Chapter 52
Azula's song for this chapter is "Frankenstein" by Rina Sawayama.
Peony helped Azula with her smeared lipstick and running eye makeup. The girl didn't ask questions, just spoke soothingly and told her she looked fabulous.
As soon as she reappeared in the dance hall, Chan insisted on waltzing with her. When that song finished, the "Wheel of Fire" began. The traditional dance called for groups of three pairs to form circles, each holding a flame in one hand (covered candles for nonbenders). Luckily, Ursa and Noren joined Azula, Chan, and his parents to form a wheel. She didn't know what she would have done if she had to walk circles with both Raiden and Chan at this moment; her mother was a comforting substitute.
At the end of the "Wheel of Fire," Azula pulled her mother aside. "Help me make my excuses. I can't stay here another minute."
"Of course. Let's pretend we're going to the restroom together, and you can slip out into the royal residence. I'll tell Zeitakuna you're not feeling well." Ursa linked her arm through her daughter's, and Azula escaped the party.
Soon after she was safely in her room, her mother appeared again, with tea. They sipped quietly while Ursa brushed out her daughter's hair and helped her into pajamas. Tears silently streamed down the Fire Lord's face as her mother cared for her. Ursa must have noticed them when she began applying cold cream to remove Azula's makeup, but she didn't comment. The older woman seemed to know that the young monarch did not want to discuss her heartbreak. She tucked her child into bed with a kiss on the forehead, the same way she did before their family had ruptured.
When her mother was gone, Azula turned over and sobbed into her pillow until she couldn't cry anymore. She had been so sure that Raiden would declare himself after seeing her with another young man. How had it gone so wrong? She ran over that disastrous conversation in her head again and again. It was like he was daring her to go ahead and start dating Chan. As if he didn't care at all.
No, she didn't believe that. He did care, she knew it. She thought through his words again, interpreting them through the lens of this certainty. Raiden had been in an unusually bad mood, standoffish and cold. Like he was offended, but felt unable to say so. What if he does like me, but felt too angry about my ruse to speak up?
He could not have believed that she would be truly happy with Chan, she realized. The problem was that she had planned the whole thing before meeting Chan; the socialite had turned out to be a poor fake rival. For a moment, Azula wondered what kind of young man might have worked better instead, but abandoned the question. It wasn't like she was going to try anything like this again.
He called my bluff. Trying to mislead Raiden had been foolish; he knew her far too well. It was humiliating to know that the captain had seen through her plot.
But it was worse to think she had hurt him. She didn't want to make him feel unworthy or insulted, but she probably had. Or Chan had, just by being himself, and she had allowed it.
Azula knew she had been wrong to try to make Raiden jealous. It was unkind and dishonest. She didn't really care about Chan, but his feelings might get hurt as well, when he realized she had no interest in his yacht, which might sour her relationship with his father. She had been disappointed in the family, and did not wish to put her kingdom in their hands at her death, or, truthfully, to spend any more time with them. But she had to be nice to them, to make sure Zeitakuna didn't turn traitor, as her last heir had done.
There was nothing left for her to do but to simply tell Raiden her feelings and ask if they were returned. After being put off several times, the thought was more daunting than ever. But it was clearly the right thing to do. Besides, she no longer had any other options, or ideas. Chibi was right, yet again. So annoying.
A part of her was relieved at this resolution. She was tired of playing games, wondering, questioning, analyzing everything he said. Direct action was a more natural way for her to address any problem.
But she would only have one chance to convince him. If he said no, she would have to respect his wishes. So she was determined to set the stage for success. Azula cast her mind back to the moments when she had felt closest to Raiden, when he had let his guard down. They had had a breakthrough in their friendship when they traveled alone to the Sun Warriors jungle hideaway, so maybe it would take a situation like that. A day or two of solitude, away from the palace, focused only on each other and some task.
Azula drifted off to sleep, immersing herself in the memory of that moment when Raiden had held her by the shoulders and whispered, "I know every part of you." Maybe that wasn't completely true yet, but she wanted it to be.
Raiden reported for work in the morning the usual time, heart-bruised, wary, and a bit hung over. He was surprised when the guard coming off duty handed him a note from Azula, asking him to see her in her room when he had a free moment. He heard that she had not come out to train, or to join Zeitakuna and his family for breakfast, which concerned him. He delayed a bit, checking on the various members of his regiment, before reporting to his monarch's chambers.
He knocked, announced himself, and heard her call, "Come in."
The Fire Lord sat on her couch in her training clothes, reading a department report. She put it aside and gestured for him to take a seat in the chair beside hers.
"I hope you had a better time at the ball than I did, Raiden." Her voice was subdued. She seemed different. This was a mood he'd never seen her in. If he didn't know better he might have guessed she felt…regretful.
"I did not enjoy it very much, to be honest," he admitted.
"The whole thing was a mistake," she murmured, looking down into her lap.
He wasn't sure what she meant by that. "Do you mean to choose a new heir?" he wondered.
She shook her head. "I"m not sure there's a point. I hope to outlive Zeitakuna."
"I share that hope," Raiden agreed. Of course, according to her will, Chan would become her heir upon his father's death. But the last thing the captain wanted to talk about was that socialite. He changed the subject. "What are your plans for today?"
"I have sent word to my guests that I am gravely ill."
Raiden blinked, taking in her healthy appearance. He couldn't imagine why she had suddenly gone from hanging all over Chan to avoiding his entire family. "Are you planning to hide from them until they leave?" Raiden asked, trying to figure her out.
"Yes. And that will be easier if I'm not in the palace." She took a deep breath, as if preparing herself. "Raiden, I think you told me once that you hunt?"
"Yes," he squinted at her in confusion, astounded that she remembered.
"Would you like to go on a hunting trip in the royal forest? With me?"
Lips parted in surprise, he stared at her a moment, unsure, assessing. There was something new about her this morning. This invitation seemed a pointed rejection of Chan in favor of him. If there was a chance she was ready to be honest with him, he could not let this opportunity go by.
"I would like it very much," he answered, a smile dawning on his face.
Her whole body relaxed, and she smiled back. "Excellent."
Immediately she began telling him the details of her plan. Traditionally, hunting trips were overnight, as dawn was the best time to find game. They would leave in the afternoon, travel to the small cabin on the hunting grounds, sleep there, and enter the forest in the early morning. Raiden would have to take care of the preparations, since she had to stay shut in her room, pretending to be sick. She made no mention of any other people, so he assumed they were going alone. That was slightly scandalous, and maybe even dangerous for him in light of Charyu's law, but he was willing to risk it. In fact, the more they talked, the more excited he got. Azula started describing the landscape of the royal forest, her enchantment with the place making her even more beautiful as she recalled it. A trip into the mountains with Azula would be fun. Like their vacation on Ember Island, but without the rest of his unit.
He stood, eager to get ready and go. "I should start making the arrangements."
"Good." She stood as well.
Just as he put his hand on the doorknob, he heard her speak up behind him and turned around.
"And Raiden? Thank you for saying yes."
He looked at her hopeful eyes and felt a tug in his chest. Maybe everything was about to change. "You're welcome, Azula. I'm glad you asked."
As soon as Raiden left her room, Azula ran out to her garden to vent her joy with a little firework display.
She spent the morning stuck in her room, feigning illness. She tried for a while to distract herself with paperwork, before giving in to her romantic anticipation.
Peony visited and gave her a facial. Azula asked the girl to procure a particular outfit for her to wear, and though the girl was mystified at the request, she complied.
She jotted down some ideas of what she might say to Raiden to express her feelings, but knew that she would end up just saying whatever was in her heart when the moment came. She ran through happy memories of their friendship, to build her confidence. It was exciting to think about finally saying her feelings out loud. It would feel freeing. She daydreamed about the way they would kiss after she told him. He must be a good kisser, he had lots of practice. She didn't, but that didn't make her nervous. She knew what a good teacher he was. She trusted him.
She wished she could share this excitement with Ty Lee and Mai. And suddenly, her stubbornness in refusing to explicitly invite her friends to the palace seemed incredibly silly. The fact was that she wanted them here with her, and she might as well admit it. And now she finally had a clue where to reach them: Aang had told her about Uncle Iroh's tea shop in Ba Sing Se.
Zuko was there, too. Azula knew her mother would be thrilled if he came back. Ursa hadn't asked about her son's current whereabouts, and almost never brought him up, knowing how sensitive her daughter was to any hint of competition between the two. But now, Azula had the urge to do something nice for her mother, to thank her for taking care of her the night before.
She sat down and dashed off a letter.
Dear Zuko, Mai, and Ty Lee,
I hope you are well. You are invited to visit me at the palace whenever you wish. I would love to see you, and Mother would, too. We miss you.
Love,
Azula
The note had to be short, because it would be traveling over the wire in code. The Mechanist had invented a method of communicating over long distances using electric pulses over a wire, and now intercontinental telegraphs carried news and diplomatic memos across the ocean. Azula addressed the message to her ambassador in Ba Sing Se, with directions for him to hand-deliver the invitation to the tea shop at his earliest convenience. She also told the ambassador to offer to send back their reply on the wire immediately, but not to push them if they didn't want to. She rang for a servant to take the message to the palace telegraph office.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please leave me a review!
