HACHIJO ISLAND, 1 AND A HALF YEAR EARLIER:
"We found them!" Daichi barged into her room screaming. "We found the guns!"
Shiro's face brightened at the sound of her colleague. Those were good news.
"Where are they? Who has them?"
Daichi's cheerful smile dropped and he fidgeted where he stood.
(Those were good news, right?)
The male sighed and messed his short hair.
"Russian Mafia?"
Shiro stared at the older gangster. Her left eye twitched along with her smile. She averted her eyes and took a deep breath. When she turned her face back to the male he was already getting out of the door, informing her:
"Kazue-san wants us at the office! Don't be late!"
-o-
Kisaki hadn't seen Shiro while she was stuffed in Izana's room. Izana dared him to do it if 'he wanted to die so badly'. He was not an idiot, neither of them was, the two of them could not kill each other. They needed the other to keep the balance inside the gang. And Kisaki was so close to having Izana under his fingers, so close- if not for that damn woman.
Hanagaki Shiro was nothing, she was nothing. When he was a kid, she looked no different than his biggest enemy- even with her brother had everything he wanted, she was like the cruel king that let everything turn out as she wished.
He was grown up, he was an adult; he was not the small child that minded unimportant details. Finally, finally he was the one leading the game.
It didn't matter Izana was playing hard to get, it didn't matter Mikey was not there anymore- Kisaki had taken so long to understand he didn't need the blonde-, it didn't matter if Hanma was no longer on his side…
Hanagaki Shiro's eyes were emotionless when she looked at him. Hanagaki Shiro was lost. That woman was finally, finally broken.
Kisaki Laughed and laughed and laughed… He took a notice at Hanma standing beside her- following her from a step back- and he laughed. He watched as the executives' faces took different shapes at his reaction and he laughed; he taunted the two allies:
"Have you gone soft Shiro? Have you forgiven him after all he has done to you? You two were meant for each other; a whore and another."
The woman didn't even blink at his insult but stared at him.
Kisaki laughed.
The enemy had been defeated, he was the victor.
-o-
Was she really not going to say anything?
Ran watched with disgust as Kisaki's words echoed inside the room.
He had been rhapsodical when he took the news of the woman's return. Izana used to give him news about her whenever he got a call. After the signal was lost in the water and she was made to believe to be dead, he was one of the very few who knew she was still alive. He was displeased when she stopped calling- being the one who took the calls when Izana couldn't- and thought about every possible reason why the woman had stopped reaching out to them.
He hoped she was revolting, finally making her move against the gang. Or maybe in need for saving, betrayed by those guys, Ghosts.
Anything, he wanted her to be anything but dead. And he smiled when Izana informed him- while he had blood all over his clothes, standing in front of the infirmary- that his favorite cursing prison buddy was back.
But no, Hanagaki Shiro wasn't back. She had been drowned in whatever sea that put out the fire in her eyes. The color of coals had been turned to nothingness, as if there had been a murder of a star and the corpse was having tea with the murderer.
Ran had seen this, Ran had seen this; but when, when, when-
He breathed at last, having been reached the answer.
He knew, of course he knew, this was the first thing he remembered; the first knowledge he had of life:
Only love could hurt like this.
-o-
"I can't help you." Shiro met his eyes.
"I helped you before."
"This is different."
"It really is not."
Hanma didn't understand, he didn't understand, he didn't-
"I can't help anyone." She stated.
"This isn't about helping me Hanagaki." He leaned towards her face. "This is about killing Kisaki. Won't you kill Kisaki? Don't you want revenge anymore?"
"What about you? Who says I don't want to kill you too?"
"You idiot." The man snarled. "I know you, Hanagaki Shiro; I know what you've done. You were never supposed to save anyone but you can't stop yourself. You can't just let things be. Since the first time we met; you saved that girl, you saved Black Dragoons, you saved Kazutora, you saved a whole bunch of men just the day before. You are no hero Hanagaki, but you love playing god. You don't have to save me, you don't have to save anybody; you just have to keep playing god!"
Hanma panted. His eyes were almost crazed. He hovered above her, not really touching the woman as she observed him.
"What good is it?" she asked. "What good is being a god if I will have nothing at the end of it? What good is being alone at the top?" her chin trembled and she bit her lip. "Damn you Hanma, you just don't have anyone. Never have."
"I have someone…" The man answered. "That I used to like better."
"I'm tired; go away."
"I have nowhere else to go."
"Be quiet then."
"…Do something."
"I have and it destroyed everything."
-o-
The meeting was boring. There was nothing worthwhile paying attention to and Izana was pissed. Pissed at Kisaki, pissed at Hanma, pissed at Ran- who just stared at the black haired woman the whole meeting-, pissed at the loss of Toman's bastards and lastly pissed at Shiro…
Kakucho dismissed everyone and Hanma followed his new master out of the office. Ran approached him when it was just them and Kakucho left inside the room.
"Who has she lost?"
Izana looked at the platinum blonde and blinked.
"What are you talking about?"
"Hanagaki, obviously, who has she lost while she was away?"
"No one." Answered Kakucho. "As far as we know and we would know if anything happened to her friends."
"You keep tabs on them? You know where they are?" Haitani asked bewildered.
"Of course we know." Izana scoffed, "As if they could do anything without us knowing. We also know where they took Mikey and his friends. It's not easy to get out of our sight."
"But- how come Kisaki hasn't done anything?"
"We cover them up." The taller man's eyes widened further. "Don't be stupid, as if I would trust Kisaki with them."
"Why don't you just… threaten Shiro then?"
"Why would I? Shiro has not given me any trouble with orders still. Doesn't matter if she forced my hand on letting Toman run away, it had a propose at the end. Now, what were you asking?"
"…I think she lost someone -someone close- that's why she is…"
"Looking like she's dead? That's a possibility."
Kakucho shook his head from behind Izana.
"That doesn't make sense. She wouldn't let anyone get close to her. She knows better than that."
"She's human, she can make mistakes." Defended Izana. "I will investigate this. Anything else, Ran?"
The man averted his eyes for a moment before looking back at his boss.
"Give her to me to work with. She can patrol around the clubs, until we are sure of her loyalty again."
"I am sure of her loyalty, Haitani. Do not worry yourself with it." Izana cracked his knuckles, "But very well, you can have her for a while, as I sort things out with my schedule and fit her in. But as you might have noticed, she got herself a tail. If you get her you get Hanma."
Ran groaned.
"Can't you order him to… not?"
"I don't give him his orders usually, nor do I want to. Ever since Kisaki threw him out because of- you know what- he has been just lazing around. Let him tail her, maybe it'll get him to do some work."
"Do you really think this is a good idea?"
"Yes, Shiro needs something to work on and Hanma is the perfect match for her." He sighed, "I need her alive to fight against that bastard. You know what he has been on to."
The man nodded, bowed and left the room.
"Was that a good idea?"
"You too, Kakucho?"
"Ran is a little bit too… obsessed with Shiro. I know that's a heavy word but it is true. There is also his bad blood with Hanma to consider. Putting him in charge of both of them is…"
"Don't worry. Hanma isn't in the playing mood and Ran wouldn't go too hard at someone who had tried to hang himself. Say if it comes to worst, Shiro wouldn't let them mess up a work."
"You trust her a lot, Izana."
"Don't be a fool, Kakucho. I just know her. She wouldn't make those big promises to me if she wasn't serious." The white haired man eyed the clock at the wall. "I wonder what made her decide to try to save me."
Kakucho looked at the time and thought about the time he asked Takemichi to save the older male.
'Perhaps, he gave away that plead to his sister. Perhaps, she is ready to fulfill it, before she breaks.'
-o-
After the Russian mafia problem had been explained by Biwa and the possible solutions were being discussed, Kazue looked at Shiro.
"Can't you ask Izana for help?"
Shiro's face wrinkled with distaste.
"He has his own problems back at Tokyo; I doubt he can help us."
"Shouldn't you ask him anyways?"
"I asked him to help with the snowy sun and he said he will try to keep Kisaki busy with other things but he can't do anything else to help us."
"Bummer, he would be great help."
"Sorry, Daichi, that I can't help you enough. I wish my big strong man of a boss would come here and save us all."
"Hey, don't be rude. I didn't mean anything by it."
"It's not my fault that you're a man Daichi. It's not my fault you can't understand what it feels like when someone asks for not your help but a man's."
"You keep reminding me I'm a man; you keep rubbing that in my face."
"You keep rubbing that I'm a woman in my face, you bastard!"
"Why are you acting like that's a bad thing? Being a woman does not make you less!"
"Stop acting like you know shit! You don't know what it's like being a woman!"
"No I don't! But I wanted to know! I wanted to be a woman! I wanted to do the impossible! I wanted to prove people wrong! I wanted to be you! You!" Daichi screamed at her face. "I wanted to be you, Hanagaki Shiro, I wanted to do all the things you have done! But I am a man! And no one will let me forget it! I messed up and no one will let me forget it! You were all I wanted and no one will let me forget it!"
They panted for air. They have been screaming at each other for the last 23 minutes and Shiro was getting lightheaded. Kazue and Biwa were quiet; after trying to glance at the, Shiro understood they had exited the office.
"You don't know how it feels like to be a man, Hanagaki."
"I don't want to."
"You do. You want to be a man because you think it will make you stronger. Guess what? You can't. You can't be a man; you can't get weaker just because of that. Being a man doesn't mean you are stronger."
"Being a woman means you are weaker."
"For fucks sake! You are not weaker because of that!"
"But everyone thinks I am!"
"Everyone thought I was weak! Everyone thought Sano Shinchiro was weak!"
"Sano Shinchiro was weak! Can't you see?! He fucked up everything! You fucked up everything! You two messed up Kurokawa Izana!"
Daichi blinked at the name.
"It's about him, isn't it?"
Shiro glared.
"It's always about him."
"That's right." The short haired male nodded. "But it's not my fault. It's yours for putting him in the middle of everything that happens. You told me yourself, that he is the most important thing to you; didn't you?"
"I didn't want him to be; he had to be." Shiro snapped. "Shinchiro Sano couldn't even protect his siblings and me and my brothers had to suffer because of it."
"Don't disrespect Shinchiro-san's name. He didn't do anything."
"'He didn't do anything.'" Shiro repeated. "While people depended on him."
"It isn't about Shinchiro-san's absence. I know what Izana is; I gave him the Black Dragons uniform. And my one condition was him promising to never disrespect women. It was to never stoop so low but he couldn't even hold on to a promise."
"What? Am I supposed to thank you for trying? You don't know what he is."
"Is he treating you right Hanagaki?"
"He was ready to kill his sister for a shot at proving himself, back when he was 18! Don't try to tell me about how good or bad of a man he is."
"How would you know?!"
"I know everything about that man!"
"Like what?"
"That he's a right orphan, that his family is dead, that he has no blood relation to Sanos!"
"Liar! He is their brother!"
"He is not! And when he learned, he hated Shinchiro. As he should've. Because that man didn't have the heart to bring him home and teach him family! He doesn't' know family! That's why he keeps destroying them!"
The male had nothing to say to that and so he kept quiet. Shiro looked at his battled form, even though he had done no brawling that day.
"Don't go defending Shinchiro against me again and don't ask me to ask Izana to help us with the Russians. He can't help us, he won't help us; we don't need him to help us." She took a deep breath.
"I know what to do."
-TBC-
