Mickey was still slumped on the floor of the gents' when he heard the door open. Normally he would be mortified at anyone seeing him crying, especially at work, but right now he didn't care. Jack walked over to him and, to Mickey's surprise, sat down on the dirty floor next to him.
"I'm sorry," was the first thing Jack said. His eyes strayed to the broken towel dispenser, now lying on the floor a few feet away, but he didn't mention it.
Mickey wiped at his face but didn't say anything. Jack tentatively patted his arm but Mickey jerked away.
"Mickey…" Jack started.
"It should have been me." Mickey's voice came out strangled.
"What?" Jack frowned.
"It should've been me, not Kate. She's… good. I'm not a good person."
"You're alright," said Jack, then added gently, "You obviously really cared about her."
I loved her, he thought, but he couldn't bring himself to say that.
"It's all Chandler's fault." Mickey's denial was fading already, bringing him to the next stage. Murderous rage.
"No." Jack shook his head. "I don't like the man, but it's the fault of whoever threw the petrol bomb."
"I need to see her." Mickey's face crumpled and he was crying openly again.
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"You should've let me go to the hospital." Mickey turned on his boss, not caring if he got fired. "Now it's too late."
"There was nothing you could have done."
"I could have seen her!"
"It's better to remember her how she was. Believe me." Jack was still being uncharacteristically gentle, making it harder to be angry at him.
"You've always hated me," Mickey could hear that he sounded like a sulky teenager.
"I don't hate you." Jack almost sounded amused.
"Well, you should do. I blamed you for Beech, remember?"
"Yeah, well, I blamed myself too." Jack sat back so his back was touching the wall.
"If it weren't for Beech Chandler would never have been here."
"Kate wouldn't have been here either," Jack pointed out. "There's no point going over what might have been."
"I can't believe she's…" Mickey started to sob again.
"I know. I still can't believe that Derek is…" Jack trailed off. Mickey remembered the terrifying moment that Conway had been petrol bombed in front of him. At the time he'd thought it was the worst moment of his life.
"Derek was an old man," Mickey said. Jack raised an eyebrow, Conway wasn't much older than him. "Kate was young."
"I know. It's a tragedy. But you're not the only one who's grieving. The best thing you can do for Kate is find whoever did this."
"I'm going to the hospital." Mickey stood up.
"Mickey…" Jack took longer to get up. "Her family won't want you there right now."
"I don't care. I need to see her. Fire me if you want, I don't give a toss." Mickey kicked the towel dispenser, sending it flying across the floor, then stormed out before Jack could stop him.