Chapter 25

Martin paced the kitchen, backward and forward, backward and forward. A totally confused look smothering his face. Maria awkwardly sat at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea which was now stone cold. Louisa had decided that it best if she left them both to it, they had a lot to talk about, so she quietly took her marking upstairs. She was to call Kate in the morning to inform her that her application had been successful and she was to embark on a new adventure at Portwenn Primary. A call that she was very much looking forward to. Martin looked at the very petite woman in a red drab-looking raincoat. She resembled nobody in the family.

'When were you born?' The interrogation began.

'Well, you were in 1975 and I was in 1971 so you're my little brother.' She smiled, looking very unsure.

'What month?'

'July. You were November, weren't you?'

Martin felt extremely inpatient 'We're not here to talk about me, for goodness sake. I just don't understand.' He tried his best to think back to his childhood; any clues that he might have missed. He couldn't remember spotting any photographs. Surely Joan would have mentioned something at some point?

'I'm sorry about this Martin, but when I realised you were here, working as a doctor in Cornwall, I just had to contact you. Something was telling me that it would be the right thing. I know Mum and Dad weren't the best and I was brought to Cornwall in 1974, just as Dad was leaving Medicine.'

Martin's mind was one big blur at the moment and he couldn't entirely concentrate on what she was saying to him. He had so many questions. He felt confused, bewildered, angry; just about every emotion possible.

'So you permanently lived in Cornwall? From the age of three? Where did you stay? Who took care of you?'

' Erm, well, you know, few nannies here and there. Family etcetera. You were a very cute baby, Martin. Of course, I never saw you in person. But something was telling me that you would have been. The blonde hair seems to run in the family, doesn't it?'

'No.' he replied abruptly, still pacing with his hands behind his back. It did actually run in the family but he wasn't interested in pointless observations. Maria looked at him and smiled sweetly.

'Well, I better be off Martin. Something's telling me its getting late and you must be tired.'

Martin was in too much of a state to realise she had got up and put her mug in the sink. Just as she reached the door knob, Martin jump to ask his final question, well for now.

'Any others I should know about?'

She shook her head and shut the back door behind her. He weren't to go to bed that night. He sat at the kitchen table and thought. He just thought and thought some more. He concentrated as hard as he could and try to pick at his childhood memories. It was ironic because he spent most of his adult life trying to forget them. He made himself a glass of water, then another, and then another. Before he even realised, it was 6am and he could hear both Louisa and James stirring upstairs. Louisa would be putting on her robe before scooping James up and preparing him for the day. 'Joan' he suddenly thought, he urgently needed to speak with her.

'Martin, are you ok?' Louisa's gentle voice said over his shoulder, 'Have you been to bed?'. He had a fright.

'Erm, no. No, I haven't.'

Louisa felt sad as she looked at him, she hated it when he was in such turmoil; she always felt so helpless, he never let anybody help him. She stroked his shoulder. 'Martin, please speak to me if you need to.'

'Er, yes. Thank you. I need to see Joan. Now. Can you manage for a couple of hours this morning? Could Steven take care of James?'.

'Of course' she nodded. And so he buttoned up his suit and went on his way.

XXX

'Hey Doc. Doc!' Penhale jogged up to Martin as he unlocked his car and had one leg in on the driver's side.

'Not now, Penhale.'

'Just a quick question, Doc.'

'NOT NOW, PENHALE!'

'It'll only take two seconds, Doc.'

Martin sighed and looked directly at him, completely and utterly annoyed beyond comprehension.

'Why do you always do this hhmm? Pester and annoy, and for some reason hold a feeling of entitlement. Hhm? You're always around when your not wanted. Always offering your opinion. Always lurking. You're very annoying.'

Penhale chuckled thinking he was trying to have a laugh, 'No Doc, I just wondered how Joan was. Heard she took a tumble up at the farm?'

Martin's eyes widened 'What? What do you mean? When was this?' Actually, he realised that asking Penhale was not sensible and wondered how beneficial his perspective would be, so he decided just to storm into his immaculate car and head straight to Joan's.

XXX

'Why didn't you tell me you fell?'

Joan looked at him sheepishly, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. 'It was nothing. Nothing for you to worry about, Martin.'

'I'm your family and I'm a doctor. What do you mean it's nothing to worry about?'

'Just be quiet. Why are you here so early? Is something wrong?' She was concerned. He only ever made spontaneous, unannounced visits when something was wrong. Very wrong.

'No. Well, yes actually.'

Joan's jaw dropped with horror as Martin ran through the events of the last twelve hours. She sat shaking her head. Martin relayed as much information as he had been able to retain, still trying to make sense of it all. Joan was speechless. She too tried to think back also.

'Martin, I am absolutely certain they would have said something. I mean, they didn't want you. And you were enough of a surprise, I can assure you.'

'Well, thank you Aunty Joan' he said sarcastically, although knowing it was the truth.

'I just, I just…. I mean, how? When? No, no, no, this cannot be right. But I suppose, if this is true, how do you feel it? About having a sibling?'

Martin hadn't considered it. ' I don't know. Let's not jump to conclusions. Just out of curiosity, why did they have me? I surely couldn't have been a planned child?'

Joan felt sad whenever the topic of his parents came up because she knew it made him sad, deep down. No matter how much he disguised it or denied it. Of course it would. She could see the young boy in his eyes. The boy who was in desperate need of love and a family. The child who needed scooping up and cuddled, but never was. There was one thing she was certain of though, that James would definitely be scooped up cuddled; he already had been. She knew from the first time she saw him the morning he became a father, something had changed. Of course, it was love. He'd be an unconventional Dad but he loved his baby, and in the end, it's all that mattered.

'You were actually. You were born in the seventies and things were different then. Your Mum and Dad had married, neither of them getting any younger and well, it was expected that the next step would be having a child. It was a bad idea because they were incapable of love. I had my doubts even before their marriage. James wasn't planned. Well, not that I can tell. Do you love him?' She knew the answer.

Martin was almost shocked, 'Yes of course I do.' He said very quickly.

'Exactly. They were incapable of love. Still are and that's that.'

Martin was none the wiser after that conversation and it irritated him. He got up to leave.

'Come to the surgery this afternoon, I want to run some checks.'

Joan just sighed and gave him a grim look.

XXX

Martin yawned as he carefully stretched his arms over the side of the cot and tucked James safely within it. He stroked his pink cheek and checked that he wasn't too hot. Cream coloured pyjamas with teddy bears on them. His favourite toy tractor next to him. That was the Cornish side of him, he was sure.

'Is he asleep already?' Louisa whispered behind him, also yawning.

'Yes. He was asleep before going to bed. He's tired.'

'Yes' she smiled. 'He's been busy. He's quite the socialite, you know. You should have seen him smiling at everybody who peaked into the pram today. How are you?' She asked, not sure how he would respond but he was too was tired and didn't have the energy to go into too much detail.

'I'm fine.'

'Look, why don't you come to bed tonight? You need some rest. James and I would like to see you get some good sleep.'

Martin's face softened, 'Eer, yes. I would like that. Are you sure?'

'Of course. I'm going to lay down now but just come in when you're ready.' She smiled. She wanted to be close to him.

Louisa fell asleep quite quickly, he could hear them both breathing; softly and rhythmically. He just could not settle though. He lay on his back with his eyes wide open, his mind still racing; it was driving him insane. The bedroom was pitch dark apart from a dim, orange light beside James' cot. Louisa had bought him a night light. She found it really helped him settle, and calmed him if he ever woke during the night; a light so that he could see that Mum was right beside him. He twiddled his thumbs and was aware that any sort of movement may wake Louisa and James. Just at that moment, there was a knock on the back door.

'I hope this isn't Maria' he sighed to himself. He wrapped his robe around him and swiftly went to answer the door. It was Joan.

'Martin, Look! Look at this.' She waved an old photograph in front of him. He held it and couldn't understand the relevance. It was a photo of Joan and his Mum and Dad outside the farm, all looking a bit awkward and not one of them smiling. This wasn't unusual.

'Ive scoured every single photograph I own. And I remember this. It was you a surprise visit and it was rare, you know how much your Mother hated Cornwall. The day they arrived back from a cruise and told me that my own Mother had passed away. It was in June' She looked at him with an inquisitive look in her eyes.

'I really don't understand Aunty Joan?'

'June 1971. If your so-called sister was born in July 1971, wouldn't your Mother be heavily pregnant at this time? Even if she had had the baby a couple of weeks before, do you think she would have been able to give birth on a Norwegian cruise? Your Mum couldn't stand a headache without causing a scene.'

She was right. Martin could only mumble an answer, he was now lost in thought. Yes, it seemed right. If anybody knew his parents better than anyone, it was Joan. He concentrated very hard. He had flashbacks of certain things Maria had said and tried to piece together the pieces like some sort of opaque jigsaw. She hadn't been sleeping very well and was known to have depression. She had said this his Dad left medicine in 1974, but that was very incorrect; he hadn't left medicine since the early 90s. She stated she had stayed with family in Cornwall since the age of three; there was no other family in Cornwall, only Joan. And odd behaviour he noticed during consultations. And another saying that crept in more than once 'Something was telling me'.

He looked up in horror. How had he not spotted this? 'Psychosis caused by chronic sleep deprivation along with possible Schizophrenia.' He almost ran to retrieve his car keys, she needed hospital treatment and soon.