Pansy and Neville date in secret throughout their 4th, 5th and 6th years.
Chapter 2 - Rewrite the Stars
It was well past curfew when Pansy finally got back to the common room. She stopped in her tracks, stomach sinking when she turned the corner and found Snape waiting for her.
"Miss Parkinson. Out for a late night stroll, were we?"
"Professor Snape. I-"
"Much as I enjoy waiting for wayward students to return to their dormitories so that I can lock my classrooms, perhaps it would be prudent to give you this." It was a key. "This way if you think you need to spend some extra time thinking things over in detention, I don't need to be involved."
He was gone with a sharp swish of his cloak, and she was left holding the small brass key, wondering what exactly had just happened.
Snape hadn't been the only one who'd waited up for her. Draco, Theo and Blaise were loungingmon the sofas when she came through the door.
"We were just about to send out a search party." Draco drawled as she sat down, his voice softened though when he asked, "Are you ok?"
"No. I'm not. You?" she sighed, exhausted from crying and from the repeated curses her father favoured.
"Not at all." Draco said quietly, before smirking. "At least you have Longbottom."
She buried her head in her hands and groaned as the boys all dissolved into laughter.
"It's the teeth isn't it Pansy? I always pegged you for a teeth girl." Theo choked through his tears.
"Of all the names. Why Longbottom?" Draco cried, as though he had any right to make fun of anyone's name.
They teased her goodnaturedly for a while before they headed upstairs. Blaise hung back for a moment, a hand on her arm.
"Is he good to you?" He asked, in that quiet intense way of his.
"Yes." She said, the thought of him holding her and rubbing her back while she cried bringing a small smile to her lips.
"Well, that's all you need then." Blaise said, giving her arm a quick squeeze before he headed off to bed.
The night of the Yule Ball came. Pansy was going with Draco, and Neville with Ginny Weasley. She would have been jealous if it wasn't so blindingly obvious Ginny would have preferred to be there with Potter.
It was incredible. They danced for hours, basking in the safety and the glory of Hogwarts at its best. She stole glances at Neville whenever she could, while Draco tried to pretend that he wasn't watching Hermione Granger dance with Viktor Krum.
They were all aware of Draco's little crush, teasing him for acting out in such a predictable way. But it was just that, a crush. What she was starting to feel for Neville seemed a lot more substantial, and more importantly was not unrequited.
He was, however, hiding his jealousy a lot better than Weasley, who looked like he was about to explode.
The night was just about over, when Theo came back from "the loo" looking decidedly ruffled and pleased with himself, followed swiftly by Ernie MacMillan.
He waited for them to gather their things to leave and passed Pansy a scrap of parchment.
"Present for you. From your secret admirer. Fair warning MacMillan saw him give this to me so he'd better brace for some come ons from inside the closet." He said, waggling his brows.
Pansy threw her head back and laughed.
"Merlin, he probably thought nothing of it too." She opened the folded paper, and a little thrill went through her at the now familiar handwriting.
Meet me in the greenhouses?
She grinned. Of course, he wanted to meet there. She told her friends where she was going and slipped away towards the exit.
Past a fifth year couple entangled behind a statue, and past Hermione Granger screaming at Ron Weasley. She only caught snippets of that conversation, but even she had to admit Granger had a point.
It was incredibly easy to get to her destination without being seen. Hardly anyone was around, and the people that were certainly weren't bothered about what she was up to.
Neville was waiting for her when she arrived.
She had always thought him silly looking. Too tall, too skinny with too big teeth. But right now, all she could think was how handsome he looked in his dress robes.
"Wow Pansy, you look…wow." He blurted, and she blushed.
"You don't clean up do bad yourself, Longbottom." He flushed too, and she continued, "Fair warning, you might get some…interesting propositions after tonight."
He looked adorably confused so she elaborated.
"Ernie MacMillan saw you give Theo the note."
Nothing. Just blinks.
"MacMillan probably thought the note was for Theo?"
"What?!" There it is.
Neville had gone from a slight flush to a full tomato.
"Ernie thinks I was giving the note to Theo, to meet him?" He said slowly, processing the information.
"In all likelihood, yes."
"Why would he think that?"
"I would think it'd have something to do with what Theo and Ernie were doing in the boy's bathroom. Not to mention Theo's reputation in general." Pansy laughed making her way to him.
"Oh dear." Neville said, sitting on a work bench.
She wasn't sure if it was the magic of the night, the fact that she could just barely still hear the music through the open windows, or if it was just a culmination of weeks of pining, but she wasn't quite in charge of what came out of her mouth next.
"Neville, will you dance with me?" He stilled, meeting her gaze with a stunned expression, so she blustered on, "Its just we never got to…tonight that is. And…I would like to. With you. Tonight."
He said nothing, and all of a sudden, she wished very much that the Venomous Tentacula skulking in the corner would swallow her up. After what seemed like an hour he stood and held out his hand.
"Will you dance with me, Pansy?"
Later, when his lips finally brushed hers in a chaste almost kiss, she thought this might be the happiest night of her whole life.
It was a wonderful way to spend Christmas.
Voldemort's return changed everything.
Fifth Year
She hadn't seen Neville since they'd left the train station that day at the end of their fourth year. So much had changed in one summer. She'd watched a successful smear campaign of Potter and Dumbledore while being all too aware that what they said was true.
He was back.
The absence of Neville felt like something had been physically taken from her. She knew it wasn't safe to write to him. She knew it. But the temptation was overwhelming. So, to distract herself she decided to try to become an animagus.
She loved transfiguration. It had always come easily to her, in a way other subjects hadn't. Even McGonagall admitted she had a natural talent for it.
It also had the double benefit of being a worthy pass time in the eyes of her parents and him. It would make her such a good spy they said. How impressed the Dark Lord would be, they said.
She thought it just might make it easier to get away one day.
That didn't mean she escaped their scrutiny completely. She and Draco and Theo all had it rough that summer, their parents' intent on toughening them up. Blaise got off easy, as usual. His mother was honeymooning with her new husband, and he was off to France for the summer to spend it with his grandparents.
They'd been back at school only a day when she found herself pacing in the dungeons, waiting for Neville. She'd delivered a message to his dorm via Dean Thomas, who Theo seemed to trust for some reason. Not that it would implicate her anyway if it was read. All it said was,
The usual place.
-P
She was getting ready to leave when finally, he got there.
He'd gotten taller she registered dimly as she threw herself at him. His long arms wrapped tightly around her and squeezed, before he pushed her back and held her at arms length, eyes roving over her.
"Are you ok?" He asked
"I am now."
Umbridge is such a heinous bitch.
Pansy thought, stalking with the rest of the Inquisitorial Squad past a group of first years with their hands cut open. Draco squeezed her hand in his, and she knew he felt as nauseous as she did.
The ugly pink of her office assaulted her eyes.
A crying Ravenclaw pushed past her to leave, blood dripping from her fingers. Her stomach turned, and Pansy schooled her features into her usual cool disgust.
"You asked for us High Inquisitor?" Draco sneered, his mask fully in place.
"Yes. We have a tip that the so-called Dumbledore's army is meeting in a secret room. But as of now I don't know how to get in. We shall have to keep on with the interrogation of its members, perhaps I need to rethink my methods-ah Severus." Umbridge babbled. Pansy felt the potions master sweep past her.
"This is all my stock. Use it wisely." He warned lazily.
"Yes, yes. The Minister thanks you Severus, for all your help." Umbridge continued.
Pansy imagined he might look a touch more disgusted than usual when he made eye contact with her. He was speaking to Umbridge, but she thought that the odious woman wasn't really the one he was trying to warn.
"The Gryffindors had better start being choosier with who they tell their secrets to, if you are going to be using Veritiserum on the students." Snape said, and gave Pansy the very tiniest of nods as she and Draco left the room.
It was strange, to be the one consoling Neville. When he had always been the one to be strong for her. No matter what her parents did on their trips home for the holidays, no matter what foul lessons they taught her on weekends in Hogsmeade, Neville was always there.
So, when it finally came time to be there for him, she felt a little off balance. They had met in the greenhouse again. His safe place instead of hers. He was sitting on the floor against a bench when she found him, and so that's where she went to him. Mud on her skirt be damned.
"I'm so sorry." She mumbled into his hair for what felt like the tenth time, rubbing small circles on his back like he did with her.
"I can't believe she's just free." He sobbed.
They stayed like that for a while, and even when the tears had passed, they remained there. The warm stone beneath them.
After a while he started, and looked at her, concern and terror written plainly on his face.
"You'll have to be around her. This summer when you go home. She'll be there." He said, and she could hear how frightened he was.
"Yes." She said simply. There was nothing else to say. Her mother and father had already been promising her lessons with Draco's dear aunt. She had been trying not to think about it.
"You need to be careful. Promise me you'll be careful around her." He was frantic, and he held her face in his hands.
She covered her hands with his, and kissed him,
"I promise."
"You can't tell me anything anymore." Pansy said when the finally broke apart for air. Something that was happening with less and less frequency now that things were getting more serious outside of the castle walls. At night, when no one was around, they could lose themselves in each other, and not have to worry about the impending war.
"What do you mean?" He asked, straightening his tie. "I tell you everything."
Something squeezed hard in her chest at his gods damned earnestness.
"I know." She said, "But you can't anymore. Not anything that could implicate you. Or your friends. Umbridge is losing it. Truth Serum is one thing, but she's going to start using Unforgivables soon. I can see it in her face. She's hungry for it."
Neville studied her, and Pansy thought for a second that he was going to resist, but he simply nodded.
"Alright."
It was 3am when she was being shaken violently awake.
"What the fuck Theo?" She snapped when she saw who it was, and the initial terror of her nightmares subsided. She cooled immediately at the look on his face.
"It's Draco. Something's happened." He hissed.
She slipped out of the bed and padded her way to the boys dorm. Theo's clammy hand in hers. His usual bravado nowhere to be seen.
So, it was beginning then.
Sixth Year
The summer between fifth and sixth year was the worst of Pansy's life so far. There was none of the indulgence, if you could even call it that, from the year before.
Their parents had taken their training to a completely new level. All determined to show how loyal they were. All determined not to be the next Malfoys.
She could finally change her skin to that of a black cat. It didn't make her as happy as she thought it would.
The summer without any communication from Neville dragged on. It felt like it lasted a lifetime. She and Theo clung together to weather the storm, only able to see Draco occasionally. Such was his families fall from grace. For once she was glad that Bellatrix was his aunt. Her goodwill with the Dark Lord was likely all that had kept the Malfoys alive that summer.
Well, that, and Draco's assignment.
Pansy felt a little pang for the days when their friends had been teasing him for his silly crush on Hermione Granger. Things just weren't quite as funny anymore.
They met again in the greenhouse. She didn't need to send him a note this year, he just knew.
They didn't talk about any of it, they just kissed and held each other. Pansy showed him her progress towards becoming an Animagus, and he told her about all the plants he had studied over the summer.
Healing plants mostly. In preparation.
"We can't meet in the Dungeons anymore. It's too risky with Snape not teaching Potions." Pansy said.
"We can meet here. I don't think Professor Sprout will mind. She's never said anything so far, and I'm fairly sure she knows…about us that is."
Pansy nodded. A few times the year before the short witch had caught them both leaving and very obviously pretended not to see them. It had made her wonder what the Professor had gotten up to during her time at school.
"Does that mean there is an us?" she asked quietly, hopefully.
"Pansy, we've been an us since fourth year." He smiled into her hair. They were quiet for a few minutes.
"You still can't tell me anything. If they ask…I don't want to be able to betray you."
"I know." He kissed her again.
"You know we don't have to go." Theo drawled, draped across the sofa in the common room, every bit the indulgent pureblood.
"Yes, we do. We need to keep up appearances after all." Pansy sighed, shooting a worried look at a pale and sickly Draco on the other chair, "So far, the only ones they know about are Draco's parents. We don't need to add more fuel to the fire."
"Our parents have requested it Theo. We don't have a choice. Do try to keep it in your trousers tonight though." Blaise drained his glass of what Pansy suspected was not pumpkin juice, and they rose to leave. "Try to get some sleep Draco, we won't be gone long." He added softly, a quick hand on his friend's shoulder.
Slug Club, what a fucking name.
Pansy thought. She did have to admit though the food was delicious. He must have brought in other House Elves because it was a touch more refined than anything she'd ever had from the Hogwarts Elves.
"Speaking of slugs." Blaise murmured under his breath, just loud enough for Pansy and Theo to hear. He jerked his head at Cormac McLaggan, who was making a particularly uncomfortable display in the direction of Hermione Granger.
Draco's crush had long since died. He had no room to think of anything but his mission, and the impending peril should he fail, but she still felt a twinge of something towards Granger on his behalf. Or maybe it was just as a fellow girl.
Pansy knew she was pretty. Since turning fifteen the year before she had no lack of male, and sometimes female, attention. She'd grown into her upturned little nose, now cute where it once was pug like. However, the past summer she'd been around a fair few more unsavoury men. Not all of whom seemed to care that she was only sixteen.
Her family's status and ingratiating herself with Draco's aunt had helped, and no one had dared lay a hand on her. But they leered and stared, and she heard some of the comments they made when they thought no one could hear them.
But her family's fortunes in the eyes of a madman could change on a dime, as could the favour of his bitch.
"Where did you go just now?" Theo whispered, bringing her back to the present, concern just barely hidden on his face. They were all leaving the table to start mingling.
"Nowhere. I'm alright." She tried for a smile, but from his reaction it probably came out as more of a grimace. He didn't seem convinced. They tried to mingle normally, but always ended up back together, silently worrying about Draco.
She watched Hermione Granger slip away from under a curtain and narrowly escape McLaggan. Snape ripped open the curtains to expose him and Potter, and a quick hex from Pansy's wand left him throwing up the contents of his stomach. Another one, yet unrealized by the victim, would be causing him a great burning discomfort in the bathroom for a while yet. Unless he was willing to see Madam Pomfrey about it.
"Perhaps your night is about to get better." Theo muttered as he and Blaise turned and left her.
"Snitch truffle?" A familiar voice asked behind her, and she had to fight the relief from showing on her face when she turned to see him. He looked ridiculous, dressed as some sort of waiter. "It's the last one."
"I see you're the help tonight, Longbottom. How fitting." She sneered cattily but winked when she was sure no one was looking. She saw him fight his own smile, and his eyes flicked down to the appetizer on the serving plate.
There was a piece of parchment sticking out from underneath.
They slipped away and met, as they always did now, in the greenhouses. The dungeons had long since stopped being safe for them. They were not the only couple looking to sneak around unnoticed, and since Snape was no longer prowling the halls, other students had moved in.
"Draco looks bad." He started.
"Neville, don't. You know I can't tell you anything."
"Can't or won't." He sighed. She balked at the tone of his voice. He wasn't angry, but he sounded scared, and frustrated. "Pansy, I know something is going on. Harry's obsessed with it. If something bad is coming, you need to tell me."
"I don't need to do anything except keep myself and my friends alive." She snapped, regretting it immediately at the hurt plain on his face. "Neville I'm sorry. Please let's not talk about this." She kissed him and hoped it would be enough.
For that night, it was.
Katie Bell had been attacked, and then Draco in response.
The three of them sat by the side of his bed in the hospital wing. Silent. Vigilant. It was too much.
She felt like she was going to be sick. The professors had pushed off Potter's accusations as the ravings of a grieving idiot, but they knew it was the truth.
Draco was getting desperate, and in that desperation, he was getting sloppy. She looked over again at where Katie had been before they took her to St Mungo's. Her head pounded.
What kind of curse had been placed on that necklace?
"Is she dead?" Draco whispered quietly from the bed. Finally awake.
"No." Blaise assured him, "They got an update from St Mungo's about an hour ago. She'll be ok."
Draco's relief was palpable, and he started to cry. Theo held his hand.
He wouldn't be able to go through with it. She had her doubts before, but she knew it then, and as Theo and Blaise met her eyes over their sobbing friend, she knew they did too.
It was one thing, to hand off a cursed necklace to some unsuspecting Gryffindor and hope that it reached its mark. Quite another to take someone's life in cold blood.
A voice she hadn't prepared for pierced the tense quiet of the wing.
"Professor Sprout sent these up, she said they're for the blood regeneration potion." Neville was speaking louder than he needed to, Pansy knew, to get her attention. Against her will she met his eyes, and they were hard.
It hurt.
A jerk of his head and she knew what he wanted, but she shook her head. Bowing it back towards her friend in the bed.
Draco looked up at her, and smiled sadly, as though he knew what was coming too.
"Go. It's late and I need to rest anyway. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
"We'll wait for you in the common room." Theo said sadly.
The smell of the greenhouse had become comforting to her over the last few years. She associated it so closely with her feelings for Neville. But tonight, it was suffocating. The air was thick and hot, but she couldn't stop shivering.
"Did you know?" His voice was so cold and stilted it didn't even sound like him. She reached where he was in their hidden corner at the back and cast a quick Muffilato. From his tone, she anticipated shouting.
"Neville, of course I didn't know! He doesn't tell us anything anymore. Nothing specific anyway."
"But you knew he was up to something. You've known this whole time." His tone was biting and acusing.
"Yes." She admitted "I know he's being doing something." Not quite a lie, but an omission of the truth. She knew exactly what Draco was trying to do, just not how he was planning to go about it.
"How could you not warn us. Ron almost died. Katie is in St Mungos for fucks sake Pansy." She finally looked at him. He was furious.
Instantly, she was too.
"Draco almost died too Neville. Or did you just conveniently forget that part. That was seriously dark magic that Saint Potter used but we're all just going to forgive him? How is he any better than us?
"You don't know what you're talking about Pansy."
"Fuck you Neville, I think out of the two of us I have the more experience in curses, don't you?"
He had nothing to say to that, so she continued, fuelled by rage and everything she'd kept locked down since Cedric Diggory had died.
"Do you think this is easy for me? Getting tortured every fucking summer for weeks on end. Every Hogsmeade visit they can spare. Keeping everything from you. Having this secret half thing where we can never just tell each other anything real?"
"We're not talking about our relationship right now, we're talking about you lying for Draco when he almost murdered two people." Neville shouted.
"They were accidents!" Her defense sounded hollow even to her ears. They weren't accidents, not really.
Neville laughed but there was no humor in it. She had never seen him like this.
"Oh, so he accidently almost killed two people while he was trying to kill someone else. Is that supposed to make it better? You have to pick a side Pansy, soon enough it'll be them or us."
"You mean them or you." She said quietly. He stopped. Cheeks blotchy and chest rising and falling rapidly.
"No. I mean the good side or the bad side." He said, going for confidence but she could see him falter.
"The world isn't just good people and death eaters Neville. I know it your little Gryffindor brain everything is so black and white, but life just isn't like that."
"It should be." He said, puffing out his chest. Like it was just that simple.
She laughed, and it sounded cruel even to her.
"They won't kill us quickly. We'll be worse off than you lot, we'll be traitors. If they catch us…" she stopped herself, "They are my best friends, Neville. I love them. Don't make me choose between you."
"What about me?" He raged, "Because I love you too. But apparently that's not good enough. I'm not good enough."
"Neville, please."
"No. I understand." He said and she realized he was crying.
"No. You don't." She moved to him. Her voice pleading. She reached for him, but he pulled away and her heart sank.
"I love you." She said, her heart breaking, horribly aware that this was the first time they were saying it.
"But?"
"But Draco is my family." She realised that she was crying too.
"I can't do this." He said finally, kissing her, "I can't be with someone on the other side of a war. I can't be with someone who won't choose me."
He left her there, and just like that, they were done.
Author's Note:
This one is much more angsty since it's during the war. We skip through the rest of 4th, 5th and 6th year. Mainly because I'm trying my hardest to keep this to 4 chapters and if I don't reign it in it'll be 20 chapters long of angst and stolen glances.
They're only sixteen by the end of this, so the most we get it some kissing but nothing explicit. A tiny bit of implied Theo hanky panky. I feel weird about writing smut about teens so this one will be pretty closed door until they're adults.
Chapter name from The Greatest Showman. I love how this song starts off so hopeful about forbidden love, but by the end their reality bleeds in. I thought it was perfect for this part of their story.
