Chapter 6
When Brigitta arrived at her parents' house after telling Peter their marriage with ending, she finally gave into the tears. Maria reached out to hold Brigitta ; she leaned into her mother's arms.
Maria stroked Brigitta's hair and looked over at Georg, who also put his arms around his daughter. "It's done," Brigitta stated. . "My marriage is over."
Brigitta pulled back from her parents embrace and sat down on the sofa. "I wasn't sure I could say it until I heard the words come out."
Georg sat next to Brigitta and held her hands. "How did he take the news?"
"That's the odd thing, Papa: Brigitta replied. "He seemed like he thought we were fine; that I have no reason for doing this. He never seemed to feel the emptiness or the loneliness I felt. After a while, I just left. I was out of things to say."
Maria took a deep breath, "Are you really certain you wanna do this? This is a tremendous change with a giant ripple effect for your children. In the Church, short of abuse or infidelity… the Church will never agree to such a thing, you'll never be able to remarry in a Catholic ceremony."
"I know, Mother," Brigitta siighed."And I did think it through. I made a plan and I do know about the implications for the Church and the afterlife, but it's this life I have to cope with and I cannot keep pretending it's all okay. It's not okay!"
Georg supported Brigitta , "Darling, I do think Brigitta thought this out, and I believe she tried as hard as he could as long as she could."
Maria sat down in her usual side chair. "I know you tried very hard, Sweetheart, I remember you being upset about Peter before. Did you do what we discussed? Talking to Peter, letting him see your needs and desires?"
"Of course, I did Mother. It was good advice and I tried talking to Peter. It didn't work. You said I should wait a year or two, to give it time… I did, I gave it almost three years and it only got worse. Time's up!"
Georg was surprised by Maria's reaction. He knew his devout wife would certainly not be happy, he wasn't happy, that Brigitta made this choice, but what he truly hated was the fact that she had to even make it. Georg and Maria wanted their children happy. Brigitta certainly was not happy.
Maria got out of her chair and moved to kneel before her daughter. "Brigitta , Sweetheart, please take more time. Take a trip together, try and talk all this out. Your father and I will help with the children."
"Mother, that won't work, Peter can't seem to make time for us anymore. He is totally obsessed with his job. He spends every waking minute over there, and he wants me home alone, cooking and cleaning, serving him, not assisting him or supporting him. I'm really sick of the whole thing. I'm sick of the whole fight. Every minute of every day has become unbelievably hard."
Maria's mind was spinning as she listened. She knew how Brigitta felt, isolated, scared, terribly lonely, and overlooked. She knew what it felt like to feel your husband forgot about you, she knew what it felt like to feel such loneliness you could think you would be better alone. She had considered this course once too, but came out of the haze to a much better marriage. She had to convince Brigitta not to do this.
"Oh, honey, you don't know what hard is," Maria replied. "That's because you have an easily obtainable out. You made a vow Brigitta , there is no out, that is, the sacrament: the pact of marriage."
Georg rubbed Brigitta's back as she sat. listening to Maria's pleas. His heart ached for Brigitta. He knew she wanted Maria's support, knew she needed it, but he understood the implications of her decision and the consequences Maria was trying to protect Brigitta from.
Beigitta was becoming angry. What did Marie know about her pain? Maria and Georg had the marriage she always wanted. They were deeply in love, the best of friends, with mutual respect and admiration. What did Maria know? The question came out in an overly excited utterance. "How do you know about this? You and Papa's marriage is out of a fairy tale! You have never had to feel like this! How can you judge me?"
"Brigitta " Georg warned gently. "I know you're upset, but respect, please."
"I'm sorry, Papa," Brigitta replied. "Truly I am, I am…Mother, you do not understand!"
Maria rose and started to pace. "I'm trying to, Dear. Have you thought this through, Brigitta? Where will you live, how will you live? You can stay here, there is room, but the children need a father, they need both their parents."
"We have an apartment about 10 minutes away from the city limits and I start working on Monday. I'm not irrational, Mother, and this was not a snap decision!"
"No," Maria sighed. "I can see that. But what about the children? Brigitta, if you do this, it could mean losing your children. Are you prepared for that?"
Georg looked at Maria with surprise. "Maria, I don't think Peter would ever go so far. Eddie is young, she needs her Mother and Annie is becoming a woman, she does as well."
"If Peter presses it then you will almost certainly lose PJ. Is that what you want to happen? Peter is a popular man, he can do so much damage if he fights back. Brigitta, please, think about this. Please talk to your husband and solve this. I'm sure Georg, you talk to John Hamilton and maybe the two of you can…"
"Mother!" Brigitta was getting angry. "Look, it is pretty clear that you do not get this. You are being obtuse and stubborn. You know nothing about this. You didn't have to do this! You and Father have a perfect marriage. That is what I thought marriage should look like and that was what I expected from my own marriage! Instead I got a husband that wanted a numb minded servant, he didn't even want babies after I had PJ! You want me to feel guilty about finally choosing myself? No! If you can't support me then please just stop talking!"
Georg stood up as well, "Brigitta," he gasped. He knew she was upset by Maria's actions and her words but Brigitta being disrespectful and he wouldn't tolerate that at all.
Brigitta was starting to cry and Maria was starting to get angry. "Our marriage is far from perfect t," Georg offered to help his wife get her point across. "We have made many mistakes along the way. Your Mother doesn't want you to make a mistake."
Maria nodded, "No, and I'm afraid if you go through with this it will be a dreadful mistake, a tragic mistake. You…don't act in haste, don't act on emotion, you need to be clear and…"
"My entire marriage was a mistake!" Brigitta erupted. "The only thing I got from it was my children and they deserve better than this…"
"You can lose your children," Maria reiterated. "Maybe not Eddie, but PJ for certain will be given to Peter. Is that what you want? Being a mother isn't about what feels good for you, being a mother is…."
"Mother, this isn't Austria, the American courts give children to their mothers all the time!"
"Not in a groundless divorce they don't…" Maria replied firmly.
"How do you know that? This is 1963…"
The two women continued arguing, Maria desperate for Brigitta to reconsider. Georg agreed with Maria, he felt that marriage was sacred too, it was a solemn vow, but he hated to look into Brigitta's eyes and see misery.
"Mother, all of this is in your head! It is the Church that says such things to stop couples divorcing, you don't know what of that is true," Brigitta reasoned.
Then it happened. Maria felt as if she was back out on the patio in Austria again. As crisp and clear as the words, "I know you don't…" came from her lips that long ago day came "Oh yes I do," shot out.
"How?" Brigitta pressed, eye to eye with Maria.
"Because I nearly left your Father!" Came the unfiltered reply.
Georg knew the tone and snapped his head from Brigitta to Maria as she spoke. Georg's piercing eyes held Maria's as her hands flew to her mouth.
"What?" Brigitta gasped. Georg just stood and pinned Maria with his eyes. "What?" he echoed Brigitta's query.
Maria took a deep breath, she never meant for that to come out, for Georg to find out she had contemplated divorce in their earlier years.
"It was a long time ago," Maria offered. "And it was a mistake, it would have been a mistake."
Georg felt like he had been punched in the gut. He had never, not ever felt that he had done anything to push Maria to the point of divorce. Maria looked at Georg, he had gone pale and turned his face so she couldn't see his eyes. "Darling, I am so sorry. I never thought that…I never wanted you to know that I…I am so sorry."
Georg swallowed the intense pain that had welled up in his throat. He truly thought for a moment he was having a heart attack, but this hurt more, like a knife through the gut. "Brigitta, I think you should uh…go to Louisa's and see your children. I uh…we can talk again tomorrow. "
"Papa, I…Mother, I'm sorry I…"
Maria nodded in understanding, "Think my Darling, please. Think."
Brigitta gave Georg and Maria strong hugs. She was so stubborn! Why did she have to keep pushing? Whatever rough patch Georg and Maria had, none of the children knew about it and it appeared from his reaction, Georg didn't know either. What was this revelation going to mean for them?
Georg couldn't recall a time when he felt so angry with Maria. He was so hurt by her words he couldn't breathe. Then he did, there was another time, when they had danced together back home and she had run away from him in the night. This was akin to that, but a greater pain.
"Georg," Maria began, needing to explain this and soothe the look of devastation on Georg's face. "It was so long ago and I…i…"
Georg turned and looked at Maria, not bothering to try and hide the emotions in his eyes or his voice. "Don't say anything else right now, Maria. Please, don't say anything else."
On that quiet request, Georg turned for his study, went inside, and locked the door.
A/N: So there it is Maria's secret, she thought about leaving Georg. Why? When? Georg has the same questions. Stay tuned.