Chapter Sixteen
A/N: u kno wut fuk everi single on1e of all yallz! proov 2 me ur tru goffs and nut prepz! im on a posr hunt, n dunt fink i dun kno how 2 weed em owt! raven fanz 4 da help LAWL SIKE u suk u dednt hlelp at all dis tim u bich! u wer asuposd 2 rit dis and btw wher in da evr luvin fuk is ma gosh durn sweatr?!1111 oooo u WILL REGert takin ma shit n nawt helpin meh writ dis chapta u skank!11 trust meh YU and ur chractrer WILLOW wil pay 4 fukin meh ovr :( !1111 btw fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese, it has def helpd ma story becum even more kewt n goffik uwu!
Draco and I ran happily to Hogsmede. Yes, we ran alllllll the fucking way from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade. We didn't take his flying car or even ride our brooms there this time, we ran the whole way! I guess seeing that random ass poster in the hallway had given us both a huge burst of adrenaline/energy. Once we got to Hogsmeade, we passed out briefly from exhaustion. But then after waking up, we saw the outside of the stage area where GC had played before. Using deductive reasoning, we assumed that's where MCR must be currently playing. We ran in happily, seeing that was in fact where MCR were playing and singing 'Helena'.
I was so fucking happy, and not quote on quote "depressed" for once! Gerard looked even sexier in person than he did in pics. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection. In fact, everyone seemed to notice. It was hard to miss ofc, with Draco's inhumanly large you know what. It didn't matter though, cuz I now knew no no, that Draco and I were da only true ones for each other. Oh shit I almost forgot (A/N: tim for da chapterly ootfit description agen every1on!) I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants.
Anyway, we started simultaneously frenching and moshing to the song. It was hella weird and uncomfortable, but we made it work I guess. Then we suddenly fucking booked it onto the stage, where we jumped off and stage-dived. However, despite it being hella awesome that we were somehow allowed to do what we just did, nobody caught us because nobody knew who tf we were. As a result, Draco and I fell straight to the ground, painfully.
As we laid there groaning in pain, we looked up at Gerard, who was also looking down at us. Suddenly, he appeared to remove his own face as the other ppl in the band did as well. (A/N: yes evn tho i clam 2b a huuuuuge MCR fan i donot aktshelly kno da namz of anyon elz in da band besuidz Grerad lol) We gasped as we realized they weren't taking off their faces, they were taking off masks! Like omg, it wasn't MCR at all! It was dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot, Volsemort and da Death Dealers!
"Wtf!" I suddenly shouted angrily…at Draco. "Draco there is like nooo way Im going to a concert wid u!"
"What?" Draco asked in confusion, looking from Vlosemort and Da Death Dealers back to me. "Uh, first of all, we're kind of already at the concert so it's a bit late for u to say that you're not going. Second of all, are we just gonna ignore the fact that Vlosemort and Da Death Dealers just totally infiltrated the concert?"
"Oh." I said as I saw them all look at each other awkwardly. "Whatever fuck them, this is more important! I just can't be here after what happened last time, even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them!"
"But it's not actually MCR." Draco said tryin to reason with me, but I was too mad for no good reason, yet again.
"If I may…" Vlodemort spoke up.
"NO STFU!" I screamed at him before turnin back 2 Draco. "I know its not actualy MCR rn but you get my point! I don't want what happend at the concert we went 2 last time to happen again!"
"What happened last time?" Draco asked. "All we did was, uh…you know." He then gadgetted uncomfortbli (A/N: "gadgetted" means he strated fidgetin wid a gadget tryin 2 distract himzelf, since u kno how boyz lik video gamez n gadget lik fings dats how dey distract dem selves frum talkin bowt tings dat mak dem uncomfortabl lik you-know-what, shjust upz prepszlies idfc if dats nawt actshally a ting irl it iz in ma stori so fook awfs!)
"Yeah cuz we you know!" I yellded at Draco. So I guess the raeson I was mad this time was because of how we had both fooled around after the concert before and…I guess I didn't like it, so I didn't want it to happen again? Even though it's clear I definitely enjoyed it when it happened befor, so uh…no idea why tf I was so pissed off about it now, and trying to pick a pointless fight over it potentially happening again. But despite my irrationality, Draco proceeded to do what he always does in response to me getting upset: fall 2 his knees and begin pleading with me.
"I'm so sorry babe we won't fuck after this if thats not what you wanna do I promise! This time, I'll call us an ESCORT!!"
"A fucking WHAT?" I asked, soundin just like "Hagrid" in the classic "Your a wizard harry" parody vid. (A/N: shoutout 2 dylanedward100, bezt YT vidoe evr ten outa ten).
"No I didn't mean an escort like a prostitute or something I just meant I'll have someone accompany us at da concert this time!" Draco said.
"Uh ok but why did you have 2 yell da word 'escort' so loud? Omfg Draco now everyone is lookin at us!" I looked around all embarrassed as everyone there was, in fact, staring at us.
"Sorry my gorgeous goffic queen I'm SOOOO sorry!" Draco stood up and tried to hug me, but I pushed him away.
"OMFG wtf are you giving into the mainstream? So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" I kept going off, although at that point I was making absolutely no sense as to wtf I was even mad about. I was just raging even more than I normally did for some reason, trying to fight with Draco about anything and everything I could. Must have been on my period I guess.
"NO I am NOT a prep or a Christina or what!" Draco said, looking like he was about to cry. I then heard several people around us whispering "What the fuck is she even yelling at him about?" and "She's literally not making any sense…" and "Is that guy seriously about to start crying over this shit?"
"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shouted angrily at Draco. The room fell completely silent as I waited in anticipation for Draco to answer.
"Noooo Enoby I'm notttt!!11" Draco yelled back at me, stomping and crying like a five year old. I heard several people around us begin laughing in response, so I turned around and did what I always do in response to criticism: put up my black nail polish covered middle fingers up at them.
Draco then fell down to his knees and started singing "Da world is black" by GC to me, during which I was flattened. No not flattered, flattened. You see, in response to the incredibly ridiculous situation unfolding, everyone suddenly began piling out of the room and I became literally flattened by them all running over me. I was a pancake on the floor by the time Draco had finished the song. I didn't mind though. I was once again super impressed by Draco's singing. "Da world is black" isn't even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me yew guyz!1
"OK then." I said to Draco. "Would you mind peeling me off the floor please?"
He did so and my body then went from flattened to completely normal. Thank God too, because being a literal human pancake is SOOO not goffik! Draco and I frenched the whole way back to Hogwarts, which took like ten fucking hours to get back to. Once we got there, I ditched Draco and went up to my special private room.
B'loody Mary was there waiting. Yup, she had just been standing there doing nothing as she awaited my arrival.
"Hajimemashite girl!" she said happily to me. (A/N: she spex Japanese so doz Enoby dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese, fangz agen 2 britney5655 for techin it 2 meh nao mah characterz wil be super kyoot n kawaii along wid kewl n goffik). "Btw guess what? Willow that fucking POSER got expuld! She failed all her klasses and she skipped math." (A/N: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U! n yes in ma vershion of howgwertz der is math 2 along wid biology bc im clearly just confusin rel lyfe wid fiction at dis point)
"It serves that fucking bich right!" I laughed angrily. "But it's not like it's a huge deal or anything. I haven't seen Willow in like weeks. And she's not even a member in my band!"
"Yeah fr! Idk how long ago this even happened. I just heard about it randomly today."
"Well at least she's out of the picture now and we don't have to deal with her ever again!" I said. But then all of a sudden we both felt very depressed and sad :(
We decided to watch our favorite goffic/depressing movie: "Das niteMARE b4 xmas". It was the cooler more depressing vershion of "The Nightmare Before Christmas" that was a super fucked up mix of several very depressing movies like Midsommar, Hereditary, and We Need to Talk About Kevin. But it still took place in Halloweentown and still had all the OG "Nightmare Before Christmas" characters. We watched as Jack Skellington returned home to his parents after his little sister, Shock, was accidentally decapitated by a pole after leaning her head out the window in Jack's car. But he didn't tell his parents, Oogie Boogie and Sally, what happened. Not due to guilt, but due to his psychotic tendencies. Oogie Boogie was never too concerned about his son's behavior and was overly supportive of him. Sally was very distant, however. She herself had just returned home from a trip to Sweden where she was indoctrinated into a cult, but couldn't find a way to tell her family just yet. Oogie Boogie then gifted his son an archery set, in which Jack proceeded to shoot his own father with it.
"Maybe Willow will die too." I said as I watched Jack proceed into Halloweentown to commit a mass murder with the archery set his father had gifted him. Like I said, an extremely fucked up and depressing version of the original movie. We don't fuck around watching cutesie shit around here ok? We're fucking edgy and goffik, so we take pleasure out of watching truly fucked up shit! Get on our fucking level you fucking prepsz!
"Kawai." B'loody Mary responded to me, as shook her head energetically lethrigcly.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned by the way she was shaking her head like that.
"Never better!" B'Loody Mary responded as she continued shaking her head. "Oh yeah btw I have a confession! After Willow got expuld I murdered her, and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necrophilak."
"Oh shit…uh, ok!" I commented. "That's pretty fucked up but I'm cool with fucked up shit. Clearly, look at the movie we're watching!" We watched as Sally went to visit Jack in prison after his mass murder, where she knocked him out and took him to Sweden. There, she and the cult drugged him and put him in a bear suit where they proceeded to burn him and several others alive. As the movie reached its end, B'loody Mary and I talked to each other in silence. No idea how, since talking normally requires words to be spoken aloud to one another, but oh well. I guess we were using sign language or some shit.
"OH HEY!" I suddenly shouted, startling B'Loody Mary enough to make her fall off of the bed. "I totaly 4got Im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr!"
"Oh uh…" B'Loody Mary began as she stood up, looking disoriented. "Dats cool. But didnt they just hav a concert here earlier 2day?"
"Yea but some shit went down and it jus like…ended. So I guess dey r having it agen tonight. But REAL TALK, I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA!!1"
B'Loody Mairy nodded ENREGeticALLlY, making me slightly concerned once again. But before I could ask once more if she was good, she said "Omfg totally lets go shopping!"
"At Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my special Hot Topic Loyalty carde.
"No." She replied. My head snaped up, like I lifted my head up so fast at her saying that that it almost looked like I turned into Snape. But as we all know, I only turn into Peter Griffin on occasion, not Snape.
"WHAT?" my head spun, like Regan Macneil in da Exorcist (A/N: agen if u dun kno whoo dat iz u can fuk awf ma story roiight fukin nao!) I could not believe B'Loody Mary just said NO to me! "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"
"NOOOO! NOOOO!" She shouted really loudly before laughing. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."
"Who told u abut them?" I demanded, pulling out my gun and pointing it at her forhead. I wanted to make sure it was someone in OUR group like Draco or Diabolo or Vampire (UGH don't even SAY that name to me! Because I guess I'm pissed at Vampire now for…some fuckin reason?). Or me, of course!
"Dumblydore!" B'Loody Mary responded calmly, not even caring that I was holding her at gunpoint. She then walked past me and said. "Let me just call our broms!"
"Our broms?" I asked. "How would we call our broms? Do they have lik a consciousness now or something? Are they alive?"
"Idk." B'Loody Mary shrugged. "I fucking guess so. This is Hogwarts with lik magic n shit isn't it?"
"True." I replied before continuing onto more important matters. "Well anyway, OMFG DUMBLYDORE?"
"Yea girl I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk and that's where I saw the goffic stores!" B'Loody Mary responded. "Come on letsa go!"
She and I proceeded into Hogsmeade on our broms, those of which may or may not be fucking alive. We went to several punk/goff stores that were there SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was, you guys, OMG, even HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! Yeah, wrap your head around that insanity. He gave me a few dresses to try on.
"We only have these for da real goffs." He told me.
"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked him at the exact same time.
"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers there are in this town man!" The salesperson said as I went to try on one of the dresses. "Yesterday Loopin and Snap cam 2 buy a blak camera pouch. I didnt even know they had a camera. Like how fuckin weird is that? Who actshally owns a CAMERA in dis day and age?"
"OMFG NOOOO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried like a little bitch as I ran out of the changing room. I was wearing (A/N: yo yo yo itz tim for anodder ootfit descrption guyz!) a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.
"Oh em geez you HAVE to buy that outfit" The salesperson guy said to me, completely ignoring the fact that I was in clear distress.
"Yeah it looks totlly hot!" said B'Loody Mary, who was also ignoring the fact that I was crying. I guess that's just how good that dress looked on me, since thats clerly all that mattered in that moment. I immediately perked right up at all the attention I was getting.
"You know what I am gona give it to you for free just because u look super fuckin hot in that dress!" The salesperson said.
"Oh, well how nice of u!" I replied. "But wont you get in big trouble 4 givin merchandis away for free?"
"Oh well" The salesperson shrugged. "It's totally worth it because ur just SOOO fucking gorgeous and perfect in every way n deserve not just the dres but like EVERYTING in the whole world ever in fact you kno what FUKK IT u can have da whole store too!" He handed me the keys.
"Damn ok!" I said as B'Loody Mary smiled at me in admiraton.
"Hey are u gonna be at the concert tonight?" The salesperson askd me as he pushed B'Loody Mary out of the way because who tf cares about her it's all about ME! Man I was just basking in all this attention I was gettin!
"Yeah I am actually." I replied to the salesperson guy person. "Hey btw my name's Ebondy Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way what's yours?"
"Wait I thought your name was…" B'Loody Mary began, but the salesperson cut her off.
"Tom Rid! " He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair, that I somehow knew was dyed and not his aktual hair color. "Maybe I'll see you there tonight."
"Yeah I don't think so!" I suddenly yelled at him, remembering, dUH! Im already dating the hottest most perf guy in the whooooole world! "Because I'm going there with my bf drako you sick perv!"
But just as the dude was about to BEG me to go with him, HAHRID came crashin thru the window on his black broom looking worried.
"OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"
