Whatever that thing said to me seemed to be a onetime thing. I tried asking for it out loud, using telepathy on every frequency, and more. It refuses to respond. My people were very skeptical if a true omnipotent being could even exist. We know the energy of some universes from brain-like structures that a soul can sync to. It was unknown if this went up another level, the formation of every universe to form an omniversal consciousness. Whatever it is, I hope it will leave me alone. I don't want something following me around every second.
While I think deeply on the possibility of a god, Jack and Garrus are hanging out in the recreation room. Tali should be getting off from her shift soon. We are supposed to be arriving at Rannoch later today. She is working really hard for some last-minute touch ups so we can enjoy our time off without worry. I'm just happy we're going on our first vacation as a couple. Normally I would plan everything we would do, but Legion told me he set everything up. I wonder what he could mean.
Shepard asked me about my information regarding these quarians and their involvement in the future, to which I replied I have no idea. At first, he thought if I didn't know, then I had to explain to him that my universe jumping ability isn't 100% accurate and surviving quarians was a big change. I have concerns how this will playout. Legion scheduled a meeting with representatives of multiple quairan governments and the geth collective. Speaking of, I visited Legion earlier and we had a very long discussion.
My concern was the geth collective would learn about me through Legion. Thankfully those programs in him offered it without that data transfer. I could sense Legion has something troubling him. My sixth sense was picking up strange vibes. Just to check, I used my soul vision and Legion's energy is jagged and not free following. Very unusual for a metallic being. I asked him what was wrong. Legion is upset EDI had bonded with a soul, but not him. I could see his frustration. I was impatient too. My attempt to make him feel better did little. I told him he has the rare opportunity to know what it is like to not have a soul so if he does get one, he'll know firsthand what almost no one knows. He didn't care. He wants a soul. Legion's main concern is where he would go if he were to die, and I don't have an explanation. I hinted he won't have to wait very long and that cheered him up, I think. His light was brighter.
Tali walks into the room. I'm no body language expert, but I know an overworked person when I see one. I stand up and flash her a smile. Her reaction was to plop on the couch. I didn't even get a hug. My heart is sad. I sit down next to her and run my hand down her arm. She's been working too much. I missed her.
"I'm so glad this is over. The engine would not stop being a little bosht'et. When I fixed one thing, a new one took its place over and over again" she vents.
"I keep telling you, you're not taking care of yourself. You need good rest to perform well on the job. It's probably why these issues keep popping up."
Tali positions her hand in front of her chest. "ARE YOU SAYING THIS IS MY FAULT?!"
I enter trance mode, with a monotone voice I repeat what was drilled into me "No a woman is never at fault. If there is a problem, it is somehow my fault. Whether I did it or not it is my fault. If a woman ever does something that causes an issue, it is because a man did something to her to cause it to happen. It is always my fault even when it is not my fault. Women are never wrong."
Garrus and Tali lean back in horror.
Jack says "wha do you know, he came pretrained."
Garrus stands up, walks over to me, places his gloved talon on my shoulder "*********, who told you that?"
"The fifth wave feminists of my universe repeatedly at the multiple government mandated training seminars." It's so hard to keep a straight face. They pop up if I remember right five years after the end of World War III.
My girlfriend is mortified "NO! *********, I know I haven't been the best lately, and it's because of the stress I am under and a slight persistent fever I have, but none of this is your fault. Darling, I'm capable of accountability. I'm sorry I raised my voice at you. My absolutely wonderful cherished human boyfriend is only trying to make sure I'm taking care of myself. If something were to be my fault, it will be my responsibility to deal with it. *********, do you understand?"
I wrap my arms around her and give her faceplate a dozen kisses. "Oh thank God you're sane. I'm sorry Tali, I just needed to make sure. I love you so much."
"You know for a guy who's probably banged a thousand chicks, he seems stuck to you" Jack said. This makes Tali uncomfortable. We haven't discussed each other's pasts.
"A thousand Jack?" I asked.
"At least. I'm just guessing since I'm at 800 and you're so old" she said.
"800!" shocked how she could have so many partners at 24.
"How do you even do that?" Garrus asked.
"Lots of gangbangs. What you never did that?" Jack asks me.
"NO! Never!" I said.
"Come on be real. You did some freaky decky before you got here" Jack said.
"I have not. I've only ever been with one person at a time" I said.
"You're lying" Jack said.
"I'm not. Dating in my universe was ugly to say the least and it left me with issues" I said.
"How many girlfriends have you had?" Tali nervously asked me.
"Well, I am old, but probably less than a hundred" I said.
"No way. At five thousand years old, that is less than two partners a century" Garrus shows of his mathematics degree.
"Well, I refused to date in my first life, at first because I was too unhealthy to attract anyone, then once I got healthy, the pandemic and lockdowns hit, later I learned how to control and channel energies and found an out, I refused to bring a soul into that trash heap. For a few centuries, I was lost and distracted myself with exploring the energy realms. I tried making fake energy forms of women, but it was creepy and unfulfilling. For a while I wasn't sure I would ever date because I didn't want to bond with someone and have them taken away from me forever. It wasn't until a chance encounter with a fellow energy person I learned about everything else. So, I tried dating and it was alright. My exes always claimed I was distant and looking back I can see why. Then I returned to the physical worlds for a while, and something just happened to make the attraction go through the roof. I had a binge until a pregnancy scare set me straight" I said.
"I thought you want children" Garrus said.
"NOT WITH HER! There are things worse than death, Garrus. Remember that. Anyways I pulled back and met this one feminine entity. She was 'born' as energy and we were together for almost a millennia" I said.
Tali asks "what happened to her?"
"Our relationship was... unique. We didn't really click but we didn't connect with others. It's like… we were two puzzle pieces that didn't fit anywhere and took comfort being with someone who understood each other's situation. Eventually we couldn't keep kidding ourselves and we were using one another as a distraction, and we broke up. I grew really picky because if I'm going to be spending my life with someone, it better be the right one" I explained.
"Still, you must have been alone for so long" Tali said.
"I was. I had some streaks but guys, you are forgetting it's different for my people, I didn't date many people, but that doesn't mean I was single for most of my existence" I said.
"I can see that" Garrus said.
"Sweetie does that freak you out?" I ask my beloved.
"Why would it?" she asked.
"Being with a man with much more experience while…" I should have shut up.
"While what?" she asked. This is getting awkward.
"In human couples, sometimes the woman may have an issue dating a man who… you know while you" I hate how my expression center is flowing the energy right now. SO weird.
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…
"I've had sex" Tali said.
"YOU HAVE?!" I shout.
"YOU HAVE?!" Garrus shouts.
"YOU HAVE?!" Jack shouts.
"What? Why wouldn't I? ********* isn't my first boyfriend" Tali said.
"HOW?" I wonder how that is even a possibility how my sweetie could have been with another ma- DON'T THINK THAT!
"The suits have nerve stimulation programs. We… stimulate those" Tali said.
"But do you take the suit off?" Jack asked.
"Oh no. We save that for our bondmate" Tali said. SCORE!
"Wait, then that's not sex" Garrus said.
"Yeah, it doesn't count. If anything, it's assisted masturbation" Jack said.
"It counts in quarian society. ********* did you really think I was a Mary?" Tali asked.
"You mean a virgin?" I said.
"Yeah that" Tali said.
"I AM!"
"What?!" Garrus said.
"How are you a virgin?" Jack asked.
"New body new virginity. Them's the rulez" I said.
"That is not how it works" Tali said.
"That is how my people see it" I said in a mocking tone.
"You haven't had sex since you arrived here?" Garrus asked.
"I've been busy and haven't had much time to mingle with ladies on TuChunka and the first Normandy. Wait hold on, we could have been doing stuff this entire time?" I asked.
"Yeah, but you always go on about energy and bodies which I don't understand so I didn't think you wanted it just yet" Tali said.
"Tali, I am the last real red-blooded American man. I want this!" my voice grows husky, like a lion who hasn't eaten meat in a week and sees a juicy water buffalo to eat. I'm not even sure if they eat those, I'm losing control of my higher brain functions. Swagger dagger is heating up.
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…
I stand up. Pull Tali off the couch using her hand. Look towards my audience. "Bye guys." I guide Tali out of the room. FINALLY! I get to connect with her on the deepest level possible. To feel each other's energies, how they merge and flow through us. To make her feel how much I love her. The thumping below us.
…
The thumping below us?
EDI sphere appears right in front of me. I am not going to miss this when she gets a body. "We have arrived on Rannoch. Legion and Shepard are waiting for you in the cockpit" COCKBLOCER!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tali got very excited, just not the excited I wanted. Oh, how fate is so cruel to me. My fists clench with anger. I feel like a central banker stole my life savings through hyperinflation but WORSE! Inhale... Exhale... There will be other times afterwards. We might only have this one chance for Tali to see Rannoch for a long time. I bite my hand and make my way up.
"Maybe we can find a moment alone, then I'll do what I've always wanted to do with you" Tali said in a sultry voice.
PLEASE GOD TALK TO ME! LET IT BE SO!
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COME ON!
