This is not my best work, but it's something I needed to get out of my brain. As much as it's a sequel to current cannon, it's also a prequel to my other fics about the family lives of our favorite characters. Would love some feedback as well as some input as to whether that family-oriented fic is something anyone would actually want to read. Standard disclaimers apply (Sara J. Maas owns the characters) On with the show . . .
Elain slowly got ready for the day. She'd already spent so long in the bathtub that the water went cold. She'd stood in front of her wardrobe for who knew how long mulling over the dresses she could wear, unsatisfied with any of them. Once she'd finally selected a dusty blue one with a flowing skirt and capped sleeves, she fingered through her jewelry box to find the right accessory. Then her fingers grazed the pear earrings that had never been worn and her thoughts immediately focused in on Lucien.
Lucien, her mate. She'd tried so hard not to think of him. It was easier before, when she was worried about the war and then Nesta and Feyre. With Nyx born, and Nesta mated, though, everything was settling into place for her sisters.
Elain had relished in planning and executing Nesta's wedding party. It had almost been like old times, but during the festivities, she'd started to feel a little lonely. Azriel was a dear friend, of course, but he would never be that kind of male to her. She thought, once, that maybe she could love him like that, but that moment had been fleeting. They were friends, nothing more, like Feryre and Lucien.
Lucien. How did every train of thought come back to him? When she saw the fire in the hearth downstairs she thought of his hair. When she saw a marigold sundress in one of the shops, she remembered that it was supposed to be his favorite color. When she was learning to make a new dish with Nuala or Ceridwen, she off-handedly wondered if it would be the right dish to serve him when it was time. As if her subconscious had already decided she would!
She picked up those pear earrings and began to insert them into her ears as a knock sounded at her door.
"Elain?" Feyre called tentatively.
"Coming!" Elain called back with as much cheeriness as she could. She she stood, taking once last glance in the mirror and headed for the door. She pulled it open and saw her sister standing there with Nyx cradled in her arms. "Good morning."
Feyre smiled a little worry etched on her features. "Are you alright?" she asked.
Elain frowned. How could Feyre know that she was so distracted by thoughts of Lucien? "I'm fine," she lied.
Feyre raised a single eyebrow. "You didn't come down to breakfast this morning."
"I'm not especially hungry is all," Elain explained with a shrug. That was not a lie.
"Would you like to go for a walk?" Feyre offered. "I was going to take him out for some fresh air."
Elain nodded with a smile. "I'd be happy to join you," she agreed.
They made their way down the stairs and out to Elain's garden. She had spent significant time planning the garden so that there would always be blooms in the beds, regardless of whether it was spring, summer, or fall. Now, with the Autumn Equinox only a few days away, her fall blooms were in fine form. The dahlias, chrysanthemums, and goldenrod were particularly stunning in her opinion.
"So. . ." Feyre said slowly as they sauntered slowly, trying to lull Nyx into a post breakfast nap. "Do you want to tell me what's on your mind or do I need to go all daemati on you?" she threatened lovingly.
Elain pretended to be shocked and offended, confident that Feyre would never do such a thing. It made them both chuckle for a moment, and Elain found herself stopping by a bed of deep red dahlias. They reminded her of Lucien's hair. "It's not important," she finally said.
"I don't believe that for a second," Feyre replied. "You've become more and more withdrawn ever since Nesta's wedding. I should have asked you to plan a big party for the Equinox," she reasoned. "You always come alive with hosting and planning events."
Elain gave her a sidelong glance with a grateful smile, and then shook her head. "I don't know that I'm feeling very inspired this year," she admitted. Last year she hadn't noticed it as much, but this year she had been acutely aware of how everything related to the season reminded her of Lucien. Of course they did. How could they not? He was a son of the Autumn Court, designed for this time of year. She was hoping it would be easier to put her thoughts elsewhere once winter arrived.
Feyre frowned as they turned and continued on through the garden to a beautiful oak gazebo. "I know I haven't been as available as I was before," she said slowly as they sat on one of the gazebo's cushioned benches.
"Of course not!" Elain replied emphatically. "You're a mother, Feyre. And this time with him is so precious. I wouldn't dream of us spending as much time together as we did this last summer and spring. Of course, I expect you'll be returning to your High Lady duties as well."
"That doesn't mean I can't make time for my sister," Feyre answered. "But are you . ..I mean, oh I don't know how to say this gently!"
Elaim smiled and put a hand on Feyre's thigh. "We're sisters and we're not children anymore," she reminded her gently. "Just say it."
"Alright," Feyre agreed with a nod. "Elain, are you lonely?"
Elain stopped short at the direct question. "What makes you ask that?"
Feyre gave a little shrug. "Nesta is completely absorbed in Cassian at the moment, I have Rhys and the baby, but you . . ." She trailed off.
Elain looked at Nyx for a long moment, studying his tiny features as he dozed. She wanted her own so badly. Would that ever be in the cards for her, though? Lucien came from a terrible family. Would he be like his father? Probably not, but without a good example, what kind of father would he be? "I suppose I am lonely," she finally said, being honest, despite her internal warnings not to burden Feyre with her troubles.
"I've met some very interesting males in the artist's quarter," Feyre suggested slowly. "I could make an introduction."
Elain gave her an appreciative smile but shook her head. "I don't think anyone is going to suffice if I'm being honest."
"Oh really?" Feyre asked, clearly surprised. "Have you written to him and asked him to come back?"
"Of course not!" Elain exclaimed quietly. "What could I possibly say?"
Feyre rocked Nyx just a little to make sure he stayed asleep. "Something along the lines of 'Hey, mate of mine, get your ass back here?' " she suggested.
Elain feigned shock at such a direct and rather crass turn of phrase. After giving her sister another grateful smile she shook her head. "I don't think I could come up with the right words to put into a message. I feel so terrible for the self-imposed exile he's in."
"Why do you feel terrible?" Feyre asked. "You didn't make him leave."
Elain sighed and shook her head. "No, but I also didn't make him feel welcome."
Feyre frowned. "You had been assaulted, Elain, and you were dealing with a broken heart. It's reasonable that you didn't just up and change romantic allegiences overnight."
"It's took a bit longer than it probably should have to recover," Elain admitted both to herself and to Feyre. "And I didn't give him a fair chance."
"There's no set timeline on grief, Elain," Feyre said gently. "Do you feel you're ready to open your heart again?"
Elain nodded. "I can't stop thinking about him, Feyre. No matter how hard I try."
Feyre grinned and then her face became serious again. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," Elain agreed. She was being completely open with her sister, there was no point in holding anything back at this point.
"Has the bond snapped for you?"
Elain went still for a moment and then nodded in confession. "It snapped immediately," she explained. "But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Not then. And even now, I'm not sure if I miss him because I . . .I love him or because he's my mate and I'm supposed to miss him."
Feyre balanced Nyx in one arm and reached over with her other to embrace Elain. "Don't worry," she soothed. "The bond snapping doesn't mean you automatically love each other. We'll have Lucien return to Velaris and you two can start from the beginning. Maybe you'll never fall in love, but if your heart is open to it now, it could be the start of something amazing."
"Like what you and Rhys have," Elain stated quietly.
"Well . . . maybe not that good," Feyre countered with a mischievous smile.
The both of them laughed at that.
"Can you and Rhys spare him from duty in the human lands?" Elain asked, worried about interfering with Court matters.
"Of course!" Feyre replied. "LIke you said, it's a self-imposed exile. We'd rather have him here as a full adviser and emissary to the rest of Prythian."
Elain smiled. "Then perhaps the next time Cassian checks in with him, he could take him a message."
Feyre chuckled softly. "Why wait that long to get word to him? You have a direct line, Elain."
"I do?"
Feyre just looked at her pointedly.
"Oh! The bond," Elain realized. "We can . . . connect through it. I remember Lucien did it once right after . . . well you know."
Feyre nodded and grinned. "You send a little nudge down that mating bond and just watch how fast he winnows in."
Elain thought for a moment and wondered if she should do something to prepare. Should she go in and change her dress? Fix her hair up more? Put on cosmetics? "How do I do it?" she asked her sister.
"Tug on the matting bond?" Feyre asked. "I'm not sure how it works for others. Rhys and I are daemati so we are able to talk to each other mentally, have been able to ever since he taught me how to shield.. Before that, though, I could feel a type of tug at my navel whenever he tugged on the bond. It drew me to him, almost compulsively."
Elain frowned. "I don't want him to feel summoned," she said. "I just want him to know that I'd like to see him. Maybe an old fashioned message would be better."
"But oh so much slower," Feyre countered. "Just try giving the bond a nudge. Like a 'hello, I'm thinking of you'". She looked at Elain expectantly.
Elain gaped for a moment. "Now?"
"Why not now?" Feyre countered. "Wouldn't you like to spend the equinox with someone who understands Autumn better than anyone else in the Night Court?"
That idea was very appealing. "Alright," she agreed and closed her eyes. She wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, but she knew the feeling of magic from when she'd had visions. She tried to put her mind in a similar state, where she was both present and not, here and nowhere all at once. Once she was in that state she felt for the bond and it was like a fine fiber that flowed away from her into the world. She followed it, tracking the feeling of Lucien. It got stronger and she felt like he was merely an arm's length away. She reached out as if she could touch him and imagined laying her hand on his chest, right over his heart. His essence seemed to recognize her immediately and the surprise knocked her back to real time and space.
"Do you think you reached him?" Feyre asked and Elain could have sworn she heard excitement in her voice.
"I think so?" Elain replied. "I'm not sure."
"We'l give it awhile," Feyre decided. "If we don't hear from him by dinner, we'll assume that he either didn't get the message or can't get away. In that case, I will send someone to deliver a message tomorrow. I promise."
Elain smiled gratefully at her little sister. Feyre, who had taken such good care of them, had saved Prythian more than once, and was going to be a phenomenal mother. She was still doing whatever it took to make Elain happy. "Thank you, Feyre," she said sincerely.
Feyre just smiled back. "Let's go inside. I don't want him to get too chilled out here," she suggested, nodding down at Nyx.
They got to their feet and finished the circuit of the garden, returning to the house through the kitchen. Nuala and Ceridwen were working on lunch while a couple of other servants milled around. With a house as big as the River House, Feyre and Rhys had given in to a small staff to help keep the place clean, but they generally kept it minimal. As they entered the front hall, Elain was prepared to cozy up in the sitting room when the front door swung open. And there he was, almost breathless.
Lucien was wearing a cream colored tunic over his muscled chest and a pair of burnt sienna trousers, and a matching coat. His hair was pulled back off his face, but not entirely up, just half. The overall look was somewhere between dressed for court and casual after a day at court. It was honestly breath-taking and Elain was hard-pressed to keep from rushing him in relief at the sight.
"Elain," he said, looking her up and down. "Are you alright? I felt you."
"Welcome back, Lucien," Feyre said with a grin as she headed for the stairs.
Lucien seemed to remember himself and blinked a few times. "My Lady," he said with a bow.
"Going to have to retrain you if that's how you greet me," Feyre replied confidently. "You two chat. You can meet Nyx a little later."
Lucien turned back to Elain and slowly took a few steps towards her. "You're alright?" he confirmed.
Elain blushed in embarrassment. She should have known that he would be worried. Feyre had known. That's why she'd known he would winnow back to Velaris as fast as he could. "I'm sorry if I alarmed you," she said.
"No, it's alright," he assured her, shaking his head. "I just . . I want to be sure you're alright."
"I'm fine," she promised. She motioned to the sitting room. "Shall we?"
Lucien motioned for her to lead. "After you."
Elain led him over to one of the sofas near the fireplace. A tea service appeared on the low table before it and she smirked at the way Nuala and Ceridwen knew she would want it. "Tea?" she asked, as she sat down.
"That sounds very nice," he admitted. "Jurian and I were sparring when I felt your . . .nudge. I didn't stop to do anything but grab my coat. I apologize that I come a bit disheveled."
"You look just fine," she told him, feeling herself blush a little as she poured tea for them both. "Oh, wait," she said, catching herself. "Does this count?"
Lucien smiled but shook his head. "No. Pouring tea doesn't count."
Elain let loose a small sigh of relief. "I wouldn't want to diminish such an important moment with something as plain as tea," she told him.
He looked surprised at that. "Oh really? I didn't realize you'd given it that much thought."
"Things have changed since I last saw you," she confessed as she passed him a cup.
"I'm starting to gather that," he agreed as he took it from her. "I think this is the most we've ever spoken to each other."
Elain felt a pang of guilt at that. "I'm sorry," she said.
Lucien immediately looked guilty as well. "No, no, no," he said quickly. "I didn't mean that as a complaint. Just an observation." He took a sip of his tea and they endured a pregnant silence. "Is that why you gave me the nudge?" he finally asked. "Because things have changed?":
"Is that alright?" Elain asked tentatively. "I thought that maybe I should have sent you a proper message, through a messenger, or wait for you to come and check-in with Rhys and Feyre, but Feyre suggested the nudge instead."
Lucien smirked. "Feyre often knows what's good for people, even if they don't," he admitted. "I'm glad you nudged me. I'd much rather have tea with you than Jurian."
Elain laughed lightly at that. "What have you been up to?" she asked, not sure what else they should talk about.
"Well," he started. "I'm helping establish positive relations between the Sprint Court and human lands to the south. Jurian and Vassa are doing their part there. I'm also trying to keep the Spring Court together until Tamlin finally decides to reengage as the High Lord."
Elain frowned. "That's very kind of you, considering."
Lucien shook his head. "It's not for Tamiln's sake," he said with his own frown. "But it isn't fair to the people that live in the Spring Court, and it really wouldn't be a good idea for Autumn, or even Summer to absorb those lands. The existence of a Spring Court is important to the balance of Prythian."
Elain could appreciate that answer. It spoke to how thoughtful Lucien was, that he genuinely cared about the people in the Spring Court, even if he was no longer a supporter of their High Lord.
"And you?" Lucien asked. "How do you pass your time?"
"I had been busy with Nesta's wedding," she explained. "But now I mostly help out with Nyx when Feyre needs a break and Rhys is unavailable." She decided not to mention that she spent a considerable amount of time thinking of him.
"How is your garden going this time of year?" he asked.
Elain nodded. "It's doing well. I've tried to fill it with vibrant Autumn colors."
He smiled at her. "I would love to see it."
She blushed. "I'll be happy to show it to you."
"Elain, I'm afraid to hope, but . . ." he paused, stopping himself.
"Yes, Lucien," she said evenly. "I'd like to get to know you better. You're my mate and . . ." she couldn't decide whether to say it or not. ". . . and lately you've been on my mind. I think my sould misses you."
Lucien let out a slow, controlled breath and then smiled at her.. "I've missed you too."
"I'm not making any promises," she said quickly. "I still want to marry. And I want to marry for love, not because of some magical bond we had no say in."
"Of course," Lucien agreed. "I understand, but to know you're willing to explore this . . . potential relationship, to know that you're ready to consider a new male in your life. . . I'm so relieved that you're doing so well."
That struck Elain unexpectedly. He was expressing relief that she was in a better emotional state than last he'd seen her. He was undoubtedly grateful she was directing her attention at him, but she got the feeling, he would be grateful she was moving on to any male so long as it meant she was moving on.
He slowly reached a hand up and gently fingered the pear earring at her ear, a smile spreading across his lips. "They look beautiful on you."
She blushed. "This morning they seemed like the only way to have you close to me."
He lowered his hand and rested it atop of hers. "You can have me as close as you like from here on out," he promised. "I'll be here whenever you need or want me."
"Thank you, Lucien," she breathed. "Something about that promise is very reassuring." It was true. Despite that she didn't love him, not yet anyway, she was relieved to know he would be there for her. She'd always known he would be, but to hear him say it meant a great deal to her. It was like he didn't blame her for being cold to him before. "And I'm sorry I wasn't more receptive to you earlier."
Lucien shook his head. "Don't think twice about it," he said intensely. "You needed to grieve and process what happened to you. My only regret is that I was unable to help you through it."
They shared an awkward smile and another awkward silence, finishing their tea.
"Can I take you to lunch?" Lucien asked hopefully. "Perhaps a walk through the city and we'll find a nice little cafe? No pressure, just more conversation, and casual meal."
Elain smiled. "I'd like that," she agreed.
Lucien grinned. "Give me 45 minutes to go to my apartment and get a little more presentable," he said. "And then I'll be back, and we can venture out."
Elain nodded as they both got to their feet. "I'll freshen up as well."
"You look wonderful," Lucien countered. "But whatever makes you comfortable."
"Alright," she agreed dramatically. "Just a light freshening."
They both laughed lightly at that. Lucien reached down for Elain's hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed the back of it. "Forty-five minutes," he said again. And with that he strode from the room and out the front door of the River House.
Elain was dashing up the stairs two at a time and burst into the nursery as quietly as possible. "We're going to lunch in the city," she told Feyre who was rocking Nyx in the rocking chair.
Feyre grinned as she stood up. She put Nyx in the crib and then turned back to Elain. "It's your turn, Elain, and I'm so happy for you!" They embraced and Elain realized Feyre was right. It was finally about to be her turn.
