Buffy used the hood of a lowered sports car to fly over an overturned truck, Xander following her lead. "I thought we needed the driving specific perk for stunts," she said, the radio built into her motorcycle helmet relaying her words to Xander.

"This just counts as putting them through their paces," he replied. "Pulling stunts means doing things that you would only see in an action movie."

Buffy did a wheelie and easily drove between a line of cars. "Feels like stunt driving to me."

"We've got the speed, strength, balance, and reflexes to make most stunt drivers retire in shame," Xander replied as they cleared the blockage and hit the open road.

"Gas station," Buffy pointed out.

"Let's fill up," Xander said, "and steal all their beef jerky."

"I doubt the pumps are working," Buffy said, "no power."

"Yeah, but we can siphon gas out of one of the cars," he replied.

"Use mouthwash afterwards," Buffy ordered him.

The pair pulled into the Flying J truck stop, the sound of their motorcycles drawing the attention of a couple dozen zombies who had been aimlessly shuffling about.

Xander gestured and flung a zombie into the drainage culvert thirty feet away, pausing to make sure it went in before sending another one after it.

Buffy tried to do the same but overshot, sending the zombie crashing into the field on the other side. She frowned and tried again, but this one fell short and slowly crawled to its feet. A flick of a finger sent it stumbling backwards to fall in the ditch. "How are you so good at that?" Buffy complained.

"I'm keeping a bit of TK wrapped around them so I can adjust them midflight," Xander replied.

"That's cheating," Buffy said, before doing the same and slamming the zombie straight down when it looked like it was going to overshoot. "Slam dunk!"

Xander laughed and continued launching zombies.

In less than three minutes they were done and walked their bikes to the entrance of the mini-mart.

"Lights are on," Buffy noted.

"They must have a battery backup for emergencies," Xander said as he set his Harley Sportster on its kickstand, Buffy doing the same.

"This place is huge," she said, looking around the eight Island gas station and noting the attached Denny's.

"It's a truck stop," he said, gesturing to the massive parking lot and semi-wash bays, "they deal with a lot of traffic and need room for the truckers to park and sleep."

"I'm tempted to steal one," Buffy said, "but since we can't fling cars out of the way on the road yet, it's probably better to stick with the motorcycles."

"Driving a rig would be fun," Xander agreed. "I'm sure we'll get a chance eventually."

"I wonder if they have some place you can rent them, like a go-cart track for rigs," Buffy said as they entered the partially darkened mini-mart.

The zombie cashier tried to reach them, but ran into the counter and clawed at the air, lacking the brains to figure out how to leave.

Xander walked down an aisle, the overpriced snacks on the shelves vanishing as he passed. "Too bad the coolers are off, they have frappuccinos."

"Those are also good at room temperature," Buffy said, hurrying over to the coolers and making short work of all their bottled coffees.

"Yeah, they probably didn't get all that warm in there and they are still sealed," he said, clearing out a large section of their automotive supplies.

Buffy emptied the book and magazine section, ignoring the clatter of the zombie knocking a disposable lighter display off the counter.

Xander cleaned out the hygiene supplies before looking at the unpowered slurpee machine with a sigh.

Buffy rolled her eyes and made the slurpee machine vanish. "We can install it in the kitchen," she told Xander.

"I'll get the slurpee refills from the back," he said excitedly, snapping the zombie cashier's neck as he hopped over the counter and vanished into the backroom.

Buffy returned all the magazines, books, and newspapers to where she'd gotten them as she noted Xander clearing out the store's soda fountain supplies. She turned and vanished the entire soda fountain, glad the counter it was on had wheels so she could take it as well.

Xander came out of the backroom and hopped the counter. "I'm good. Anything else you want from here?"

"They've got a lot of interesting stuff, but it's all impulse buy stuff you toss in a drawer and forget," she replied.

Xander looked around, grabbing some Persian area rugs, dropping them in inventory. "Okay, let's gas up and go." He held open the door for her as they exited.

"So, how are we doing this?" Buffy asked as Xander glanced in the window of a locked car and it unlocked itself.

"We're going to take a couple of car batteries and use them to power a gas pump," Xander replied. "I'll grab a fifty gallon drum and slap a hand pump on the top and we'll be good for the week."

"We can... yeah, that'll work," Buffy said as Master Mechanic filled in the details of something just about any automotive mechanic would know.

Xander popped the hood on the car and placed a hand on the battery, battery cables and nuts removing themselves violently, making him wince as he'd been trying to be a bit more gentle than that.

Buffy meanwhile had simply gone to the next car and ripped off the hood like it was made of aluminum foil and yanked the battery and cables out.

The two had quickly filled their tanks and several fifty gallon drums because as Buffy had pointed out, "What if we want to set a bunch of stuff on fire?"

On the one hand, she had set the gym in her old school on fire to get rid of the vampires, and on the other... what if they did need to set something on fire? He'd feel rather foolish if it turned out to be something they needed to do and they couldn't because he didn't want to spend the time needed to fill a couple of extra barrels. So he'd decided to follow the request of his maybe... okay, probably, pyromaniac girlfriend.

Yes, she was basically his wife now, but he'd been trying to get her as a girlfriend for months! So, she was his girlfriend right now as far as he was concerned, she could be his wife later.

As they got on their bikes, Buffy tapped a button on her helmet and Born to be Wild began to play in both of them. She peeled out with a laugh and he quickly gunned the throttle to try and catch up with her.

Monday Morning

"I think the size was off on this blouse," Harmony complained as they all got dressed in clothes they'd bought over the weekend and got ready for school.

"Let me see if I can fix that," Dawn said, placing a hand on the blonde teen's shoulder.

Harmony was suddenly naked and just grinned. "I knew you liked me," she teased.

Dawn rolled her eyes and concentrated, Harmony's clothes reappearing on her. "How do they feel now?"

Harmony wiggled about. "It all fits perfectly now."

"We can use Wardrobe on other people?" Willow asked with curiosity.

"Looks like it," Dawn agreed smugly, pleased that her idea worked and planning on using it on Xander when she got the chance.

"Do me," Cordelia ordered Willow as Dawn moved over to Kendra.

"Demanding," Willow told Cordelia. "I'm not your minion," she reminded her.

"You'll want to test it out yourself and I'm available," Cordelia told her with a shrug.

"Point," the redhead replied and quickly stripped and redressed the brunette. "Better?"

Cordelia turned and twisted with a smile. "Tailored clothes don't fit this well half the time."

"I need a ride to my place," Dawn told Cordelia. "I have to get my schoolwork and catch a ride with Mom."

"We'll drop you off before we head to school," Cordelia promised. "We've got plenty of time."

Harmony yawned. "It is way early. I need coffee."

"We'll make a stop on the way," Cordelia told her.

"Can I learn telekinesis?" Harmony asked Willow. "It looks pretty awesome."

"It's not a Perk," Willow replied as her school bag packed itself, "meaning you can't gain it by getting close to Xander, he had these vials we had to drink, though he does have one left. They gave us telekinesis and made us stretchy."

"Weird combo, but very cool," Harmony said. "So I just have to get him to let me drink a vial and I can stretch or move things with my mind?"

"Yep," Willow agreed, "but keep in mind there is only one vial left and everyone he gave them to is someone he loves that loves him, not just a girlfriend."

Harmony nodded.

"Why are you so interested in Xander?" Willow asked curiously.

"He's good looking, doesn't let Cordelia walk all over him, he's smart but he doesn't make a big deal out of it," Harmony listed off. "And... he's nice. He may tease a little, especially when I'm being a bitch to people, but even then... he's nice to me." She blushed and looked away.

Willow smiled at her. "Those are some good reasons," she told her.

"Yeah," Harmony said quietly. "Power and money are nice and all, but I want someone who'll be nice to me, not yell and swear when they don't get what they want."

"How about pout and make puppy dog eyes until you give in?" Willow joked, making her giggle as they followed the others out to the car.

"He does that?" Harmony asked with a grin as they climbed in the backseat with Dawn.

"Big time," Dawn said. "And if you don't give in there is the tickling and hugging. Of course if you do give in there may be some tickling and hugging anyway so it's win win."

"Yeah, a lot of the time I completely forget what we're arguing about and we have to start over," Willow said with a sigh. "And then he just goes along with what I wanted to do in the first place and I realize he was just messing with me."

"Sounds complicated," Harmony said, as Cordelia tore out of the driveway, demonstrating her belief once again that traffic laws were something that applied to other people.

Willow shrugged. "You can always just flip a coin or take turns. He's pretty easy going for the most part."

"It's just his way of keeping you from walking all over him," Cordelia offered. "No girl wants a weak guy, but you're pretty competent in most things so when you come up with a plan it's usually pretty spot on, so arguing a little shows he's not just your minion and then he agrees with you because he respects your opinion."

"I'm looking forward to meeting him," Kendra decided. "I have never met anyone my age who hunts vampires and your descriptions of him seem to lack the... fire I expected of one."

The girls all laughed.

"When you meet Xander he will seem like a complete dork, though one with a nice ass," Cordelia offered.

"I wanna bite it," Harmony said with a bright smile.

"Xander doesn't really do the whole moping dark avenger thing, which is probably what you expected," Willow said, ignoring Harmony's comment, though making a mental note to check and see if Xander would mind her taking a nibble.

"He's always fun to be around," Dawn said, "even when he rants about Buffy's bad taste in men. You should hear some of the jokes we made up about Angel."

"That just shows he has common sense," Kendra offered, "no girl should date a vampire."

"You are definitely going to get along with him," Willow said. "But back on topic. Xander is only serious when he needs to be, but he is heavily in favor of the staking of all vampires including Angel."

"Especially Angel," Dawn added.

"You should see the looks he gives me when I flirt with Angel," Cordelia said with an evil grin as they pulled into the drive thru at McDonald's.

Dawn shuddered.

"What's with that look?" Cordelia asked. "He may be a vamp but he's got a soul and is very handsome."

"It's a corpse," Dawn said. "A haunted corpse, but still a corpse. Angel has to regularly travel through the sewers to get to the library and he's probably been exposed to every sex disease you can imagine. Corpses don't have immune systems so..."

"Oh god!" Cordelia said looking disgusted.

"I didn't think of that," Willow said, paling. "Why didn't I think of that?!"

Kendra nodded. "Vampires are why many diseases have not yet been eradicated by modern medicine."

"Buffy needs shots! All of them," Cordelia told Willow as they pulled forward.

"Xander's Sweet Home has an anti-disease thing," Dawn said, "so she's clean now."

"Okay, calming down," Willow said. "I just... really need to apologize to Buffy for encouraging her to date Angel. It sounded romantic, not..."

"I thought you were doing that to cockblock Xander and clam jam me," Cordelia said.

"I was," Willow agreed, "but I also thought it was kinda like Romeo and Juliet, plus he could fight on Buffy's level and help keep her safe."

"Slayer healing keeps us from showing signs of STDs, but does not make us immune," Kendra offered, "it's in the handbook."

"I really need to apologize to her," Willow said with a groan while Cordelia ordered.

"Angel's not that bad a guy except for being a disease ridden corpse older than America trying to date an underage blonde," Dawn quoted, knowing if Xander was here he'd be laughing his head off.

"Yes, except for that," Kendra said dryly. "So, how is a fun dork with a biteable... rear a vampire hunter?" she asked curiously.

"Our best friend was turned by Darla and Xander had to stake him to save Cordelia," Willow said with a sigh. "I got to throw holy water in her face once and Angel staked her to protect Buffy."

"Which is probably the only reason Angel's apartment building hasn't mysteriously caught fire," Dawn offered.

Willow considered that. "Probably," she agreed. "I think Xander is the only one of us who knows where he lives and I'm pretty sure Angel didn't tell him."

"Hard to set him on fire if you don't know where he lives," Dawn said. "I know Xander went there and stuck a crossbow in Angel's face and ordered him to lead Xander to the Master's cave to save my idiot sister."

Willow giggled. "He said Angel was too stupid to know he should be afraid of him... and Angel never realized that Xander knew where he lived."

"He's a fighter not a thinker," Dawn said. "Xander's right, he's not smart enough to understand that Xander knowing where he sleeps means he could kill him at any time."

"To be fair, Xander is really good at seeming harmless," Willow offered.

"Long story short, Xander seems harmless and fun, but when the chips are down you can rely on him," Cordelia explained. "Of course he'll also be making bad jokes during it, but he's almost impossible to rattle."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"I should have stayed in bed," Xander said, blessing the Stress Defense Perk as he stared at the scene of indescribable horror laid out in front of him.

"Sorry Xander," Buffy apologized with a wince. "I thought this was a regular college."

"I didn't know such... things existed," he said, quickly chaining the front gates shut before any of the creatures could escape.

We could burn the place to the ground," Buffy pointed out, "we passed a gas station on the way here."

"That... That could work," Xander said, a smile growing on his face.

"One major case of arson coming right up!" Buffy promised with a bright smile as she led him away from the Oregon State Clown College.

Typing By: Abyssal Angel

Beta By: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows

TN: Clown College?! What unholy abomination have you created, Dogbert?! And that's before you throw the zombies in the mix! D:

AN: I didn't make them up, they exist!

PS SheridanRoad56 is the one who came up with the deomic turducken line, which I will forever think of when I think of Angel now.