I start this fic during pandemic and while the progress is slow I am not planing on giving up. So I hope that you guys keep supporting me.

By the way does anyone knows what we are suppose to be doing in our 20's?

Sorry if there is any mistakes on my writing as english is not my first language.


Time is a trickle thing. Some moments seem to never pass, the hours seems to crawl instead of how they fly every time I am called back to the Capitol and yet, suddenly it is a new season, and winter turned into spring and spring turn into summer.

Summer… Funny, I never really like it. In the before I guess I lived in a hot place… Where was it again? It doesn't matter. But summer was too hot to be comfortable, I was always sweeting and exhausted because of the heat, however it meant summer vacation and the last used to make my friends excited.

Summer here has a lot of contradicting meanings. It does mean a break from school and a scalding weather, but it also mean more work as it is breeding season, it means bonfires for th e ones over fourteen. It means Reaping.

The Reaping… weird, isn't it? A year ago, I was there. Scared, but did not actually think it would be me. One in thousands, I guess the odds were really at my favor. Now I am sitting in a brand-new chair in the build platform at middle of the center square.

Boys at my right and girls at my left. They seem scared. But not like last year, this year there is hope in their eyes. Afterall, I made it, right? A little girl, only 12 did what so many find it impossible so it must not had been this hard…

This mentality will most likely get them killed.

Scratch that. They will die. There is not likely in this.

I know this from the moment the Bloody Man picks the tributes. This year they are Arthur Manesh and Olivia Hugi. Both sixteen, the same age as Sunshine that was able to pass another year, only a couple more so he can be safe. Well at least safe from the reaping. There are worst ends. I didn't truly understand about them before last year.

Chloe is safe. The last of my siblings that need to stand there and pray that it would not be her name. At least this year she did not pick any more tesserae. My victor's salary is taking care of us, but it didn't erase the ones she had before. It doesn't matter anymore, she is free from the claws of the Capitol, as long as I do well at my part in the deal with the devil that runs this horror show.

There is no big goodbye from my family and friend this time around. They knew I would have to go and they got used at this point of my constant visits to hell's favorite place. So, I just wait for the tributes to do the same thing I did last year and observe them.

They are weak. There is a softness at their faces that talk about an easy life. No, that is not right. It is hard to get an easy life here and their lives were probably harder than anyone their age would have to go through before. But this isn't before.

The girl has callus at her hands, but they are not the ones that came from dealing with knives, instead it is probably from washing clothes seeing as I can't find a particle of dust under her fingernails. The boy is tall for his age, but too skinny, at that weird stage of adolescence. He is from the first school. If I couldn't tell by his ginger hair, it would have been obvious by the way he looked everything around at the train.

Or better the way he looks at me and Noah.

The kid will learn that after been in hell this type of pettiness is laughable for us.

The first time we all meet up is at the dinner table. It has been a couple of hours since the ride had started towards the Capitol and I really thought about if I should go after them first. Maybe already give them some advice, ask if they have some ability that may be useful at the arena or just offer a little bit of comfort.

I craved for this last year.

I don't. The comfort is an illusion, and while it would be kind for them to have it, it would be better if they understand the situation they are in before it is too late. There is a limit in the amount of advices I can give. It may be better to learn the mentor abilities with Noah. At the end of the day he has more experience than I do.

Even if he seems settle at trying to drink the whole train dry before we set a foot at the Capitol.

(I can't get attached. They will die.)

"Your table manners are disgusting."

That is the first thing I heard Arthur say as I arrive.

"Not that it matters, as you are soon going to be dead. Go ahead, eat like a pig."

Maybe I am cursed, that is the only logical explanation on why all male tributes I meet are assholes. It certainly would explain a lot.

(Note to myself: verify this theory if I survive the war.)

Noah and our tributes are already at the dinner table. My ex-mentor is looking amused as he sips into a glass with an amber liquid and watch the interaction between the teenagers. Maybe this is his definition of fun, after all he looks like one of those that bet in with of the poor souls will be reaped year after year. I wouldn't be really surprised if it was the case.

Hugi has a bright red face of embarrassment. She had discarded the utensils when she saw the amount of food being offer to her. More than her whole family would be able to eat in a month most likely. The excitement had taken over her and she was happily eating before our joy of male tribute opened his mouth.

"Well, at least she is eating. It will help her in the long run and if you were half as smart as you're trying to pretend to be you should be doing the same."

He scowls at me.

"And what would a brat like you know?"

Noah chuckles at this. Forget it, this is his entertainment. His yearly dose of interaction and he blooms seeing chaos and misery. After all, one thing that is obvious to everyone is that even if you came back from the Arena it doesn't mean that you are accepted back. It happened to me and I at least had my family support. I don't think the others did as well.

No. It is not good to empathize with him. Even if I can understand why he is an asshole it doesn't mean I need to care for him.

There were no survivors of victors from district 10 and I am no superhero.

"Well, she made it out alive. Which it is more than you will be able to."