"Alright, you have your assignments, they're due in two weeks. I expect back-ups, guys," Jenny calls out to her students as they start packing up after the last class of the day.
She doesn't expect any of them to hear her; they're loud and eager to get to wherever they're going after class. Besides, she's completely aware that someone else is listening to her, watching her.
Jenny was proud that she only paused for a second when Buffy quietly entered her classroom about half an hour before it ended. Her former student didn't make a scene, a sound except for the quiet click of the lock as she entered and took an empty seat in the back row.
For the first hour after literally running into Buffy, Jenny tried to convince herself she was hallucinating. Except for the mild body slam, accidental or not, felt pretty fucking real. And Jenny's been reeling from it since.
With a couple of her students in the class, Jenny goes to her desk to shut down the material she has on the big screen and locks her computer. The room goes quiet with a resounding click as the last student leaves. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Buffy stand and start walking down the nearest aisle. Taking a deep breath, Jenny determinedly goes to meet her halfway.
"Buffy," Jenny greets, it's not unkind, not friendly either. But they've never really been either except when Buffy was stonewalling her. "What are you doing here?"
"I was in the area, thought I'd take in a class," Buffy returns cautiously. She screws up her mouth a bit as it apparently comes out wrong. Refocusing on Jenny, she sighs. "I don't know where to start," she admits, giving Jenny the reigns to steer this conversation.
"How about how are you? Or why you're here?" Jenny suggests, not really sure how to feel about taking the lead. The Buffy standing in front of her is so different to the one she remembers, yet there's something so fundamentally Buffy about her. The vulnerable side Jenny only saw when the shit was about to hit the fan and she was struggling with the weight of the world on her shoulders. The one who reluctantly accepted their fate but felt completely unprepared for it.
"Um, let's start with the why," Buffy suggests, grateful for the option. She leans against a desk behind her and Jenny mimics it on her side of the aisle. "I'm here with Dawn, she wants to apply for next year and college is the one thing Dad is willing to pay for."
Buffy looks a little startled by her own slip. She shoots a glance at Jenny before adding, "We lost Mom a while back, it was a brain aneurysm, and Dad made it pretty clear that neither Dawn nor I fit into his life."
"Buffy," Jenny's about to say she's sorry, and she is, but the look in Buffy's eyes tells Jenny she's heard that enough. "That sounds rough," she says instead.
"Yeah, it can be," Buffy agrees quickly. "Dad's only paying for me to come on this trip so he doesn't have to." She pauses. "How long have you been here?"
Jenny swallows. "Since the summer after I left Sunnydale," she admits. "Do you know why I left?"
"Yeah," Buffy nods. "You didn't have to do that."
Jenny wasn't sure what the other woman was referring to. "Which part?"
"Leave, Angel…all of the above," Buffy offers. "It worked, what you found; I don't know if you know that."
Jenny hadn't, only that he never followed her after that night. "I suspected when he didn't come after me but I didn't know for sure." Buffy looks like she's about to say something, only she stops herself. "What?"
The younger woman shakes her head slightly. "Giles created a distraction the day you left, gave you a head start." Jenny cocks her head to the side. "He went after Angelus, and nearly burnt down the factory." Buffy takes a breath. "I might have hit him for putting himself in danger like that."
"Again?" Jenny remembers the night she pulled his head into her lap when Buffy knocked him out before going after the Master. A flare of anger at Rupert pulses through her as she thinks of how stupid the stunt must have been for Buffy to hit him.
"I don't think that hurt as much as you leaving did," Buffy tells her. Jenny held her tongue; she left because he was afraid of losing her. And they lost each other anyway. "You didn't have to do what you did alone. We would've helped if you told us what you were doing."
"I didn't want to get your hopes up in case I couldn't follow through." She bites her lip before adding, "It would have been one more thing you weren't talking to me for."
Buffy winces. Hindsight is a bitch that kicks you when you're down. "I was such a brat."
"With good reason," Jenny concedes, ignoring the resurgence of pain she felt when the young girl pretended she didn't exist. Or when Rupert took Buffy's side and refused to listen. Buffy is wide-eyed, denial on her tongue, but Jenny holds up a hand to stop her. "Look, you said it worked, right?"
"Yeah, um, Angel left about a year later. It was too hard to be around each other and not…"
Jenny looks down. She doesn't know what she expected to happen if the curse worked, but at least Angelus was neutralised and everyone was aware of the consequences going forward.
"You and Giles are talking again?"
"That's a recent development, really recent. He and Willow found my contact info for the school," Jenny explains hastily to Buffy's quiet question. "And we're not exactly talking, we're writing."
Buffy smiles softly at her, almost wistful. "How's it going?"
"We're each three letters in," Jenny sighs.
A myriad of emotions plays across Buffy's face before she shuts them down. "Do you think you guys will talk or meet up?"
"Are you trying to ask if my intentions are honourable?"
"Kinda," the blonde says, screwing up her nose in a way Jenny remembers oh so well from whenever Buffy walked in on them kissing.
"I don't know," Jenny admits. She's considered calling when she knew he was home from the retreat, just to test the waters, to see if it was too much contact for either of them. Then, she realised it could potentially shatter the fragile steps they've already made to act too soon.
"He misses you," Buffy announces using the present tense as though it's still a tangible presence in his life. The slayer studies Jenny for a long moment, hesitating a couple of times before speaking again. "He was never the same after you left."
She and Rupert really did a number on each other, didn't they? "Rupert makes a lasting impression himself."
Buffy watches her. "What's holding you back?"
Jenny does her best not to wither under her gaze. "I'm terrified that I'll hurt him more than I have. That seeing him, having a conversation," - hearing him say her name in such a fervent way she doesn't want to stop hearing it - "Will do more damage than good."
They're quiet for a long time, considering Jenny's honesty. She won't lie to Buffy, not again. She doesn't know if she's expecting Buffy to agree or argue.
"Maybe," Buffy starts. "I might have agreed with you before we literally ran into each and I saw the same look in your eyes that I see in his. You both seem pretty broken, maybe this is your chance to fix it."
Jenny swallows the lump in her throat. For the first time in four years, someone who knew her back then, at her happiest, before she imposed a guarded life on herself, someone sees her. Someone who is more perceptive than Jenny ever gave her credit for. Someone who recognises someone who's as broken as they are.
Jenny had projected her own fears onto Buffy's treatment of her, assuming she thought Jenny's relationship with Rupert was a ruse to get close to her and Angel. Nothing could be further from the truth. Buffy had been heartbroken and Jenny, through her omissions, had been a target for that pain.
The part her family played was unimportant; she should have expected them not to tell her everything and only warn her when it was too late. Though something so vital as a happiness clause should have been divulged.
"I'm not saying ignore the past," Buffy tells her. "I know you're scared but that didn't stop you from writing back and there's got to be reason for that."
Jenny nods, unable to speak. Buffy stares back at her in understanding.
"Good," is all the slayer says. "I should probably get back to Dawn, she's probably gonna…we're here till Saturday. I need to check out the City before I agree to let her move here," Buffy says, pulling a pen from her bag and searching for something else.
"Damn, I don't have a piece of paper," she mutters. Jenny holds out her hand. Buffy looks at it for a beat before carefully scrawling a phone number on the back of it. "Call me, if you're not busy, we could meet up."