Princess Peach did her best not to frown, or sigh, or pout. None of those would have been a proper expression for a Princess in her current position, something she well knew given how used to this position she was...said position being in the backseat - if it could be called that - of Bowser's clown car, having once more been kidnapped by the so-called turtle tyrant. She'd long ago lost any urge to scream, fight, or otherwise react with anything beyond rueful frustrations to these kidnappings, as Bowser had made it plain that despite the image he presented of an evil king, there was not a true mean bone in the 'conqueror's body. And at least normally he made a nice show of it, and whatever damage he did coming in was 'anonymously' paid for after her eventual rescue, so even her subjects had gotten rather blase about his actions.
Though that said a lot about today's kidnapping. Rather than the usual grand spectacle Bowser normally tried for, he'd simply come bursting in the wall of her castle in his clown car, a harried look on his face. Instead of a grand speech or declaration of war or intent to wed, he'd actually said 'Excuse me' as he'd zoomed past the petitioner she'd been speaking with, snatched her up, and bust out the opposite wall without slowing down...thankfully shielding her from any rubble with his own body. Admittedly, it was a struggle to keep a straight face when the petitioner - without blinking - had turned to Toadsworth before she was out of earshot and asked, "I'll come back tomorrow, then, shall I?"
...admittedly, a small part of her hoped it would take a little longer. Being a Princess and ruling over the toads was a headache, and despite her best efforts said headaches followed her when she tried to take a normal vacation. The times she was kidnapped by Bowser were the closest she came to a true vacation...and she still remembered that one time she'd debated secretly asking the Koopa King to kidnap her to get her out of dealing with some particularly troublesome diplomats, since Toadsworth and his staff were more than capable of negotiating with them without her, and she could just sign everything when she got back. She hadn't, but the temptation had been quite strong. She'd only held back because she didn't want Bowser to think she was actually warming up to his courtship, or make him think she was using him...but it had come close. Another reason she kept her expression as neutral as possible. Despite her hopes, however, she was pretty certain she would be back home before the end of the day. The rush and lack of speeches suggested a half-planned excursion, if that much, so there likely weren't any special hazards getting in Mario's way of rescuing her. Mario had also been in the palace that day -an actual plumbing problem, for once - so he'd be on his way likely before they even left Mushroom territory...although Bowser was moving much faster than normal, considering that his Keep was already in sight.
As the clown car landed, Bowser turned to help her out with his usual courteousness, but an unusual lack of grandstanding and cheer. "Sorry for the sudden interruption," he offered - yet another odd change from the norm - as he began rushing her through the halls of the Keep, "and the lack of ceremony. Normally I wouldn't have gone in without a grand plan and performance to really make an impression - you deserve no less, after all - but an urgent matter has come up that prompted my unseemly haste."
And there was yet more changes that had Peach waver between stunned, concerned, and amused. The idea that he saw the various kidnapping attempts and the grand spectacle involved as courting attempts and that she deserved a grand spectacle based on how much he'd valued her was something she'd long suspected, but never had confirmed before. On top of that, Bowser normally focused on presenting himself as a barbarian warlord, some skewed idea of presenting himself as a prime specimen of masculinity...but here he was actually showing his intelligence and vocabulary, another thing she'd long thought he had given his talent in magic. The mention of an 'urgent matter', however, pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. "I hope you don't expect me to be happy about such brusque treatment and readily aid you with this 'urgent matter'," she pointed out flatly, though trying not to be too cold or hostile in her tone. As much as she would be willing to help him with whatever this was so long as it didn't ask anything she was unwilling to give - she valued the good terms and relative peace between their kingdoms and peoples, despite the regular kidnappings, too much to ruin that in a fit of pique - she didn't want to seem too eager or too pliable. She'd rather find a way to get Bowser to ask for help normally, rather than with kidnappings, if at all possible, and this might be an opportunity.
"I'm not surprised," Bowser responded readily, sounding rather put upon and stressed, which made Peach blink in surprise. Bowser never let his normal emotional state out, always making every show of emotion a grand statement. It was almost unsettling hearing subtleties in his actions, speech, and pose for once. "Still, given the situation, I couldn't exactly wait-"
"Your Majesty!" a familiar voice shouted as a Koopa Troopa bearing spikes on his helm and shell rushed up to them, panting for breath but standing upright at attention. "Mario is here!"
"What, already?" Bowser demanded in shock. "While it's good he rushed, I wasn't expecting a speedrun...still, I need to see him too. Kooporal, show the Princess to the royal chambers. Kamek will explain the situation!" With that, he turned and rushed off towards the ground entrance of the Keep.
As the Kooporal escorted her forward, Peach blinked as she realized why she recognized the voice. "Melkoopa, is that you?"
The Kooporal chuckled softly. "Yes, Princess, it's me."
"This is what, the fifth time you've been assigned my escort while I'm held hostage?"
"Seventh actually, I believe," Melkoopa - or 'Mel', as she sometimes called him - corrected. "His Ruggedness seems to think I do a better job at preventing escape attempts than most."
"I can't argue that," Peach allowed in amusement. Unlike literally every other Koopa ever assigned to guard her, he never fell asleep on duty, he was never tempted by delicious pastries, he followed protocol of summoning medical aid when needed rather than checking himself or rushing off to get a healer, and despite those frustrations was always rather kind and courteous while guarding her. She found herself liking him despite herself, and he'd always been willing to talk with her to pass the time. "How's your girlfriend doing?"
"We got married last month," Mel responded with a grin. "She's setting up our nest just now, and my paternity leave starts next month."
"That's wonderful!" Peach declared happily. "I see you made the rank of Kooporal, congratulations on that as well."
"Yeah, I can afford a proper homestead for us now," Mel replied readily. "A private's salary isn't enough to support a whole family on its own, after all, and I didn't want to fall back on King's Whims if I could succeed without it."
Peach chuckled at yet another thing that had long proved to her that Bowser was a lot softer than he pretended. 'King's Whims', despite the name, was a fund Bowser paid for himself that ensured that every member of his kingdom - whether they served in his army, his government, or were fully civilian - had enough to eat and somewhere to sleep. The name was meant to imply that it was a 'whim', and one Bowser might dispense with at any moment, meant to encourage them not to rely on it...but considering the size of said fund had only gone up in the time since it was instituted...well, there was a reason Bowser's subjects were so fanatically loyal to him that their oaths of service - freely given - extended beyond death, that even 'their dry bones would rise at his call'.
It was as those thoughts left her mind and she was turning to continue the discussion that they reached the royal chambers...and what she saw there banished any further thoughts from her mind.
Mario paced himself as he rushed into the Keep, ready to once again do battle with Bowser to rescue Peach. Honestly, this was starting to almost become boring, despite the thrill it brought each time. Sure, the first time he'd rushed to the rescue of a Princess, he'd gone full tilt, wearing himself thin and getting her home by the skin of his teeth...but he'd learned since then. It was better to pace himself and make sure he never ran out of air or energy. That way, he'd be able to talk and get answers when he got there rather than being stuck silently trying to just survive and succeed. It honestly made the interactions more fun, and allowed for invites go-karting and golfing...and inviting Bowser to crash the party nights. He tried not to roll his eyes as he remembered that discussion, where Bowser explained that it wouldn't do for him to attend a party on invitation as it would imply social weakness on his part, but he'd happily accepted the standing invitation to crash any parties Mario threw. It was certainly odd, but if it meant everyone was happy...
He skidded to a halt on the stone as the Koopa King in question appeared at the other end of the hall. "Mario!" he declared in a roar...though a happy one, rather than an aggressive one as usual. "You got here faster than I expected!"
"Well, I was in the palace when you'a kidnapped Peach," Mario pointed out easily. "But there weren't any obstacles! Were ya gonna set that up after getting her here?"
"Wasn't going to set them up at all," Bowser pointed out readily. "I needed to talk to you both, and this seemed the best way to get both your attentions."
Mario opened his mouth to respond, only for his brain to screech to a halt as he parsed Bowser's words. "Wait...you kidnap'a Princess Peach...to talk to us?" When Bowser nodded his head, Mario mightily resisted the urge to facepalm. "Bowser, you'a have my number! You could'a called me!"
"Uh uh," Bowser insisted, shaking his head. "That number is for sports related events and clarifying the details thereof. Golf, go-karting, tennis, and the like. Not parenting issues."
Mario could only grasp his face in frustration. Yes, that was Bowser all over. He was very literal minded when it came to things like that, and Mario had said to call him at that number about sporting events. He then blinked as he realized the rest of what the Koopa King had proclaimed. "Wait, parenting issues?"
"Yeah, I need your help desperately, come on!" Bowser declared, turning and rushing deeper into the Keep.
Unsure what else to do, Mario raced to follow. "I don'a understand, though," he pointed out thoughtfully as they ran. "You're a great parent! Junior is a happy, well adjusted youngster despite single parenting, and Ludwig and the others have truly thrived under your care!" All of that was definitely true in Mario's opinion, and part of the reason he held no true rancor towards Bowser for everything else he'd done. Bowser was a truly good father, and dedicated to taking care of his kids, whether that was the Koopalings he'd adopted, the youngster born of his blood - somehow, Mario wasn't planning on prying there - or the Goomba and Koopas that considered themselves his subjects. Honestly, his behavior with them - despite the airs he put on - was less a King and subjects and more a Chief with a really big clan, actively looking out for each and every being that looked to him for leadership. Mario greatly respected that about the so-called 'tyrant'. "What could you'a need my help with?"
"Well, I've adopted a new kid..." Bowser began as he rounded a corner.
"Congratulations, but why my help?" Mario asked as he kicked off the wall to keep up. "You didn't have any problems with the Koopalings!"
"This is different..." Bowser began, only for his voice to die at the sound of shouting, magic bursting, and something being flung across a room to crash loudly. His eyes widening in fear, Bowser dispensed with speaking and charged.
Gulping in surprise at the turn of speed the King was capable of - Mario had long thought he held back when they fought, and it was plainly true - Mario lowered his head to rush after and keep up...only to screech to a halt at the sight that greeted them at their destination.
A Kooporal was partially embedded in the wall near the door. Several bits of furniture had been transformed into grasping limbs of wood and stone poised to lunge to seize Princess Peach at Kamek's magical direction, while the Princess herself stood at bay looking ready to kill, her parasol in one hand braced like a rapier...and a blanket wrapped baby boy in her other arm as she stood next to a crib, a dangerous look on her face.
On seeing all this, Bowser let out a sigh. "Apparently, keeping Princess Peach from kidnapping my son," he stated, his voice somewhat laced with irony.
"As if you know anything about raising a human child!" Peach declared angrily, clutching the infant more tightly to herself, almost possessively.
"Why do you think His Greatness brought you both here?!" Kamek countered angrily. "So you both could teach him what he needs to know! Now put the young Prince back in his crib, or so help me I will bind you as appropriate of a prisoner and ask the King's forgiveness after the Prince is safe and sound!"
"You wouldn't dare!" Peach declared, her voice laced with venom.
"Don't tempt me, I know shibari! His Virileness might like it!"
"Don't talk about that in front of children!" Bowser and Peach both yelled at the same time, only to pause and turn to each other. "Wait, you know what that is?" they asked simultaneously.
Mario, for his part, sat down on a chair that was sticking part way out of the wall before putting his head in both hands. "Mama mia..."