In this chapter, there is a flashback to when Connie got her diagnosis. So, I'd like to point out that I am not a doctor and do not have much medical knowledge. Because of that, I chose to go with an illness that I know a little bit about, because my own grandmother passed away from it a little more than eight years ago.
Please be aware, even though I was at a few meetings with her doctors, I am not sure if I remember the details correctly. I have to admit that all the medical and scientific details were not that important to me back then. While I do remember her treatments, I honestly do not know if the one I came up with for Connie is realistic. So, if you know more about this than I do and I got my facts completely wrong, please don't judge me too harshly. I did some research on this, but I did not spend hours on it, because this part of the story should mainly highlight the relationship between Connie and Amy.

Also, this past week really has been a total rollercoaster for me for different reason, that I will put something about into my end notes, because it does relate to this story a little bit. But it will also be a bit of a very personal wall of text, so not interesting for those who just want to read the next chapter already, which is why I am stopping now and putting the rest into my end notes.

I hope you will enjoy Amy's bachelorette party!


That's all they really want
Some fun
When the workin' day is done
Oh girls, they wanna have fun


Balancing Heaven And Earth
Chapter 21 – "Girls just wanna have fun"


Amy's POV:

~ A little less than three years before ~

Amy's foot was tapping on the floor almost rhythmically. She grasped the armrest of the uncomfortable chair she was currently sitting on. So tightly, her knuckles were turning white. All so her hands would stop shaking. Her pulse was running two miles a minute, but she did not want anyone to know. Especially not the person she was sitting here for.

Her gaze shifted to Connie next to her. On first glance, she appeared to be calm. But upon closer inspection, Amy could see her lips were trembling slightly.

It was no surprise, considering the bomb that had just been dropped on them.

"L… leukemia?", Amy repeated what the friendly doctor had just told them. "As in… blood cancer? Are… are you… sure?"

"Chronic lymphatic leukemia.", Dr. Henderson repeated. "I know, leukemia sounds scary. But… as the name already tells you, this is a chronic disease. Not an acute one. Most patients find out in the early stages during a routine examination before the first symptoms even develop. It typically progresses very slowly and in many cases all we have to do is monitor it."

"But…", Amy started, trying to sort through her thoughts. "Connie does have symptoms. Does that mean… that the cancer has already progressed? This… her case… is not in an early stage, is it?"

She could see the answer on the doctor's face before he gave it.

Connie seemed to be crumbling in her chair, so Amy grasped her hand.

"Unfortunately… Mrs. Tucker… the bloodwork in combination with your symptoms show that yes, your cancer has progressed already. We are past the stage where I would recommend a 'wait and see'-approach."

Dr. Henderson's voice was calm and reassuring as he further explained the situation.

Amy sat there, her heart still racing as she reassuringly held Connie's hand while the doctor told them about specific medication, immunotherapy, chemotherapy and much more.

"I am 94 years old.", Connie interrupted the friendly man. "I know I won't be around for many years more, regardless of any course of action. So, what do you recommend in my case?"

Amy cringed. She knew Connie was right. Even if every fiber of her being was shouting that this could not be true. Connie had to be around for many, many more years. Living in a world without her… Amy did not even want to start thinking about it.

In her heart she wanted the most aggressive treatment so her friend would be around for as long as possible. But she knew, Connie was right.

The friendly doctor took a deep breath, then put away the file he had open in front of him.

"You are right.", he said softly. "If you were fifteen years younger, I would suggest you undergo a low-dose chemotherapy treatment to slow down the progression of your cancer. But in your case, I am afraid it would only decrease your life quality for the time you have left. As I said, this form of leukemia usually progresses very slowly anyway, so there is a good chance that any treatment will not have much influence on your life expectancy."

"So…", Amy croaked, trying to hold back her tears and sound calm. "What do you recommend then?"

"I would like to suggest a treatment to manage your symptoms and improve your life quality for any time you still have left. Additionally, I would like to monitor the progression of your cancer so we can reevaluate your situation from time to time."

"Manage my symptoms?", Connie asked, sounding hopeful. "Does that mean… you think I could be feeling better again? How… how would that look like?"

"First, I would like to order more tests to get a clearer picture of what exactly we are looking at.", Dr. Henderson explained. "There are several medications available that will help with your symptoms, but I want to determine a treatment plan tailored to the new results and the progression of your symptoms. Looking at your blood levels I also recommend frequent blood transfusions."

"B… blood transfusions?", Amy asked tentatively. "You mean to treat her anemia?"

"Yes.", the doctor nodded. "To help treat the symptoms caused by the low blood counts. Many patients feel healthier and more energetic for weeks after a blood transfusion. It should also help with your immune system, Mrs. Tucker, so you won't be getting sick all the time. At the same time, those transfusions bear low risks of side effects. I'd like to start with doing them every other month for now. We can always adjust the frequency as we move forward."

Connie nodded thoughtfully.

"That does not sound as bad as I thought."

Amy's heart still felt heavy with worry, but she had to agree.

"Now, Mrs. Tucker, I know this was a lot to take in. But do you have any questions right now?"

"Just one.", Connie said quietly. "How long do you think I still have. In your best-case scenario?"

Amy froze. She hadn't even thought of asking this. Her heart broke once more at the thought of Connie not being here much longer.

"Mrs. Tucker, you know I cannot give you a clear answer on that.", the doctor said gently.

"I am not asking for a medical prognosis.", Connie said. "But in your personal opinion. A woman my age with this diagnosis… how long do you think I still have left? Weeks? Months? Years?"

The doctor looked at her seriously.

"I don't want to make any promises.", he said. "While yes, you are 94 years old and suffering from a serious chronic disease, up until now you have been in excellent health. As I said, your disease is not an acute one. Many patients live with it for many years. But considering your symptoms and your age… I'd…", he stopped.

"Go on.", Connie asked. "Please. I can take it."

The doctor sighed deeply.

"Regarding your overall health, I would estimate that you could easily live for three more years, maybe even longer. But there is no guarantee, because at your age and with this diagnosis, your health could be declining any day. My recommendation is for you to take precautions. Update your will. Take care of any unfinished business. Talk to your loved ones. But… don't let this disease run your life. Try to enjoy whatever time you still have left."

Amy took Connie home then. Neither of them talked one word on the short drive, both of them deep in thought.

Connie went to lie down for a bit while Amy started preparing lunch even though she did not have an appetite after the news they had gotten. But she needed Connie to gain back her strength.

"Do you want to invite Mary and Missy tonight?", Amy asked as they sat down to eat. "To tell them about your diagnosis?"

"I think that's a good idea.", Connie nodded.

"And… I assume you will want to call your grandson later on. Do you want me to help? With what you told me about him, he will want to hear all the medical details."

Amy's heart fluttered in her chest at the thought of maybe talking to the infamous Sheldon Cooper on the phone. She reprimanded herself. This was about Connie and her family. Not her stupid fantasies.

"No.", Connie shook her head vehemently. "My moonpie cannot hear about this over the phone. He's… not doing well right now. He would be devastated. He cannot know about this."

"But…", Amy started. "I am sure he would want to…"

"No, Amy.", Connie said firmly. "You heard what the doctor said. I might still have years left and once the treatments start, I might even feel more like my old self again. It is not necessary to add more onto Sheldon's plate. He is going through enough. I will tell him when he comes to visit for Christmas."

"He wasn't here last year.", Amy said sadly. "What makes you think he'll be here this year?"

"Well, I can only hope.", Connie sighed. "But if he's not… then, there will be other opportunities. But not now. The doctor said not to let this diagnosis rule my life. And I will certainly not let it make Sheldon's life harder."

"Fine.", Amy sighed defeated, even though she knew, if this was her grandmother… she would definitely want to know.

In the evening, Connie kept her promise and told Mary and Missy. Amy stayed quiet, even as she noticed how much Connie was downplaying the news.

She made it sound as if it was nothing. As if her life wouldn't change at all. And neither Mary nor Missy had enough medical knowledge to realize how serious it was. To them, the problem would be solved with some pills and those blood transfusions. Something she was sure Connie was hoping very much as well.

A week later, she accompanied Connie to her first appointment. She sat next to her for those three hours. Watched the blood flow into Connie's veins. Saw the hope in her eyes.

A hope that came true for a while.

For a few weeks, Connie felt much better. The color returned to her cheeks. She was able to smile, even laugh again. She did not get sick anymore and slowly, the two of them fell back into their routine of going out and meeting Connie's friends.

And then, shortly after her symptoms started to return, the next blood transfusion was scheduled. A cycle that repeated itself every other month. A few good weeks, followed by two to three weeks when Connie's health would slowly decline, and then back again.

It was not perfect. But it gave them hope and a sense of normalcy.

In September, Connie finally made the decision to join the choir.

"You were right with what you said at Missy's wedding.", she told Amy. "We really should be getting out of our rut. Meet new people. Try new things."

"Are you sure?", Amy said doubtfully. "But the doctor said, you should be careful and not spend time with too many different people. Your immune system is still weak."

"He also said to not think about it too much and to enjoy my life.", Connie said stubbornly.

And so, it was decided.

Connie and Amy joined the choir, to Ruth's delight. They made new friends. Excellent friends who Amy would cherish for years to come.

It seemed Connie did not even want to think about the cancer that was slowly progressing in her body. She never talked about it, not even during her monthly blood transfusions.

Instead, the two of them sat there in the hospital room, making jokes and talking about the friends they had made at the choir.

But Amy couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't stop worrying. About losing Connie. About not making Mary and Missy see the truth about how serious this illness was. And at last… about the grandson so far away who was unaware of everything that was happening.

She often stood there, in front of the wall of photos by the dining table.

"Please, Sheldon, you have to come visit soon.", she silently pleaded with the young man looking back at her from the picture. "If you don't… Connie might never see you again. She will be devastated. And if the things she tells me about you are true… then so will you."

This was part of the truth.

The other part was that, even though she still had Connie and all their new friends from the choir, Amy had never felt this lonely in her life.

She was alone with the knowledge of what was happening. Because of Connie's reluctance to talk about it to anyone.

She was alone with her worries about Missy who had joined the choir as well, but barely spoke to her anymore. Amy did not exactly know why, but she guessed it had to do with the fact that Missy's new husband did not like her or Connie very much.

And Mary… all she wanted to talk about nowadays was her new son-in-law.

Maybe, if Sheldon would be here… maybe if even an ounce of what she heard about him was true, then there was a chance that they could carry this burden together. Take care of Connie together for a while. Figure out what exactly was going on with Missy.

"Please.", she whispered again, as she looked at the man she kept dreaming about. "I don't even care if you find me unattractive or don't want anything to do with me. But for the sake of your family. Please. Come here. Before it is too late."

~ Back in the present ~

"Well, there's the beautiful bride-to-be. Good morning, honey. How are you feeling today?"

Amy smiled brightly at her good friend Ruth as she was led to the breakfast table in her house.

"Great, actually.", she answered honestly. "I still cannot believe it's finally happening. It feels… almost surreal."

Ruth ushered Amy to sit down and handed her a mug filled with hot tea.

"It does, doesn't it. No matter how long you wait and plan for this day, it still kind of catches you by surprise."

Amy nodded in agreement as she watched her friend who moved through the kitchen with a lightness that made her look at least ten years younger than she really was.

It hadn't been that long, not even a year, since the old lady had gotten married herself. And they both knew, she had to wait for it much longer than Amy could even imagine to.

"Thank you for inviting me this morning.", Amy said. "It is so nice, getting to talk to you for a bit before the big day."

She meant it. Ruth had been her friend for so long. Even longer than the other people from the choir. And somehow, she always saw a piece of Connie in her.

"Oh, you're welcome, honey. You have no idea how happy I am for getting to see this day. I just wish Connie was still here. She would have been so happy to see you two get married. What I would give to spend this morning with both of you."

"Me too.", Amy admitted. "I always miss her very much but today… well, you know."

Ruth smiled at Amy knowingly.

"You always had a special bond with her. She loved you so much, Amy. And when she got sick… you did so much for her. You made the last year of her life so much more bearable for her."

Tears welled up in Amy's eyes.

"You think so?", she breathed out. "Because, I'd like to think so too, but the truth is… she's the one who made my life bearable. Without her… I would not be who I am right now."

"Oh, sweety.", Ruth said and patted her hand. "It is true. You both helped each other so much. Please do not underestimate the effect you had on her life. She always used to say she had no idea how she would have gotten through her sickness without you. And how much she wished that…"

Ruth stopped and bit her lip.

"How much she wished…", Amy wondered. "What?"

Ruth got up and retrieved something from her kitchen counter. It looked like a box.

"Amy, I did not ask you here just to have breakfast with me before your bachelorette party. I have… something to give you. Something from Connie."

Amy's breath hitched in her throat.

"From… Connie? But… how… when…"

Ruth put the box down on the table just out of Amy's reach. Amy had to restrain herself from grabbing it and ripping it open. Getting her hands on something – anything – that came from Connie.

Instead, she looked at Ruth for clarification.

"Amy, this will sound strange.", the old lady started. "But Connie gave me this box just a few weeks before she died. And a letter. She told me to give it to you. On the day when you and her grandson are getting married."

Amy's eyes widened.

"What? But… that's crazy. Even for Connie's standards. She can't possibly have known… I mean… what if this day would never have come? Would she… How is this even possible?"

Ruth grinned.

"You are reacting exactly the same way I did when she gave it to me. I thought she had lost her mind. You need to understand that… Connie often told me how she was waiting for you and Sheldon to meet. How she was sure you two would hit it off. It was what she was hoping. For both of you. Because she was convinced, you would be so happy together. But when she came over with this box and the letter… I was shocked. Told her, this was wishful thinking and to write you a proper letter. One that was not tied to your relationship to her grandson. And this box…"

"I always wondered, why I did not get one.", Amy said softly. "I helped her pack those things for her grandchildren and for Mary. I helped her write the letters… well except Sheldon's, that she wanted to write herself. But… somehow I always hoped, she would have a last message for me too. But I figured… maybe that was reserved for her family. Her real family."

"Oh, Amy, you were her family.", Ruth insisted. "And that is exactly what I told her. That you would wonder where your letter is. Your last message. Your keepsakes. She told me, she was talking to you every day as it was, so she did not need to write you a letter. And that she hoped you would be living in her house until the day you would get this box, so you would not need any keepsakes until then. She also said that the things she wanted to tell you, she could not tell you yet, because that would be meddling. But she wanted you to know these things, so she asked me to wait until your wedding day with Sheldon. Which she was a hundred percent sure would be happening rather sooner than later."

Amy's face was wet with tears when her friend finished talking.

"Oh my God…", she croaked. "I can't believe this. What… I mean… do you know what's in the box?"

She was curious. But a part of her did not want to look. Not now. Maybe tomorrow. On her actual wedding day.

"I do know.", Ruth nodded. "It's… a few things she wanted you to have. And her journal."

"J… journal?"

"Yes. Journal entries from the time you two lived together. Her thoughts when she got to know you. Things she felt she could not tell you then. I am pretty sure, there will be a few things about Sheldon in there too. She said to tell you to show them to him too. Maybe you can read them together. The journal is supposed to be her wedding present to you."

Amy's lips trembled.

"Wow…", she croaked. "That's… just wow. I cannot believe she did this. Thank you… for giving it to me, Ruth."

She was barely able to comprehend what just happened. During the past weeks, she had thought of Connie so often. Wished she was still here. To give her advice on so many things. And of course, to see how far she had come. How happy she was. All thanks to Connie.

This message from her. This letter. And the journal.

A message from beyond the grave. A message she was craving more than anything else in the world. She barely dared to touch it, afraid it would just be an illusion and vanish into thin air.

"You did so well, Amy.", Ruth told her. "Connie… she would be over the moon. About everything. About you and Sheldon. About how you both helped Missy. And about how you two worked on getting the future you both want. It's… all she ever wanted. For both of you."

"You think?", Amy asked quietly. "Wouldn't she be disappointed? Because we are moving out of the house she left to Sheldon? Didn't she want us… to stay here?"

"Oh, honey, no.", Ruth shook her head. "She left it to Sheldon so you two would be forced to talk to each other. She told me that much. But she would have never wanted you to feel obligated to stay here. I think… she would absolutely love the plans you have for her house."

Amy smiled.

She and Sheldon had decided a while ago that they would not be selling Connie's house, even when they were moving away. Just the thought of it was breaking their heart.

No, they would keep it. And maybe, if the life they were going to build in California would not make them as happy as they were hoping, they could return one day.

But at the same time, they did not want the house to be empty, so they chose to rent it to someone they both trusted.

"She would love it, right? Helping a gay couple to adopt a baby. It's a slap into the face of all the small-minded people around here who did not want this to happen. I just hope… they will be happy here… without too many problems."

She did not have to elaborate. Ruth knew what she meant.

"Connie would be thrilled.", Ruth agreed. "And Jared and Greg won't be alone. They will have Mary as a neighbor. Daniel and I and all the people from the choir will be looking out for them. If things get too rough… then we will help them figure it out."

Amy nodded.

All too soon, it was time to say good-bye to Ruth.

She almost called Sheldon on her way to the spa. To tell him about Connie's unexpected gift. To meet up and read her journal together.

How she craved to hear his voice. How she was giddy to tell him that there was this special message from the person they both loved so much. She couldn't wait to hear his reaction to it.

But that would break their agreement to spend this day separate.

That stupid, stupid agreement.

Luckily, only minutes later, her mind was taken off everything that she had heard this morning.

Going to the spa with Missy, Bernadette and Penny was the perfect way to kick off her bachelorette party.

After lunch, they hung out in the steam sauna, where Amy closed her eyes and let herself feel the moisture seep into her pores while the heat melted away all the tension in her body.

A nourishing face mask and a massage later, Amy almost felt like a whole new person.

Then, the girls decided to also get their nails done and once they all sat in the relaxation lounge, reclined on the plush chaise lounges, all of them sipping on herbal tea and nibbling on the fresh fruit that were offered, Amy felt completely relaxed and ready for her big day.

"That's the best start to a bachelorette party ever.", Penny admitted later on, as they were sitting in Amy's car headed back to Medford. "We should make this a regular thing once you find a house in California. Such an improvement to our usual girls' nights."

Chatting happily, they walked into her home where they were joined by Mary in the early evening.

Her soon-to-be mother-in-law had prepared finger food and so, they all were having drinks and food together, as they shared silly stories.

It almost felt like a usual girls' night and Amy couldn't be happier about how her friendships with Penny and Bernadette had developed over the past months. Of course, the best part of it was having Missy there too. Sheldon's sister just seemed to make this group feel more balanced than it did when it was just the three of them.

"Okay, that's it.", Amy finally said as she started to feel slightly tipsy. "No more drinks for me. I don't wish to be hungover on my wedding day."

"Aww, Amy. No stripper and no getting drunk?", Bernadette whined, although Amy could hear she was joking. "You are only getting married once."

"Exactly.", Amy agreed. "And I want to enjoy every second of this experience. But you gals keep drinking."

"We'll definitely do.", Penny nodded. "But you are right, let's not overdo it. We went through all this effort in the spa so we can all look pretty in the wedding pictures. Here's to the beautiful bride and her great ideas."

She clinked her glass everyone else's and soon the laughs and giggles continued.

"Well, Missy, I heard you might become a permanent member of our little group soon.", Penny said as she turned to Amy's maid of honor. "Is that true? Because it would be awesome to have you in California as well."

Missy shrugged.

"I'm considering it. But I am not sure yet. I do need a fresh start. My children too. But California is… far away. And so expensive. I need a job first, before I can even begin to consider it."

"What do you have in mind?", Bernadette asked. "Maybe we could help keep our eyes open."

"Well…", Missy sighed. "I don't really have many options. I started waitressing straight out of High School. I don't have any skills and part of me… really wants to find a real career, you know? But for now, I just need something that helps pay my bills. I do not wish to dip into my savings too much."

Amy nodded in agreement.

She knew, Missy did have some money. The money that Connie had saved over the years. And also, some from her divorce settlement. But she was right, California was pricey, and it would not be long before she would have used up all her savings.

"Apparently, there's an opening at the planetarium.", Missy continued. "They are looking for a guest service manager. Which sounds like something that could be right up my alley. It also pays pretty well."

"Sounds great!", Penny agreed. "So, do you have experience in that area?"

"No.", Missy admitted. "But… I have been told I have good people skills… and… your friend Raj has offered to vouch for me, so… I don't know. Maybe. It's… an option."

Raj was vouching for her?

Amy studied her friend. She seemed to have blushed a little.

She would get to the bottom of this. After the wedding.

"Wow, Mary, that means, two of your children might be living in California soon.", Penny stated then. "Does that mean, we are going to get to see you more often from now on?"

Missy huffed, before Mary got to answer and Amy knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Oh, definitely.", Mary answered calmly. "Even if my dear daughter does not fully believe me, I am quite happy with this plan. And I am looking forward to visiting all of you very soon. I have the freedom to come as often as I want, now that I am retired."

"No, mother, I do not believe you.", Missy stated. "I believe you will be lonely with me and Sheldon and the kids gone. I believe it would be much better for everyone if we found a solution that includes you too. I do not like the thought of you living here all by yourself."

"I will not be by myself.", Mary told her daughter sternly. "Contrary to your beliefs I always had a very fulfilled social life, even before you moved back in with me. I have friends at the church that I haven't really spent a lot of time with lately. So stop worrying about me. Moving to where Sheldon and Amy are going to be is what's best for you and your children. But not for me. I am staying in Medford. This is where I belong. And although I always loved having you and the children at my place, I think I will enjoy having the house to myself again for a while."

"Really?", Amy asked doubtfully. It sounded foreign in her ears. Maybe because her own mother would have never expressed something like this.

"Really.", Mary nodded. "Please do not take this the wrong way, Missy. You know how much I love you and my grandchildren. But I am in my seventies now. I have raised three children and worked almost all my life. Now I am looking forward to having more free time. Maybe I'll go travel the world. I always wanted to visit all those old churches in Europe. So, do not worry about me. Do what will make you the happiest. And maybe one day, when I am old and grey and start feeling lonely, I will consider moving closer to all of you. For now, I just want to enjoy this new phase in my life when no one is depending on me. I can finally do this, now that I know all my children are going to be alright."

Amy did not know if she could fully believe Mary.

But she knew one thing was true.

Moving to California could give Missy exactly the new beginning she so desperately needed.

"Well, enough of that.", Mary said then. "This is a bachelorette party. And while I am glad that there are no naked men and that no one is drunk as a skank, I am in the mood for some party games."

And that was what they did for a while.

One of the last games was set of dices, asking the participants juicy questions. Of course, Penny had brought that one.

And after everyone had answered questions about their first kiss, their secret teenage crush and their most embarrassing moment, the conversation seemed to develop a mind of its own.

It was fun, listening to Bernadette and Penny talk about their experiences with past lovers and how they compared to their current partners.

Even Mary told them stories about her youth. Amy had no idea Mary had led such an active love life before she had met Sheldon's father and she knew, she would never be able to look at strawberry wine the same way again.

Missy was awfully quiet. Which was understandable, considering her most recent experiences with men.

"Well, Amy, it's your turn now.", Bernadette said and grinned at her, waving her wine glass.

"M… my turn?", Amy stammered her cheeks heating up.

"Oh, no, Bernadette.", Penny interjected. "I don't think, Amy is in the mood to tell juicy before-Sheldon stories. Imagine, having to do that in front of your mother-in-law."

"Hey, your mother-in-law inquiries about your sex-life all the time.", Bernadette rebutted. "In much detail, might I add."

"Yes. But you know… Leonard's mom is… unique in that regard. And not in a good way."

"Oh…", Bernadette bit her lip. "I am sorry, Amy. I did not mean to put you in an uncomfortable position."

Amy shook her head amused. She did not have a problem with that question. And maybe, she felt, it was time to finally reveal a little secret she had been keeping for a long time.

"Well, Penny is right. I will not be telling any juicy before-Sheldon stories. Because…"

"Oh, darling, I don't want to be the reason you're holding back at your own bachelorette party.", Mary interrupted her. "I understand why you don't want to share these things in front of me. I can step out for a bit if you want."

Amy's cheeks reddened. That's not what she had wanted to say at all. But now, with all eyes on her, she did not feel like sharing what she had wanted to share anymore.

"No, Mary. Please stay.", she said. "I uhm… does anyone want me to refill their drinks? There's still plenty of bottles in the fridge."

She stood up before waiting for an answer, even though she knew she could have asked Missy to do this.

But she just needed a minute to clear her head.

She knew it was expected to share intimate stories on one's bachelorette party. And it had been fun, oh, so much fun to listen to what the other girls had to tell. But still… the moment just now… even though it should not matter, it did bother her that Mary still was under the assumption that she had tons of experience with other men.

"Can I help you with anything?"

Amy almost dropped the bottle of champagne she was holding as she heard Mary's voice.

"Mary… I… uhm… thanks. But no, I'm almost done here."

She put the full glasses on a tray and lifted it up, ready to carry it back to the living room.

"No, let me.", Mary told her and held her back by her shoulder. "Look, Amy, I really commend you decision not to get drunk tonight, but it cannot be fun for you, seeing your bridesmaids chug away one drink after the other."

"It's fine. I want them to have fun.", Amy brushed her off.

Loud laughter from the living room confirmed how much fun those three girls were having. Amy smiled. This was good. So good for Missy. Just letting her guards down and enjoying a fun night.

"So, why don't we let them have fun?", Mary asked. "I'll bring them their drinks and then you and I could sit down here and have tea together."

Amy furrowed her eyebrows.

What was this about? Was Mary trying to grill her about her past lovers after all? Did she still not fully approve of her?

More than a little anxious, Amy started up the tea kettle as Mary carried the tray into the living room.

She filled two mugs with tea, just as Mary came back into the kitchen.

"So.", the older woman started. "This is nice. I was hoping you and I would get to talk a little tonight. Before your big day tomorrow."

"Yes… it is… nice.", Amy said tentatively.

"But it would be nicer if it wasn't me sitting here but someone else.", Mary said in a knowing voice. "I know you miss my mother. You two must have sat here together more than a hundred times."

That was a surprising topic, Amy thought to herself. Connie kept coming up today. And again, her mind shifted to the letter and the box.

"I do miss her.", Amy shrugged. "I always loved having tea with her. She was… a very special lady."

"She was.", Mary agreed. "And I never properly thanked you for the way you took care of her during her last year."

"That's not necessary. She… did so much for me. I was happy to take care of her."

"Because that's who you are.", Mary said softly. "You take care of people. Even if they're at their lowest. You did it for my mother. And then for Sheldon. And for Missy."

"Mary, please stop.", Amy said, her cheeks feeling warm suddenly. "You are making me sound like a…"

"Like a really good person.", Mary nodded. "Like someone I really want to have in my life. And in my children's lives."

"Th… thank you…", Amy mumbled. She wasn't used to getting so much praise.

"You seemed to be surprised with my decision not to follow my children to California.", Mary mused then.

"Well…", Amy shrugged. "Not exactly that. I am more… surprised you are not trying to get them to stay. I am sure you must be already missing both of them."

Amy thought of the tantrums her own mother had thrown when she had left California to travel the world.

"I will indeed miss them very much.", Mary admitted. "But… this is part of being a mother, Amy. You cannot control what your children will do with their future. Or how long they will stay close to you. All you can do is love them and be there for them for as long as they let you."

"That sounds hard.", Amy said sincerely. "And… selfless."

"It is hard.", Mary agreed. "But it is important. Amy, I know you and Sheldon want children. So let this be a lesson for you. Letting your children go is one of the hardest and one of the most important parts of motherhood. It starts the moment they are born when their father cuts the umbilical cord and separates them from your body. And it never stops. You will be by their side when they make their first steps, cheering them on, knowing that it will take them closer to the day when they walk away from you. It is tempting to ask them to stay close forever. Wherever they go, they take a part of your soul with them. But they do not need a rope that ties them to wherever you are. They need you to teach them all they have to know. And then, they need to be allowed to fly away. And all you as a mother can do is take comfort in the fact that you have given them what they need to be happy, wherever they are."

"Oh Mary…", Amy breathed out.

"Missy does need a fresh start.", Mary continued softly. "Seeing her so sad and depressed this past year has broken my heart much more than seeing her leave Medford ever could. And although I will miss her so much, I know that moving to where you and Sheldon are, means she will have stability. People who are in her corner and can catch her if she falls again. I hope that at some point, I will hear that Joshua has made tons of new friends there. And maybe someday I will hear that my daughter was able to leave her past behind and find love again. I am looking forward to receiving pictures of activities all of you are going to be doing together. And who knows, maybe Joshua and Ellis will be getting a few cousins along the way to love and spend time with."

Amy could feel tears in the corners of her eyes. She wasn't even pregnant yet, but the thought of having to let go of her future children one day already crushed her.

But she knew, Mary was right. She knew what it was like, being held back by a rope. And the pain it had caused her until she had found the strength to rip it apart.

"What you said to Missy earlier…", she said softly. "About wanting to travel and… getting back your freedom…"

"It is partly true, Amy.", Mary admitted. "I do look forward to having less responsibilities. I did always want to travel and see all the old churches but… of course there is a part of me that already dreads coming back here to Medford with all of you gone. It will take time to adjust. But I will be happy, knowing my children are in good hands. And I am retired, so you can expect lots and lots of long visits from me wherever you will live. We won't have a family dinner every week. But we will have weeks full of them. Right?"

"Of course. You are always welcome. And we will visit too. Frequently."

They had made sure that their new contracts gave them the freedom to do this. Sheldon would still have the option to work remotely whenever he was in Texas and apart from the work she had to do in her lab, she would also be able to do her research wherever she pleased.

It was already decided that they would be spending a few weeks here in December so they could sing with the choir at their big winter project. And then again in March so they could be here for the next annual competition.

"I hope so.", Mary nodded firmly.

They were silent for a while, both lost in their own thoughts.

"Amy… I want you to know…", Mary started, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Letting go of my children… especially of Sheldon… has never been easy for me. I had to let him go when he was only fourteen years old. Into the big and scary world, so far away from me. I was worried for him on every day since then. And in a way… I often still see him as this young, naïve little boy. I have always been extremely protective of him. Sometimes too much. I am aware of that."

Amy looked up warily.

This was it. The moment, Mary would tell her to be careful. To not hurt her little boy.

"But it's not hard anymore.", Mary added to Amy's big surprise. "Letting him go, I mean."

"It's… not?", she asked.

"No.", Mary gave Amy a warm smile. "Because he has you now. I know that, as long as you are there, I will never have to worry about him again. Because you will not let him fall back into his old habits. You will not let him isolate himself or work himself into an early death. The way you love him… the way he loves you… I have never seen anything like this. And I would not believe it, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. I am sorry about what I said to you in the past, Amy. It does not matter to me, how many men you dated or how your life used to look like before… you are the best thing that ever happened to my son. And I am sorry I did not realize it from the start."

Amy blinked repeatedly. This was so unexpected. Unexpected but overwhelming. In the best way possible.

And maybe… now was the time to finally fully open up to her future mother-in-law.

"Mary… I didn't refuse to tell a juicy before-Sheldon story because I was embarrassed doing it in front of you… I…", she took a deep breath. "I didn't tell one because… there is none."

Mary's mouth fell open.

"But…"

"I know.", Amy said and shook her head, grinning slightly. "I did date a lot. You need to know that I was… very repressed when I grew up. I never had any friends. No boy was ever interested in me. Your mother was actually my first friend. And when I learned to be more open to other people… men started asking me out. I was curious about the experience so… I may have overdone it at times. And I know a lot of people just assumed that I was sleeping around. I wasn't aware of it looking like that, because… the possibility did not even cross my mind. But… nothing ever happened. Nothing except the chaste good-night kisses you surely saw from your window. I never… met a man I felt comfortable doing more with. Not until I met Sheldon. So… there. Now you know how my dating life used to look like before. For the record, I was still a virgin at the time when you thought I was… too sexually experienced for Sheldon. A fact he did not even know about back then."

Amy had mostly looked at her own hands, as she said all that, still a little bit embarrassed. But when she looked up, she saw that Mary was crying.

"Oh, Amy.", she sobbed. "I don't know what to say. Except… I am so, so sorry."

"This should not change anything though.", Amy said calmly. "Not sleeping with other men before I met Sheldon does not make me a better person. And I don't want you to think better of me because of it. It's… we… society should not be judging women for how many partners they had. Not a hundred years ago but certainly not now."

"I know.", Mary nodded. "And I agree. But still, you are amazing Amy. Not because of the number of men you did or did not sleep with. But because of how you handled the situation. Back then, when you were accused of being… sexually immoral at my dinner table."

"We talked about this, Mary.", Amy said softly. "You did not call me that. Robbie did. And you apologized. It's long over."

"Yes, but… Amy, I assumed that you only forgave me because I was right about your past. That both, you and Sheldon understood where I was coming from. But now that I know.… you could have used this information against me. You could have driven a wedge between my son and me. Pushed me out of his life using the fact that I judged you this harshly without knowing anything about you. But instead… you chose to forgive me. You kept up with our family dinners. And you brought our whole family closer together. My three children have never been this close before."

"Mary stop, please.", Amy insisted. "I could have never driven a wedge between you and Sheldon. I always adored your whole family so much. All I ever wanted was to be part of it. And the fact that your children are closer now… well, maybe I had a little to do with it, but it's not all on me. It's because of the home you built, where all of them still feel so welcome. I admire you, Mary. My own mother… is not much of a role model when it comes to how to treat your children. You are. And I hope that I will someday be able to do for my children what you keep doing for yours."

Both women's faces were wet with tears.

"Oh, Amy. I will thank the Lord every day for bringing you into our family. Just… can you do me a favor? Will you keep looking out for my twins once all of you are in California? Not just for Sheldon, but for Missy too? And… will you come get me if you ever feel she needs my help?"

"Of course.", Amy promised.

There was another moment, when both women just looked at each other. Different than how they looked at each other before.

Not because of any secrets that were shared that night. But because of a new understanding between them. A new kind of appreciation. And the knowledge that they would be working together to make sure this family would stay close.

Mary said her good-byes then and went back to her own house to go to sleep.

After this emotional conversation, Amy wasn't really in the mood for another hilarious, drunk conversation with her friends.

Her heart was so full of emotion, and she needed a moment of peace and quiet.

"I think I'm going to bed now. It's… getting late and I want to look fresh tomorrow."

She grinned as she peeked into the living room.

The girls had gotten out her Twister game and were very clumsily trying to play it, with Bernie squatting down in a very uncomfortable looking position while Penny and Missy's limbs were completely entangled with each other.

She would have to ask them to play again one day on a girls' night.

They hardly noticed her, so Amy went to change into her nightclothes and then entered the bedroom.

It was strange, being here without Sheldon.

She sat down and let her hand roam over his side of the bed. Then she took his pillow and buried her face in it. His scent was almost overwhelming.

Maybe he was right. Maybe it really was stupid to spend this night apart.

It was crazy how much she missed him right now. How much she wanted to be with him. To talk about everything that had happened tonight. To hold him. To enjoy the anticipation she felt for tomorrow together.

Right in this moment, she remembered Connie's letter.

It was the perfect opportunity to read it. Now that she was all alone.

The only problem was… even though the letter, unlike the box, was meant for only her… it still felt wrong, not to share this moment with Sheldon.

So… maybe she would wait after all. And save it. To read it together with Sheldon. Maybe on their honeymoon.

Oh, if only this night was already over. If only she could hold the man she loved. Be in his arms. Feel his body. Hear his voice…

She sighed deeply and was about to put the letter away again, when she heard an unexpected noise.

*knock knock knock* "Amy"
*knock knock knock* "Amy"
*knock knock knock* "Amy"

With widened eyes, she went to open the bedroom door, but the doorway was empty.

Had she only been imagining things?

*knock knock knock* "Amy"
*knock knock knock* "Amy"
*knock knock knock* "Amy"

There it was again. She turned around, looking for the source of the knocking, and almost jumped at the shadow she saw by her window.

Quickly, she went to open it.

"Sheldon.", she whisper-shouted. "What are you doing here? We are not supposed to see each other on our wedding day."

"It's 10 pm.", Sheldon rebutted, pointing at his watch. "It's not our wedding day. Not for another two hours."

"Still. You are not supposed to be here.", she reprimanded him. "Dressed in your pajamas. It's… unseemly."

Her resolve was already crumbling though. She wanted him here. So, so badly. She was about to invite him in regardless of any tradition or superstition.

"I'm not trying to come in and spend the night with you. As much as I want to.", he told her softly. "I am asking you to put on a robe and come outside. There's something we need to do. Before the ceremony tomorrow. I'll take you back before midnight it you want me to. I promise."

She could have asked what it was they had to do. But in her heart, somehow, she already knew. And she couldn't help but agree with his plan.

So, she just put on her robe and her shoes, stuffed the envelope into her pocket and took Sheldon's hand so he could help her climb outside the window.

Without saying another word, they went on their way.

Missy's POV:

It was already late at night, when Missy decided, she needed a bit of fresh air. And a break from the joyous party she was attending.

Spending time with Amy, Penny and Bernadette had been wonderful. For a moment, it had let her forget about all the troubles in her life.

This was one of the things that made her lean towards taking the step to move to California. So as to not lose the best friend she ever had. And maybe, to feel a bit more normal again. Like a young-ish woman with friends. Not a twice-divorced failure with an ex-husband who was in prison for attempted murder of her whole family.

Missy sat down on the bench on the front porch of the house where she used to sit so often. With Sheldon. With Amy. And of course… with meemaw.

Lately she found herself thinking about her grandmother so often. About her guilt because she had not spoken to her during the months before her death. About how meemaw had tried to warn her about Robbie.

Meemaw had been right from the beginning. About everything.

With shaking fingers, she took out the letter she had gotten almost two years ago after meemaw had died.

She had not read it for a long time.

Partly because she felt, she did not deserve the old woman's words.

And partly because she was afraid of what would be in it.

In a way, this was also the reason why she had not used the money meemaw had saved for her up until now.

It was only a few months ago, when she had started going to therapy, that she had dared to read this last message.

And then she had read it at least a thousand times since then.

Those words… they were so kind. So gentle. So understanding. So full of love.

She had underlined one passage and she had made it her mantra.

"You deserve better, Missy. You are worth more. Do not be afraid of claiming the life that you want."

Missy took a deep breath before she took out her phone and started writing a message. She rewrote it several times, before she pressed 'send'.

And then she smiled softly, when only minutes later, the porch light across the street was turned on before someone made his way to her direction.

"Hey.", she said and smiled at her friend. The friend she had yearned to see for a while now.

"Hey.", he nodded in response. "You are right. It is a beautiful night. And I would love to get some fresh air as well."

He sat down next to her, not even asking her why she had texted him of all the people that were here tonight. Why she wanted to share this moment here on the front porch with him.

The porch where she had so often witnessed Amy and Sheldon, silently envying them for their amazing relationship.

"So… how is Joshua doing?", Raj finally broke the silence. "He seemed happy tonight. I take it, he must be relieved, not going to school with his bullies anymore."

"He is.", Missy nodded. "I had my doubts about it. But his therapist said it might give him the break he needs right now. But it's not permanent. In the long run, he needs to be among other children."

"I am glad you put him into therapy.", Raj told her softly. "After what happened… he really needs to heal. You both do."

Missy side-glanced at Raj.

She knew, he meant every word. He was genuinely concerned about her well-being. And about her son's.

"How is the homeschooling going anyway?", he continued to ask. "Have you gotten used to it a little?"

Missy shrugged.

"It's not my favorite activity to be honest. I did not really enjoy going to school. Well, at least not the actual learning part. And I definitely do not enjoy trying to be my son's teacher. But… I manage. Amy has helped me a lot the last couple of weeks. Which is amazing, considering how much she had to do with her wedding."

"That was very nice of her.", Raj nodded.

Missy reprimanded herself.

"I'm sorry.", she said softly. "I should not have mentioned Amy. This must be so hard for you. Hearing me sing her praises and… watching her get married tomorrow. I mean I know how you feel about her…"

"Felt.", he interrupted her.

"Huh?", she asked, slightly confused.

"You're wrong, Missy.", he told her. "It's not hard seeing her getting married. Not anymore. Any you can sing her praises all you want. She is a great person, and I am happy for her and Sheldon. But… I am over her. Whatever I thought I felt for her… it's in the past."

Missy's heart did a little flip.

"Are you… sure? Because… when we spoke about it back in November…"

"I am sure.", he confirmed. "I thought about it a lot lately. And… as I realized… I don't think what I felt was more than a little crush. A crush I blew out of proportion because I was so desperate to be in love. It's what I do. What I have always done. I let myself fall for women. Way too quickly. I interpret every little infatuation as true love because that's what I want. I did this with Bernadette and Penny. And now Amy. And… I also let it lead me into jumping into relationships too quickly. With women I am not compatible with. Just because I am constantly afraid, I could miss my big moment. My love story. My happily ever after. But… in acting the way I did… I realize now, I never gave myself the chance to experience it. I am the one standing in my own way, because I never let myself wait to find out how it is to truly care for someone the way Sheldon and Amy do."

He looked at her strangely and Missy could feel her heart start pounding in her chest. She was shocked by his honesty. By how deeply he was letting her look right into his soul.

And even though she shouldn't… she really shouldn't… she couldn't help but wonder if Raj had figured out how it felt like by now. To truly care for someone.

"Well, I guess I am lucky you figured out your problem before you could develop a crush on me, huh? And then blow it out of proportion.", she said jokingly.

She knew it was childish to say this. But she couldn't help it. She just wanted to see his reaction to these words.

But strangely, he did not react at all. Just looked at her seriously with those deep, dark brown eyes.

"It must be hard for you though. Seeing Sheldon and Amy get married tomorrow.", he told her softly. "With your experiences with weddings and marriage… do you think it will bring up bad memories?"

"I don't know.", she admitted. It had crossed her mind as well. But she really wanted to just be happy for her brother and her best friend tomorrow.

"If you want… we can attend the wedding together. You know, sit together and stuff. As friends. Just… so we will not be the only ones sitting alone, since we will probably be the only friends of the bride and groom that are single."

"That's nice, but… I am not going to be alone.", she told him and winked at him. Did it just seem like it or did his face fall a little at her words? She chose to explain right away. "I am going with Joshua. Since I am the maid of honor, and he is one of the best men."

"Oh… that… that made sense.", he said, his face turning into a grin. He looked relieved and Missy couldn't help but grin as well.

"You are welcome to sit with us though.", she offered. "Joshi won't mind sharing me for a bit. We can go together. The three of us. You know… since you are our… friend."

"Right.", he nodded.

She realized, it felt right. Going to the wedding with her friend Raj. Joshua would be thrilled of course. He had been talking about Raj quite often these past months.

It did not mean anything else of course. They would just enjoy a fun evening together. Celebrate Sheldon and Amy's big day. Have some food together. Maybe even dance a bit. It was perfectly normal to do this with a friend.

All of a sudden, she heard steps coming their way.

Her eyes widened, and Raj looked equally shocked.

"Quick. Hide.", she whispered and slipped off the bench to crouch down on the floor. Raj followed close behind.

They peaked around the corner to see who was there.

"That's Sheldon… with Amy", Raj whispered. "He said earlier that there was someone he needed to talk to. But where are they going?"

"I think I know.", Missy said softly. "There is… someone they need to talk to. Before they can get married. Someone who always meant the world to both of them."

It made so much sense.

But… something else did not make sense at all.

Like… why had she felt the need to hide just now. She was just sitting outside the front porch talking to a friend. Which was no secret.

And there wasn't anything else happening.

Or – she looked at Raj who seemed to be equally confused – was there?


Okay, as announced, a personal wall of text, only a little bit related to this story.

I don't know if anyone remembers this, but in the end notes of the first part of this story, I told you about the concert/marching band I sometimes join for projects. It was one of the many inspirations for this story, especially this one member who was already in his nineties and used to be a physicist and once told me about the similarities between physics and music. On a side note, that man has been almost deaf for years, and so you can imagine how horrific it sounds whenever he plays his saxophone, but he's still there playing it, hopefully for many years to come.

So, my brother, a professional musician who is also the conductor of this concert/marching band has asked me to join them again for the next two months, because they have a big concert in November and could use my help. My brother knows how stressful my life has been lately, so I did not think he would ask this year, but he did. And although if I am honest, I have zero time to do this right now, and even if I live a bit farther away from them now, I agreed to it, because thinking of sitting in the audience instead of with them on stage just broke my heart. I always loved playing music with my brother and I also love this group of people, with all their small-town drama and their inside jokes and the way they always stick together. Sometimes when I wrote scenes of the choir for this universe, I used them as inspiration.

What does it mean for this story? Hopefully, things won't change that much. I might have to skip an update on our big practice weekend as well as on our concert weekend. I have dusted off my instrument and I am practicing with them twice a week from now until sometime late November, so I will have less time to write or edit. But after the first two practices this week, I also noticed how much energy this activity gives me and how much playing music clears up my mind. On the long drive home (in the middle of the night by the way), so many new ideas for stories just popped up in my brain.

So, I hope I can still manage to keep up with my schedule, and I hope you can forgive me if I can't.