it took and she was into his arms, her head resting on his shoulders.
"It's not your fault. You know that, right?"
"It doesn't feel like it." she sniffed. "If we hadn't believed that we two would be the Za'tarcs maybe we had earlier thought of Martouf."
"Anise should have thought about it. Not necessarily you. She knew the missions he went on and if he was in a position to get compromised."
"Maybe, but I feel guilty. I have his blood on my hands and I possibly could have prevented it."
"You saved a lot of lives today too. It was you who figured it out. I owe you my life today. I would be dead by now."
Sam looked up into his eyes. He was right. She hadn't seen it this way, her grief for Martouf clouded her vision for anything else.
Jack would be dead by now, for nothing. This is why their feelings were dangerous and even forbidden.
But this was also why their team did function as well as it did.
There were rough times now and then everywhere, right?
"It's just so hard, so many emotions, so many feelings, and most of them aren't even mine. Jolinar's memories make me cry for Martouf, I feel a loss that isn't mine and that's so disturbing. And there are those other feelings as well, the feelings that are actually mine. I'm so emotional right now it scares me. That's not my normal me."
"You know that a few of these feelings I'm feeling too, right? It's not as easy for me as you would think. I was ready to die for you, gladly. And I would do it again. I meant it, every word I said, Sam."
"I meant it too."
"Are we ok to leave things in that room for now?"
"Yes, I think we are. It's necessary for the time being."
"Believe me Sam, they won't stay there till forever. I promise. One day we'll open that damn door."
She put her arms around his waist and snuggled closer into him. She didn't care if it was inappropriate, she needed that contact more than anything else.
"Ok, I can wait, and I will!"
He placed his head on hers and drew her even closer. Yes, they would be ok and they would figure things out.