They've been together for ten years. He's loved her for longer. He curses himself for the time they had lost. He wishes he hadn't been such a coward, wishes he didn't fold to the loneliness that caused him to run into Gina's arms and spend the summer in the Hamptons with her. He wishes he could take back the first time he told her he loved her and the second time too. Both times the words had only slipped from his lips because he was terrified. Terrified of losing her, watching her slip away from him. He hopes that she knows he meant it both times. He wouldn't have said it if he didn't, but he always wonders if she questions those confessions. He reminds himself that he needs to tell her that as soon as she wakes up, because she will wake up. They had survived too much together for her to go out like this.
She's unlike any woman he has ever met. She's resilient and mysterious. She loves Richard Castle the person, not Richard Castle the author. Well, she does love Richard Castle the author but that love is genuine. It's nothing like the love his two ex-wives had for him. They loved the fame, the money, the flashiest outfits and the fanciest parties. Kate loves his mind. The way he can put pen to paper and create a different world, a world she can get lost in and forget everything for a few hours. She loves his wit, his sense of humor and how he can always find the right words to say. He's spent so much of his adult life dating women who only loved him for his money and to Kate? It's probably the least important thing about him. They've been together for ten years and she still gets angry when he buys her things and she still refuses to quit her job and stay at home with him.
He could spend an eternity loving her and it wouldn't be long enough. He always swears he could never love her more than he does, but she proves him wrong every single day.
Castle spent three days curled in an uncomfortable hospital chair, watching over his sons, before Kate woke up. He was doing skin-to-skin contact with the youngest boy, who was currently being successfully weaned off oxygen, when Alexis called. Rick pushed the call button, alerting the nurse before he picked up the phone. "Pumpkin, give me one second." He could hear his daughters anxious breathing, but he needed to make sure his youngest was safely back in his incubator. He pulled his shirt back on as he stood up to walk out of the room. "Okay, I'm back. What happened?" Rick's voice shook, his heart pounded wildly in his chest as he braced himself for bad news. "Dad, Kate's awake. She's awake and she's asking for you."
He was slightly out of breath when he finally made his way across the hospital to the ICU. He stopped outside the door for a brief second to gain his composure before stepping into the room. She didn't notice him when he finally walked in. Her doctor stood blocking her view of the door, explaining her injuries while a nurse adjusted her pain meds, looking at Kate frequently to gauge her reaction. Alexis saw him first and was quickly at his side, hugging him tightly. He hugged her back, kissing the top of her head. "Grams and Lily are on their way." Alexis whispered. "They just took the chest tube out, he's been explaining what happened and how serious her injuries are. She keeps asking about the boys, but they haven't told her anything yet. Just that they're fine." She loosened the embrace on her father when the doctor finally acknowledged his presence, slightly moving out of Kate's line of vision. She caught his eyes immediately, his name roughly spilling from her lips. In that moment, he fell in love with her even more.
He was by her side in an instance, his hand quickly finding hers as he placed a kiss to her forehead. "I was so scared, Kate." Castle choked out, tears now rolling down his cheeks. The doctor cleared his throat, "we're done here for now. Mrs. Castle, just press your call button if you need anything. I expect you to be released from the ICU and into a regular room sometime this afternoon." Rick vaguely heard Alexis thank the doctor, his attention already turned back to his wife. "I thought I lost you. I thought I would never get to tell you that I have meant every single one of them. Every "I love you". They've always been genuine." Kate hushed her husband quickly, pulling her one good hand from his grip to brush away his tears. "I know, babe. I know." She inhaled deeply, ignoring the wave of pain that came from her casted arm. "The boys, they're okay? It's so early, too early. Rick, I need you to tell me the truth. I need to know how they really are and don't just tell me they're fine." Castle's face broke out into a grin, "They're perfect and healthy. They talked about possibly releasing them to a regular room sometime this week as long as they can keep their temperature regulated and the youngest fully off oxygen." He stopped when he heard a sob escape from his wife's mouth. "Kate. Kate. They're okay." Castle got out quickly, rubbing soothing circles on her palm. "They said that was common for babies born this early. They're actually doing better than they though. Baby B, he's the oldest. He looks a lot like Lily. Kate, he has so much hair, you can definitely tell he's mine." He grinned when Kate let out a small chuckle. "He weighed 3 pounds, 6 ounces. But he's a champ eater and now weighs a little over four pounds. Baby A, he's our youngest. He's you, Kate. His nose, his eyes, his resilience. He's all you, he's a fighter. He's so small, just three pounds when they were born. He isn't gaining weight as fast as his brother, but he's getting there. He's 3 pounds, 5 ounces now. He was having trouble breathing at first, they had to put him on oxygen but they've slowly been weaning him and it's good. He's doing so good, they both are." Castle's eyes met hers, a sad smile pulling on her lips. "I want to see them, Castle. I want to hold them. Well, as much as I am able to." Kate gestured to her cast.
Their conversation was interrupted by an angry toddler stomping through the door, Martha on her heels scolding her quietly. "Lexis" the toddler huffed, wiping her wild curls from her eyes, marching towards her sister. "I'm mad at you." Kate let out a laugh, ignoring the pull from the stitches they had put in after they removed the chest tube. She wasn't sure what was funnier, the serious and overly dramatic tone that came from her youngest daughter or the look of horror on her oldest's face.
"Lily, why are you mad at your sister?" Kate questioned, grabbing her daughters attention. The little girl gasped at the sound of her mother's voice.
"Mommy, you're awake?"
A/N: I'm hoping to get another chapter posted this weekend, along with the next chapter of Until She Had a Daughter. I'm also in the process of moving all of my stories to archiveofourown because FF keeps saying my stories are unavailable.
