So, a while back I found this story on my computer. I didn't know what to do with it since I haven't finished my other story yet, but since I'm a little behind there due to lack of time, I thought I'd post this little story :) Hope you enjoy!
Blinded
Self-hatred. For not being good enough. For his failure. For the rigidity that had trapped him when he saw what Maul was doing. For his numbness after it happened. For being guilty of Qui-Gon's and Satine's death. More than 10 years lay between them, and yet Obi-Wan vividly relived every single second. Qui-Gon had seemed… He had no suitable words to describe it. Just not like Satine. Obi-Wan would never forget the look in her eyes as the Darksaber pierced her chest.
Fear. Pain. Terror. Disappointment?
He had failed. Maul had escaped. And his dear Satine? Dead. The woman who had trusted him, who had wasted her last, labored breath with dedicating her last words to him, the man who had brought her nothing but death. She had lain limply in his arms. Her once loving eyes had stared at him lifelessly until he had closed them, unable to bear it any longer. And Maul had laughed. Knowing full well that he had beaten him. Obi-Wan had taken half of Maul's body. So now the Sith had taken his better half.
I loved you always. I always will.
He had loved her. With every fiber of his being. And yet, in the end, it would have been better if she had never known him. Attachment was what had brought him to this point. And yet it had also been the reason through which he had felt a little happiness.
Blankly, he stared at the red helmet of the Mandalorian armor in his hands. His gloves left bloody fingerprints on it. He should be dead. Not Satine. If her sister hadn't come to his rescue, Obi-Wan wasn't sure he'd be sitting here now - in a ship on his way home. Baring the news that he had flown unauthorized to Mandalore and that a Sithlord was now in power there. He had brought the war to Mandalore. And with it, destroyed everything Satine had ever fought for.
With a cry, he smashed the helmet to the floor, watching as it rolled across the floor of the ship and then came to rest against the wall. Defeated, he let his head sink into his hands and suppressed a sob. He didn't know how long he sat there like that, but at some point, he must have dragged himself to the back of the ship, discarded the pieces of armor, and stuffed them into a bag. It would be a reminder of what he has lost – and what he had failed.
Obi-Wan found some plain clothing in one of the holds and silently slipped them on. With weary feet he trudged over to the small refresher, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror. There was a smeared, bloody handprint on his face. Satine. He still felt her hand, slowly growing cold, against his cheek as she spoke her last words.
Numbly he began scrubbing it from his skin, watching how the blood tinted the sink in a shade of red. A single tear escaped his eyes. It was all his fault. Somehow the people he cared about always died. It was a miracle that Anakin and Ahsoka were still there.
Pressing his eyes closed, he took a shuddering breath, before turning off the faucet and returning to the cockpit.
An hour till he would arrive on Coruscant. Obi-Wan still didn't know how to explain himself; wasn't even sure if he wanted to talk about this at all.
The silence was almost deafening. The blackness that occupied the viewport seemed more endless than ever. Contrary to the opinion of most others, Obi-Wan did not like to be alone. His finger hovered over the inbuilt commstation; thinking about calling Anakin – or maybe even Ahsoka. Just to get away from the suffocating silence.
Making a decision, he tried to reach Anakin. The device beeped, but no one answered the call. Strange. But maybe he was with Padme and didn't want to be disturbed. Obi-Wan had not told him where he had flown, only that he needed the Twilight. It would definitely not be easy to explain to him that his beloved ship had been destroyed. The Jedi Master pursed his lips and ended the call. There was no point.
Maybe Ahsoka was there. Methodically, he typed in her ID and waited again. Radio silence. Obi-Wan frowned. Had the two been sent on a mission of which he knew nothing? But even then, he could at least reach one of them. He had a bad feeling about this. Deactivating the commsystem again, he leaned back in the pilot's seat, trying to center himself.
Thoughts were swirling in his head. Maul. Satine. His failure.
He should stop letting people get so close to him. Maybe then they would have a higher chance of survival. Obi-Wan snorted. What a bitter thought.
Another look at the navicomputer told him that he still had a little time. Meditation. Hopefully that would help him.
Even if it would never bring Satine back.
Slowly, he lowered himself cross-legged to the floor and took a deep breath. In front of him, still lay the helmet he had thrown earlier. With a small movement of his fingers, he let it float over. The visor had been slightly cracked on impact.
He knew that Satine herself had owned a set of Beskar armor. A gift from her father, shortly before he died. But a pacifist as she was, she had never worn it. Obi-Wan dropped his head against the helmet in his hands.
"I'm so sorry, Satine," he breathed, "You deserved better."
Setting the helmet down in front of his knees, he straightened his back. Closing his eyes, he sunk into the Force. He tried to let go of his anxieties and fears. His dark thoughts. They clung to him like a thick layer of mud, obstructing his sight and movement.
Obi-Wan managed to settle down a bit until the soft beeping sound from the control alerted him on his arrival in Coruscant's atmosphere. His legs ached as he got upright again to take over the steering wheel. It was late in the afternoon on the planet. The last rays of sunlight peaked between the large buildings and flying ships. He had gotten used to the constant noise of the city at some point. Not like Anakin, who still struggled to get some rest when it was too loud. Especially as a kid.
Obi-Wan pressed his lips into a thin line, there has been a lot of tension between them lately. Anakin had never really forgiven him for faking his death. Silently, he steered the ship through the lines of speeders toward the Jedi temple. As he approached the hangar, his eyes went wide. Much of the hall was torn and charred, the signs of an explosion.
"Oh Force," he muttered, startled. Obi-Wan landed quickly. Making his way to the back, he grabbed the helmet off the ground and stuffed it into the bag with the rest of the armor, which he then slung over his back. The loading ramp opened with a hiss and he jumped to the ground more than he walked.
Worry began to spread inside his stomach as he analyzed the damage. Ship parts lay scattered around, obviously torn apart by the blast. He had to find Anakin and Ahsoka, fast. Obi-Wan did not want to imagine that the two had been here. Forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to report to the council about Mandalore and Maul, he stormed through the halls of the temple. He ignored the puzzled looks the Jedi in his path gave him; he was too focused on reaching their quarters. Contrary to the rules, Anakin had not moved out after being knighted. Instead, he had stayed, and after Ahsoka had become his Padawan, she had been given the third room in the apartment, which Obi-Wan himself had previously used as a kind of office, since his own bedroom was rather small.
Finally reaching the door, he punched the code into the pad next to the door and slipped inside before it was even completely open. Everything looked the same; datapads and droid parts lay scattered on the couch and floor, used plates and cups piled up in the kitchen.
Even chaos has its order, as Anakin used to say with a grin when Obi-Wan tried to get him to clean up.
"Anakin?" he called, though he already sensed that no one had been here for at least a day, "Ahsoka?"
Silence was his answer.
His stomach churning, he evaded the scrap metal on the floor and stepped into his room. He sat down the bag in the corner and checked his desk if they had left a note or something behind. But no, not a single sign was to be found. His personal commlink showed a message from Mace and another from Plo.
'Report to the council immediately.' – Mace, one day ago
'Obi-Wan, where are you? Your padawans need you right now.' – Plo, one day ago
Padawans. So something had happened. Heart thumping in his chest, Obi-Wan quickly changed into a set of his own tunics and left the apartment again.
With quick steps, he made his way to Plo's apartment. He already raised his hand to knock on the door when it suddenly opened and he almost collided with the Kel'Dor, who seemed to be in a hurry himself.
"Obi-Wan," the Kel'Dor blurted out, obviously surprised by his appearance.
"Plo, what happened? Where are Anakin and Ahsoka?"
The man was hard to read through the mask he wore. But he knew his friend too well, to not notice that he was extremely worried. He had a soft spot for Ahsoka, as he was the one to bring her to the temple.
"Come with me," he spoke in a voice that betrayed nothing of his inner turmoil, "I will try to explain it to you on the way. No one expected you to show up after you had disappeared for days. The Jedi Council is meeting in the courtroom."
Perplexed, Obi-Wan made way for the Jedi and silently began to follow him. He was afraid of what he was about to hear. Suddenly he wished for the protection of his robes, just to hide himself from the stares that followed them.
Next to him, Plo exhaled deeply and then spoke without looking directly at him.
"I think you saw the destruction in the hangar?"
Obi-Wan glanced at his colleague's side profile and nodded stiffly. "Yes."
"There was a bombing. Several Jedi and temple workers were killed. We were already able to arrest the attacker. Letta Turmond. The wife of one of the temple workers. We handed her over to the military."
Obi-Wan furrowed his brow in confusion. "The military? That should be a Jedi matter."
Plo hummed in agreement. "Tarkin beat us to it. We had no choice after that. But that's not what worries me."
He stopped and turned to him. "Letta Turmond died from a Force choke. And Ahsoka was with her, having agreed to talk to the woman and maybe get more information."
Obi-Wan's eyes grew wide as he put the pieces of the puzzle together in his head. "You're telling me they're going to charge Ahsoka with murder," he gaped, shell-shocked.
The Kel'Dor nodded silently. "They're forcing us to expel her from the order. So that she can stand trial as a Republic citizen."
If he felt like someone had pushed him off a cliff before, now he felt like someone had taken a dagger right through his heart. "Plo… you can't be serious", he hissed, "We both know that Ahsoka would never do such a thing!"
"Obi-Wan, calm down…"
"Calm down? You just told me that my grandpadawan was branded a murderer..." his voice was icy, "And you just expect me to calm down?"
He couldn't bare another loss.
"I believe in her innocence too, my friend. But since the evidence is all against her, I've been overruled."
"You have already voted. The assembly in the courtroom is just a formality...," Obi-Wan stated in shock.
"I'm afraid so. I'm sorry. There's nothing more we can do."
"Nothing more we can do...", Obi-Wan snorted in disgust, "We sentence an innocent sixteen-year-old to death because the Senate tells us to. You can't seriously just stand by silently."
"I spoke out against her expulsion. Unfortunately, many of the council members didn't share my opinion. Your vote wouldn't have made a difference in the final outcome either."
I should have been here, he thought ruefully. Maybe I could have dissuaded the council from this madness. Obi-Wan had failed again. First Satine. And now it would cost him Ahsoka.
"Where is Anakin?" he asked, defeated.
"Probably with his padawan."
Obi-Wan began to move forward again. "I need to speak with them."
A soft, but strong hand on his shoulder held him back. "The trial is in 30 minutes and the military trial is scheduled for this evening. You should try talking to the other council members. Maybe you can still knock some sense into their heads."
"As if they would listen to me. They are too afraid of the senate", he grumbled, but he knew Plo was right. Maybe this was their last chance to tip the scales for Ahsoka. "Let's hurry."
The two jedi masters quickly made their way down to the lower levels of the temple, nearly bursting into the small room in front of the courtroom where the rest of the councilors were gathering.
Master Windu turned around, surprised to find himself face to face with the youngest council member. "Obi-Wan", he said almost unfazed, "I didn't think you would show up. Not after you just left without authorization."
Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. "It's not me who should have to defend myself here," he growled, wrinkling his nose and turning so he could see all the remaining members, "You're making a mistake. We should be standing by Ahsoka's side, not casting her out like she was never one of ours. I know she would never be capable of doing such a thing."
"You haven't seen the footage, it proves that she Force choked the suspect", Ki-Adi Mundi stepped in.
His eyes narrowing, Obi-Wan faced the jedi. "It's correct that I haven't seen the video. But Master Koon told me enough. And the Force is basically screaming at me that this is all wrong. It's a miracle everyone here seems to be too deaf to hear it."
"You let your attachment cloud your judgement." It was Mace who spoke up again, his voice carrying an air of authority.
But Obi-Wan wouldn't back down. Not now. "Is that so? What would you do if it was one of your padawans, Mace? If it was one of them about to be sentenced. You know what the sentence for murder is", he glowered at Mace, "Death. You're killing an innocent child."
As he said that he let his gaze wander he caught the gazes of the other council members. They weren't able to meet his eyes for long. "As Jedi, we should protect the innocent, not just hand them over because we're too afraid of what the Senate thinks. We have all taken that oath. And yet we bend to a few politicians just because we're told to."
The Korun Master closed the distance between them, his eyes darkening. "She is not your padawan, Kenobi. And now watch your tongue."
"Or what? Are you going to kick me out, too, then? Padawan Tano is both my responsibility, just as she should be yours," he hissed.
Before Mace could answer, a loud tap on the tiled floor interrupted them. Master Yoda had approached them, leaning on his gimer stick and a solemn expression on his face. "Enough this is. A decision we have made. Side with Ahsoka we can not. As an opposition against the senate, it can be seen."
Obi-Wan shook his head in disbelief as he looked at the diminutive master. "I can't believe how far we've strayed from our principles."
Yoda flattened his ears and closed his eyes briefly. "Sorry I am. Begin we must now."
With that he turned around and slowly made his way into the Chamber of Judgement, the clicking sound of his stick echoing through the silent room.
The other masters went to join him and as Mace passed Obi-Wan, the Korun Master stopped briefly. "We'll talk about you later."
Obi-Wan said nothing, just fixing the man with a cold glare even as he disappeared into the chamber. Plo and himself were left standing in front of the open doors.
"I don't want to see this," he mumbled, fists clenching at his sides.
"Me neither," was all the Kel'Dor said. Both exchanged a glance before silently entering the chamber side by side and took their respective positions.
Anakin and Ahsoka were both there. Neither of them looked up to him, which Obi-Wan was glad for. He felt too guilty. For letting both of them down. For not being there. For representing the council.
His knuckles whitened as his grip on the railing in front of him tightened. He could feel Anakin's anxiety. Obi-Wan tried to reach him through their bond but was met with a tight wall. He was shut out.
"I'm sorry, Anakin," he whispered to himself.
His heart slowly tearing apart, he watched how they confronted Ahsoka with the evidence and the girl pleaded that she was not guilty. Again, the Force sang that she was telling the truth.
But no one was listening.
Ahsoka was questioned further. About her meeting with Letta Turmond. How she came into possession of the nano-droid weapon. How Ventress was involved.
Anakin paced up and down under the platform Ahsoka was standing on, his eyes shining like those of a predator. Their eyes met briefly, and at that moment Obi-Wan could feel the disgust his former Padawan was throwing at him. To him, he was the Council. It didn't matter that he had spoken up for Ahsoka. That anger had never been contained. Anakin pranced on the edge to the Dark Side. The Jedi created their own enemies. Pressing his lips together into a thin line, he tried again to reach Anakin through their bond, but was brutally pushed back, so he had to struggle not to flinch.
Obi-Wan watched as Anakin's eyes flickered yellow briefly and his mine contorted into a snarl, his hands clenched into fists. His friend jerked his head around and fixed his gaze on Master Yoda.
"You have already made your decision, haven't you?", he shouted angrily, "This meeting is just a formality!"
Yoda closed his eyes and hummed. "Reached a decision we have. But not in total agreement are we."
Nice way of saying that the senate controls us. Again, Obi-Wan felt the urge to leave. He couldn't stand this.
"It is the council's opinion that Padawan Ahsoka Tano has committed sedition against the Republic. And thus she will be expelled from the Jedi Order", Mace said, his voice completely emotionless.
"You can't do this!" Anakin cried, a maelstrom in the Force. He stormed forward and the guards had to ignite their blades to keep him at bay. There was so much anger. And so much darkness.
Now, Obi-Wan was sure he lost his friend as well.
Ki-Adi Mundi narrowed his eyes. "Your padawan status will be stripped from you and you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic. You will be turned over to the Republic Court to await your trial and whatever punishment they will set for you. Henceforth you are banned from the Jedi Order."
Frozen, Obi-Wan observed how a guard stepped forward and simply plucked off Ahsoka's padawan braid. Like it had meant nothing to her.
The look on his grandpadawan's face made his heart shatter.
"What have we done…", he murmured, his chest constricting painfully.
They put binders around her wrists and she was dragged off, while a set of guards held a violently thrashing Anakin back.
Struggling to get some air into his lungs, Obi-Wan pushed himself back from the railing. This was too much. Not looking back again, he made his way to the exit, determined to set an end to this.
As if Mace was sensing his thoughts, the man stepped into his path with a dark glare. "And where do you think you're going? We still have something to discuss."
Obi-Wan just cocked an eyebrow exasperatedly and kept his face blank. "Do we now? If you ask me, it would be best if you step aside now, Master Windu."
Narrowing his eyes, the man stepped closer, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Are you threatening me, Kenobi?"
"No", he tilted his head, "Do I have to?" Obi-Wan had no time for this if he wanted to catch up with Anakin.
Master Windu clenched his jaw and didn't move. "You will report to the council chambers now", he leaned into his space, "And then we will talk about your little trip to Mandalore."
So he knew. Not showing his surprise, he returned the Jedi Master's stance. "I'm afraid I have something to settle first, Master Windu", Obi-Wan said in his negotiating voice, a fake smile plastered on his face, "If you now would be so kind to let me through?"
With every second he wasted here he would lose Anakin and Ahsoka. They were the only thing he had left.
"Well", Mace shifted on his feet and stretched out his hand, "Give me your lightsaber and you're free to go."
"You have no right to take it from me", Obi-Wan hissed, enraged by the behavior of his opponent.
"Indeed I have the right, Obi-Wan," Master Windu grinned derisively, "I am permitted to confiscate a Jedi's weapon as soon as he poses a danger to himself or others. And the way I see it, you're a threat to all of us right now."
"A threat? Because of what? Not keeping my mouth shut?"
"We know you're going after Skywalker. Your apprentice is known to make rash decisions, and seeing that your own senses are pretty clouded right now, we need to stop you from acting the same way," he wiggled his fingers demandingly, "Consider it a pledge that you'll come back."
He would love to put both his hands around Mace's neck and squeeze really hard. How dare he undermine his authority like that.
Instead, he took his lightsaber from his belt and pressed it into the hand of the still sneering Jedi Master. "Don't cut yourself on the blade, my dear."
With that, he waltzed past Mace and exited the chamber. As soon as it swung shut behind him, he started running, ignoring how the Jedi stared at him.
Anakin was already outside the temple. He's a supernova, untenable and uncontrollable.
Obi-Wan makes it to the steps of the temple.
His eyes took a moment to adjust to the evening sun blinding him. Squeezing his eyelids together, he immediately recognized Anakin in the distance, who was still arguing with the guards.
"Damn it," he cursed under his breath and nearly jumped down the stairs.
Obi-Wan came to a skidding halt in front of the small group. "Anakin!", he shouted, pushing one of the temple guards aside to get through to his friend. Up close, he could feel the rage emanating from his former student, so that it sent a shiver down his spine and he had to raise his shields to keep himself from being overwhelmed.
Anakin whirled around and when their eyes met, Obi-Wan unintentionally took a small step back. There was that flicker of amber again.
Oh Anakin. What have we done to you?
With a flick of his hand, he motioned for the guards to step back and give them some space. Luckily, they complied so that he could focus on his friend again.
"Anakin…," he started, stretching his arm out in a calming matter, "Please, listen to me."
Pursing his lips, Anakin glared at him with blazing eyes. They brimmed with hatred and resentment. And it was directed at him. "You just let it happen…," he bristled, his voice breaking, "I trusted you… Ahsoka trusted you!"
The words stung. Obi-Wan didn't know what to say.
Could he have done more? His mouth opened and then closed again directly with a clack.
Anakin stomped over to him and angrily shoved him back. "Say something! Or did the Council take its lapdog's tongue, too?"
As Obi-Wan struggled to regain his balance and not drop down onto the pavement, a lot of words swirled through his head.
Satine's dead. Maul killed her… I was too late. Not just for her, but for you as well…
…I'm afraid.
Neither of them felt right. He choked on his breath, fighting to block out the hatred that continued to press against his head and continued battling the fear that threatened to take the air from his lungs.
"…I'm sorry," he managed to choke out.
I just wanted to help.
Suddenly, the words the Togruta on Kadavo had thrown at him echoed through his head again.
Jedi only make things worse!
With a pang in his heart, Obi-Wan realized that the man had been right. He most certainly did make things worse.
"…You're sorry?!" Anakin's eyes bore down on him. His friend has always been a lot taller than himself. It had never bothered him – until now. The Force was a storm. And Anakin was the epicenter. "I'll show you how sorry I am!"
Eyes wide open, Obi-Wan could only watch in a kind of trance as Anakin drew his lightsaber and swung the blade at him.
In retrospect, he would not have known whether he would have defended himself had he had his own weapon at hand. He was too caught in a shock that paralyzed him and only allowed him to watch as the blade came closer. One last time, he tore his gaze up to Anakin's eyes. For a moment, he thought he saw some recognition in those orbs flickering between blue and yellow - but that was probably just wishful thinking Obi-Wan had planted in his own brain. He had lost Anakin and Ahsoka. There was nothing to recognize.
The blue blade went right through his face. Obi-Wan didn't know how long it took him to register the pain. And that it had gone dark. His mouth twisted into a scream and he sank to the ground, hands tearing up to his face. He didn't know which was up and which was down. And why it was so loud. There were footsteps. Shouts and screams. His palms, pressed against his face, grew damp and the burning became unbearable.
Suddenly there were hands taking his own hands off his face. Someone was speaking. But Obi-Wan could understand nothing.
"Anakin...," he gasped out between hitching breaths before losing consciousness.
Hours later, he woke up. Disoriented, he tried to figure out where he was. There was a buzzing in his head and his connection to the Force felt muddled as well. Obi-Wan opened his eyes. At least, he thought he did. The darkness remained. Panic rising in him, he blinked, which resulted in a sharp stab of pain. Only black. Against reason, he tried to reach for his face with his hands - only to find he couldn't move them. Restraints were wrapped around his wrists. Obi-Wan pulled again, and suddenly a loud beeping joined the roaring in his head. He could not breathe. His heart was pumping so fast that Obi-Wan could almost hear it.
Out of nowhere, there were suddenly hands on his arm again, making him flinch.
"...ster Keno...ou have ...calm down."
The beeping stopped abruptly and he felt a mask being placed over his nose and mouth. Breathing became easier. Again, there was that voice, but this time he could understand it.
"Master Kenobi, can you hear me?"
He lay still for a moment, trying to take a few controlled breaths before answering. "Yes." His voice was raspy and muffled by the mask.
"Good," The voice belonged to a young female, but he couldn't discern if he knew her, "I'm Padawan Ailyn Dellian and you're in the Healing Halls."
The memories came back slowly. Anakin. The searing pain in his eyes.
"What happened?", he croaked.
"You suffered severe injuries to your eyes," there was a pause that seemed to drag on for forever, "… I'm sorry to say this... but there was nothing we could do – you're blind."
Blind. Obi-Wan again choked on his breath. The comforting hand on his upper arm did little to calm him. He was shaking and would have squeezed his eyes shut to suppress the tears if every single movement didn't hurt so much. So he let them go.
"I'm sorry," the Padawan whispered, "I'll go get Master Che, okay?"
With that, the presence disappeared from his side and Obi-Wan could only faintly hear the footsteps disappear.
He's alone. The realization only now began to sink in. He would never see his family again. Satine's enchanting smile. Anakin's gleam in his eyes when he spoke of tinkering on his droids. Ahsoka's glowing presence in the Force. They were all gone. The only thing that remained was this endless darkness.
Obi-Wan did not know what was worse. That he would never see again... or that it had been his best friend who had delivered the blow.
The pain returned more fiercly. Again, he tried unsuccessfully to tear the bandage from his eyes, but his hands remained firmly in place. Twisting his head to the side, unseeing eyes tried to make out the light that would never reappear. He didn't even know if his eyes were open or closed. Not that it made any difference.
Obi-Wan Kenobi let out a silent scream. He could take no more.
Whether or not this remains a One Shot is up to you! :D Tell me what you think and if you want me to continue this! (Although I will finish my story 'Rock Bottom' first)
