My Immortal: The Funny Re-Imagined Edition by Meowfics
Hello everyone, and welcome to the insanity. Please know that this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous and meant purely for comedic purposes. I ended up editing the infamous "My Immortal" Harry Potter fanfiction story out of boredom, at first trying to make it tie together and make some kind of sense. But alas, the original fic was so batshit insane that I decided to just edit it in a more comedic/parody type fashion. I definitely got a good laugh out of writing this, so hopefully you all do as well!
Rated M mainly for language, mentions of self-harm, mentions of pedophilia, and several scenes of very cringily written sexual content. I do NOT take responsibility for any aforementioned content, as it was already included by the original author of "My Immortal", Tara Gilesbie.
A/N: Special fangz (geddit itz lik "thanks" but I say "fangz" cuz im goffik haha i spel wurdz wrog 2 cuz i fink it maks meh sound cute wen in all realty it meks me jus sound dumb af) 2 my gf (ew not in dat way! even tho dats how I fuckin sed it…like I cud hav jus put "bff" insted of "gf" but whatevz) Raven, bloodytearz666, 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling (lol becuz dis story and its spellin is fukin top noch as u can all redy tel) u rok! And Justin, whoever da fuck dat is…aparently hes da "luv of my deprezzing life"…but yea he rox 2! MCR ROX AS WELL! And GC. And Marilyn Mason. And odder randum punk/goff bandz.
Chapter One
Hi, my name is Ebony Dark apostrophe Ness Dementia (A/N: haha geddit like da forgettin stuff dizeez) Raven Way. I have long ebony black hair, which just so happens to be how I got my name. No idea who the fuck even named me though, because my parents/family is not mentioned even once throughout this story…so…yeah, who the fuck knows? My long ebony black hair also has purple streaks and red tips, and lengthwise it reaches my mid-back. I have icy blue eyes like limpid(?) tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee. (A/N: if u dont know who she iz u can get da hell owt of hur ya fuckin basik prep beech!) You may be wondering who specifically has ever told me I look like her, like if it was just people in my friend group or random people passing me by on the street? But since I never made that clear, I think it's safe to assume that "a lot of people" means absolutely fucking no one. I'm not related to Gerard Way btw, since we have the same last name. But I wish I was related to him because he's a major fucking hottie! (A/N: yes enoby is in2 insest! SWEEEET HOM ALBAMA!!!11) I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white, meaning I evidently have just normal human teeth and not fangs, much like the nonsensical vampires in Twilight. But in more typical vampire fashion, I also have pale white skin. Up in the air whether it sparkles or not, though. I'm also a witch, so I'm a fucking hybrid of two powerful ass beings. It's no wonder Vlosemort tasks me with killing Harry later on. (A/N: oh whoops sory u guyz shpoiler alert)
Anyway (A/N: u guyz shuld tak a shot every tim u see da word "anyway" throughout ma story. lik seriusly u will b fuckin ded of alcohol poisonin by da 3rd chapta) I currently go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England and I'm in my seventh year. I'm seventeen years old, too, but whether that's "vampire" years or just normal human years I have no idea. But the most important thing you need to know about me is that - in case you couldn't fucking freaking fracking facking tell - I am a goth! As such, I wear mostly black and buy all my clothes from Hot Topic. As an example of my super-goff fashion sense, here's a very long and descriptive list of all the shit I am currently wearing that literally takes up well over half of this chapter and all other chapters after it. Seriously, who needs a plot when you can just take up most of the paragraphs describing everyone's outfits/makeup/hair to a fucking T? Ahem, I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it, a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets, and black combat boots. As far as makeup goes, I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner, and red eye shadow.
Anyway (A/N: see i toold u, tak a shot lawl) on with the actual story now! I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining, so, you know…sleeting. And there was no sun, which I was very happy about, being part vampire and what not. Not that it's ever revealed if I fucking burn in the sun or not, but oh well. Cold, dreary, sunless weather was the perfect goff aesthetic. A lot of preps stared at me, so I put up my middle finger at them in response. That may seem a bit harsh, since all they were doing was just looking at me and overall minding their own business. It was well deserved in my eyes, though, because any preps or other individuals who had a different style than me deserved to fucking DIE!
"Hey Ebony!" I suddenly heard a voice yell out of absolutely fucking nowhere. I looked up. It was dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot. Dot. Draco Malfoy!
"ERMA GERD DREKER MELFLER!" I screamed.
"Wtf?" He asked.
"Sorry I mean, ahem, what's up Draco?" I asked in my sexiest "cool-girl" goffic voice.
"Nothing." he said shyly. Because, you know, he's totally shy and not outspoken at all. But it's okay, this is because it's later revealed that he's in love with me and "dats y hes actin defrent".
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. Who are the friends? I don't know, who cares.
A/N: is good? Kiddin I fuckin kno it iz lol!
