When the first signs of pregnancy reared its ugly head, Malcolm was ecstatic. He had gone out of his way to get at least seven types of pregnancy tests. Along with a rather large water bottle that he made Raphael drink. Soon as he did all of the tests, the other man decided to schedule a doctor's appointment. Just to be sure that his roommate was actually carrying his child. That these tests weren't several false positives.
He had to be sure.
Had to be sure that their efforts hadn't been in vain. That he was going to be a father soon. And at first Malcolm was furious that the appointment had been a week or so after the pregnancy tests. But, he did his best to hold back his disappointment and anger. Not wanting to stress out his already stressed and hormonal boyfriend. Who seemed to not be sure if he was happy about their possible bundle of joy. Which was understandable in Malcolm's book. After all, this was huge change for his boyfriend.
So, he bore with waiting the whole week for the appointment. Keeping the good news to themselves the best that he could.
As much as he wanted to tell his Mother and Ainsley, he didn't. Nor did he tell Gil and the rest of their team. Though, he had the feeling that Dani knew that something was up. She was a clever woman and she easily saw through lies. Even though she never called him out on them when he said them. Or tried to probe him further for details about why Raphael was throwing up more recently. Instead, she just gave the shorter man something to drink to make his stomach feel better. Giving him gentle platitudes to put him at ease.
It sort of worked.
Soon as the appointment came, he drove Raphael to the hospital. Making sure that they held hands as they got into the hospital. As Raphael seemed to be nervous about the whole thing. Toying with his fingers in ways that worried him. Giving the shorter man's hand a gentle squeeze as they walked in. Waited for a bit then finally got in to see the Doctor. After a little bit, they ran some tests on Raphael. It was blood drawing and he did his best to distract him from that. As he knew that Raphael hated the very sight of blood.
A little while after that, the doctor confirmed what the seven tests did. And Malcolm was more overjoyed then he had been before. Practically shouting with joy as he hugged Raphael. Who gave the sweetest smile that he could muster as he allowed Malcolm to hug him.
They were expecting.
It was something that Malcolm had never thought would happen. He had never pictured himself being a Father, ever. As his relationship with his Martin made that difficult. But, he ignored every part of this as he got them both home. Calling up the team first to tell them of their good news. Not caring that it was early to be telling them that. He was just so happy that he had to tell someone about it. And as soon as he was done, he called up his Mother and Ainsley. Telling them each the good news.
His Mother was happy. Jessica was congratulating him about it. As well as Raphael. She asked if it was alright for her and Ainsley to come over with some gifts for them. Which, Malcolm agreed to before hanging up. Then heading to another part of the room to start ordering things for their little bundle of soon to be joy. Grinning ear to ear as he barely paid attention to Raphael moving to the bathroom.
Raphael was anything but happy in that moment.
They were finally expecting a god damned baby. One that Malcolm had wanted a whole lot more then himself. This wasn't right. He didn't want a baby. At least, he felt that he wasn't ready for one. This was something that he felt he wasn't mentally healthy for in the slightest bit. Nor did he feel mature enough to handle a child either. As he didn't have all that much control over his emotions. Still had a ton of trauma that he hadn't been able to unpack from his own childhood. How would he be able to have his favorite character's baby?
How was he expected to be able to go through childbirth?
Childbirth. Oh, lord. Now there was something that Raphael hadn't thought of before this. Then it hit him in that instant. How in the Hell was he going to handle that? Would he be getting decent painkillers? Or would Malcolm not be allowing that sort of thing? As it probably wouldn't be good for their soon to be bundle of joy. And a part of him wasn't sure how Malcolm would like him to be out of it. Though he hadn't said anything about being against the use of painkillers. He had hinted that natural birth would be best for them. Also hinted at possibly having the birth in the apartment. In the most unsubtle ways that made Raphael's skin crawl to think of them now.
'It would be easier to have it here.'
'I mean I would feel so much safer if you were where I feel most secure. But whatever makes you feel better.'
'Raphie. Don't you think this tub looks wonderful? When we're having a baby then we can use it.'
The way that Malcolm manipulated him into thinking they were best, it scared him. He felt a chill ran down his spine as he sat down on the toilet lid. Unable to think of what else he could do in that moment. Aside from acting like he was happy when Malcolm was looking directly at him. Fearing that if he acted anything less then that, Malcolm would be angry. Or at least he would be emotionally guilt tripping him until he apologized for acting so upset. About being conflicted about having the baby that he wasn't sure he could have.
It wouldn't be great.
Soon as Raphael got himself centered enough, he forced a grin on his face. Took a deep breath then headed out of the bathroom. And soon as he stepped out of the room, Jessica and Ainsley stepped into the loft. Jessica immediately heads over to Malcolm to congratulate him more in person. While Ainsley quietly guided Raphael back into the bathroom. Locking the door behind them as she stared at him for a moment. Her face was a strange stoic mask that Raphael couldn't interpret in the slightest bit. Then, she sighed as she asked,"So, a baby huh?"
"Quite a big step in your guys relationship.",she added. Looking a little bit concerned as she stepped closer to him. Smiling a tiny sad smile as she reached out for his hands. Gently clasping them as she continued,"I'm sort of surprised that you would want this."
"I thought you were child free?",Ainsley questioned. Keeping her tone light and as calm as possible. It seemed that she knew that Raphael didn't want this. That this baby was something that Malcolm had forced upon him. Though he hadn't wanted to admit it out loud to her, he sighed as he shrugged his shoulders. Softly, Raphael admitted,"I thought I was going to be but, I guess stuff happens."
"This is an accident but, it's a pretty happy one in my book.",Raphael added. It seemed that this was the answer that Ainsley didn't like. Her eyes narrowed as she studied his face. And he felt his stomach twist slightly as he stared down at the ground. Unsure of what he should be saying in this moment. Softly, he asked,"Is something wrong, Ainsley?"
"He's making you have this baby isn't he?",Ainsley demanded. Keeping her tone so soft that no one outside listening could hear. She sounded worried that Malcolm might be listening. Which would have been overkill in his mind. If it weren't for the fact that it probably was true. That Malcolm was outside the door listening to everything they were saying. But, Jessica was with him.
So, there was a possibility that he wasn't going to be.
"...he told me that if I didn't, Jessica would kick me out.",Raphael admitted. Feeling like a fool for saying it out loud to Ainsley. Or even letting her get it out of him without much probing. But, he had to tell someone. Even if it was just Malcolm's little sister. Who gently gripped his chin and lifted his face to look up at her. Her expression was gentle but, he could detect anger in her eyes. Softly, Ainsley promised,"No, she wouldn't have. Mother would never make you have a child if you didn't want one."
"She loves you like you're the second son she never got.",Ainsley added. There was a touch of bitterness to her tone that made Raphael scared. But, didn't know if it was because of Raphael being forced to be pregnant. Or at the idea of Jessica loved him so damn much. He wasn't entirely certain of. Though Raphael wasn't sure that he wanted to anger her by asking about something like that. Instead, he asked,"The Hell do I do about this? If I lose the baby, he'll make me have another one."
"Or, or he'll get mad at me.",Raphael added. Trying to keep his voice from rising and alerting Malcolm. As he feared the Criminal Profiler would break in and get Ainsley away from him. A thing that he felt he didn't need in that moment. He needed her on his side, helping him deal with the fetus that was slowly developing in him. As he was too frazzled to even think of what to do. Or how he could get rid of the baby without upsetting Malcolm that he had done it. Softly, Ainsley stated,"I'll find a way to help you, I promise."
"I don't want you to be trapped in a place and lose what rights you have.",Ainsley added. Kissing Raphael's cheek after the end of that promise. With that, they both headed out of the bathroom. Both pretending to be happy about the whole thing. Jessica hurriedly hugged Raphael and kissed his cheek. Telling him how happy she was for him and their soon to be little one. All of them spoke for a little while before Ainsley urged them to leave. Giving Malcolm a gentle hug and telling him that she was happy for him.
After that, the pair headed out of the loft and home.
Raphael was then left alone with Malcolm. Who held him close as he made him head towards the couch. Curling up around him as they sat down on it. Settling his hand on Raphael's belly as he kissed his forehead. In a soft voice, Malcolm gushed,"I can hardly wait to meet them, Raphie."
"It'll be so wonderful.",he added. Laying his head against Raphael's shoulder as they watched T.V. Oblivious to the tears that were running down Raphael's cheeks. Or the little whimper he made as he sat there.
