On the day that I received the letter from Granny Q, I wrote back to her advising that I would be staying at the castle for Christmas break.
Granny Q,
Thank you! Being Head Girl is wonderful. It has brought many challenges and even more responsibilities, but it has been worth it.
Seventh year has been stressful so far, but I am still at the top of all my classes. However, I would like to stay at the castle this Christmas. As much as I would love to come home, I need to focus on my studies. If I want to become an Aura like Aunty Tina, I need to work hard.
Please do not worry about me; nothing is wrong. Perhaps you are simply sensing that I have been more stressed than usual. But you know as well as I do that I can handle it.
I miss you more.
With more love,
Hazel x
I had to be careful not to let my tears soak the parchment as I wrote the letter. She and my parents wrote back immediately, saying they were upset but understood. It gave me some sense of relief that they did not argue, but I was still riddled with guilt.
As the Hogwarts Express always departs at noon on a Friday, our last classes were yesterday. The students were practically screaming with glee at the final breakfast feast this morning. "I can't believe you're staying here over Christmas." Tas had to yell slightly over the noise. "I know. But it will be a welcome silence. My house is often as loud as the Great Hall during Christmas." I laughed. "I'll walk with you to the station and see you off, though."
After the night of Slughorn's party, Severus still didn't resume our rounds. However, we stopped trying to avoid talking to each other. "Good morning, darling." Lucky for me, I was looking at Tas and already smiling at her plans for Christmas when his voice rang in my head. "Good morning, Sev." I have become quite skilled at speaking to him in my mind while also listening to other people around me.
"What are your plans for today?" He was as eager to be alone with me as I was. "I'm going to the station to say good bye." I laughed as Tas told a story about the epic "Rosewood Snowball Fight" her family does every year. "And then?" I could feel him smirking. "And then I might stroll through Hogsmeade until dinner." I was teasing him, but I really did want to sit in the Three Broomsticks and read in peace.
"Do you really think you can wait until after dinner?" He quipped. I clenched my thighs to suppress the ache in my core. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Severus." I bit my cheek. "Have it your way, then, darling." I heard him excuse himself and leave the hall through the staff exit. I chuckled, knowing he was probably as flustered as I was.
I did what I told Severus I would do. I waved the Hogwarts Express off and sat in the Three Broomsticks with a book and several butterbeers. The words in my book blurred as I let my thoughts unravel. I haven't had a chance to sit alone in silence since the term began. Even when I am in my room, I know Severus can hear me, or at the very least feel me.
I tried not to let tears well up in my eyes as I began filing through everything that has happened over the last few months. I flashed through Dumbledore's demise, Draco's involvement, and my bond with Severus before landing on the thing that has plagued me for four weeks. I admitted out loud that I had fallen in love with Severus.
Thankfully, he chose not to comment; I can only hope that he figured it was simply in the heat of the moment. I wish I could say that I thought the same, though. I can't say for certain if I am in love with him, but he consumes every corner of my life. Our relationship may have begun with a bond, but slowly, over time, it grew into something more. I don't know if he feels the same way, but he must know that we are more than secret rendezvous and flirtatious comments.
I don't know how, and I don't know when my feelings changed. So much has happened this year that it is difficult to pinpoint a particular moment. I suppose they are all cumulative: the time that he helped me to the hospital wing when I was sick; the first time he willingly held my hand; when my Amortentia changed; when he gave me his key; when he helped me through my panic attack; the first time he kissed me; the time we almost died from being apart; the first time I felt his fingers inside me.
The list is so long that it makes my heart swell and sink at the same time. He makes me feel incredible, empowered, and oh so loved. But if he doesn't feel the same way, all my feelings of hopefulness and desire would be for nought. Now that he has ignited a fire in me, I don't think I could survive it if he put it out. It would destroy me.
I wish I could go back to the time when my biggest worry was him discovering that I was a Legilimens. What am I supposed to do if he doesn't feel the same way that I do? Maybe that is why he doesn't let me touch him or see more than just his chest. Surely he is not afraid of what I might see. I know he was a Deatheater, and I have seen the scars on his chest; what more could there possibly be?
My overthinking was rudely interrupted when I felt him enter the pub and walk up to the bar. "What are you doing here?" I rolled my eyes, squashing my anxieties into my mental drawers. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Hazel. I am simply having a drink." I heard him order a butterbeer and a firewhiskey. I was about to make a joke about ordering two drinks for himself before I saw him stride over to my booth.
The bar was practically empty as the weather was approaching a blizzard. There were only three other people in here, and they were all out of sight. "Good afternoon, Miss Goldstein." I didn't look up from my book, even though the words were still a blur. "May I sit?" He didn't wait for my consent before he sat down across from me. "The students have been gone for a little more than four hours, and you're already sitting with me in public." I flipped a page of my book and continued my reading charade.
"Here." He slid the butterbeer over to me. "Thank you, Professor." I took a sip, still not making eye contact. "May I ask why you chose to stay at the castle over the holidays?" He was speaking softly, even though nobody would be able to hear him. "As Head Girl, a lot of my time has been consumed with other responsibilities. I would like to catch up on my studies." I turned another page. "Smart girl. I apologise for the part I have played in the consumption of your time." He sipped his firewhiskey.
"I would love to cast a disillusionment and muffliato spell and crawl under this table right now. However, Madam Rosmerta is as nosy as Minerva. She would certainly notice that we suddenly disappeared." I whimpered at the thought and slapped my book shut. "It is almost time for dinner, Professor. As it is quite a long walk back to the castle, I suggest we get going." I finished my butterbeer and stood up. "Thank you for my drink, sir." I said loud enough that Madam Rosmerta could hear as we stepped out into the freezing street.
"That was awfully bold of you, Severus." I glanced at him briefly and wrapped my coat tighter around me. He made sure to keep an arm's length between us and cast a warming spell. "I have waited four weeks to have you alone, so forgive me for not wanting to wait a moment longer." He clasped his hands behind his back, no doubt to fight the urge to reach out and pull me closer. "Maybe you shouldn't have stopped our rounds, then." I quipped. I wasn't annoyed anymore; I appreciated his care for my wellbeing.
As soon as we were far enough away from town, he reached for my hand and pulled me beside him. "Yet another bold move." I blushed. I have missed the magic that flows through us when we touch. I glanced up at him when he abruptly stopped walking. He looked up and down the road and dragged me into the woods to the left of us. I yelped at the suddenness. "What are you –" Before I could finish my question, he backed me into a tree and crashed his lips against mine.
I moaned, instantly tangled my fingers in his hair, and jumped to wrap my legs around his waist. I felt a fire erupt in my mouth as his tongue dominated mine. I didn't realise I had been starving until I tasted him again. I gasped into his mouth as he cupped my ass and squeezed tightly. "I have been starving, too." He moaned as I started rolling my hips against his stomach. I am soaking wet, and I knew he was rock hard.
I knew nobody would see us, and I knew that I would be able to hear if someone was coming. "Please, Sev." I begged. "Please, what?" I was panting and whimpering against his mouth. "Please touch me." I moaned. He clicked his fingers, and my jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped. Thank Merlin for warming charms; otherwise, I definitely would have gotten frostbite.
I was still pressed against the tree and wrapped around his waist as he slipped his hand into my jeans. He growled when he felt the familiar heat and wetness of my core. I whimpered as he dragged my bottom lip through his teeth and pulled away. My eyes were shut tightly, and I bit my lip as he started rubbing slow circles over my clit. "Look at me." I snapped my eyes to his. "I have missed how wet you get for me." I yelped as he slid two fingers into me, immediately hooking them to find my sweet spot.
My eyes rolled back as he started pumping his fingers in and out. "Keep your eyes on mine, darling. I want to see them when you come on my fingers." Fuck, that was hot. I tangled my fingers in his hair, gripped tightly, and fought to keep my eyes locked on his. He grunted as I tugged at his hair. I was panting his name with every breath as he matched the speed of his thumb on my clit with his fingers thrusting inside me.
The magic flowing through his fingers in my pussy spread through my entire body. It felt as powerful as the first time we kissed, and I was on fire. "I'm close, Sev." I could feel tears prickling at my eyes as my climax approached. He increased his speed; his knuckles were slamming against me with every thrust. I scrunched his hair in my fists, kept my eyes locked on his, and screamed his name as I crashed over the edge. He grunted and groaned in time with my yelps of ecstasy as he felt my walls clamp down on his fingers.
My legs tightened around his waist as I trembled with the aftershock of my climax, and still I kept my eyes on his. We were breathing in each other's air, both completely out of breath. "You're so beautiful." His eyes didn't leave mine as he pulled his fingers out of me, brought them up to his lips, and sucked them clean. "Fuck." I slammed my lips against his, desperate to taste him. As usual, his tongue dominated mine, and I willingly let it.
After a few more minutes of moaning and grunting into each other's mouths, he gently let me down. With another click of his fingers, I was clean, and my jeans were done up. I smiled up at him and cupped his cheeks. "You're beautiful too, Sev." I leant up and placed a soft kiss on his lips. I felt him tense up slightly, and he scoffed; he didn't believe me. "I mean it." I raised my eyebrows. When he simply rolled his eyes, I slipped my hand in his and stepped out of the woods, pulling him with me. "You said it yourself: I can't lie to you."
We walked hand-in-hand until we approached the gates of the castle. He waved his wand, dropped the protection spell on the gate, and we stepped through, this time with some distance between us. "Dinner will begin in five minutes. I will go in first." He instructed. "Why can't we walk in together? No one will suspect that you just had me pinned against a tree, Sev." I frowned slightly. I understand his hesitation, but it isn't uncommon for the Head of House to be seen with the head student. Augustus is always with Professor Flitwick. We paused for a moment in the Entrance Hall. "If we wait here long enough, someone will see us together anyway." I quipped.
"Fine." He spun on his heel and climbed the stairs. As his legs were far longer than mine, he reached the top much before I did, and I assume his speed was intentional. "Stop being a brat, Severus." I panted as I reached the top. I didn't have to look at him to know he rolled his eyes. When we walked into the Great Hall, all four house tables had been removed, and there was a smaller, U-shaped table in the very centre. Only fifteen students had stayed at the castle for Christmas, and several of the staff were gone, too. Dumbledore included.
Severus groaned when he saw that the remaining two seats were side by side. I had to bite my cheek to keep myself from laughing. "Relax, Sev. It's just dinner." I smiled at everyone as we sat down. He sat to the left of me at the end of the table. I noticed that I am the only Slytherin who has stayed back, and I internally praised Merlin. "Good evening, Hazel! I didn't know you would be staying at the castle over the holidays." Flitwick beamed from across the table. "Hi, Professor. I would have loved to go home, but I need to get ahead on my studies." I am really quite fond of Flitwick. The only time I have disappointed him is when I dropped out of his choir in my third year.
Severus sat silent throughout most of the dinner as I chatted with the people around me. But that didn't stop him from making snide comments to me about how much more miserable dinner is with fewer people. "Filius is obsessed with forming friendships with students. It's infuriating." He said as Flitwick discussed my intentions to become an Aura. "You formed more than a "friendship" with me, Severus." I smirked as I placed a spoonful of tiramisu in my mouth, purposely letting some of the cream linger on the corner of my mouth.
I glanced at him as I licked it clean, and he groaned. "I would love to cast a disillusionment and muffliato spell and crawl under this table right now." I discretely reached under the table and placed my hand on his knee, making sure I kept my focus on the questions Flitwick and Sprout were asking me about Uncle Newt. I bit my cheek to suppress a smirk when he flinched and tightened his grip on his fork.
I ran my hand slowly up, squeezing softly every few inches. "Stop it." He warned. I kept my face passive, still engrossed in my conversation. I slid my hand further up his thigh and stopped just before his crotch. With a mere inch between my hand and his dick, I could feel him twitch. He was rock hard. "I mean it, Hazel." His knuckles were going white, and his breathing became shallow. As I traced my fingers over his bulge, he stood up, causing everyone to jump and stare. People had come to expect this behaviour from him, though, so everyone quickly returned to their previous conversations.
I smirked as he clutched his cape in front of his body and strode from the room. I slowly finished my dessert and continued discussing my career paths. After about ten minutes, I excused myself and hurried from the hall. Though I wanted to run after him right away, I had to be cautious. As soon as I was out of the Great Hall, I ran down to the dungeons as fast as I could, giggling along the way.
I barged into his office, only to find it empty, but I could feel him nearby. He was in my room. Grinning, I stepped through my fireplace. "What brings you here, Severus?" He was sitting in an armchair, firewhiskey in hand. "You're helping yourself to my private stash as well, I see." I winked, slowly approaching him. "That was awfully bold of you, Hazel." He finished his drink and stood up. "So was pinning me against a tree in broad daylight, yet here we are." I have missed seeing him in my room, and I was already wet.
I could see his bulge was still hard, pressed tightly against his trousers. He was radiating passion and desire, but also apprehension. "I have respected your boundaries and not asked questions, Sev. But through everything we have done together, you have never let me touch you or please you." I stepped forwards and reached for his hand. "The most I have seen of you is your chest, while you have seen every millimetre of my body. I know you're afraid. But of what?" I stroked his knuckles gently.
He sighed deeply. "I must maintain restraint, Hazel. I don't want to take advantage of you for my own pleasure. It wouldn't be right." He led me to the loveseat and sat down. I sat down on my knees next to him. "I think we are beyond what may or may not be right, Sev. If you were truly worried about taking advantage of me, you would have shown restraint when we first went to the Room of Requirements." I placed my hand on his shoulder.
"You have had every part of me." Keeping eye contact, I slowly stood up and stood in front of him, standing between his legs. "Why is it so hard for you to believe that I want the same?" He sucked in a breath as I gently placed my hands on his knees and knelt down. "I am not somebody that people want." He sighed. "But I do, Sev." I ran my hands up his thighs and rested my fingers on the button of his trousers. His heart was pounding in his chest, just as mine was. "Let me show you."
My fingers were shaking with desire, but I kept my eyes on his. I waited for his consent, just as he did the first time he touched me. "Are you sure?" He breathed. "It is not my consent that is required here, Sev." I tightened my grip on his button slightly. After what felt like hours, he finally, and incredibly hesitantly, nodded. I smiled and slowly popped the button of his trousers and slid the zipper down. My eyes never left his as I reached in and stroked him softly over his briefs. We moaned in unison at the feeling of his cock twitching and growing harder beneath my fingers.
After a moment of making sure he was still comfortable, I slipped my fingers under the waistband of his briefs and tugged them down just enough for his cock to spring free. We still had not broken eye contact, but I was desperate to look down at him. He nodded slightly, consenting. I smiled, dropped my eyes, and whimpered. His cock was long and thick, and his tip was glistening with pre-cum. He may be hesitant, but he is as desperate as I am.
I wrapped both hands around his shaft and started to pump him slowly, and he moaned. "Fuck." He sucked in a breath and gripped the edge of the couch. My pussy throbbed as I leant down and swiped my tongue across his tip, and he groaned again. Throwing his head back, eyes shut tightly, he let out a few ragged breaths. He had been waiting so long for this and is incredibly sensitive. I smiled softly, wrapped my lips around his tip, and swirled my tongue.
As I was about to swallow him, I looked up at him. His head was resting on the back of the couch, and his eyes were still shut. "Look at me." I demanded, just as he had done in the woods. He slowly dropped his head and locked his eyes on mine. "I want you to watch me." I hummed against his cock and took him into my mouth completely.
The feeling of his full length in my mouth felt like I was swallowing raw magic. I wonder if this is what he felt when he tasted me for the first time. "Fuck, Hazel." Hearing him curse my name made my pussy throb again, and I moaned. The vibrations from my hum, mixed with my mouth and hands pumping his cock, made him growl lowly. The sound only made me more ravenous.
I was done being gentle. I sucked my cheeks in, creating a vacuum seal around his shaft, and increased my speed. He let out a string of Hazels, fucks, and Merlins as I dropped one hand and began massaging his balls. I locked my eyes on him once more as I continued bobbing my mouth up and down. His knuckles were turning white against the edge of the couch. I reached up to grab his hand, weaving our fingers together and squeezing tightly.
Keeping my eyes locked on his and still pumping him with my mouth, I brought his hand up to rest on the back of my head. His control seemed to finally falter as he tangled his fingers through my hair and began to guide my head up and down. I dropped my eyes and turned my focus back on his throbbing cock pulsing in my mouth. As I sucked, moaned, and hummed against him, he bucked his hips. His tip hit the back of my throat, and I gagged lightly.
I inhaled through my nose as I relaxed the walls of my throat and kept his cock pressed against the back of it. He growled and groaned as I bobbed my head up and down, making sure his tip hit the back of my throat every time. I could feel him twitching; he was close. He tried to pull my head off him, but I swatted his hand away. "Hazel, please. I –" I cut him off. "I want to swallow every part of you, Sev." I sucked my cheeks in and applied more pressure with my hand.
He tightened his grip on my head and bucked his hips to meet my speed. Through gritted teeth, he let out a loud growl. "Fuck, Hazel!" His seed poured into the back of my throat, filling my mouth. I moaned and continued to pump him with my mouth and hand, making sure to milk his cock for every last drop. His whole body lurched forwards, his legs shaking and pinning me between them. I slowly pulled my mouth from his oversensitive cock with an audible pop, and I looked up to him. He watched as I grinned and swallowed every last drop of him.
"Come here." He leant down, grabbed the sides of my face, and pulled me astride him. He slammed his lips against mine and moaned as he tasted himself on my tongue. He dragged my bottom lip through his teeth and pulled my face away. "Thank you." He breathed. We were both still out of breath. "I bet you wish you didn't wait so long, huh?" I smirked and placed another peck on his lips. "It was well worth the wait, darling." He wiped away some stray tears that had formed from gagging.
"I can tell it was by the fact that your legs are still shaking." I winked. He rolled his eyes and clicked his fingers, cleaning and righting himself. He turned us around and laid down with me on top of him. I rested my head against his chest, listened to the rhythm of his heart, and smiled. "Thank you." I hummed against him. "What for?" He began stroking my hair, which was now slightly tangled. "For letting your control waver enough for me to show you that I want you as much as you want me."
