WRITTEN FOR QLFC, Prompt Bingo
Prompt: Receiving a Howler
The chocolate cereal sploshed about in the bowl and dribbled down its sides as Sirius angrily stabbed his spoon in it. He was seething beyond belief.
The person who had unfortunately drawn his ire was Barty Crouch Jr., who had dared invite Remus over to the Ravenclaw table for breakfast. Sirius increased the intensity of his glare when Barty laughed at something Moony had said and even fucking laid his hand on his forearm. How dare he?
James reached over and flicked his nose. He scowled and turned the force of his glare on James. "What. Do. You. Want?"
"Just wanted to tell you not to destroy school property," James said primly. He had developed a Head Boy voice—which meant he acted more grown up, mature and responsible. Sirius and
"What do you mean?"
James jerked his chin towards Sirius' clenched fist. Sirius glanced down and realised that he had bent his spoon into two. He sighed and let go of it, and it dropped into the bowl with a loud clang! More cereal splashed onto the table.
"Is there a special reason you're feeling more violent than usual?" James asked lightly as he plucked Peter's dirty spoon out of his hands, cast a Cleaning Charm on it, and then handed it back to him. Peter stared at him with a bewildered expression on his face but returned to eating.
Sirius gritted his teeth and jerked his chin towards the Ravenclaw table. "See for yourself—but don't make it obvious."
Unfortunately, Sirius had said this to James. This was the same boy who had fallen onto his knees to profess his love for Lily when she had laughed in his direction. A few moments later, they had found out she was actually laughing because James had something stuck in his teeth.
James didn't know the meaning of subtle. He whirled around on the spot and craned his neck to look over people's heads. He even put his hand on his brow and squinted at the Ravenclaw table. His eyes widened and he said, "Aah, look! There's our Remus with Crouch Jr!"
"Could you be any louder?" Sirius demanded, reaching over to smack James' forearm.
James opened his mouth to retort but then frowned.
Sirius knew that frown. Merlin, he'd seen that frown so many times this year that he could mimic it easily in his sleep. He knew just what was coming next.
James began scolding him, "Is that why you're so mad? That Moony's not sitting here with us? You know he can have other friends than us. Don't be so selfish, Pads; it's unbecoming of a gentleman."
Sirius dropped his forehead to the table with a loud thunk. He covered his head with his arms and groaned loudly.
The power of the Head Boy badge was going to James' head. He kept scolding them like they were children. James was practically turning into their mother! (And yes, Sirius considered Mrs Potter his mother rather than the hideous hag that had given birth to him—though, he really shouldn't call her hideous as she had given birth to a breathtakingly gorgeous child and Regulus.)
"If you keep hitting your head against objects, you'll get a nasty bruise and then you'll spend even more time on your skincare routine," James said with a disappointed look you'd get from both your parents. The only thing missing from the very Dad look was a pair of nerdy spectacl—oh, wait, James had those too.
"I don't care about that! I'm just furious at Crouch for daring to touch m—our Moony without his consent!" Sirius corrected himself before he could admit his secret feelings.
James craned his neck and swivelled around to look at Remus and that bastard Claw again. Remus was now laughing and leaning in towards the younger boy. The scene set Sirius' blood on fire.
Sirius had half a mind to hex him to get boils all over his body when Remus was close to him. Or maybe he could give him an itch all over his genitals. Or maybe genital warts. Maybe he could slip in a lobster into Crouch's pants.
Half-baked plans were still forming in his head when a stray thought crossed his mind.
His lips slowly twisted up in an evil smile. He even bared his teeth as the plan took root. He leaned forward and rubbed his hands, his eyes widening as he stared at Crouch Jr.
"That…is extremely creepy, and I know you're up to no good, so I'll be moving away from you now, thank you very much," Peter declared before he scooted away from Sirius' side.
"Oh, you just wait, Peter," Sirius drawled as he got to his feet, the wicked smile still on his face. "You haven't seen creepy yet."
Barty Crouch Jr. was having a good day. He had perfectly toasted bread for breakfast. He had also gotten Remus Lupin to agree to help him with impressing a certain Black brother. Life was good.
Until the Howler arrived.
It came to him in Potions class of all places, where he was partnered up with the boy of his dreams. Barty stiffened when the Howler flew straight through the fog that had unfurled over the cauldrons during the boiling process.
Regulus Black nudged Barty with his elbow and lowered his voice when he asked, "Is that from your father?"
Barty was already having a hard time concentrating on anything other than Regulus' arm still pressed against his. He cleared his throat but still ended up stammering, "I'm not sure, but it's very probable."
"What does he think you did this time?" Regulus growled, the sound of his anger on his behalf like music to Barty's ears.
Barty couldn't speak, for the Howler finally landed in front of them. He barely heard Professor Slughorn sighing in defeat and telling him to open the Howler before it could explode and ruin their potion. Barty's heart was in his throat; he hated Howlers. They were embarrassing and utterly humiliating.
"Just get it over with," Regulus whispered and placed his hand on the small of Barty's back to encourage him.
Barty couldn't even fully enjoy the feeling of Regulus' hand on his body. He was too scared of the Howler giving off steam.
Finally, he plucked up his courage and reached out with trembling hands to flip open the Howler. Regulus' hand was still on his back, his fingers now rubbing small circles absentmindedly.
A feminine, banshee-like voice screeched out, "Bartemius Crouch Jr! My love, my sweetheart, why have you been ignoring my letters? Is it because I'm pregnant with our child and didn't tell you about it? I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore! I've gotten even fatter and bloated than before, though I remember how much you loved my body like that!"
Barty's face paled as the woman kept screaming at him to take her back despite her being pregnant with an unwanted child. Merlin's beard, this was a whole other nightmare. Regulus was stiff beside him; Barty was about to start crying if Regulus removed his hand from his back. It would mean he didn't trust him enough to tell him about being with this strange woman.
Barty didn't know what was going on. He had never been with a woman—especially one who sounded and seemed bigger than him both physically and age-wise.
"I s-swear, Reggie, I di—"
The words got stuck in his throat when the Howler screamed, "Are you falling for someone else? Huh? Is that it, Bartemius Crouch Jr?"
Barty whimpered and covered his face with his hands as the other students began whispering behind their hands, some going as far as to snicker and point at him.
"I swear if you even look at anyone else other than me, I will gouge their eyes out and feed them to the Giant Squid!"
Regulus whipped out his wand, pointed it at the Howler and cast a Bombarda on it. The Howler screamed its agony as it burst into red streams of what looked like blood. It fell into their unfinished potion, which exploded out of the cauldron, splashing on their table and hissing as it formed a hole in the wood.
Regulus grabbed Barty's arm and pulled him backwards, away from the sizzling table.
Professor Slughorn hurried over to check them for injuries, and Regulus reassured him that they were fine but would still like to go see Madam Pomfrey. Professor Slughorn waved them out of the class.
Regulus dragged Barty out of the class, his fingers clenched around Barty's sleeve. He didn't say a word until they were walking up the stairs. Finally, Regulus exploded. "When I get my hands on my stupid brother, I will wring his scrawny neck and disembowel him before feeding his carcass to the Hippogriffs!"
Barty shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Wait, what?"
"Don't worry, Barty, I'll handle this thing with the Howler. In fact…" Regulus trailed off as his eyes began to gleam quite evilly. "I have a plan…"
"What are you even talking about? Why are you talking about Sirius of all people?" Barty frowned, trailing after Regulus like a puppy. He didn't even notice they were heading up to the owlery instead of the infirmary until they arrived at the familiar tower. "Why are we here?"
Regulus smirked and rubbed his hands. "Just you wait…"
Barty frowned but followed him inside. Regulus pulled out a parchment from his pocket and began writing. Barty tried to look over Regulus' shoulder at what he was writing, but Regulus simply hid it from view. He gave Barty a sheepish smile and said, "Sorry, but I don't want you to become an accomplice in any crime I will commit."
"Will commit?" Barty squawked, not knowing whether he should be shocked, amused or worried.
"Yes, because I'm certainly not going to let Sirius get away with humiliating you in front of our classmates," Regulus said offhandedly. He scribbled something at the bottom before rolling it up. He cast a spell on the letter and watched it glow.
"Wait…you mean…" Barty's mind finally caught up.
"Yes, that was definitely Sirius; I can bet all the Black assets on it." Regulus walked to one of the school owls and tied the glowing letter on its leg before enunciating, "Sirius Black."
The owl hooted and flew off. The two boys watched him disappear behind the towers before Barty asked, "How did you know it was your brother?"
"The 'woman'"–Regulus added air quotes–"said she'd gouge your eyes out and feed them to the Giant Squid. Sirius threatened Snape the same way just a week ago. It was very obvious that it was my brother who was pranking you."
Barty swallowed around the lump in his throat and asked shakily, "Why do you think he pranked me? H-he's never done that to me before…"
Regulus hesitated before looking anywhere else but at Barty. "Maybe it's because…you looked awfully chummy with Lupin."
What? Was that jealousy he detected in Regulus' voice? Or was it just his imagination? Oh, Merlin, please don't let it be his imagination.
Still, Barty tried to clarify, "I just wanted Lupin's help on a personal project—"
"Save it," Regulus grumbled. "I don't want to know how friendly you're getting with Lupin, but if you are, you better be ready for retaliation from my brother. Merlin knows just how much he's obsessed with Lupin. And anyone who dares to encroach on his territory will suffer his wrath."
Barty didn't know if Regulus was explaining Sirius' behaviour or talking from his own perspective. He didn't want Regulus getting the wrong idea about him and Lupin, so he did something he wouldn't have been able to do before today. He didn't even care about the repercussions (and he had made long lists of them all with Lupin's help).
He grabbed Regulus' hand and squeezed. "Is there a way for me to tell your brother I'm not interested in Lupin? I'm interested in someone else."
Barty's hand was already sweating; he wanted to pull away and wipe it before taking Regulus' hand again, but he didn't think he'd be able to be this brave again.
Regulus' eyes widened just a hint. He looked up at Barty and down at their hands and swallowed, repeating the sequence a few times before Barty finally lost his courage and started to loosen his grip.
Regulus' limp hand reacted instinctively. He held onto Barty's hand and entwined their fingers together. "There might be a way to dissuade Sirius from further pranks on you…"
"I'm listening," Barty said, his heart in his throat as he took a slow step towards Regulus.
Regulus' smile widened.
Although he had only asked Lupin to help him get Regulus in a practical and logical way, it was Sirius who had ended up inevitably pushing them in the right direction. Barty wasn't so brave as to admit his feelings outright, and Regulus was a Slytherin through and through—he wouldn't say what he felt this early into their relationship. But still, Barty made a mental note to send Sirius Black a box of chocolates for his accidental help.
