Notes:
Man, I don't even know what to say. I started this fic on a whim and planned on ending it in just 5 chapters, which is why I genuinely can't believe that we are now 20 chapters in! Please give me a minute, I'm having an emotional moment T_T
I just can't thank you all enough for all the immense support you have been giving to me! Thank you so much for supporting me all these years :') Especially you guys who were so kind to leave so many sweet comments in this fic! It truly means a lot to me 3
Please enjoy this chapter!
P.S I forgot to mention that Marlene is actually a canon character! I wonder if any of you remember her (I didn't tbh HAHA)
CHAPTER 20: CURSE
When Hange's father left the world six years ago, her mother's wardrobe was quickly replaced by many black mourning dresses that she wore for around a year and a half. After the full mourning period passed, her mother spent the next six months wearing grey and muted purple colour before she gradually went back to her usual wardrobe. Meanwhile, Hange had to wear black mourning dresses for a year, followed by muted-coloured dresses for half a year, before she was allowed to wear her old dresses again.
Hange understood that the mourning custom existed so people could grieve as long as they wanted to, and for some people that might be what they needed. Her mother for example, the long mourning period seemed to help her accept that the love of her life—that she always thought would outlive her—had died before her. Hange was grateful that her mother could take her sweet time in such a difficult process of her life.
However, Hange was not her mother, and so she had quite a different opinion regarding the mourning period that she had to do. She realised that being constantly reminded of her deceased loved one did the exact opposite for her. Hange still remembered the never-ending sadness that she had to experience when she was twelve during the six-month mourning period of her grandfather's death. Hange also remembered how she had to always pick up the pieces of her soul that would shatter every single day throughout the one-and-half years of her father's mourning period.
Her mother had told her repeatedly that she did not have to wear the mourning dress if it bothered her. The dress did bother her, but she hated more the feeling of guilt and discomfort that overcame her when she tried to not wear them, especially when she realised that people expected her to wear them. The 16-year-old Hange was genuinely scared that people would think that his father was a bad man, or worse, a bad father if she didn't mourn his death properly. Hence, she endured it for her father's honour.
Then, when her mother died, Hange was faced again with the same dilemma that she had already faced years ago. Hange knew that her mother would not mind if Hange ditched the mourning tradition, but Hange was still unsure about it. On one hand, it felt wrong to not wear one. On the other hand, she did not really want to bring a sombre mood to the manor by constantly wearing mourning dresses.
In the end, she opted to not ditch the black dress yet. She wanted to wear it and see how it made her feel before she made her final decision.
She had only been wearing the mourning dress for three weeks when she finally made her choice. After she discovered Mikasa's condition two weeks ago and after she reflected on her feelings, she eventually decided that she would no longer wear her black mourning dress. The reason? It was as simple as she did not want to distract Mikasa by reminding her of death.
Not only that but since she also lived far from her hometown in Nedlay, no one would bat an eye about her lack of mourning attire. Surely the people who lived on the Ackerman Estate were aware of her mother's passing, but she was comfortable enough with them that she believed they would not talk badly about her or even her mother.
However, she still could not abandon the mourning custom entirely either. It was truthfully difficult for her to unlearn the custom that she had been taught for years, so Hange compromised by wearing half-mourning dresses of muted colours for the rest of the year. She still wanted to honour her mother's death traditionally albeit in her own uncommon way.
Besides, Mikasa's condition had distracted her enough for Hange to not notice what was the colour of the dress that she was wearing each day. All she could think about in the past two weeks was how much different Mikasa had been behaving ever since she had that horrible dream.
If Nifa previously said that Mikasa had been acting like a nine-year-old, then now she had regressed even further back to her childhood. For the past two weeks, Mikasa turned childlike which was of course the exact opposite of her usual self. She somehow became clingy and anxious, so much so that she would not let Hange—and Mr Ackerman—leave her side. Mikasa pleaded for them to always be within her sight or reach.
In fact, after that night, Mikasa begged Hange to stay with her every night. Something that Hange complied full-heartedly but also something that Mr Ackerman opposed greatly.
Mr Ackerman tried to talk Mikasa out of it by saying that such a request was beyond her job requirement. Even Mr Ackerman told Mikasa that Hange was hired to be her governess and not her nurse. He seemed like he genuinely did not want to bother Hange by taking her private time away.
However, Hange interjected by telling Mr Ackerman that she truly did not mind. If her presence could be of some help to Mikasa, then she would gladly offer her help. Not only that, if she was not allowed to help Mikasa then she would just end up being worried for her to the point that she would develop sleeping problems too.
What she did not tell him was the fact that when she stayed in Mikasa's room, her mind was inevitably occupied by the priority of keeping Mikasa safe. Therefore she had no spare space in her head to think about anything else. For Hange, such an effect was much more appealing than being all alone in her room and watching millions of things float inside her mind.
Mr Ackerman eventually settled his answer by instructing both Hange and Nifa to take turns every other night watching Mikasa. However, both Hange and Nifa liked to be present every night even when it wasn't their turn. Doctor Chastain had suggested that they should try to create a calming routine for Mikasa, and so Hange thought a short bedtime story before bed could always do the charm.
She seemed to be right for the bedtime story did provide some form of relaxation for the little girl. Nevertheless, the routine was still far from perfect because, during the first week after the incident, Mikasa still found it hard to remain asleep at night. She would still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night due to some fragments of bad dreams or her sleepwalking episode. As a result, she would usually be drained and ill by the morning.
Not only that, since Mikasa still hadn't got her appetite back, Nifa had to bring the meal to the bedroom and patiently persuade her to eat her food. It was not just her appetite, Mikasa also did not want to leave her room either and thus Hange had to accommodate her lethargies by teaching her within the comfort of her room. Mikasa herself was still troubled in trying to stay focused in her class, but Hange could see that she was trying to do her best.
During that time, Mr Ackerman cancelled most of his schedules and chose to stay at the manor. He did try to leave once, but much to everyone's surprise, Mikasa held him so tightly while her eyes were misty with tears as she desperately begged for him to not leave the manor.
Mr Ackerman obviously could not leave after seeing his cousin behave in such a concerning way. Henceforth, as he was not able to leave for his business, he had to ask for his staff from the capital to bring all of his paperwork to the manor. He even had to hold some meetings regarding his work in the manor as well.
The sudden appearance of his previously obscured professional self in the manor made Hange realise that there were actually a lot of things that Mr Ackerman juggled on a daily basis. He had to spend most of his time in his study, either alone or with various people in nice suits who came all the way to Trost. He was also occupied by many invitations to several social gatherings from his fellow upper-class family that he had to attend.
Yet, despite his busy schedule, he still made the time to check on Mikasa periodically. He liked to tuck her into the bed and ask her about her day, a sight that would make any children in the world jealous. A sight that her previous students would be foreign to since they weren't able to receive such gentle treatment from their own parents.
When Doctor Chastain learned that Mikasa was still struggling with her sleep, he called for another doctor to prescribe medicines that could help ease her nerves. Fortunately, the medicines worked marvellously well as they were able to put her to sleep immediately every night. However, Mr Ackerman was quite worried that Mikasa would get addicted to the medicines, so he asked the doctor to not give her too many doses.
From the days that followed after that examination, Hange could see a slight improvement in Mikasa. By the second week, the colour started to return to her delicate face as her sleep gradually became more restful. She even woke up one day asking if she could have toasted bread with scotch marmalade and a glass of milk for breakfast. Mrs Koch was of course thrilled by the request and beyond happy when Mikasa did not leave anything behind on her tray.
Courage returned to her as well for she did no longer want to stay all day in her room. She was able to leave her room to eat in the dining room and to study in the library with Hange. Moreover, her focus had also returned gradually, albeit she would still sometimes be lost in some kind of invisible daze.
Mikasa still had bad dreams occasionally, but it did not seem to bother her as badly as before. But Hange knew that Mikasa would never be fully the same again. No sane person would ever be the same after suffering a horrific trauma.
Hange tried to take Mikasa's mind off those horrible memories by adding some variety to the learning material. Rather than using the books, she instead took Mikasa to see the plants in the garden or planned a quick trip to the Magnolia Farm to see the livestock. Sometimes she would have Mikasa name the correct anatomy of those living creatures or sometimes she would have Mikasa capture them through her painting or embroidery.
Other times, Hange would let Mikasa play the piano as many times as she would like to as it seemed to be one of the things that could lift her spirit in just a second. However, when Hange tried to play a duet with Mikasa, the little girl suddenly broke down crying in the middle of their play. After that, Hange would just let Mikasa play on her own. Hange only played when Mikasa asked her to or when she wanted to teach Mikasa about certain songs that Mikasa was not familiar with.
Although her improvement was remarkable, Hange did notice the stark polarity of Mikasa's disposition. She appeared to be alright during the morning and noon, but she gradually became tense as it got dark. Sometimes, she would even ask for the windows in her room to be opened during the night. Fortunately, Hange and Nifa were able to ease her anxieties every night with the help of the routine and the medicines.
There was also one more thing that seemed to anchor her down, and it was the letters that she received from Eren and Armin. When their letters arrived, Mikasa's face would glow with joy as she read each word that her two best friends wrote to her. The thrill of such excitement overwhelmed her in a way that she could not stop her hand from shaking when she tried to write her answer. Hange gladly offered her help to Mikasa, and thus Hange ended up becoming the one who wrote Mikasa's replies.
When Hange was writing down Mikasa's response verbatim, Mikasa suddenly paused in the middle of her sentence. As she noticed the odd way Mikasa hung her words, Hange carefully examined the girl's expression and noticed the apprehension that was present on her face.
"What's wrong, Mikasa?" Hange asked softly.
Mikasa pressed her lips together and fidgetily clasped her hands together before she eventually said, "I-I was wondering…"
"…about?"
"About… About whether I should tell them the truth."
"The truth?" Hange furrowed her brows questioningly, "The truth regarding…?"
"Me," Mikasa looked down dejectedly, "I haven't told them about… about what happened to me every night."
"Well, do you want to?"
"I do! Very much so… But at the same time, I don't want to trouble them."
"Mikasa," Hange lowered her voice gently, "Do you consider them as your friends?"
"Friends…" Mikasa murmured, "I don't feel that's right. They are more than that…"
"A family, then?"
"I guess… Every time I try to think about the past, they will always be there."
"I see. That's good to hear. They must be very important to you, right?"
Mikasa did not answer, instead, she was still looking down at her shoes. Suddenly, Hange heard a muffled sniffle coming from her.
"I-I'm scared, Hange," Mikasa's voice was trembling, "I'm scared they will forget me…"
"Oh… Mikasa," Hange put the pen back into the inkwell, "Why would they forget you?"
"… It's—I don't know. I mean, do you know what Eren and Armin said to me when I visited him last time? They said I have become so tall… I did not even notice it myself," Mikasa explained in between her sniffles, "Perhaps it will not take them long to not recognise me anymore."
"Well, I understand what you mean, Mikasa… But you see, people change all the time," Hange scooted her chair a little closer to her, "I remember when I was six being surprised to see Erwin's voice suddenly dropped in pitch or when he suddenly grew ten centimetres tall… Yes, I admit it is quite weird to see a person that you thought you knew suddenly change but believe me, they are still the same on the inside. So, don't worry, I'm sure they will still recognise you."
"I-I doubt it..." Mikasa sulked morosely, "I'm not in Shiganshina anymore. We can't see each other as often as we used to."
"Mikasa," Hange softly touched Mikasa on the shoulder, "Listen, love is intangible and infinite, and thus they are unlimited. It is possible to still love and care for someone even if they are not nearby."
The girl glanced up to see her with those wide dark grey irises of hers. Mikasa blinked a few times as if she was trying to make sense of the words that Hange had just said.
Hange then gently showed her the wooden box where Mikasa kept all the letters that she got from Eren and Armin before she asked, "Don't you think, so?"
Mikasa stared at the stacks of letters both of her friends consistently sent to her ever since she moved to the manor. She gave a small smile at Hange, "Yeah, I think so."
That night, it was not Hange who told her the bedtime story, it was Mikasa. She eagerly told both Hange and Nifa about the time when Eren accidentally kicked one of his shoes into the river when he challenged them for a shoe-kicking competition. He was scared that his mother would scold him for losing a shoe.
Armin then remarked that maybe his mother wouldn't be mad if the shoe was lost because of an accident like maybe he lost it when he fell into the river. He unfortunately gave Eren an idea because he immediately went to the nearby well and dropped a bucket of water over his head. He was safe from her mother's wrath, but he ended up with a terrible cold that bedridden him for almost a week.
Hange was delighted that Mikasa willingly told her and Nifa the story about her friends, but what made her even happier was the fact that Mikasa went to bed with such a serene expression on her face. It seemed that Hange would no longer need to tell any more bedtime stories for her.
Two weeks later, Mikasa's condition had gradually started to become even more stable. Hange still took turns with Nifa each night. Then, one morning during her turn, Hange found herself waking up way earlier than usual. She swiftly checked on Mikasa and fortunately she saw that the girl was still sleeping peacefully. Hange stood up quietly from the bed and stretched her body a little before she grabbed her dressing gown.
Well, the dressing gown was not precisely hers, but she had no choice but to wear it until she could get another dressing gown. The laundry maids accidentally tore her nightgown and dressing gown apart when they were trying to remove the vomit's stain from the fabric. She didn't mind the nightgown as she had plenty of it, but sadly she had only brought one dressing gown when she first came to the manor.
However, she didn't fault the laundry maids since the dressing gown that she inherited from her mother was already old to begin with and needed to be replaced. She had asked her uncle to pack one of her dressing gowns from Nedlay to be sent to the manor, but it somehow hadn't arrived yet. Therefore, in the meantime, she had to wear the silk dressing gown. She planned to return it immediately after she got hers.
After she made sure that she was proper, Hange quietly left the room and walked toward her room in the right wing. Then, once she arrived at her room, Hange immediately parted the curtains and opened the windows, allowing the sweet and chill breeze of early September to freshen up her room. She leaned her hands on the windowsill and took a deep breath to let the morning air wake all her senses up.
After a while, she stepped away from the windows so she could start preparing herself for the day. However, she got distracted by something that she caught from the corner of her eyes. She immediately noticed some stuff that did not belong to her on her table, and that stuff turned out to be a stack of letters and packages being arranged neatly on her messy table.
She took one of the letters and saw her name on it, and at first, she thought that Marlene must have mixed up her name with another because there was no way she had so many deliveries in one day. However, when she checked through each item, she was surprised to learn that all of it had her name on it. Hange furrowed her brows as she could not think of any explanation that would explain her current situation.
She took one of the packages that had one letter attached to it. On the envelope, she could read that it was addressed to her, and it was sent by none other than Erwin Smith. She took the letter and tore the envelope apart. The paper inside was filled with paragraphs written in his neat handwriting. Hange read the first few sentences of the letter and it said:
Dearest Hange,
Time surely flies so fast because I still can't believe how much you've grown these past 23 years. In my eyes, you will always be that little girl who loves following everywhere. Nevertheless, please allow me to say this: Happy birthday Hange! Many happy returns of the day. I've sent you something that I thought you might be interested in.
Hange hadn't even finished reading his letter when a realisation finally struck her to the bone. She opened her mouth in shock, and she quickly glanced at the calendar that was hung on the wall near the table. She was stunned when she noticed the current date. It was the fifth of September. It was her birthday and it completely slipped out of her mind.
Twenty-three was the new age that she was supposed to turn that morning, but somehow, she could not feel any difference. She did not feel twenty-three at all. She thought she would be much wiser by twenty-three—as it was around the same age her father married her mother—but no, she still felt like the same girl years ago who cried uncontrollably at her father's funeral.
Hange put the letter away and not so gently untied the rope that surrounded the parcel. Then she tore the brown paper off the package and inside it, she saw two books: A new edition of a botany book and a French-language novel. Two books that she had mentioned casually to Erwin before. Hange smiled at the gift as she was continuously reminded of how attentive Erwin was as a person.
She took another package, a smaller one, and inside was a leather wallet. It was sent alongside a letter from Nanaba. Hange had been corresponding with Nanaba ever since they became an acquaintance at the garden party around a month ago, but she hadn't told Nanaba about her birthday yet, so she did not understand how she knew. Luckily for her, Nanaba had answered her question through her letter. Nanaba said that she learned about it from Erwin who apparently bought the books from her fiancé, Miche Zacharias.
She then moved to another package, the biggest out of the rest. The gift was from Aunt Erika and Uncle Wilhelm—Erwin's parents—who sent her a beautiful navy wool mantle. They wrote in their letter that they sent her a mantle as a present because they were worried that Hange would get sick from the change of season and from the draught that began to get colder as autumn approached. As usual, they would always behave like Hange's second parents.
Meanwhile, the last package was much smaller, and it was sent by Uncle Alfred. When she unwrapped the packaging, she did not expect to find a small jewellery box inside, and she was even more perplexed when she opened the box and saw a shining golden necklace with an emerald pendant inside.
Uncle Alfred said in his letter that the necklace was already commissioned by her mother months before she died. Hange smiled bitterly at the thought of her mother. Despite her sickness and her needs, her mother still spoiled her rotten. Meanwhile, Uncle Alfred snuck some money into his letter, saying that Hange should treat herself to something from the town.
Uncle Alfred also fulfilled her request by sending her two pieces of her dressing gowns from Nedlay. With that, Hange could finally stop using the silk dressing gown. Despite what Mrs Koch had said to her, Hange couldn't keep such an important garment and claimed it as her own. She would ask the laundry maid to clean it before she returned it to Mr Ackerman when he came to the manor.
Hange then moved to the last letter. It was from Marie whom Hange finally got the time to write a letter around a week ago. Marie wasn't aware of her birthday, so she did not send her anything, but of course, Hange did not expect anything at all. She was just happy that Marie responded to her letter. In fact, she considered the timing of her letter's arrival to be a present itself.
Hange then examined each of the letters and gifts that were sprawled out on her table and let out a small smile. It did feel nice to know that despite the distance that separated them, these people still cared for her to celebrate her existence.
She used her spare time in the morning to respond to some of the letters while she planned on responding to the rest of the unanswered letters right after lunch. By doing that, she hoped that she could send all her replies within the same day.
When she was finished writing half of the letters, she put the rest of the letters and items as neatly as she could on one corner of her table before she returned to her usual morning schedule. Hange quickly prepared herself for the day; she refreshed herself and changed into her dark grey outfit.
After that, she exited the room to check on Mikasa as she must have woken up already by this time. Occasionally, Mr Ackerman would sometimes check on Mikasa in the morning before breakfast, but he wasn't there that day. He left yesterday evening for a business trip that he had planned for so long that he couldn't reschedule.
It was hard for him to gain Mikasa's approval, but fortunately, after many tries, he was able to persuade Mikasa to let him leave the manor for a few days. He promised his cousin that he would not go for too long and he would return as soon as he could.
Months ago, his absence from the manor was probably something that no one even dared to question. However, since he had been staying for a long duration of time lately, his lack of presence did create some emptiness in the manor—or at least that was the case for her.
When Hange almost arrived at Mikasa's room, she saw Nifa had just left the room with a tea tray. When Nifa saw her, the maid smiled widely as she wished her a happy birthday. Hange of course was taken aback by Nifa's words, she didn't know that Nifa was aware of her birthday.
"Oh! I knew about it from Mrs Weiss," Nifa explained when Hange asked about it. "You see, Mrs Weiss likes to keep track of everybody's birthday. She will announce whose birthday it is during our morning briefing."
"Mrs Weiss? I see…" Hange murmured in awe for the sweet attentiveness that contrasted the usual coldness that she showed as the housekeeper. "Well, thank you Nifa. It means a lot to me."
"Of course, Miss!"
Nifa then excused herself to put the dirty dishes back in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Hange opened the door and saw Mikasa observing the lake through the tall windows. Mikasa glanced back and cheerily greeted Hange, something that had become a rare sight lately, so her good mood that morning was very much appreciated. She had already changed to her day dress and so Hange asked her to go to the dining room together.
After having a nice breakfast that was prepared by Mrs Koch—and after making sure that Mikasa finished her meal—they went to the library to begin their lesson for the day. Hange gave Mikasa an assignment to choose one character from Hamlet that she wanted to analyse. While Mikasa worked on the assignment, Hange used the time to prepare the materials for their history lesson later in the day.
Hange would periodically check on Mikasa, asking whether there was something in her assignment that she didn't understand, but that morning she seemed to do quite well on her own.
After their literature lesson and as they were about to move to their history lesson, Mikasa suddenly asked Hange a question.
"Hange, have you ever been to a beach?"
Hange glanced away from the stack of books on the table and toward Mikasa, "A beach?"
"I had a dream last night that I went to one."
"Is that so? Was it a good dream?"
Mikasa nodded, "Yes, it was… There were Eren and Armin."
"Oh! Doesn't that sound nice?" Hange remarked joyfully. This was the very first time that Mikasa had ever spoken about her dream in such a good mood. Hange could not help but think that it might had a connection with the fact that Mikasa had been telling her the stories about her two childhood friends every night.
"Yeah, but it was kind of weird. I've never been to a beach before. There wasn't one to visit in Shiganshina."
"Well, do you want to visit it?"
Mikasa pressed her lips together before shaking her head, "Well, Armin and Eren liked to talk about it. They dream of going out of the village and visiting as many beaches as they can… But I don't really care about the beach, I just want to go to places with them."
Hange smiled, "I think you will like it, Mikasa. I used to go to the beach in Krolva plenty of times before and I had a lot of great time there."
"How was it like?"
"Hmm, I'm not sure how to explain it, but imagine that there is salt in the air and sand on your feet as you stare into the horizon where you can see the gorgeous line where the ocean meets the sky. The white sands are soft against your skin while the blue water is glistening under the sun. You hear the sound of the waves, and you suddenly find yourself being lulled by the sea."
"Honestly, I still don't understand the appeal but I'm a little curious now."
Hange chuckled, "Well, maybe you'll understand when you finally get the chance to visit it with Eren and Armin."
"Yeah," Mikasa smiled, "Maybe you should go with us, Hange."
"Should I?"
"Yes. They won't mind it, I'm sure. It will be fun to visit many places with you."
Deep inside her heart, Hange knew it would not be realistic. She would not even be there by the next year. However, she didn't have the heart to refuse her, so she just smiled.
They had lunch together after they finished their morning lesson. Hange then used her spare time while Mikasa was napping to reply to the letters that she hadn't answered that morning. By the time she finished with all of the letters, she noticed that she still had enough time before the afternoon lesson started. Hence, she decided to leave for a while to send those letters.
Mikasa seemed to be fine that day—and well-cared under Nifa's supervision—so she thought it would not be a problem if she left the manor for a short time.
When Hange was putting on her cape in the foyer, she suddenly found Moblit running in her direction.
"Oh!" Hange cheered, "Hi Mob—"
"I've been searching for you, Miss Hange!" He interjected in such an unnerving way that alarmed Hange.
"W-What?" Hange raised her voice in concern, "Did something happen?"
"No, nothing happened. I just want to personally wish you a happy birthday," Moblit smiled courteously at her, "I'm sorry that I couldn't wish you sooner… I needed to help Mr Dunbar since this morning."
"Ah! You scared me for a second!" Hange laughed, "Thank you, Moblit, and do not worry about it. I know that you are a busy man."
"Still…" Moblit shrugged ashamedly before he finally noticed her attire, "Speaking of, do you plan on going somewhere?"
"Yes," she nodded, "To the post office. Why?"
"Post office? To send your letters?"
"Yes."
"You know that you can just ask one of the hall boys to do that for you, right, Miss Hange?"
"I know, but I don't want to. I want to go out."
"On foot?"
"On foot!" Hange repeated merrily.
"Why don't you ask Keiji to drive you there instead, Miss? Wait, I can call him right now if you want to—"
"No, no!" Hange yelled as she held one of Moblit's hands to keep him in place before he could take another step toward the stable.
"W-Why not?" Moblit raised his eyebrows confusedly, "You know he won't mind."
"I know and I appreciate it truly, but it will defeat the whole purpose, Moblit," Hange tried to explain, "I just want to walk. Alone."
"B-but…"
"Please?" Hange looked at Moblit expectantly, "Am I not allowed to do such a thing on my birthday?"
Moblit stared at her timidly before he ultimately let out a sigh and nodded, "Fine, but at least wear something thicker than your cape, Miss. The wind has been getting colder lately."
"Don't worry. I won't be long, okay?" Hange said as she put on her hat, "If Nifa or Mikasa search for me, just tell them that I'll be back before the afternoon lesson starts."
"How about an umbrella? Are you planning to bring that with you?"
"… No."
"Bring it!" He demanded, pressing on each word viciously.
"But it doesn't look like it will be going to rain!" Hange said as she pointed out at the sky from the windows, "Look at the clear sky!"
"Miss Hange…"
"Come on now, I won't be long! I promise!"
Moblit let out an exasperated sigh as he had no choice but to agree and allow her to venture to the town on her own—despite her stubbornness. However, he did lace his words with a slight threat, "But don't come crying to me if you get sick."
"Yes, I won't," Hange snickered playfully before she bid her farewell to Moblit and made her way to the nearest post office. She met a few people along the way, but the town was not as crowded as it usually did. It was probably because of the weather. Moblit was right, it was only the beginning of September, but the temperature had dropped significantly.
After she did her business in the post office, she took a glance at her pocket watch and noticed that she still had some time before the lesson. Therefore, she decided to take a little detour and explore some of the nearby areas that she rarely saw.
One of those areas was the old church building on the top of the tallest hill in Trost. Albeit the age had shown itself on the mouldy concrete walls of the building, it still looked well maintained. It was no surprise because as far as she was aware, the townsfolks took great care of both the holy edifice and the parsonage in which the two priests lived.
Hange did not consider herself to be neither spiritual nor religious. She used to come to the Sunday service every week with her parents, but she hadn't been to one ever since her mother's health deteriorated years ago.
Yet somehow, she felt something pull her to come into the building. Then, as she noticed that no one was around the vicinity, Hange eventually found herself stepping into the quiet and cold church. She walked slowly toward the front row pew and sat on one corner of the long oak bench. She glanced up at the large stained glass behind the altar that glowed so brightly from the early afternoon sun, it reflected the etherealness of the figure that was painted so serenely on the glass.
Suddenly, she remembered the words that her mother spoke to her, about the wish that both of her parents prayed for her. A wish for her happiness. Hange too wanted to honour them by being happy, but she never thought it would be an impossible task for her.
How should she be happy when she cannot even understand the actual meaning behind the word happy? How should she find that happiness when the light of her life had disappeared, leaving her all alone on such a dark road? How should she even celebrate the day she came to the world when the people who brought her in the first place were no longer present to witness the life she had lived so far?
A tear fell from her eye, and she quickly shed it away. However, it was quickly replaced by another drop of tear, and before she could stop it from falling down her cheek, another tear followed, and another one, until it became too difficult for her to keep her face dry from the unending flow of tears.
Despite her best effort to remain silent, she wasn't able to keep down the sobs and whimpers from coming out, especially not when her chest was laden heavily with feelings that she could not contain anymore.
She wanted to be happy, she truly did, but what should she do if she had nowhere to search for that happiness? There was nothing left for her in Stohess and Nedlay other than its memories that enclose some fragments of herself. There was still Trost, but she realised that Trost would soon become another story of her past.
Yet, she did not want Trost to only hold part of her memory. She was tired of moving from one place to another, seeking a place that she could truly call hers. She wanted to stay. But then, when she thought she had found her place, she had ruined herself of that chance.
Hange closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing as she finally remembered that she had to quickly return to the manor for Mikasa's lesson. She then opened her small leather bag to reach for a handkerchief, but unexpectedly, from the corner of her eyes, she saw a hand offering her a small plain cloth.
She glanced up, and in between her blurry misty eyes, she saw a tall looming figure of a seemingly middle-aged man with thin hair who stood in front of her. They were separated only by the modesty board of the front pew. The man was wearing a black outfit with a prominent white collar, a tell-tale sign of a clergyman.
Hange couldn't speak in between her weeping and so she replied to him by shaking her head as she showed the man her handkerchief. The priest quietly pulled back his hand as if he understood but he remained unmoved in his position.
She took off her eyeglasses so she could dry her eyes better. Then, while Hange was trying to regain her composure, she heard the man speak.
"My name is Nicholas, but folks around here call me Father Nick."
Hange recognised that name. She had heard his name a few times before from the locals. The Reverend Father Nick was a quite well-known priest in the area for he had served in the parish for a long time.
People said that he used to be so vocal with his preaching and faith, but he suddenly closed himself off after the outbreak that befell the town almost a decade ago. The town folks speculated that he probably went mad after he had to bury many children who died during that outbreak. Maybe he realised that even with his deep faith in God, he was simply powerless in front of such tragedy.
"Good day, Father…" Hange greeted in between her sniffles, "I'm so sorry for my disturbance in your church."
"You didn't do anything wrong," Father Nick replied liturgically, "Everyone is welcome to seek their salvation and comfort with our God."
Hange flashed him a polite smile before she returned to the task of wiping her face dry.
"What's your name, Miss?"
"Zoë."
Immediately, his divine expression fell as he visibly became surprised by her answer, his brows furrowed in confusion.
"Zoë…?" He murmured sluggishly, "Are you by chance the governess who works for the Ackermans?"
By this time, Hange was no longer crying. Instead, she was startled by the fact that the priest knew her name and her occupation. Hange nodded slowly at the priest as she answered, "Y-yes I am."
"Unbelievable," The priest grumbled, "I thought the folks were making false stories about you."
"False?" Hange scrunched her face in puzzlement for the man spoke as if she was a stuff from an urban legend, "What do you mean?"
"I can't believe you are still working there."
"Huh… I don't understand. What is hard to believe?"
"Here's a piece of advice from me, Miss Zoë," He lowered his voice while his expression turned grim, "Do not get yourself involved with that family."
Hange furrowed her eyebrows, "But why not?"
"Their bloodline is cursed."
'Cursed?' Hange thought to herself. She began to doubt whether this man was a real priest or just a lunatic posing as one.
"I'm sorry, Father," Hange shook her head, "You are not making any sense."
The priest sighed in desperation, "I genuinely feel sorry for you, Miss. It seemed to me that nobody was bothered enough to tell you the truth about that cursed family. Just as I feel the same immense pity for the girl who the current master took in as his ward."
"Stop!" Hange raised her voice slightly as she was getting impatient by the way the man spoke in riddles, "You were just sprouting such a cruel and bold accusation, Father,"
"You should cut your ties with that family!" The priest exclaimed firmly as he ignored all her previous questions and remarks. "You should save yourself before it's becoming too late. Unless you want to have a miserable ending to your short life like most members of that sinful family."
Hange immediately stood up from her seat and stared piercingly at the eyes of the priest whom even without her glasses, she could see very clearly from being so close to him. She didn't care if the man was much larger than her because all she could think about at that moment was:
"How dare you?!" Hange hissed indignantly, "Is that how someone who is supposed to be holy talk? You sounded nothing like the scripture that you preach every day. Do you even believe in the God that you spoke so highly about? Do you think that God would be so cruel and punishing? Do you think the wise God whom you have faith in would judge people so narrowly? Is that how you see your God?"
The priest's eyes widened in a way that she almost believed that his eyeballs would jump out from his socket at any second. He tried to open his mouth, but she could not hear anything from him but the sound of his breathing.
"Who do you define again as 'everyone is welcomed to seek their salvation and comfort with our God'? Do you think the Ackermans do not belong in that category?" Hange continued relentlessly despite the hoarseness in her voice, "If that's the case then I don't care if I also belong to the same category as them. I would willingly go against God's will and commit sins, or even get myself cursed if it meant that I would not let my judgment be so shallow that I let some dead ancestors determine how I should treat my fellow men."
Hange swiftly put her glasses back on and shoved her handkerchief back into her bag; without hearing the priest's reply, she coldly walked away from him.
"WELL, I'm very grateful for the warm welcome. I will surely come back here again," Hange remarked ferociously before she strode out through the tall and heavy door of the church.
Hange stomped her boots angrily through the dusty path of the countryside, and when she saw the manor appear on the horizon, she eventually slowed down her pace and allowed herself to take a deep breath. The dry air somehow cleared her thoughts, and she came into her sense about what she had just done to the priest.
However, she did not feel guilty at all for defying the holy man. She behaved according to the values she believed in, the same way the priest spoke according to what he had faith in. Though she doubted the man truly understood his own faith. Even thinking back to his words made her shoulders tense with annoyance.
Hange quickly closed her eyes and steadily controlled her breath. She did not want to bring such an awful mood to the manor. She wished she had brought with her a mirror, for she wanted to make sure that her eyes would not giveaway her recent sulky emotion.
After she had gotten her composure back, she continued her journey back to the manor. When she eventually arrived, she was surprised to see Mikasa sitting outside on one of the stone steps in front of the big oak door of the manor.
Mikasa appeared to be somehow upset when she noticed Hange's arrival. She hopped from her sitting position and ran toward her so eagerly.
"HANGE!" She screamed so loud that it made Hange take a step back from the sudden alarm.
"Wh-what? What's wrong?" Hange asked worriedly as various bad scenarios started to flood into her consciousness.
"I'm so sorry, Hange!" She exclaimed desperately, "I'm so sorry for not remembering that your birthday is today!"
"Birthday?"
"Yes! Your birthday?"
Hange was speechless and bemused at the explanation but also relieved that nothing bad happened while she was away. She chuckled and teasingly asked Mikasa, "What? You were worried about that? You are silly."
"Ah! Do not laugh!" Mikasa whined and when Hange saw tears in Mikasa's eyes, she immediately stopped her laugh.
"Oh, no no no," Hange kneeled in front of her and gently wiped her tears away, "I'm so sorry, Mikasa. I didn't mean to make fun of you. It's just… I didn't expect you to be so agitated over, you know, my birthday."
"Of course, I am!" Mikasa yelled persistently, "I had asked you about it once and I even wrote it down in my notebook. I had been waiting for this day, and yet I wasn't able to remember it on my own… If Nifa hadn't told me about it, I probably wouldn't remember it."
Hange smiled softly, "Hey, that's okay. I don't mind it at all. People forget all the time, it's normal."
"But it's not normal to forget the birthday of someone you care about!"
The moment the words left Mikasa's mouth, Hange felt her heart stop beating for a second. Her eyes stared widely at the little girl whose face frowned in sadness and guilt. Hange had to fight to keep her voice steady as she said, "Well, sometimes when we are in trouble, we tend to be forgetful. That's just how our minds work. I had my fair share of missing important days too, you know."
"Really?"
"Yeah! Besides, celebrating one life does not always have to be birthday exclusive, don't you think? It can be any other Tuesday and it will still be the same."
Mikasa finally smiled, "Yeah… I suppose you are right."
After that, Hange stood up and invited her to go back inside. That was when she noticed Nifa who was standing near the door. She certainly had been watching closely for Mikasa while the latter was waiting outside.
Nifa gave something—that she had been holding all this time behind her back—to Mikasa who ran toward her. It was a medium-sized gold frame that looked quite heavy for Mikasa, but she was able to hold it with ease. Hange approached them and as she was about to ask about the frame, Mikasa had already shoved said item gently to her.
"This is for you, Hange."
When Hange took it, she saw a beautiful collage of pressed flowers of many types and colours being arranged so intricately inside the frame, with a big flower in the middle and the smaller ones surrounding it. There were also some ferns and leaves being added in some areas. It did not look like the one that she often saw at the shop, but not because it was horrible, rather it was because no one would ever be able to replicate the craftmanship that she currently held in her hand.
"D-did you make this?"
"Yes, I did… I'm sorry if it wasn't neat… I had to do it hastily," Mikasa murmured bashfully.
"What do you mean? This is perfect!" Hange said animatedly as she could not take her eyes off it.
"B-but I didn't actually make it on my own…" Mikasa mumbled quickly, "Nifa helped with the arrangement and Mr Dunbar helped me by finding a spare frame in the manor."
"I didn't do much, to be honest," Nifa suddenly interjected, "It was all Miss Mikasa's doing."
Hange smiled, "Hey, don't discredit yourself, okay? This is amazing, Mikasa."
"You… you think so?" She asked sheepishly in disbelief.
"Of course!" Hange answered, "How did you even source these flowers?"
"I… Well, ever since I learned about your birthday, I might or might not have been discreetly plucking them from the garden and from all the places around the estate where you've been taking me to study…"
Hange remembered that Mikasa had asked her about her birthday not too long after she had started working in the manor, and with this, Hange could feel her eyes heating up from the hidden tears.
"You've been preparing it for so long?"
"Yes… I want you to like it."
"And I like it a lot," Hange exclaimed fondly, "Really, a lot! Thank you so much, Mikasa! I will certainly treasure it!"
There was a big smile on Mikasa's face before she stepped closer to hug her. Hange blinked her eyes a few times to keep her tears at bay as she felt the tenderness from the embrace of her student.
Hange could still not fathom how could someone say that a gentle and sweet kid like Mikasa was bound for a life full of misery. To think that someone would take a look at this little kid and say that she deserved to be cursed for the sins of the ancestors that she had never met, Hange was livid at such a thought.
"Come on, Hange," Mikasa subsequently let go of the embrace and took her hand, "There's something that you need to see!"
"Hm? What is it?" Hange asked but neither Mikasa nor Nifa answered. They just smiled playfully as Mikasa pulled her to the door that would lead toward the servants' hall. When they finally arrived, she was surprised to find that all the servants were there. They stood nicely at one side of the long table, forming a half arch.
On the table, a simple two-layered strawberry sponge cake was put neatly in the middle of it. There was a single thin candle on the cake and its fire danced slightly as it melted the wax around it and into the cake.
Her first thought was: Whose birthday is this?
She knew that Mrs Koch had a habit of baking a sponge cake every time someone had a birthday in the manor, and Hange had witnessed it a few times when some of the servants celebrated their birthday. As it turned out, Mrs Koch had been doing it ever since she became a head cook around 20 years ago.
However, that cake couldn't possibly be for her. Nifa had informed her that Mrs Koch had never baked a cake for the governesses before, in fact, she had always shown her discontent with all the previous governesses who worked in the manor—which explained why she was so repugnant with Hange during her first few weeks as Mikasa's governess.
The relationship between Hange and Mrs Koch might have been improving greatly since then, but still, when she saw that cake, she immediately thought that someone other than her must had their birthday too.
She was proven to be wrong when she felt Mikasa pulled her closer to the table. Mikasa then told her to stand in front of the cake. She stayed there in silence while confusedly glancing at her surroundings, and everyone was only staring at her with a wide smile on their face before they suddenly sang in union.
"For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow.
For she's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us!
And so say all of us!
And so say all of us!
For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow.
For she's a jolly good fellow, and so say all of us!"
Hange was motionless at her feet as everyone sang and clapped their hands for her. Oh, so it was her birthday after all. She stared unblinkingly at the candle which was melting slowly onto the cake.
"T-this is for me?" Hange had to ask again for she still found it to be implausible.
"Of course!" Moblit responded jubilantly, "After all today is your birthday, Miss Hange!"
"But… But I'm not… I don't deserve this…"
"What nonsense are you talking about?" Mrs Weiss said in her usual commanding voice but this time it sounded much gentler in her ears. "We always do this for everyone."
Mr Dunbar nodded, "Yes, everyone deserves to have a cake for their birthday."
'Everyone,' Hange thought bittersweetly, 'I'm part of everyone.'
"What are you doing, las?" Mrs Koch called impatiently, "Come on now, make your wish."
Hange felt her lips quiver as her eyes started to become warm and blurry. She lowered her head, but it was not to make any wish, instead, she did it to hide her melancholy mood from everyone. However, when she saw the candle being diminished little by little, Hange quickly realised that she didn't really know what to wish.
The thing that she wanted to be granted the most. What would that be, she wondered, and that wonder brought her back to Nedlay. She remembered that shortly after her mother's funeral, Hange and Uncle Alfred were involved in many arguments, and it all started because Hange told her uncle that she decided to not accept the marriage offer from Uncle Alfred's friend.
"I don't understand, Hange." Uncle Alfred exclaimed desperately to her while Hange was playing the piano. "If you received that proposal, you wouldn't need to work anymore, you know."
"I know," Hange replied curtly, not taking her attention away from the piano.
"Hange… Even now, you do know that you don't need to work anymore, right? I can support you just fine."
"I know," Hange kept playing as she hoped that the melodies would drown Uncle Alfred's voice from her ears.
"Hange!" Uncle Alfred suddenly pressed randomly on a few random piano keys, disrupting Hange's play. He raised his voice firmly, "What are you trying to accomplish? Your mother is no longer here!"
"I KNOW!" Hange screamed as she glanced furiously at Uncle Alfred, "I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT MY DECISION WILL ENTAIL!"
Uncle Alfred was unfazed by her outburst, this wasn't her first time acting in such a way in front of him after all. Instead, he let out a sigh as he softly muttered, "Then do tell me your reasoning, please. I am asking you as your uncle…"
Hange went silent as she stared emptily at the stack of old music sheets on the table next to the piano. For a second, she thought of bringing all those sheets to the manor to show it to Mikasa who would be thrilled to learn about some new pieces. The imagery of the smile on her student's face somehow filled her own heart with warmth.
"Why are you so eager to return to that manor?" Uncle Alfred pressed on, clearly still adamant about gaining his answer, "I'm sure they will understand if you decide to resign. You have a valid reason to do so."
Yes, they would understand, and Hange already knew that of course. She did not even need a valid reason to do that because everyone at that manor respected her. They would be supportive of everything that she decided to do.
"It was Mum." Hange eventually replied. "She made me realise that I actually love being a governess."
"Hange…" Uncle Alfred was obviously taken aback by her answer as he was one of the many people who were aware of Hange's obscured displeasure when she had to work as a governess to support her mother.
"With Mum's adequate inheritance and my governess' fee, I can live modestly on my own, and that is enough. I don't need you to always pay for my life, Uncle."
"I… I find it hard to believe."
Hange shrugged, "You just need to see my student, Uncle. Maybe then you will adore her too."
"It's good really that you have such a nice student," Uncle Alfred gently touched Hange on the shoulder, "However… She will grow up one day, and your next student probably won't be like her."
"Of course, I know that Uncle Al. I mean, she had told me that she wanted to attend a formal school outside of Trost as soon as possible. Not only that, even I had communicated my decision to resign by the next Spring to my employer."
"The next spring?"
"Yes… I thought I should retire so I could focus on taking care of Mum," Hange paused, "and maybe got married to that person."
"Golly! You had thought about it after all…" Uncle Alfred exclaimed in disbelief, "Isn't it much better that way? Especially now? Retiring from your work to become a married woman with a secured fortune?"
Hange was of course aware that such life was more than ideal for a middle-class orphaned woman like her with no significant dowry or inheritance. It was not like she needed to love that man in order to marry him. The man she was supposed to marry was also coerced to do it by his family, so affection was surely out of his priority. Therefore, their marriage did not necessarily need love for it to happen. Loveless marriages were common after all so it shouldn't be a problem for either of their family.
If she married that man, then she would not need to do anything significant because as a wife of an affluent middle-class gentleman, money would not be a problem for her. She just needed to spend the rest of her life partying, hosting a gathering, and being a good wife as well as mother. Hange would live an exemplary life for a respectable woman, exactly what she had been taught by everyone in her life.
Yet, when the opportunity finally showed itself to her, she failed to find the appeal of such life. Rather than that ideal life, Hange found her modest work life in the Ackerman Estate much more invigorating.
Unknowingly to her, Mikasa had taken over her heart and because of that, she wanted to pamper Mikasa every day so she could see her smile. Hence, it essentially became too distressing for her when she eventually realised that she had to leave her dear student one day.
The same thing happened with the servants. For the first time in her career as a governess, Hange learned about how lonely she was actually at her previous workplaces. Therefore, to have the servants genuinely taking care of her, respecting her, and befriending her was something that she never thought she needed as a governess. They were undoubtedly the main force that helped her to settle into her job easily in the manor. Their magic turned the big and cold manor into a warm house.
Not to mention the so very kind employer of hers who was able to see her for who she was.
"Hange," Uncle Alfred called her again in a much gentler voice, "I can see clearly how attached you've become to your current position. However, the reason I brought this up earlier was none other than because I'm worried about your future. It's great that you are taking pleasure in your work and receiving great payment from it, but at the same time, what will happen to you when you finally have to leave the Ackermans? You are still young. How are you going to fend for yourself in the future?"
"…I suppose I have to leave that to my future self," Hange said in a manner of jesting, though she wasn't in a mood for such tease.
Her uncle sighed as he was always quick to catch on her bluff. "Hange," he said, "I'm getting old every day."
"Please! Uncle!" Hange retorted irritably. Oh, how she hated every time Uncle Alfred brought up that topic. "Have faith in your niece. I'm not stupid, you know that. I will figure it out. Besides, many schools in this country surely will accept me as a teacher."
Uncle Alfred raised one of his eyebrows, "Didn't you hate the prospect of being a schoolteacher?"
"Well," Hange turned her face away from her uncle, "I changed my mind, Uncle. I'm done with chasing pointless dreams now."
"Oh… Hange."
"Uncle Al, I'm sorry," Hange said exasperatedly, "but I don't want to talk about this anymore."
Truthfully, what was the point of talking about the impossible, about the things that only brought nothing but discomfort for her? Therefore, she instead wanted to prioritize the things that could still make her happy, and one of those was to spend the time she had left in the Ackerman Estate.
Was that not what her parents wished for her?
Hange stared at the flickering fire of the candle on her birthday cake and somehow it all began to make sense for her. She finally knew what she wanted to wish for. As the candle began to shorten by each second, Hange closed her eyes as she wished for the protection and well-being of the people who lived in the estate. No matter what happened, she would always stand by them. She did not even care if she got cursed as well in the process.
When she blew out the candle, everyone cheered and congratulated her once more. After that, Mrs Koch and Lily quickly cut the cake into equal pieces and shared it for everyone to eat, though Hange got the biggest piece out of them all.
While she was talking with Moblit and Abel, Marlene suddenly approached her and pulled her to the side. She then discreetly shoved a small box wrapped in brown paper to her.
Marlene whispered that the package was hers but that morning she unfortunately misread the receiver's name as Helga, who was one of the laundry maids. Fortunately, Helga noticed it before she opened the package. Marlene said sorry for her mistake and wished that Hange would not speak about such a mishap to Mrs Weiss.
Hange said she didn't mind it one bit but playfully teased Marlene that maybe she should consider wearing a pair of reading glasses. However, before she could inspect that package, Mikasa had already called her. Hange put the package inside her pocket and went to see what Mikasa wanted to show her.
Hours later, when Hange returned to her room that night after putting Mikasa to sleep, she finally remembered the package that she had received earlier. She took it out of her pocket and realised that the package was devoid of any identity from the sender. The only name on the package was her name and the manor's address.
Hange cautiously unwrapped the brown paper to reveal a beautiful black velvet box. She was hesitant at first, but she eventually opened the velvet box. Imagine her surprise when she saw a gorgeous decorative hair comb made from copper laid inside the box. The hair comb was decorated with some intricate flower carvings that were shaped like a crown on top of it. It looked so well-made and expensive but also simple in appearance, therefore not too gaudy if she wanted to wear it every day.
Hange wondered who could have possibly given such a gift to her. Not many people knew her birthday and even fewer people knew about her governess' post address. Moreover, she didn't know a lot of people who were willing to spend considerable money on her gift. She tried to think of every person that she could remember, but no one seemed to fit the description of the mysterious giver.
A certain name kept appearing in her mind though, but for the first time, she wished for her deduction to be wrong. It would be much easier for her if it was wrong.
Hange put the hair comb back into the velvet box and put it aside on her table. She would decide what to do with it tomorrow. Her mind was already too cloudy for her to focus on her thoughts.
While she was arranging her table to make space for the velvet box, she suddenly found a name card hidden under her forgotten papers. She took the card and quickly recognised it as the name card that was given to her by Mr Jaeger a month ago during the garden party.
"Listen, Miss Zoe. Truly, I don't have any intention to insult you. It's just, from the moment I heard about you from Mikasa, I imagined you as someone who is intelligent. Then, as I've finally been given the opportunity to meet you here, my gut tells me that you are indeed extraordinary… I think you have the potential for something grand."
Hange gripped the card firmly in her hands while her eyes glared at each word so intently. She pressed her lips, and in an instant, she ripped the card into little pieces until it became unreadable before scattering it into the bin next to her table.
Earlier that day she found it hard to feel any difference between being twenty-two and being twenty-three of age. However, it seemed she had to correct herself for she had become too haste in drawing her conclusion. She did feel a difference in her new age and that was the presence of awareness about her reality. Precisely about the things that she could and couldn't do.
-Chapter 20 End-
Chapter End Notes
Thank you all for reading! See you in the next chapter!
If you want to know about the progress regarding this story, you can check my writing side blog (tumblr: bluemallow-log)
You can also visit me on my tumblr main blog (spilledsinnamontea) and on my twitter (spilledsinnamon)
My thoughts:
- I've been planning for a long time to write Pastor Nick into the story and finally he's here! I genuinely like his character in the canon and enjoyed his interaction with Hange (that scene of her dangling him on the edge of the wall... I'll never recover). Too bad he died ;(
- If Pastor Nick is hot maybe Hange would have her fleabag moment LMAO. Although if you do find him hot in the canon, be my guest, who am I to judge ;)
- When I first started writing this fic, I was younger than Hange in this story. Now, we are officially the same age :D
- It wasn't only Hange tbh, Mikasa also stole my heart. My love for her character grew tenfold because of this fic! I think she deserves all the best things in the world!
- I think I need to update my tag because this did not feel like a medium-burn romance anymore... I didn't expect this fic to be a slow-burn tbh...
- Fun fact: The Happy Birthday song didn't exist yet in the 19th century, so people at that time usually sang "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" to congratulate someone on their birthday!
