epilogue

Brittany's POV

It's new year's eve. Glee club is having a hang out at Quinns. I mean Quinn's and my house. I also sort of made a whole surprise date for Santana before the clock will strike twelve. She has done so much for me. I am forever grateful she came walking onto my path, holding my hand when I needed her. Giving me space when I asked. She's amazing. I couldn't wish for a more beautiful girlfriend, beautiful inside and outside. She's everything my heart could ever desire in a significant other. It's amazing.

It isn't easy. My journey. It's been a hard one. I still think of Susan and Jack often. It's still a hard story. The words they kept reminding me off sometimes still keep turning like a windmill around in my head. But… I'm starting to get there. I've created other windmills in my head, far more healthier ones. I found a very nice therapist. She's helped me through a lot. Last session I couldn't stop rambling about how amazing Santana has been for me.

She even came with me, one session. It helped her get through that last bit of her guilt too. I've told her a thousand times it isn't her responsibility, but I get it. People are stubborn. Lord Tubbington is easier to persuade to not eat something then getting a person to really listen to an opinion that's opposite of theirs. So I'm glad. I'm glad she listened. I'm glad she listens to me. Even if it's just a small wave I can give her to wash away a small part. At some time, enough waves will have passed to get her feel more free again. Hopefully the same counts for me.

See, the fact that I'm even allowing myself to wish that for myself … really big progress.

So anyway. Back to my surprise date. I know she's not the biggest fan of the plan for tonight, meeting up with the whole group. Though she is starting to warm up to most people in Glee club, it's not her preferred company at new year's eve. So … I made a plan. A huge plan, with lots of possibilities of things going wrong, but I made sure that chance is very very small.

First: I made sure she could have a nice evening meal with her parents. I made sure they both stayed home in the evening. Normally her dad works throughout the day, doing a shift longer than 24 hours, but I made a suggestion. Just a meal, then he can be there for all the trouble people have, just before and after the new year has officially begun. I get it's a really busy night at the ER, but come on, he was longing to a nice meal with his family just as much as Santana. Only one suggestion and he was already persuaded. He just has a really big sense of responsibility, without any restrictions. He needs to work on that a bit. Feeling responsibility is important, but you can't let it drown you.

I made sure I cooked Santana's favourite meal, together with Maribel. It's amazing how Maribel makes me feel more loved then my own mother ever did. I look up to her as a mother, just like she looks at me as if I am her own daughter. I come over at their house a lot of times. Like a lot a lot.

So the plan: before we have a meal with her parents, she has a small scavenger hunt to go through. I made small sticky notes everywhere around her house for her to find. Every one of them has something written about what I love about her. Whether it's about physical features, character traits or just small things she does. I've written them down. I found 50 of them, and even then I didn't feel like I had gotten them all.

When she'll find the 50th one (I didn't found fifty spots to hide them, I figured I would've never remembered them, so I put five sticky notes per place. Hoping I'll remember at least those ten places!). So, if she's at the 10th place (below her pillow), she'll find a small present. I made her a lucky charm bracelet. Made the charm myself at Burt's place. It took me a while. A car shop isn't really the most equipped place to make small things, but I managed.

I made a songbird with a claver four in its mouth. In the songbird I engraved our initials, plus a music note just because. I really hope she'll like it. If she doesn't like it as a necklace, I could definitely change it in a bracelet. Or maybe a small keychain. I don't know, we'll see.

After that, I planned ten minutes for some make out time before supper with the parents. I at least hope she'll want that. it depends on what she thinks of the present though. So anyway, ten minutes for … whatever.

When we're finished eating, I've planned to go the backyard, lay on a picknick blanket for a while. If all is planned well a drone show will happen. I made a small program for a few drones to fly in the sky and make like a small light show, together with a banner getting held up in the air with the letters 'I love you Santana Lopez' on them.

Normally drones are not allowed to fly higher than your own roof, but I made a deal with some local police men (I feel like they feel like they owe me some … which they do) that the drones can fly a bit higher. The whole neighbourhood should be able to see the banner. It's like my most literal expression of shouting my love of her from the rooftops. I know it took me quite a while to tell her 'I love you' in a single sentence. She was so patient with me. It made me love her even more. It's just, so nice to get her understanding me needing time for stuff. She's so patient with me.

Anyway, it took a while to figure the drone thing out. It just … I suddenly thought that would be awesome, and Lord Tubbington really thought it was a great idea. So yeah, it wasn't easy to hide this from San, but I did. It took a while though … a loooong while to make a good program. Luckily I've had some help from Kevin, a young police men who's specialised in drones.

To be fair, he did most of the work. I mostly painted the banner. But … it's the effort that counts right? Anyhow, I hope she'll see that I made that effort for making her night amazing just because.

Just because I love her, I respect her, I am grateful for her, … I really want her to see what kind of amazing woman she is.

That concludes in three main things planned. After that, it'll be already close to twelve, but I'll let her choose. Or we stay at her house, staying the night over. Or we can go back to Quinn and my house, starting the new year with our friends. I'm 99% sure she'll choose to stick alone for now. We see each other enough already at school and stuff. One on one dates with her are kind of a precious thing. We cherish those moments as much as possible.

But, if she chooses to go to the group, I wouldn't mind going over to my house either. Yeah, you heard right. I'm really starting to consciously say it's my house now too. Charlotte only needed a week before she was completely settled in. Some nights she still wakes up from incredibly truthful nightmares. Memories I think. I'm so happy she still has a lot of growing up to do. She can fill up her mind with so many more happy memories, which will hopefully easily overwin the bad ones. Luckily, besides the nightmares, she's doing very good. Went to that traumaperson a few more times, before equally deciding it's okay to stop. If she wants to talk about something that bothers her, she always comes to me now. Quinn too. But if it's about the bad stuff … she knows I can relate, and she knows I'll always listen without her fear of saying too much to something. We both found so much support in each other. I don't talk to her about my traumas, I don't think that's the right thing to do, but I listen to hers. I listen and I confirm or deny what happened, working through the process of letting them go.

I know she's only eight. But I went to her trauma coach ones. I was stunned at how much she knew was going on. I felt I had a big part of that blame, even though people say I don't. But I was desperately trying to keep her safe from it. The coach told me afterwards that I did a good job. She does remember bad stuff, but her main focus was me being her rock and support. As long as I was with her in that house, it didn't feel like the nightmare it felt for me. It made me love her so much more.

I'm really happy we have each other. She always calls us Elsa and Anna. They protect each other. And she does. She reminds me of my childlike part of me. She reminds me of my innocence. She reminds me that biological parents don't always have to mean the world. She easily wrapped Judy and Quinn around her fingers. Recently she even started calling Judy mom. I saw tears forming in Judy's eyes at that moment. At first she looked at me. It was like she was asking my permission if I was okay with that situation.

Of course I was! I'm so grateful Charlie gets a second chance in life, a normal chance of going through middle and high school, without needing to worry if a brutal beating or a storm of words that makes you bow to your knees is waiting for her at home. I'm forever grateful that Judy took her in. I'm also so happy Quinn is 100% on board. We've created a more sisterly band by now, even though our foundation still is based on friendship. But Quinn and Charlie? They can banter like only true sisters can do. It's wonderful to see.

Next to Quinn becoming my best friend (since Santana is my girlfriend plus bestest friend), Mike took a more important place in my life too. He was always close to my heart, bringing me lightness through his dancing when I was younger. But I've never let him get close. Sometimes you realise that you really don't know a person that well. Even if it's about someone you've known your whole life, that you do see as a brother or sister. People grow. People change every day. If your foundation of friendships stands on primary school, then it's okay at some level, you know you always have eachothers back. But do you really know each other? That's sometimes a complete different story.

Mike and I started dancing a lot more again. Started talking more with each other too. Mike and Tina are over their honeymoon faze, and Mike's a wise guy, but frankly, he's still a boy. Sometimes he's in desperate advise from someone like me. Besides Santana, he's one of the only people who also gets what I'm saying if I'm talking in my own language. Unicorns and Lord Tubbington don't mind him. He realised that if you just listen close enough, you can find out which peace of wisdom I want to share. I'm glad to have him. He's an awesome brother to me.

And then Santana. Oh Santana.

Is there a stronger word than being in love with someone? If so, that's what I feel. Hence this whole date idea. I'm sort of happy it'll finally be over. These last few weeks I've been planning a lot of it, and she started to get really suspicious about it. I understand. I would be suspicious at myself if I didn't know what I was doing. But she trusts me. She knows it's not a bad thing I'm hiding from her anymore. The times where I hid things from her are officially over.

I've told her about some snippets from my childhood. But it's so hard. Every time I tell something, I see the sadness in her eyes. It's almost like it hurts her to hear what I'm saying, even though she's always such a great listener. In some way it's a bit healing too. Seeing her unbelievable looks and sadness from those situations, it's making me realise more and more that maybe I didn't deserve those things. Maybe I shouldn't feel insecure about myself. And maybe I am more than good enough for her. I sure hope so.

The evening I've let her inspect my back was one of the most heavy nights we've had together. Susan and Jack didn't really left that much battle scars on me. I mean, they left more than enough, but for the amount of hurt … it's not really in contrast with what's visible.

I know she knows that. but I understand it's even more confronting for her to visually see the effect they had on me. And my back … that night was extreme, even for them. I didn't look at my back before I allowed her to see it first. She almost had a mental breakdown about it. Just repeating over and over how unfair the world is. Some wouldn't really understand that she was the one with a breakdown that moment, but I do.

I've already had the memory from that moment. I've already went through the situation. When she saw my back and the scars that were left, that's the moment she went through the hurt and pain. She's so compassionate. It's unbelievable. But she doesn't nurture me. She feels bad for me that it happened, but she can look at me without drowning in compassion and thinking I'm too fragile.

That's a keyword. We're both fragile, but we're both evenly strong. I appreciate that so much. Only her, her mother Maribel, Quinn and Charlotte look at me, where I can't see a glimpse of fearing I'm broken. It's nice. Even Victor, the new fatherfigure in my life, is handling so carefully around me. I know it's out of love, I know it's out of care. But I'm not that fragile! I'm not that fragile. I can handle my own! I forgive him though, he's such a papa bear.

But the being treated like glass, Santana knows I hate it. Boy does she know. I adore that. Some moments less, like those moments we have fights. Suddenly she's so afraid to bring me back to old times. Like something would trigger me in a bad way. But even then, when Snixx comes out … I so appreciate she's being her authentic self. She's not backing down if she wants something and I want the complete opposite. There's not an ounce of hesitation in her if we fight. She doesn't realise how much I appreciate that. Even when we're alone, in bed, doing adult stuff.

At first she was so so hesitant. Treating me like I was made of glass. It frustrated me. At first that was what I needed. I really did need careful. But at one point, if you get handled like glass … only the look they give you, can make you feel like you've fallen apart in a thousand pieces. But in time, they learn. Santana learned. I made her learn. I promised her that I would really tell her if she was being too aggressive, or too rough. It took some time for her to follow that. But she did, with time and experience.

Sometimes I wish people didn't know what happened to me. Judy, Quinns mom, is so afraid to tell me if I did something wrong. For example, Quinn and I do have a sort of curfew. Which I get. We're still children (in age). And one day I was late. Like two hours. And she just … she wasn't even mad! Quinn was so jealous, wishing she could get that reaction too. But I tried to tell her, it's not to be jealous of. I'm actually jealous of Quinn. And I understand. I'm not the only one needing time to heal over this thing. I just hope people realise sooner than later that … even though I'm still struggling with my past … doesn't mean I can't handle the present. It's two different parts in my head. I don't need to be nurtured like a victim all the time.

So yeah, if people would ask me how I am, and I answer honestly? I'd say I'm getting there. I'm grateful for the people by my side, I'm grateful for my own strength. And most of all, I'm in control of my own journey. I'm making my own path on the way. I'll get there.

And it just happened to be a big pluspoint to have someone like Santana by my side.

…

She loved the date by the way. Absolutely adored me for it. Told me she loved me back a thousand times. I even saw some tears in her eyes. And let me tell you, it takes a lot to make thé Santana Lopez cry. We've stayed laying outside until the clock passed the hour one. It was the most peaceful we've felt in a really long time.

Peaceful because it's just the two of us there. Peaceful because of the quietness. Peaceful because of feeling so safe next to each other. And peaceful because we've settled down our love for each other in stone. Did that with words, gestures, looks and just being there for each other. If soulmates do exists, then I'm pretty damn lucky to have met mine this early in life already.

Next morning – Santana's room

Whilst I see Santana peacefully lying next to me, after some sweet sweet lady love making, I'm trying to think. I'll need time. I can't change my perspective in one day. This is going to take a lot of me. And I don't know yet how I'll win this battle completely, but with Santana my side, I think I'll be all right.

… Yeah, I think I will try to win this. I think she might be right. Maybe my heart do feels pain. But my core doesn't need to be equal to what my heart says. Hearts can be wrong too. Maybe my heart isn't telling me all the right things. Maybe I'm interpreting some things wrong. I think .. I think I'm starting to see that I didn't deserve what my parents did to me. My heart is wrong about that. And I do, I do deserve someone as Santana by my side. I really really do.

I'm so going to marry this girl someday!

Santana's POV

I wake up, blindlessly feeling around for Britt's hand, before realising her side of the bed is empty. That sucks, I wanted to thank her in a great morning gesture for her date yesterday. Can you believe what she did?

First, she lets my heart melt 50 times with her sweet rhymes and quirks she likes about me. Then she made me have dinner with my parents, the first time in four years we had dinner together on New Year's eve! And then … she made a banner with 'I love you' on it for the whole neighbourhood to see?! Come on, this is the girl who was too afraid to whisper 'I love you' in the darkness towards me a few months ago, and now this? My heart just … I don't know exploded? Melted? Beated a millions times per minute? I don't even know.

God I love her. I'm so happy she seems to get a little better during these past few months. I know her problems wouldn't go away in a day, but it's so hard to see someone close to you suffer. I want to help her so bad, but I don't always know how. The only answer I get from her is that me being by her side is already more than enough. At some point I started to believe her, because it's the same for me.

Ugh, getting up. The worst chore ever! I peek one eye open, looking around my room to see if Britt's still here. Guess not. I quickly take my robe to walk downstair to see … something wonderful.

Its Brittany, dancing with the radio on in the background, looking almost ... carefree in the moment. I can't resist giving out a small laugh, gaining her attention.

"What are you laughing at?"

"I don't know really, didn't expect to see this vision in my kitchen."

She waltzes towards me taking me in her arms, letting me dance with her on the beat of the drums.

"What's gotten into you Britt?"

"Nothing, I just … It's been a while since I authentically felt this feeling ... I'm ... I'm happy this moment ... and forever grateful to be able to share it with you."

Hey everyone, if you've made it to the end of this story, thank you! I hope you enjoyed it. I'm actually really curious what you thought of this story. Did you hate it? Liked it? More neutral? Where there things you hoped went differently? Feel free to review or PM me, I'd love to hear your opinions. If not, that's okay too :).

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Anyway, hope you liked and enjoyed reading it! Have a nice week!