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pre·dis·posing fac·tor
a factor that can make someone liable or inclined to a specified attitude, action, or condition
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His breathing was too loud, though just the normal rhythm, but loud nonetheless. His heart was loud too, he knew it was just the normal pace and he wasn't feeling any discomfort at the moment, but every beat was too prominent to be normal. The nightside lamp with its usual tender yellowish glow was too bright when it only peeked out the corner of his eye.
It was all weird. Weird because the yellowish light used to easily lull him to sleep and initiating to sleep was never a problem of his. Everything around him was irritating, that, or he was the one who became too aware of his surroundings.
He knew for sure he was exhausted for the day from driving back to Konoha, another point to confirm sleeping had to be the priority at the moment.
Something was definitely lacking. He knew what was, but he didn't dare enough to voice that aloud or to even expect something out of it.
The subject of his currently restless mind surprised him by opening his door. Wrapped in her warmest off-white sweater, she stood there uncertain and evidently surprised to find him also wide awake despite the comfortable position he was displaying. Still with her hand on the door knob, they stared at each other, questioning yet inviting dark eyes clashed to a widening set of pearly orbs.
"I couldn't sleep," she said softly as if it justified her to be on his doorstep in the first place.
Sasuke only pulled away the duvet on his left side, an arm curved invitingly on the soon to be warm cold space next to him.
Hinata stepped inside, closing the door softly with her elbow, eyes staring undistractedly to her boyfriend. She walked the length of the bed without hesitation, lay on her side easily, adjusted her neck atop his arm comfortably, all the while she stared at him and he at her. With his other arm, he settled the duvet over her comfortably, then draped said arm over her petite body and pulled her flush to his chest firmly. Sasuke was the first to close his eyes with his lips quirked upwards on the edges although just barely.
"Move your clothes here," he murmured on her head.
"My room is bigger," she replied softly, he sensed the words better on his chest rather heard from his ears.
Sasuke chuckled because she was right. "Hn." He tightened his hold. "Help me tomorrow."
A kiss on his chin was her only answer.
It was very comforting when he heard her breathing and his own heart beat mixed with hers. It could be as good as his imagination, but he really didn't mind. He had long forgotten he had trouble initiating sleep before she appeared at his doorstep subconsciously providing the ultimate solution.
The next afternoon, while waiting for Sasuke still in a night shift, Hinata actualized their shared quiet promise the night before. She started by moving Sasuke's essentials to her room; his toiletries and towel. Then she started moving his last third of stacked clothes to her wardrobe. It wasn't absolutely necessary she knew, their bedrooms were under ten steps away from each other, but she deeply felt the sentiment while stacking back his clothes to the previously vacant column of her wardrobe. She then changed her bedding into his freshly washed navy colored set out of his dresser and putting away all her plush animals to make more room.
Satisfied with her work, she ended the night with her lying atop her bed and smelling his pillows that had the same scent to hers because they used the same products yet still not exactly the same. There was something about it being very much Sasuke's that she couldn't really explain.
Close to dawn, Hinata felt the bed shift behind her and next thing she knew her head was adjusted beneath a chin that she very much loved. An arm then draped over hers and pulled her closer to a chest.
"You started without me," was the murmur she managed to hear despite her state of cloudied mind, but she managed a single chuckle. "How impatient," still he wasn't giving in easily.
Hinata shifted so her face met his chest and she barely recognized the maroon t-shirt he hadn't worn for the longest time because it wasn't that comfortable he had said one day. Smiling, she burrowed deep her face to inhale the shirt that also had the same scent as his pillows only stronger. "You're welcome."
"I was looking for my grey shirt but it wasn't there," Sasuke continued, "at my bedroom."
She hummed softly, deliberately trying to think despite not quite in her optimal condition to think yet. "The one with summit silhouette on it?"
"Aa."
"I'll show you where it is later."
"Hn."
Silence soon followed, she wasn't sure if Sasuke had fallen asleep because sleep hadn't returned to her. Her wondering was answered when he spoke again, now a mere mumble. "You forgot my shampoo."
Hinata's fingers made circles on his upper arm. "Ah, I did?"
"Yeah, I used yours."
"Okay."
"I smell like you."
Hinata craned her neck slightly then took a sniff of his hair. "You do."
"I like it."
Hinata chuckled, hand now stroking his back in a soothing manner. "Sleep. We have class at eight."
Sasuke was all but groaned.
The development of human as an organism is best studied in chronological manner from when they were first conceived. It was what they'd thought previously, before experiencing things in reverse now that Pediatrics was a wrap and OB-GYN came with a colder wind to change the season. Quite honestly, it did little to hinder their process of studying, because the world of medicine is remarkably vast, one could start from wherever then goes to wherever from there and magically, things just connect to everything.
If they could be honest—and it wasn't a difficult task—they had to admit nine weeks in OB-GYN rotation were filled with delightful moments, for the most part. Hinata experienced things firsthand, the things that had charmed her cousin to favor said department more than the others. Daily, they took turns assisting the process of delivering new lives to the world. Even if Sasuke had never taken any interest before, she could see he was also savoring the moments as she was everytime. Their daily activities had reached his heart somehow.
Hinata was in her second cup of coffee when it started to snow, just seconds away from midnight. It was also the time when she and her other two friends were called to assist another delivery in the mid of December.
Not her birthday, but her heart was firmly telling her that that day had to be the best day of the year for her.
At midnight, they were briefed of the mother's and the baby's profile. Her eyes had widened when she knew that it would be her first multifetal delivery; the mother was having twins.
The first twin was born at three in the morning, followed by the second with fifteen minutes interval.
Each newborn had cried, both gleamed the same healthy glow, they had five fingers and toes on each extremity, they also shared the similar weight, length, and eye color. The mother had cried the moment she first held her first born. The father too shed tears when he held his second born and his gaze always came back to look at his wife, as if her mere presence was the gravity of his entire existence.
Hinata couldn't hold the tears from escaping; the sight she was spectating was too beautiful. She gave her best smile to the new family, to her shiftmates, to the doctor on duty, to everyone she met the remaining hours in her shift.
Even when she was taking off her shoes in the foyer, the smile was still there.
The smile only grew when her bedroom door swung open and it revealed the only person who could extract the same smile from her just by being exist.
"You're awake," she voiced unnecessarily.
With a smirk Sasuke nodded.
"It's only five."
"Hn."
Hinata eliminated the space between them in a hast, proceeding a tight embrace at the end. Sasuke returned the hug with a hold of his own, lips widening but just barely perceptible. "You need to rest," he murmured on her hair.
Instead of nodding, Hinata pulled herself to look at him with both arms still around his torso. Eyes glinting with happiness, she said, "I delivered twins today."
Sasuke's eyes widened. "You did?"
The woman still in a grayish blue scrubs nodded, her movement languid—showing her tiredness involuntarily—but otherwise she was emanating happiness.
Sasuke chuckled, a hand softly brushing off her fringe. "I haven't."
Hinata's smile widened. "You're not lucky enough."
"Unfortunately."
"Sasuke."
Sasuke angled his head, delighted to hear his name called by her voice all the while genuinely curious by the turn of events. "Hmm?"
"Let's have TV for my birthday."
Well, that was… unexpected.
"… All of a sudden?"
Still smiling Hinata only nodded.
Sasuke was still in awe, though his mind was already somewhere, to some object neatly secured for months inside the drawer of his nightstand. Hinata's fingertips landed on his cheek gently, bringing him out of his reverie.
"Let's have the TV. I don't want anything else."
He assumed, sometimes things had to wait. Hinata wanted the TV and she didn't want anything else. It was best to grant her wishes. She was the birthday girl after all. He didn't quite know why he was collecting reasons to avoid giving it to her, as if he didn't have quite the nerve to do the deed. He'd been giving her birthday presents all their lives, what's so different?
Of course, it is different.
Because giving her the very object he'd purchased when he first accepted his true feelings is very different compared to his previous friendly gifts. It was connected to him, his raw feelings—in other words, intimate.
Now fully focusing his attention at her, Sasuke nodded, brushed her fringe again, and rose the corners of his lips subtly. "Let's have the TV."
Things could wait, he told himself.
One thing at a time.
Now, they would have their first TV, here, in their apartment
—their home.
Due to high demand during holiday, the 40 inch television came on the 28th. From that point onward, theypassed their time cooped up inside the warmth of Hinata's blanket. Not with a space between them—like how it was the year before—but side to side with arms linked and with the smaller head rested on the broader shoulder. Not with precarious stacks of books supporting yet again Hinata's laptop, but with their own newly bought TV, settled atop the previously unused TV stand.
It was perfect.
Neither of them burdened with research article revisions, nor feeling sick throughout the holiday, and neither fell asleep first during the movie.
The most important thing, neither was questioning their feelings towards each other.
The nights always ended with them sharing the same bed, same blanket, same warmth, and the same tender gaze before their eyelids fluttered close. But just moments before their consciousness wandered off elsewhere, something always happened to each of their hearts. With the help of their briefly heightened senses just before obtundation, each of their senses were filled with elements from the other, so hard they couldn't feel their own.
Sasuke's heart rate was steady, strong, and felt so close as if it were coming from her own. Why?
It was the familiar scent of his blanket with a hint of something pleasant and familiar—the one that oozed out of Hinata. How?
She could hear her own breathing, but more so Sasuke's, and hearing them mixed together was … the best thing.
He was the source of heat and his girlfriend was too easy to feel the cold, yet why did he feel warmth seep through his bare skin only from the places that came in contact with Hinata's?
What is this feeling?
What is this … intimate warmth?
Why is it soothening but constricting at the same time?
Is it comfort?
Attachment?
Or something different altogether?
Winter break was only a brief escape from their usual bustling days in the hospital as clinical students, which has been for a year now in just a matter of days. The first rotation of the year was internal medicine thus requiring them to enter its divisions in smaller groups. After almost a year in the same group for every rotation, finally the time has come for them to separate. Temporarily. But still. It was a whole nine weeks.
And it was the first time for both.
They had no option, yet they couldn't help feeling insecure. Though apparently, the pronoun 'they' was only his assumption. Because, from what he had observed, since Hinata'd found her passion in pediatrics, she became more confident in anything she did afterwards.
It was a new feeling, the sensation of feeling left behind, even if he knew it wasn't the case. He knew it was only a matter of time. He kept convincing himself, sure, but as days went on, he couldn't help doubting his way of thinking.
The first three divisions were extremely challenging but he had to admit he liked the challenge. Internal medicine in general was difficult, yet making sense in every aspect so it was easy to grasp any algorithm for any disease.
So, finishing off the first half divisions in satisfactory result was the only kind of achievement he'd willingly take.
In the hospital, they barely saw each other. It wasn't any different even at home. One of them would come home later than the other to the point they only met inside the bedroom with the one home early is already in a deep state of sleep.
Yet he was feeling grateful. That big change they had taken after their trip to Naruto's graduation had substantially changed their life where he hoped there would be no point of turning back, because from that milestone, he only wanted to take steps forward.
She was there, lying in her bed, covered in his duvet, hair the color of midnight sprawled wildly on his pillow, face in a state of peaceful sleep facing the door he was currently leaning on.
All he needed to do was to take languid steps over to bring himself by her side, to lie his body next to her, to engulf her or simply observe the way her lashes flutter.
But he took no languid steps, his strides were purposeful, and he had no time to engulf her, or observe her lashes for she was a light sleeper, the subtle shift of his weight was enough to wake her. And with her petite form, she engulfed him, dragged him under her control just by rubbing his arm with that small hand, brushing his hair to the side with the same fingers that had always found its way to his skin, and giving his knuckles airy kisses that only he knew how it felt.
"How was your day?" she said, gazing at him through half-lidded pearly eyes.
His day had been exhausting, but her eyes alone had mesmerized him, more than enough to muffle the mishaps in the hospital. "It's better now." Substantially.
Her nose scrunched. "Hmm?"
Sasuke smirked. "How was your day?"
His girlfriend closed her eyes, sighed happily, and buried her face flush to his chest. "It's better now."
Hinata shifted her face on his chest, finding the right position to receive the light rumble of his laugh in profound delight.
Cardiology was supposed to be … fun.
But he hadn't expected it to be this lively. Exhilarating. It wasn't exactly how he'd expected, because he wasn't one to expect much of anything, but surely it had exceeded the minimum requirement his subconscious self had formulated by a far margin.
Amidst those vibrant days of cardiology, one day had to be that one moment when you think things couldn't get any better yet it could get worse, in which Sasuke didn't really know which one, when he met his own brother at the only hospital he had been in the longest.
He had just finished doing rounds with the attending cardiologist and other students when he decided to take a detour toward outpatient clinic before reaching his final destination; the department office. He didn't know why he'd done what he did. In his usual self, he didn't like taking detours. But something about that day had coerced him to take a different route.
He was there, dressed in his office suit, sitting on the bench with a hunch, reading a paper with what common people would see as grass lettering, but what a professional would say as electrocardiogram.
"Niisan? Itachi?" When said man raised his head with a small surprise gap between his lips, Sasuke proceeded closer, enough to observe the change between surprise to half relief on Itachi's face. "Why are you here?"
"I kind of hoped to meet you but I didn't expect it to come true." Sasuke raised an eyebrow instantly and with a chuckle, he continued. "Meeting you here."
Still looking at his brother weirdly, Sasuke took a seat next to him. "Why are you here?"
Itachi swayed the paper in his hand subtly and for the first time Sasuke took notice of its existence. "I was in the main branch here in Konoha and apparently it's time for our routine medical check up. Guess what I've got?"
Sasuke took the paper and his mind was instantly drifting into concentration mode as he read the electrocardiogram. "Supraventricular tachycardia?" His elder brother was silent, so he turned his head to him, finding the usually poised face contorted in restrained confusion. "SVT?"
Itachi nodded, the confusion melted from his face. "Ah yes, SVT, of course. I forgot what does it stand for. But, I do know it's a type of … arrythmia?"
Sasuke nodded idly, but inside the skull his brain worked hard to remember anything he'd learned about SVT.
"It's no big deal," said Itachi after some moment of silence.
Sasuke agreed, but, "Still, it's a condition."
Itachi nodded silently. Another moment of silence before curiosity perked up inside him. "How do you read that?" he asked, eyeing the ECG still in his younger brother's hand.
Sasuke chuckled because his question sounded more hilarious than it should have. "There is a reason why medical students spend so much time in school compared to the others."
Itachi too chuckled. "You made it look so easy."
"It is." Sasuke rubbed the back of his ear. "Some are trickier than the others, absolutely."
The oldest of the two smirked. "Cardiology, huh?"
Sasuke returned the same gesture, a glint on his dark eyes. "Possible."
Ending the yet another busy week in the hospital had never been this peaceful. A rarity for Friday, where it should have been one of (if not) the busiest time of the week. But to anyone working in the hospital, everyday is virtually the same yet subtle differences, most of the times, are easily perceptible. Friday was also the last day for Sasuke in cardiology and Hinata in hematology-oncology. With different schedule each day for the past four weeks, only on that day did they manage to have lunch together.
"You look sad," said Hinata, solemn eyes completely trained on his indeed somber countenance.
Sasuke put the spoon he'd been holding back to his plate of curry. Schooling back his face to its usual impassiveness, he said, "How am I sad?" Deep down he knew it was a futile attempt because Hinata had seen through him. Yet he still did, because he needs no calculations to do anything in front of Hinata. He wanted her to see, in fact.
As how he had expected, Hinata only smiled sadly that showed from her eyes and he had never fallen hard for her again than ever before. "It's your last day in cardiology."
He loves it when she reads him painstakingly accurate. To hide the serotonin rush he was having, Sasuke scoffed, yet a smirk was present.
Hinata tilted her head, some part of her hair fell from her shoulder. "Do you like cardiology that much?"
The smirk turned into an almost grin. "Does it show that much?"
Now Hinata smiled widely, head bobbing to accentuate her say in the matter. "That much."
Instead of giving out any form of response, Sasuke took a mouthful of beef and potato.
Hinata watched the whole eating show with keen observation. "Cardiologist does a number of invasive procedures in cath lab, right?" Smiling while her boyfriend outwardly nodding impassively, the side of her head fell on her palm. "Do they count as surgeries?"
"In a way… yes." Sasuke shrugged. "The least invasive kind of surgeries."
"I see," Hinata leaned forward, eyes twinkling more beautifully than ever if … that was possible. "Now, have you made up your mind?"
The answer was already there.
He had decided the answer recently.
He actually had known the answer for a long time.
It should be easy.
Starting it with a hesitant smile which did not represent his answer's adjective, he was about to open his mouth when his something rang. It took both of them exactly two seconds to realize it was his phone.
After having a glance at his phone screen, he looked up just in time for Hinata to mouth a 'who?'.
"It's my mother," Sasuke said, slightly raising an eyebrow. His mother never called in working hours. Whatever it is, it had to be something of … urgency. So Sasuke wasted no time in answering. "Hahaue?"
The second he heard sobs, and only sobs, his heart rate quickened. "Hahaue? Is something the matter?" He stared hard at the table but he could see Hinata straightening up stiffly out the corner of his eye. He couldn't bring himself to see her properly, at least until he knew what was coming.
From afar he heard his brother's voice whispering 'let me' and some shuffling afterward, he now heard Itachi's voice clearly. "Sasuke."
"Itachi? What is it?"
Itachi sighed. "This morning Chichiue lost his motor control on the left side. We managed to bring him at the hospital within an hour. Now they are carrying out a head CT scan."
Sasuke rose his eyes to look at Hinata's. The moment their eyes met, her eyes had been full of question. He didn't know what his eyes showed at the moment, but it was enough to change her own into trepidation. "This morning when exactly?" Sasuke held his breath. "Is he conscious?"
"Ten. Ten thirty. He's alert. The doctor said it's a very good thing and everything depends on his consciousness."
Sasuke released the breath he'd been holding. "Thank god." He nodded, ensuring himself. His father got admitted to the hospital still within the golden period of stroke. "They'll have to wait for the CT result to diagnose the cause. Did they say anything about stroke?" He noticed a small movement on Hinata's lips at the mention of a renowned diagnosis that can cause death acutely or longterm disability. Sasuke presented a restrained smile, a tired one, as he mouthed 'I'll explain everything.'
From the other side of the call, Itachi released a sigh. "Yeah, highly likely. Hahaue is… very shocked."
"That's a given." With a hand landed on his temple, he tried to speak as calm as he could. "Let me talk to her." Because even without him present, he was the one that should know of his father's condition best.
"Sasuke?" His mother's voice was hesitant, but that was all. She wasn't as sobbing as she had been before.
"Hahaue, I have to thank you for bringing Chichiue right in time to the hospital. He'll be okay. You have to be strong."
Came a choked sob. But her answer afterward was filled with some newfound strength. "You're right. I have to be strong."
"Yes. Don't worry. I'll be there tonight."
There was a pause, as if his mother couldn't make sense of what he just said. "You're coming? What about school?"
Sasuke chuckled, just to lessen the tension on his shouders, or his being altogether. At first, he'd thought it was so out of place, but after he did, his initial thought had been proved groundless. "It's Friday. I don't have any shift in the weekend." Nor did Hinata, but that isn't of concern…
It did lessen the tension for his mother too gave a quiet trembling chuckle. "All right, dear. We'll be waiting. Please, drive safely. I love you."
"Will do. I love you."
With more strength and confidence, that was contagious just by hearing her voice, his mother informing she was giving back the phone to his brother. Sasuke replied an assent with the same quality of emotion, giving out that he felt so much better.
"Sasuke," came his brother's voice not a second after. "I assume you're coming to the hospital?"
Sasuke took a glance on his wristwatch. "I'll be there at six or seven."
"By yourself?"
It was hard not to glance her way as he tried to think of an answer. It surely would take a lot just to ask her. All those shifts in the weekdays had been taking its toll on them mentally and physically, particularly for Hinata since she'd been chosen as chief the past two weeks. Asking her to come with him was too much because he knew she wouldn't decline.
"See you tonight," he managed at last, avoiding both undemanding wondering of his brother's and wondering eyes of his girlfriend's. Sasuke slowly lowered the hand holding his phone as he sighed. He waited for the question to arise, for Hinata's voice to break the silence. But he heard none. Because she was very careful and he indeed needed the space.
He couldn't be more thankful.
"My father…is hemiparesis since this morning," he started, words pouring out unrestrained, "on the left side. Consciousness is good, no sign of increased intracranial pressure. CT scan result is on the way, but I think," he paused, "what he has is," then he released a sigh, "…ischemic stroke."
Something warm engulfed his cold hand. With smile so warm, as warm as her hand, Hinata spoke softly. "It's too early to conclude. It's still possible to be TIA*."
His other cold hand covered Hinata's warm one. Focusing on her warm eyes, smile, voice, he nodded. Two cold hands against one warm hand, he'd always known Hinata would always win.
"And I'm coming with you."
And win she did.
It had to be the longest three hours Sasuke had ever experienced in life.
The first half drive had been … stressful as the unknowing side.
The second half had been … full of unsecured relief. Because the diagnosis had been made, they had been informed by Itachi on a call, but since they hadn't been present to see and hear it themselves, it hadn't felt real.
Sasuke was a quiet person, he preferred quietness. But never in his life he ever encountered stifling quietness he just experienced firsthand, even if from time to time Hinata would open a conversation with reassuring subjects.
He had never heeded neurology as more than another interesting and mandatory discipline of the more gigantic scope of medicine. At the moment, he felt like he was needed to know all about stroke. But all he thought was just how he should have paid attention better when he was in neurology.
It was frustrating. The quietness and all, was making things worse because he had his thoughts all for himself.
What's the point of becoming a doctor when you can't even diagnose and arrange treatment plan for a family member? Moreover your own father?
"Sasuke?"
Hinata's presence was the only good thing, but even he could not cherish it with the way he was then.
"Sasuke."
Sasuke blinked multiple times and it did little to clarify his thoughts. He hummed and turned his head her way briefly before refocusing back on the road.
"What are you thinking about?" her gentle voice said. Despite the nature of the question, she didn't sound curious at all.
Saying nothing wouldn't suffice, he knew. But he did it nonetheless. "Nothing."
Hinata merely nodded.
For that he felt relieved, if only temporarily.
When he pulled the gear to neutral before the red light, his hand lingered. Her hand eased around him almost immediately, emitting the warmth he hadn't thought he needed. When the light switched to green, his hand still lingered, hers as well. They didn't let go until he parked his car within the hospital complex.
Sasuke didn't take his time walking half running as he made his way to ICU since his father had to be in close observation for now. Hinata followed closely behind, making sure he noticed easily she wasn't too far back. It was tolerable at first, but things got slightly unbearable when they had to take a trip with the lift; when they had to wait and had their thoughts to themselves. Before, Sasuke had never understood people who had fears of cramped space. Today, he got the slightest taste required to be able to relate.
Upon finding the lift finally slide sideways, Sasuke took no time exiting, engulfing Hinata's hand and pulling her with him.
The ICU is all but closed door except for meal times when a family member got the chance to see the patients to feed them. Since it was already eight when he arrived, which exceeded the time he'd predicted, Sasuke had to forcefully swallow the rules down for not being able to see his father until the next morning.
Her mother hugged him instantly at the sight of them. Sasuke returned the hug, sensing his brother's eyes on him, but ignore it by hugging her mother even more tightly while taking his time.
"It's TIA," Itachi calmly informed.
Sasuke couldn't help the slight tilt of his head towards his brother. In an instant, he could finally feel all the oxygen he inhaled without feeling suffocated. From behind his mother's lithe shoulder, his eyes met his brother's first, to which Itachi responded with a reassuring nod, then a watery set of pearly eyes.
A tear fell from the side of her left eye, some more retained stubbornly to pile on her lower lashes. Yet, he saw more tears, blurring his own sight, wetting his own cheeks.
He didn't remember the last time he cried. But he did remember how the tears just wouldn't stop so easily that night.
*TIA : transient ischemic attack (neurologic deficit [signs similar to stroke] that lasts for 24 hours) with full recovery. It can only be called as stroke if the symptoms last to 24 hours and longer and the prognosis is variable.
Author's Note: So much had happened before I decided to get back into writing this project. For those who didn't know, I had been working on another WIP-Fated Pair for the last two years. At the beginning, I had been pretty consistent in doing updates but then I was gone for a good six months without updates. And when I have an update, it's for this project xD. There is a reason why I got back to SM, actually.
So, the six months I went MIA, I was preparing for my board exams for the first half, and the latter half I was having a well-deserved rest from anything at all and currently I've been interning as a research assistant as I wait for the national assignment for my internship program as a newly appointed practitioner. Finishing medical school has definitely awoken every sentiment I'd had for Subclinical Manifestation. Hence the update.
It'll get busier from here, but this won't be the last of me, promise.
See you all soon hopefully.
-Crowds
