Chapter 18: Diffused Light

The butterflies were there in her tummy, the giddy feeling of being weak at the knees, a flutter of sensations, the quiver of her body after a night of—

Nope. It wasn't an erotic dream waking her up this time.

Something else was making itself unmistakably known in the pit of her stomach.

She fervently wished it had been lust and desire, though. Unfortunately, those dizzying sensations resulted from her stupid decision of not eating dinner last night before heading off to the club to see Shino dj his set.

She bolted upright on this unfamiliar bed, causing the sudden painful pounding in her temples and the gurgling nausea in her belly.

It only took her a second to realize where she was because when she blinked blearily, that was definitely Naruto pointing to a door beyond the bedroom.

"Bathroom's over there," he simply said, seeming to know exactly what she needed to do.

Grateful for that very important piece of information, she ran head long in the direction and the door he'd pointed to, managed to open it, and had her head perfectly positioned over the toilet bowl when the first wave erupted out of her mouth.

All the while, her single thought was: Make sure nothing spills out and everything is inside the bowl.

When she'd heaved everything out, she belatedly realized that Naruto was behind her and rubbing her back.

God, even in this state, he was being a kind soul.

She didn't deserve him. He was too good for her.

They had so much to talk about.

Hinata Huddle.

But at least she was finally here, determined to see this through the end.

She would stay and explain herself.


After she'd thrown up the queasiness inside her, he'd guided her to the sink where she'd splashed water on her face to help her recover from her hangover. He'd even given her a toothbrush when she'd asked, one of the many she'd seen stashed neatly in the drawer underneath the sink.

He left her there standing in front of the mirror and she got a good look at herself—as usual a wreck. Her hair was tangled, those bags under her eyes were a brilliant shade of purple, her skin pale.

She'd drunk too much last night because she'd been nervous, unaware of how much she'd gotten from the bartender, waiting for him to come to the club but not really expecting that he would. Why would he after the crap she'd put him through?

But she'd seen him walking in the club, she'd been so happy, she'd run to him and then promptly smacked him in the face. She remembered that very clearly. But even though she'd planned to explain everything to him last night, the rest of the evening was a blur after Shino had grabbed the drink from her hand.

But she was satisfied with the end result, though, that she was in Naruto's apartment.

Just, she hadn't expected she would look this deranged in the morning.

She sighed and started running through her hair with her fingers.

Naruto came back presently with a clean t-shirt and some comfy-looking pajama bottoms. Their eyes met briefly and then he averted his gaze. Without meeting hers directly, he mumbled, "Here. If you want to use the shower, be my guest."

He waved a hand vaguely in the little utility room that held towels and toiletries. "Just use whatever you need," he said. Again, he looked at her briefly then lifted his lips in a flashing upward curve. "I'll be in the kitchen, if you want to join me there for breakfast?"

How sweet he was.

Her heart tightened. She heard the uncertainty in his voice when he'd asked the question. Poor Naruto didn't know whether she would rush out of here again.

"I'll stay," she said, trying to assure him that she wasn't going to bolt. "I have a lot of explaining to do."

He seemed relieved to hear that, but he only turned around and left her to clean up.

The shower refreshed her, cleared her mind despite still feeling slightly nauseous. But she owned her stupidity and her mistake last night, knew that she had to take responsibility for her actions. She was also glad she would get the chance to finally air out her feelings to Naruto, who deserved an explanation and an apology for the way she'd left things between the two of them.

She joined him in the little dining area of his place, sitting silently at his table and watched him while he made breakfast.

Her phone was on the table, but she'd turned it off. Shino had messaged her sometime last night informing her that he'd texted Hanabi and Neji telling them that she'd spent the night at Naruto's apartment. After her shower, she'd checked for any messages from her siblings and had gotten two worried but not frantic texts from them. She'd responded to set them at ease and was glad when they sent a couple of relieved emojis back.

Hinata glanced wordlessly at Naruto again.

They were both quiet. He had his back turned to her, seemingly concentrating on making sure the toast and eggs were being cooked properly. But he was even more hushed—and more tense—than usual.

Hinata didn't blame him. She did't know how to start this conversation, either. He was probably bracing himself for whatever else was going to come spilling out of her mouth.

She quietly sipped the coffee he'd thoughtfully brewed for her. To gather her thoughts, she glanced around her because the last time she'd been here, there hadn't been any time to look at anything. All she'd seen was his bedroom. But even the details of that room were fuzzy because her mind was filled with more important information, like how he'd felt, smelled, and tasted.

But she was looking around more observantly now.

My god, she thought as she surveyed his spotless apartment. She'd never seen a cleaner place in her entire life! How different from her home.

If his office was stylish, this place deserved to be featured in those fancy shmancy interior design magazines. The furniture was chic and modern—and mostly likely expensive—bought from a store that catered to customers who could afford such artfully engineered designs. Naruto was clearly a minimalist whose color aesthetics consisted of grays, blacks, and natural wood, but his apartment definitely screamed "bachelor." The bookshelves were filled with various design textbooks, both English and Japanese, a few photos of his family and friends. In one, she recognized Governor Uzumaki standing next to a handsome man Naruto resembled in features. She smiled to see a picture of him as part of a trio with Sasuke and Sakura with their graduation gowns and caps on. The photo was taken a few years ago because they all looked so young in it. Another photo of the trio was above it. In this one, Sakura and Sasuke were dressed in formal wedding kimonos while Naruto wore a tux. All three beamed brightly at the camera.

But he came over with her breakfast, set it in front of her, and sat perpendicular to her.

She glanced up with a smile. "Thank you."

He nodded and still remained quiet. He placed his palms together and said, "Itadakimasu." Then he picked up his toast and munched silently.

She watched him eat, his gaze on his plate. He wouldn't even look at her, he kept a steady examination of the butter melting on the warm, crispy bread set before him.

Inwardly she sighed, recognizing that he was probably overthinking things again, maybe working up the nerve to start the conversation. Poor guy. It wasn't his job to do that. That was hers. She was the one responsible for the clusterfuck she'd created.

"You know what made me sleep with you?" she blurted out but then took a bite of the buttery toast he'd made for her. Mouth still full, she answered her own question. "It's because you have really sexy forearms."

He choked on his toast and coughed.

While Hinata continued chewing and watching him, his skin warming with a flush. She'd finally provoked a desired reaction from him. That comment had somehow broken through this guarded, cautious awkwardness around them.

He blinked rapidly, took a sip of his coffee to compose himself, and then finally looked at her, his hands gripped tightly on the edge of his table.

Because she knew how polite he was, she said, "Good morning, Naruto."

That should be enough to cut through the tension this morning. Hopefully, it would allow him to gain some time to fall back on his usual poise.

It worked because he responded automatically. "Uh, good morning, Hinata."

She winced and began with a very sincere, "Naruto, I'm really sorry for the mess I made in your bathroom."

He shook his head. "It's okay."

She nodded, reached for the toast and took an even bigger bite, chewed with more gusto because damn, it was so good and buttery. She finally remembered that she hadn't eaten anything since lunch yesterday.

He was looking at her, fully recovered now from her outburst. But the rosy tint that she'd missed seeing so much was back on his face.

"My f—" He stopped and then cleared his throat. "My forearms?" he asked when he looked back at her.

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee. "That night, at your office, the first time I saw you in a suit. I never planned on sleeping with you, never planned on starting anything because I knew things would end up being super complicated." She bit some more into her toast. "And I was right, wasn't I?"

He finally smiled, his expression rueful. "Yeah." But he waited for her to continue.

She did, smiling at him, remembering that night fondly. "You had your sleeves rolled up, and you just looked so incredibly hot because of those exposed forearms, and I couldn't resist. So I propositioned you, really expecting that you would say no, but kinda hoping you wouldn't."

"Oh," he said before he held out his arms in front of him and looked at his forearms, a puzzled pucker over his face. He probably wouldn't get it, but he was still figuring out what she found so attractive about them.

"And at that time, I thought you were still going out with Ino. It was an honest mistake. You both came to the info session together and you were so sweet with her. I couldn't stop hating you guys for being so lovey-dovey with each other."

He looked anxious again. "I wasn't being l-lov—It had—" He took a deep breath. "You believe me that I was never with her right? I would never do that to you or to her."

She reached out and he automatically gripped her hand, which made her heart leap and her mouth curve instinctively into a smile to reassure him. "I do, which was why it was so hard to believe you could be a two-timing bastard. You're the modern equivalent of a chivalrous knight."

His eyes widened and his face grew bright with pleasure. His rigid stance relaxed and she kept his hand in hers, rubbing at the top of his fingers while she continued.

"I realize now that you weren't going out with her. It's just how you are. You're just really nice and sweet to everyone. I saw the way you were with your friends when we were all at your office the day you called me over."

He nodded, and she felt that his fingers were less tense against hers.

"But that night, I was fighting it, that desire to get into your pants, telling myself to be strong and just to just say thank you, drop off my gift, and then head back home." Then she glanced at him accusingly. "But then you taunted me with your photographs, and I had to look, right?"

He was smiling. "My memory of that is a little different. I never taunted you. I politely offered to show them to you."

She laughed. "You're probably right." Then she sighed mournfully. "And then you went beyond that and offered me those drinks. It made me realize all the trouble you went through just for me, the fact that you wanted to make sure there was something I liked, and I just lost it. I couldn't resist you any more. It didn't matter that you were already taken, all I wanted was you."

"Hinata…" His hand had tightened again in hers, but he didn't say anything else. She didn't need and want him to because she was coming to the main point of her apology.

She withdrew her hand slowly and brought it back to the coffee mug she'd been holding earlier. She fiddled with it a few times before she met his gaze again. Her smile was crooked. "But you brought me here to your apartment and made love to me so thoroughly, treated me wonderfully even with all my faults. It made me want more in this relationship we have. I didn't want to stop doing what we were doing, spending time with you, running into you at the festivals, or meeting each other in our studios."

She took a deep breath and added seriously, "I hope you know that I don't normally play stupid games with other people's emotions. I don't want to be that kind of woman. But I just had to leave that morning and say goodbye because I didn't want anything to make me lose my edge, whatever advantage I thought I had over you, to win this competition."

"Yes. I know that much about you." Deprived of her hand, he'd placed his hands on the table, not touching any food, or that cup of coffee that had probably cooled. His eyes still were firmly focused on her.

"Because, that night, Naruto, for the first time, I stopped giving a damn about this competition—even though I'm still dying to become the next imperial photographer." She smiled at him. "For that brief moment, I didn't care about any of that at all. I just simply wanted to be your girl."

There. That was an expression of surprise, and maybe even understanding, on his face. His eyes were wide, his mouth had opened slightly with a gasp.

She continued because she had to. "And that made me scared, how easily you were able to make me lose my passion for this. I mean, this is all I've known these past few months. I've been obsessing about getting through the rounds, making it to the next stage. Then Tokushima came, and I didn't see you there at the festival. I didn't have anybody to tease and I felt so lonely, like something changed."

Even though he didn't say anything, Hinata knew he understood what she was talking about.

"I hated it, of course. I didn't want to change for you, I thought. But it was already happening because I just wanted to be with you all the time," she finally added, herself breathless because she'd finally voiced what she hadn't wanted to admit even to herself. "I just wanted to hold on to that old me because I didn't want to make room for you in my life."

He'd given up on breakfast, but he'd listened to her, solemnly gazing at her face the entire time while she explained why she'd run off so suddenly.

"You wanted to be my girl?" he asked in a voice that was hushed with surprise.

She nodded and offered him a small hesitant smile. "Still do."

He blinked.

"Naruto, will you forgive me?"


He was not normally an impulsive man, but he was out of that chair so quickly, it fell back with a bang and caused Hinata to let out a startled shriek.

He'd meant to grab her and hug her when he'd stood up. Hinata, however, beat him to it.

She must have felt the rush of joy from his body, sensed the triumph coursing in his veins because she, too, was out of her chair and was already launching herself at him.

He caught her, pressed her to his body and squeezed her so hard, she let out a squeak. "Naruto!"

Then she was laughing, causing a lightness in his soul.

So much laughter again.

"Is that a yes?!" She was looking at him. Despite asking the question, she already knew the answer.

"Yes!"

Of course yes.

Even though that morning when she'd bolted, she'd left him in a state of confusion and resentment, he could understand her actions now. He took her at her word, happy to hear it directly from her, knowing how honest and how straightforward she was. Hinata wouldn't sugarcoat anything.

She'd been afraid of what would happen if they got more involved. How she'd been trying to prevent complications by not starting anything, and he was suddenly reminded of his conversation with Tenten, when she'd accused him of guarding his heart.

So they were both the same then, about being cautious with their emotions.

Hinata had tried to stick to her guns and tried to avoid any complications. But despite that, she'd been vulnerable to her wants and needs, to the feelings she couldn't control and had asked him for that chance to experience a night with him—to get him out of her system.

Because he'd listened and he'd heard her. Despite the brazen attitude she had for life, she hid her uncertainties and tried to bury her fears by cutting them off—and him.

Still, though, the only words that mattered to him echoed now in his mind.

I want more in this relationship…be with you all the time…be your girl…room in my life…all I wanted was you.

Everything he'd longed to hear her say.

And dammit, he wanted the same things she did. Only, he wasn't much of a rambler like her and needed more time to formulate the words he wanted to tell her.

But maybe she didn't need that from him because she didn't pressure him to say whatever it was he was thinking or feeling.

He was grateful.

But he was grateful for a lot of things right now. Because she was here, sitting with him having breakfast after using his shower. He breathed in her scent, recognizing that her hair smelled like his shampoo. She was aslo wearing the shirt she'd borrowed from him because the clothes she'd worn yesterday was—well, they should probably throw those away. He'll buy her another one.

Then she suddenly pressed a kiss on his collarbone. She'd stood up on her tiptoes just so she could do it, making him smile against the top of her head. How small she was, his tiny queen.

Hell, he'll buy her anything she wanted.

He shook his head, unable to believe it because she was here, hugging him. He was quiet because he couldn't speak even though he wanted to say everything he'd been saving up inside, but he was struggling with emotion and trying to find the words to explain it all to her. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, but if he opened his mouth, he knew he was going to stutter. The tell-tale signs were there. The muscles around his mouth were quivering and he knew he needed to be calmer so he could ask her, tell her what he wanted to say, what he hoped for in his heart.

But he just couldn't.

I want you to stay here, be in my life, Hinata.

"I will. I'll stay with you."

He blinked at her, not realizing he'd actually said the words aloud. But she was smiling at him and he realized that this was fine. There was no need to rush into anything, to force himself to speak just to say something. He had time, and she would stay for real this time.

He was sure of it. She wouldn't lie.

"Are you sure you want me with you, though?" She buried his face into his chest one more time when she said, "I'm probably going to make your life really chaotic. I'm not the easiest person to be around."

"I don't mind."

She laughed and squeezed him. "Okay, but just remember that I warned you."

Again, Shino's words from last night flashed in his mind. "You're the reckless part she says she deserves."

Chaos and Reckless.

He smiled one more time. Sounds about right. "This is how it was meant to be."

She chuckled. "Alright then. Now you're stuck with me."


After they'd both eaten, Hinata suddenly felt tired and she hadn't been able to hold down the loud yawn that escaped her. Shino was right. She'd been pushing herself too hard and hadn't been sleeping and eating properly. Between her regular work, the contest, and Naruto, she'd had a very stressful few weeks. And she'd added more kindle to the fire when she'd drunk too much last night.

They moved to the bedroom where they could rest. He was sitting up, his back leaning against his headboard while she was buried underneath the covers, snuggled in comfortably and using his thighs as a pillow.

"My god, everything about you is comfortable," she sighed, her eyes closing with pleasure.

He looked down at her and rubbed her back. She responded with a languid stretch. "I'm not sure if that's a compliment," he said.

Her eyes were still closed so she missed the disgruntled look he'd flashed her. She was smiling, though, when she responded. "It is—the best kind. You mellow me out. Somehow, I just love how you make me feel so relaxed, so peaceful, so zen. You're like a stopper for me."

"Oh." He smiled, liking that he could make anybody feel that way. Part of him recognized that his dad probably played the same role with his mom. "Then thank you."

"I meant it." She was silent, but when she spoke, he saw that she was looking up at him, her mischievous smile back on her face. "You know, you are so different from my first impression of you."

He smiled back at her and played with the strands of hair that drifted over her cheeks when she shifted so that she could get a closer look at his face. "I'm scared to ask."

"You probably won't be surprised to know this, but seriously, I really hated you at first sight."

"What?!"

"Oh, whoops! I guess you are surprised." She looked chagrined to see that quick flutter of his eyes and the perplexed smile on his face, but he said nothing.

She had to explain then. "Yeah, you know, you walked in late to the info session and your face was so arrogant! I don't know, it just bugged me to see you looking really cool and haughty, and it made me dislike you so much. But then I realize it was the perfect excuse to actively hate you so I could continue thinking of you as my enemy for this competition."

He wrinkled his nose. "Oh."

She reached out and squeezed his arm. "But don't worry, I wasn't just singling you out. I disliked everyone there because obviously, all the people in the room were my rivals, right? I need to eliminate everyone if I'm going to be the only one left standing and the one photographing the new emperor."

"I guess that's fair—"

She laughed and interrupted him. "You know it's not! Come on! There was nothing fair about it all, Naruto. That was really bad of me."

He shrugged and smiled but he didn't disagree. She grabbed a pillow and buried her face into it, embarrassed by her past behavior.

When she looked up at him again, he was still smiling at her and she continued. "I was getting ready to do battle. I already knew you were a talented photographer. It was easier to think of you as the bad guy, some snobby rich dude who didn't want to socialize with us poor folks. But you're not. You're generous and very sweet with other people."

That made him smile again, and it grew even bigger when she added, "And you've been very nice to me, Naruto." Then she laughed and slithered downward, hiding her face in the covers once more. Her voice was muffled when she said, "And, I'm going to be honest, that fruit mochi you sent to my office absolutely helped out a lot. They were really good."

He laughed, happy to know that she could be wooed with delicious food. "I'm glad, then."

When she popped her head back out, he was still smiling at her.

"Funny you say cool, Hinata, because that time, I was so embarrassed to be walking in so late into the info session. I hated the attention Ino and I were getting, and I just froze because I was actually panicking inside." He could feel himself flushing as he admitted that to her.

Hinata, though, suddenly sat up, flinging the covers upwards. Her hands were suddenly all over his warm cheeks. "Oh, man. I love it when you blush."

Which of course had him flushing even more.

She grinned at him. "Like I said, that was my first impression of you. I've changed my opinion, of course. I know you're just really shy and when you get that serious look on your face, it means you're just trying to calm yourself."

His cheeks hurt from smiling at her so much.

"I'm also eating crow and humble pie—not so yummy—and begging your forgiveness because I jumped to so many wrong conclusions about you, you know? It's a very bad habit of mine. I'm still trying to think of a way to make it up to you."

"You don't have to."

He leaned down to kiss her on her lips simply because he could. And why shouldn't he, now that he'd finally gotten her back in his life?

But when he pulled back to look at her once more, she was looking at him with wonder.

With a questioning glance, he asked, "Hinata? What's wrong?"

She blinked at him and pointed to his nightstand—where the damned box of condoms from their first night was sitting on top. He'd forgotten to hide them, to put them inside in the drawer.

"You kept them," she whispered, her voice quavering.

He flushed. "Yes. I didn't wa—"

Her eyes suddenly became glassy, filling with moisture.

He looked at her and gaped. "Hinata, please don't tell me you're getting emotional over a box of condoms?!"

"I'm not." She shook her head, but Naruto saw her blink rapidly, the tears in her eyes making her a liar.

Of course she would. This was Hinata after all.

He laughed, grabbing her for another hug and so he could smother the sound into her hair even as she continued sniffling.

"But Naruto, you didn't get rid of them, either. They're still here at your place. You were sentimental over the condoms, too."

"I'm not!"


She was sleeping, gently snoring away her hangover, but Naruto was smiling as he felt the warmth of her body pressed against his.

He'd joined her in her nap but had woken up when the buzz of his phone made him realize that somebody was calling.

It was his mother. He debated whether to answer the call, but his feeling of giddiness overpowered his customary caution.

"Mom?"

That was it.

"Oh, Naruto!" she shrieked with excitement, causing him to wince and glance down at Hinata, who thankfully remained asleep. But his mom was still speaking. "You can't hide her from me now. I really want to meet her!"

He'd spoken only one word to her, but she'd heard everything in his voice, the happiness he couldn't contain and had known that his world was perfect again.

Hell, he'd probably subconsciously wanted her to find out when he'd picked up instead of calling her back later on when Hinata wasn't in his apartment.

"Okay, Mom. I'll do my best to convince her."

"I can't wait!"

But when he'd explained it to her, Naruto should have been suspicious of the quick way Hinata had immediately agreed to it.