I was wondering if you ever wrote a one shot about Kensi and Deeks' first time in Recovery? I still haven't found the perfect fic about that night and I came across one of your drabbles about what happened that night and now I kind of need to read the whole thing, or I might literally go crazy


They giggle as they walk through the door. From nerves, anticipation, the realization that they're finally taking this step after nearly five years. As soon as they're through, Kensi pushes Deeks against the closed door, grasping the back of his neck, fingers curling into his hair. When her lips press to his, he sighs.

It's just like he remembered and dreamed about since the first time Kensi kissed him.

"I've been waiting for this so long," Kensi says, echoing his thoughts. Then her lips are on his again, and she makes an encouraging sound when Deeks teases her lips open with his tongue.

He's kept his hands on her waist up til now, but can't stop himself from smoothing up her back and sides, marveling at the fact that he's allowed to touch her now. Kensi shivers, her fingers tightening in his hair. It hurts just a tiny bit; not enough for Deeks to care.

She pulls back with a gasp, eyes gleaming in the dark (they'd completely forgotten to turn on any lights). One of her hands trails down his neck, landing high on his chest where his collar parts. Even though it's a fairly innocent touch, it sends a fiery flush through his whole body, and he has to close his eyes against the onslaught of feeling.

It's not just that he wants Kensi. Because he does, more than anything. It's so much more than lust though. He loves Kensi Blye beyond all reason.

Kensi's traveling hands bring him back to reality and he raises an eyebrow at her.

"Now that's definitely HR reportable," he quips, thoughts it's bookended by a breathy laugh when Kensi palms him through his pants.

"Shut up," she laughs, not able to keep the fondness out of her eyes. Tilting her head, she kisses him lightly, in direct contrast to the desperate, passionate kisses of moments ago. Then she takes his hand and deliberately leads him to his bedroom.

Deeks pauses to toe off his shoes on the way, which is apparently too long for Kensi, who makes an impatient sound. She crawls back onto the bed, stopping when she's sitting in the middle and tugs at his hand until he follows.

Kensi drags him down with her, and the feeling of their bodies against one another, even fully clothed is exquisite. For just a second, he rests his forehead to hers, and then Kensi tips his chin down for another kiss. She curls her leg over his hip, drawing him even closer.

Groaning into her mouth, he slides his hands up her loose blouse, hands skimming her amazingly soft skin until he reaches the edge of her bra.

"Wait." Kensi shoves at his chest, not with even half the force she's capable of, and Deeks shifts so he's hovering over her instead of pressing her into the bed.

"Did I hurt you?" he whispers, alarmed at the tears suddenly threatening to spill onto her cheeks.

"No—I" she inhales deeply and that seems to settle her somewhat. Shaking her head, she reaches up and brushes her thumb along his bottom lip.

"What's wrong?"

"You know, if we do this, it changes everything," she answers, so matter-of-factly, it sends a chill through him.

"So what do you want to do?" he asks. The thought of stopping and pretending nothing happened kills him.

"I don't want to have to choose," she responds slightly louder and her frustration with the situation obvious. It gives him hope. They can still have everything, be partner, friends…more.

"Don't. Then don't choose. We don't choose."

"You know that's not how that works." Despite her words, she curls a hand in his shirt, her fingers grazing his chest. "What do you thinks going to happen?" she asks, and he knows she wants him to tell her that it's all going to be alright.

"I don't know," he answers honestly. He thinks they can have everything, make this work, but he truly doesn't know for sure. "I don't care."

Her face crumples. "What are you doing to me, Deeks," Kensi whispers, the sound almost a sob. Then she presses her hand to the center of his chest, reaching up to kiss him again.

"Falling in love with you," Deeks murmurs against her lips, and they move against each other in sudden desperation. Kensi cups her hands round his neck, the other reaching for the hem of his shirt. She tugs it off, then her own, mouth going right back to his.

When she needs to breathe, he turns to mapping the length of her neck and jaw. She shudders against him, hands stalling in an attempt to unbutton his jeans.

Despite many detours, they eventually scatter the rest of their clothes across the bed and floor. Deeks spends a minute just taking Kensi in, running his hands down her arms, up her legs, over her stomach.

In the dim light her skin is flushed a dull pink and she shudders when he presses a kiss just below her hip bone. He spends the next several minutes kissing every inch of her body.

Kensi arches into him, her eyes closed, head tossed back as she clings to his shoulders, and trembles beneath him, and Deeks thinks that she's never looked more beautiful than in this moment. She falls back to the bed with a gasp, her skin damp with sweat.

After several moments of breathing unevenly, Kensi opens her eyes, looking absolutely wrecked. He grins down at her.

"Well?" he asks, like he's expecting a full review. Kensi smack playfully at his chest, and catches her hand before she makes contact, lifting it to his lips.

"Get up here," she croaks, pulling him back into her arms. Her legs hook around his hips to hold him in place as she shifts against him.

He wants this to last forever. One night just isn't enough.