N'ivryn's consciousness returned in slow, aching waves. Her first coherent thought was a question, filled with urgency, as she struggled to open her eyes. "Kallim?" she whispered, the word coming out hoarse and dry.
"He's fine, N'ivryn," Julian's reassuring voice came from her side. "We have people looking after him. It's your recovery we're focused on right now."
N'ivryn blinked a few times and her vision began to clear. She turned her head to see Eska standing a little distance away, her expression unreadable. Memories flooded back, sharp and painful, and she attempted to sit up. A searing bolt of pain shot through her chest, and she wheezed.
"Easy," Julian cautioned. He pressed a button to slowly raise the back of the biobed for her. "I put in a lot of work to get all your internal organs back where they're meant to be, and I'd prefer to not have to do it again. You shouldn't try to get up just yet."
N'ivryn stared hard at Eska, her eyes filled with confusion and betrayal. "You…on the Promenade…with Jerrith and Velin." The memories were hazy at first, but the outlines quickly sharpened into stark contrast. "Why would you do it, Eska?"
Julian could instantly feel the weight settling in the air. "I'll give you two a minute," he said softly before busying himself with inventorying medicines on the other side of the room. Still close enough to listen and monitor, but not so close as to impose on what was clearly about to be a very personal conversation.
"I'm so sorry, N'iv," Eska whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. "I never intended for things to get so out of hand. I warned Jerith and Veylin that we had to approach things rationally, that they couldn't let their emotions get carried away, but…" She paused for a moment to recollect herself. "They were so hurt and upset when the news broke of what you'd done."
N'iv scoffed and winced at the pain it sent through her ribs. "I wouldn't expect anything less from them. Veylin has always had a talent for twisting every narrative so that he's the victim. And Jerrith has been disappointed in me since the day I was born." Her expression changed then, pinching together in the middle as if she'd tasted something sour. "But you stood by them, Eska. You sided with them against me."
Eska's face tightened too, but she didn't argue. "I know."
They shared a look that seemed to communicate far more than words would have. Neither pressed the issue further.
"Captain Sisko has been keeping us confined to our quarters. I can't say I blame him. It's completely understandable, given everything that's happened."
"But they let you come here, to the infirmary?"
Eska looked to the two Bajoran officers at the door, then down at her hands. "Jerith and Veylin have been refusing to talk with Sisko," she admitted. "They don't see any point in discussing anything further before they return us to Alaris. I agreed to have a conversation with him, to try to ease the tension, if he allowed me to see you."
A hint of a smile touched N'iv's lips, softening the tension of the conversation. "Now there's the Eska I know, ever the delegate." she said, a spark of levity in her voice. "Always trying to bridge the gap between opposing sides when they'd rather tear each other apart."
Eska laughed, though the sound was tinged with unease. "I think I'm a bit out of my depth at the moment. I've never met an alien before, let alone had to negotiate with one."
"I'm sure Captain Sisko is a formidable opponent at the negotiation table."
"To be honest, he's been far more patient than we deserve. I think we could stand to learn a few things from the Federation's diplomacy textbooks."
"Well, it's still good to know we have the best person representing us."
Eska's smile faded back into the grim line of professionalism her line of work had perfected in her. "N'iv, I'm supposed to convince you to come back to Alaris with us."
N'iv rested her head back against the biobed.
"We can't force you," Eska continued. "The Federation has offered you asylum. I think our actions solidified that choice for them. Sisko assures me you can stay here if you want to. The decision is fully yours."
"But if I stay, I won't get to change my mind later," N'iv added the words Eska couldn't bear to.
Eska nodded solemnly.
N'iv stared up at the ceiling. "So, what happens to me if I go back? You and I both know things can never go back to how they were. I'm sure they'll want to make an example of me."
"You won't have any chance of changing Alaris if you're not there."
"What am I going to be able to accomplish? If they won't listen to this, there's nothing else I can say that they'll hear."
"We'll work together. You said it yourself–we can show them that there's a better way. With Kallim, we can help them understand, and with understanding comes change."
"You know that won't happen, Eska." The words weren't meant to be an attack, just realistic. She reached for Eska's hand, even though it made her arms ache. Her fingers were slender and warm, and the way they fit into N'iv's was as familiar as going home at the end of a long day. Her brows furrowed, realizing there was something about them that was wholly unfamiliar.
"Eska…" N'iv trailed as she took in the scabbed scratches covering her palms. She knew without any doubt it was her own fault they were there. Her voice was low and grave. "What punishments did they give you?"
"It doesn't matter," Eska breathed, dismissing her concern.
N'iv reached for the other hand and it was just as scarred with fresh cuts, the skin raw and inflamed. Carefully pushing up the sleeves of Eska's tunic, she saw the scratches continued up her forearms–how far, she couldn't tell. "It matters to me."
Eska closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep it from quivering. After steeling herself she reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a small, black, rock-like object, covered in finely sharpened points.
N'iv frowned, recognizing the object. "Urchin's Gate," she said, fighting the rage that wanted to reignite. She could see Eska, her body aching from the long swim, her hands trembling as she strained between the rocky crags. The far-flung alcove was home to some of the most dangerous urchins on Alaris, their points razor-sharp and relentlessly stinging so long as the creature remained alive. It was an unusually harsh punishment, rarely doled out except in the most extreme of cases.
She wanted to shout that they had no right to subject her to such things, but she knew there was no point. Eska would just rattle off reasons why the punishment was justified, and N'iv would counter with all the ways it wasn't. Everyone would be left more frustrated than before.
Instead, her voice came out barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you. You don't deserve any of this." N'iv pulled her closer, close enough she could trace her thumb across Eska's cheekbone.
Eska couldn't bring herself to look up, to meet N'iv's gaze. Even still, a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek and splattered on the gray biobed. "You made your decisions, and I made mine."
"You could stay here, with me. We could start over."
Another tear fell. They'd both known N'iv was never going to return, even if they didn't want to acknowledge it. But somehow hearing the words aloud gave it so much more finality. N'ivryn was never going to be able to silence the voice within her that was so incompatible with a continued life on Alaris. She was never going to be able to set her convictions aside for the sake of rules and tradition.
Eska pushed her cheek into N'iv's palm and tried to sear the memory into her brain. She never wanted to forget the feel of her touch. There was so much she wanted to say, but they were all too painful to put into words. "I'm sorry, N'iv," was the only thing she managed. She pulled away abruptly and hurried out of the room before the torrent of guilt overwhelmed her.
