Gibbs looked down to hide the wince that crossed his face and then the years of his training as an interrogator kicked in and he made it look like he was checking the time on his watch.
"Gibbsy, why are you doing this? Why are you being like this?"
"Your health and safety has to be my highest priority, my child."
"But the spanking is scaring me."
"Not even close to how much not knowing what is wrong with you is scaring me."
"But I am small and you catch the bad guys. You're supposed to be strong. And you're supposed to protect me. Not hit me." And she started sobbing again.
Gibbs looked up to Ducky who met his eyes for a moment, then turned to leave the room with a murmured, "trust your instincts."
Gibbs moved to hold Amira but she jumped off the bed and stood by the wall in front of him.
Gibbs sighed, "Amira, come back here."
"No, please."
"No, what?"
"No, everything. Please."
"You're not making much sense, child. Come here, let me hold you. Talk to me."
Both of them were quiet for almost two minutes. Then a quiet voice asked, "you're not going to let me be till you have your way, are you?"
"I don't think so, child. I need to know what happened."
Amira took a few deep breaths, stood almost at attention and said, "Yes Sir."
Gibbs didn't have time to formulate a response before Amira started, "We were playing cops and robbers, I was a thief and we were winning, Justin got angry, he said I'm so good at being a thief because my mom was terrorist and then someone said that also makes me a terrorist and then Justin said grandpa got killed because of me and mom and now since its only me alive I deserve all the pain and punishment for that sin and even though I know it is not true it being my birthday and I knew I had to do it without them and you would even expect me to be happy and I really really did not want to say or even think those words again and your forced me to. And then the teacher hit me and you hit me and maybe that's just proving that Justin is right? Maybe all I'm going to get now is pain and punishment. Is that good enough Sir?"
Gibbs took a moment to process all that the child had said, with a suddenly quiet and tired face, like she didn't see the point of crying anymore.
"Amira, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Justin should not have said that and I will handle it and make sure it never happens again. And well, if you had told all this to the teacher or to me, the punishments wouldn't have happened. We can only make decisions based on the information we have."
"Yes Sir."
There was a long pause.
"Are you feeling better after getting it off your chest?"
"No Sir."
"What do you think would make you feel better?"
"I'd really like to go to bed, Sir."
"Of course, hop in."
"Could you please leave, Sir?"
Gibbs was conflicted for a moment then he asked, "can I send someone else up to tuck you in?"
"No, please, Sir."
"I don't want you to be alone right now. Those are very big feelings, I want you to be comforted right now. I'm not going to insist on a particular thing but I want you to tell me what will comfort you?"
"Nothing Sir, just to be left alone, please?"
"There must be something, Amira."
"There were plenty of things a few hours back when I was begging you not to spank me."
"And I would have given them to you if you had told me this then."
Amira looked like she was about to say something, then stopped, looked down and said, "Yes Sir. I'm sorry sir."
Gibbs was taken aback for a moment but responded with, "so what would you like for some comfort now child?"
"Whatever you want, Sir."
That answer shook Gibbs. A sudden feeling washed over him that he was losing the child. Gibbs stared at Amira for a whole minute then said, "I really messed up today, didn't I?"
"No sir."
"Yes I did."
"You made decisions based on the information you had, Sir." Amira recited verbatim, as if for a test.
"I'm Sorry, Amira." She looked up, looked into his eyes, searching. Then a faint nod.
Okay, so he was on the right track.
"I should have realized that some things are too ugly, too big to be able to share immediately. I should have given you the time and space to process and then come to me when you were ready to share and then made a decision. I'm sorry I was excited about the party and that led me to make some hasty decisions. Can you forgive me?"
She looked into his eyes again and suddenly wrapped her arms around his neck.
Gibbs' neck was getting sore and Amira wasn't letting go so he whispered in her ear, may I lift you into my lap? Both of us will be more comfortable that way."
He sensed more than saw her nod and did just that, also scooting towards the headboard so that he had some back support.
He made the most of the opportunity to comfort his child which had been wanting to do since the afternoon and cuddled and rocked her.
He thought she had fallen asleep when she asked, "it is really scary when something like this happens. Before there was mum and grandpa and you and if one person wouldn't listen or understand, the other would. But now it is you but it is a very different you and just you and when you behave like today I just get really scared and don't know what to do."
Gibbs sucked in a sharp inhale at those words then said, "I wish I could bring Leyla and Mike back, but I promise we'll try to be the best substitutes we can. How about you think of me as your mum, Ducky as Mike and perhaps let me think, who do you think can be Gibbsy?"
"Abby!" the child giggled and Jethro wasn't able to contain his own laugh at that either. He and Abby, who would have imagined?
"Alright, Abby as me. I know change is hard. And I know all of us, but especially you, have a long process of grieving this loss, but in the meantime, let's try to build a new family?"
"Okay." And she wrapped her hands tighter around Gibbs' arms.
When Ducky came up to check on them an hour later he found both of them sound asleep in a rather uncomfortable looking position but he just smiled and let them be.
