Chapter 25: Spur of the Moment
For the tenth time, Elizabeth wondered when she would see Darcy. She could not help but look towards the direction of the hill.
The children ran around her excited, being in the outdoors. A day ago, Georgiana had written to Lady Ashton, inviting them to join her brother and her for a picnic by the lake. Georgiana felt happier after confiding her thoughts and concerns with her brother.
Darcy, on the other hand, vouched never to neglect her sister in the pretext of his temperament. He admired the way Elizabeth had steered Georgiana in the right direction.
She had impressed him in every small way on every occasion since the first day he met. Though she had openly challenged him of his behavior towards her, he knew somewhere down in his heart that there was some hope of gaining her affection.
He knew that she would never accept him for his status or wealth.
He had spent more time with Georgiana in the past few days. They went on a ride together and spent time reading together. Darcy also sat with Georgiana every evening when she practiced on the pianoforte. It was on one such evening Georgiana proposed the idea of the picnic. Darcy had agreed not only to please his sister but for the opportunity of meeting Elizabeth.
The men were to join the women later that day, and Elizabeth felt restless at the prospect of seeing Darcy. Her mind replayed every word she had said to him during the dance. She felt guilty when she sat next to Georgiana.
What would Miss Darcy think if she knew about my harsh words? She thought.
Lady Isabella had joined them as well. But she seemed to be as distracted as Elizabeth. Elizabeth could not understand her at all. She seemed to have an invisible wall around her that stopped anyone from getting too close to who she was.
"I do not think we will get any more warm days like this, dears. We must enjoy it while we can," she exclaimed.
"Are the winters very cold here?"
"Oh! Yes! The storms are severe, we get a lot of snow. The children love the snow though," she replied.
"Do you have a set date for your travel, Lady Isabella?" Georgiana asked.
"Yes, we will leave at the end of this month."
"Oh! A few more weeks then," Georgiana said with sadness.
Just then, they saw the men emerge down the hill on the horses. Darcy, Lord Francis, and Lord Philip joined them within moments.
Elizabeth fought hard to remain composed when she greeted Darcy.
She was glad that the children pulled him away from the group with the request to play some game.
Elizabeth observed how patiently he adhered to all the requests of the twins. Suddenly, he looked in her direction and caught her eye. Elizabeth immediately looked away.
Georgiana suggested a walk in one of the trails that ran along the lake. Lord Philip and Lady Isabella joined them.
Elizabeth could not suppress a smile because she was aware of Lady Isabella's interest in the outdoors.
She realized she wanted to escape being alone with her mother-in-law.
Georgiana asked Darcy to join them. Elizabeth could sense a look of hesitance on his face. He left the children with their nanny and joined the party.
The trail was beautiful, but Elizabeth could not enjoy its beauty.
She was now walking with Georgiana and Darcy, and Lord Philip and his wife fell behind.
Georgiana chatted away happily.
"Do you remember brother? Once a squirrel stole bread from our picnic basket, and Richard chased it around till it ran up the tree?"
"Yes, I do. I hope you will forgive any squirrel tempted to do so today."
Georgiana laughed. Elizabeth smiled as well. She had heard a lot of stories about Richard.
"You must meet my cousin, Miss Smith. He will make you laugh."
"He already does, when you describe his jokes," Elizabeth said, and she immediately saw a frown appear on Darcy's face.
"He is in Kent now. He will join us for Christmas here."
"Kent?" Elizabeth as with shock.
"Yes, he is in Rosings Park. I do not know if I have mentioned this before. My mother's sister, Lady Catherine, lives there."
With the mention of Lady Catherine, Elizabeth was startled.
"Richard and my brother help assist my aunt in estate affairs. Not that she does not have any help there. There is her parson, one Mr. Collins, whom my cousin has an amusing time with."
With the mention of Mr. Collins, Elizabeth felt dizzy. She did not pay attention to the path and tripped.
Darcy caught her hand before she fell.
"Are you allright?" he cried with concern.
"Yes! Yes, forgive me. I did not notice the rock."
"Are you hurt?" he asked, oblivious to anything else around him, his eyes fixed on Elizabeth's face.
"No, no! I am all right." She said, inwardly wincing at her lapse. She had not heard the name of Mr. Collins mentioned for a long time, and she was distressed beyond measure to know about the connection between the Darcy family and Kent.
Darcy reluctantly let go of her arm.
Georgiana was worried for her friend.
"Are you sure your feet do not hurt, Miss Smith?" she asked, with worry.
"Yes, it is nothing. We can continue to walk," she said, utterly mortified.
When she looked at Darcy, she could see his concern. She looked ahead, unable to hold his gaze.
Darcy, on the other hand, had begun to understand her more and more.
Something about the mention of Kent or Lady Catherine has distressed her. She looked aghast when Georgiana spoke of Rosings. What could it be?
He always had the feeling that there was something secretive about her. He could sense that she was in some sort of distress.
Lord Philip and Lady Isabella caught up to them and the party split into two.
Darcy and Lord Philip walked forward and the women followed them.
Georgiana and Elizabeth conversed and Lady Isabella said little. Elizabeth saw Darcy turn around and check on her occasionally. Somehow, the mention of Mr. Collins brought back all the horrifying memories of the past.
She was glad when the picnic ended, and they left in their respective carriages.
Elizabeth felt as if the world was closing in on her. She could not believe the association between the Darcy family and Kent.
Meanwhile, Darcy was in deep thought in the carriage. The moment he saw his sister, he smiled.
She was busy reading a book Elizabeth had given her.
"What are you reading, Georgiana?"
"Oh! This book is Wonder Brother. It is a book about various forms of art around the world."
Darcy glanced at the book and found it very intriguing.
"Miss Smith gave it to me. She found it in the library at Ashton Park."
"Did you enjoy the picnic?" he asked her.
"Of course, I did. I loved having Edmund and Emily accompany us."
"And?" Darcy asked in a teasing tone.
"Oh! Brother, you tease me so. Miss Smith, as well," she said with a laugh.
Darcy laughed.
"I must make the most of the time I have left with her."
"What do you mean?"
"Oh! Did I not tell you? She plans to travel along with Lord Philip?"
"What? I know he is leaving with his wife to Grovner Park in a few weeks. I did not know Miss Smith was leaving to."
"She is, as the children are going. I will miss her very much, even though it is just for a month."
Darcy did not know what to say. The thought of Elizabeth being away pained him beyond measure.
He knew he could not stop her from going.
He felt during the picnic she was cordial with him, and also conversed with him without hesitance like before. He did not know if Elizabeth did it for Georgiana's sake.
He contemplated on what to do. Next morning, he rode to Ashton Park after breakfast. He did not tell Georgiana about his plans.
When he reached, the housekeeper informed him that Lord Philip had taken the children to the village and Lady Ashton was visiting a friend that morning.
"Oh! I was hoping to talk to Miss Smith. I have some books my sister asked me to return," he said.
"She is in the parlor, sir. Please come this way," the servant said, and led him onto the upper floor.
Elizabeth sat in the parlour basking in the mid-morning sun through the windows, the children had left with their father, and she sat reading a book waiting for them to return.
Suddenly, she heard the servant announce Darcy's name and came face to face with him.
His arrival was unexpected. She was surprised to see him. She curtsied, and Darcy bowed without a word.
Elizabeth did not know what to say.
"I have brought some books. Georgiana wanted to return to you," he said and placed them on the nearby table.
"Oh! I thank you!" she said and continued," Lord Philip has taken the children to the village, and Lady Martha is visiting Mrs. Chawton.
"I am aware," he said.
"I am not in a hurry for the books. I did tell Miss Darcy that she could return them once I comme back from my trip. You did not have to trouble yourself, sir."
She noticed Darcy's expression change. He looked troubled, and Elizabeth did not know what to say.
They stood in silence for some time, and Elizabeth understood he did not want to leave. Maybe he will if I sit down. She thought and picked up her book.
She sat down and looked at him.
Darcy suddenly started to pace the room. He never looked away from her. His handsome features were engulfed with tension.
Elizabeth did not know what to make of his behavior. Maybe he has come to reason with me for what I said during the dance. She thought.
Elizabeth looked at him calmly, unable to comprehend his behavior. He suddenly stopped and walked a few steps closer to her.
"In vain, have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I love and admire you," he said as he watched her face turn red with embarrassment and shock.
"Almost from the earliest moments of our acquaintance, I have come to feel for you a most passionate admiration and regard. Do not think me ignorant of your dislike of me. I hope you may look past our initial animosity, as you know my heart now. I love you most sincerely, and all I ask you is to consider my proposal. I do not want an answer right away. Please trust me. I have nothing but admiration, love, and respect for you since the day we met."
Elizabeth was shocked to hear his declaration.
"You must be jesting," she cried with irritation.
"I do not jest, and it hurts me that you would think me to be so reckless to joke about my feelings."
"Your feelings, sir, alarm me. Pray, tell me, how long have you known me?"
Darcy was silent.
"If you cannot find an answer, let me make it easy, a few months. I am amazed that you have feelings for someone in such a short time."
"When it comes to what I feel for you, I do not think I need to weigh something so irrelevant as the duration of our acquaintance. Every moment I spent with you, has made me fall in love with you more and more."
Darcy saw the evident anger on her face.
"Me? A governess?" she asked him in a challenging tone.
"Yes, you. The only woman who has looked as a man with flaws and not the master of Pemberley."
"What do you even know about me, sir? Are you even aware of anything about me than me being an employee here?"
"I may not know anything about your past. All I know is that I cannot imagine my future without you. You did tell me frankly about your dislike for me, but I still cannot believe that you hate me."
"So, you say I lied to you. What gain am I to get by doing that sir? Do you believe that you could marry me and live happily?"
"Yes, I do."
"Do you want me to believe that you did not hesitate even a bit because of my status in society while were contemplating your so called "feelings"?"
"I would be lying if I said I did not think of it. But it does not matter to me. Your status as a governess does not make you less worthy. You have impressed me in a way no woman ever has. All I care about is your consent, out of your free will. "
"My consent? You are too hasty, sir. You do not understand me at all. You know nothing of me. I have no intention to get married or live a life different from what I have now. I understand you perfectly. You think you are saving me from misery by offering for me. It is indeed noble of you. But I cannot accept you. I wonder how you could imagine anything good coming out of your declaration after I expressed my opinion of you explicitly. I hope your feelings of pity will pass soon and you can look at me as an employee of Ashton Park and nothing more. As for me, I will try to endure your presence whenever I need to, giving myself the burden of forgetting your proposal. Though you say you did not care for my status in society, you must be sensible enough to know how uncomfortable you have made my life here after your declaration. I have nothing more to say to you."
Darcy did not utter a word. He looked at her intently. Though he had not anticipated her instant acceptance, he hoped she would understand the depth of his feelings.
He had seen enough of her anger in the past to know the difference in her voice and tone. In the words she uttered at present, there was an evident hint of sadness and guilt disguised in anger. Her eyes were moist, and she was about to burst into tears. The last thing he wanted was to leave the room when she was crying. He knew he could not. He did not trust himself to walk away from the woman he valued so much in life when she was in distress.
"I understand you perfectly, madam. Forgive me for taking so much of your time," he said and left her, taking one last look at her before he opened the door.
The moment the door closed, Elizabeth collapsed into the chair, unable to believe what had transpired between them.
