"I swear if you touch one more thing—" Natasha snaps in his direction as she holds her pistol at the ready.

"What!" Tony whines, "it's my scientific curiosity! You're going to deny me my scie—"

"Yes!" The group chimes in. Clint from the catwalk above, Cap and Bruce from his earpiece. Steve's a room or so ahead, Thor's off world, and Bruce is back on the quinjet.

He pouts, "fine, but when we miss something really cool because you guys—" he throws his arm out to point at Natasha and accidentally knocks something off a lab table. Quicker than he thought the suit could move, he swoops down, catching it with the suit's metal hands.

He looks up, hoping no one saw.

Natasha is glaring at him. He winces. "Oops?"

"Put it back!" She hisses. "No one is supposed to know we were even here!"

"What happened?" Cap's voice comes through.

"Nothing!" He snaps, glaring back at Natasha, "nothing happened!"

"Widow?"

He gently sets the thing back on its podium.

She sighs, "it's all good." She reports, rolling her eyes.

Tony eyes the crystalline looking device and notices a tiny crack. He pauses. That was probably there before. It's fine, he thinks to himself.

It will be fine.

It's not fine.

He and Bruce are working in the lab when Bruce requests one of the tools near him. So, like the kind guy he is, he picks it up and hands it over.

But when Bruce makes contact with the tool, Tony feels a jolt and a gasp escapes him as the sense of his being gets yanked from it's center.

And then he's looking at himself. Who is staring at him in confusion.

"Uh—" his own mouth says, "what—"

He stumbles back, looking down at his— no, Bruce's hands, and freaks out, "what the hell!"

His own face registers shock and disbelief as he examines his own hands and body. "What did you do!"

His own accusing tone throws him off, "what did I do?" Tony snaps, "you're the one who has stolen my body!"

"What!" Bruce yells, "no, I didn't!"

"Jarvis!" He cries, "what happened?"

Pardon me, Dr. Banner, would you care to elaborate on your question further?

"I'm not Dr. Banner!" Tony gripes, "I'm me! Tony!"

The AI pauses and seems to respond slowly.

Mr. Stark, care to explain?

Bruce throws up Tony's own hands and sighs, "I'm really Bruce, Jarvis. He's telling the truth, I'm not Tony."

A keypad appears before him. If you would enter your own personal passcode. Jarvis asks, obviously still skeptical.

Tony stumbles over the password, the difference in hand shape and size making him clunky, but eventually he manages it out.

I see. Jarvis responds with a now hint of amusement. I believe I should run some tests.

Tony starts to type something and Bruce is rubbing at his chest. He grimaces. Having a chunk of metal stuck in your chest takes some getting used to.

The lab door opens and Clint bursts through, "What's up, Science bros. How's the analysis of the device going?"

"Shitty!" Tony gripes out.

But Clint looks at him like he's crazy, "uh… okay?" His eyes flick to Bruce (in Tony's body) and back to him, "everything alright, Bruce?" That makes Bruce, in his body, snort indelicately and Clint's brow furrows even further, "there some joke I'm on the outside of?"

"I'm way too far inside the joke." Tony mutters back, "Bruce and I switched places." He snaps out, glaring at Clint.

Clint takes a long 15 seconds to stare at him, then he busts out laughing, "oh man, is it April Fools? Did I just get punk'd?"

"Punk'd?" Bruce asks, "geez, are you 45?"

Clint glares at him, "you're older than me!"

"We're like three years apart!" Bruce snaps, still agitated about the situation.

"Uh," Clint looks at Bruce in Tony's body because Tony's definitely at least 10 years older. He just doesn't know it's Bruce at the wheel. "Would someone let me in on the joke?"

"There's no joke." He grits out. "One second I'm the smartest guy in the world, and next I'm like the 8th smartest."

"Hey!" Bruce retorts, "I'm at least like… fifth. Maybe sixth."

Tony rolls Bruce's eyes, "yeah okay, whatever."

Clint sets down whatever's in his hands with a clunk on his lab table, "wait wait wait… Tony Stark just admitted to not being the smartest guy on the planet…" his eyes widen, "oh geez! You're really telling the truth?"

"Yeah." They both huff at the same time.

Clint's grin is widening with child-like mischievousness when the door opens again and Cap walks in. His stride says he has a purpose and wants to waste no time. Tony's used to that stride.

It usually happens around him.

"Mission briefing." Cap says quickly, holding three files. "Read through these and then we will meet at 1400 in the conference room."

"We're not soldiers." Tony snaps, "you can say 2:00 pm."

Cap looks over at him in confusion, then his face gets a little sad, "oh. Right. Yeah, 2pm. Sorry."

Then he's setting the folders down and nodding at them before he starts to leave.

"Wait!" He hears his own voice call, "what he meant was, you don't have to—" realization clicks in Tony's mind. Oh yeah. He looks like Bruce and just snapped at Captain America. That is an unusual occurrence. What's more unusual is the apologetic look on his face. "— feel all strict and military here." His own voice finishes lamely as Bruce speaks, obviously trying to think of something to mitigate it. "You can relax." The words sound gross coming out of his mouth and the confusion on Cap's face makes it clear.

"Uh…" he looks at Tony like he's an alien. "Okay."

Clint is gearing up to say something. To spill the news, and Tony just knows the look of annoyed disbelief they're going to get. Why does Cap always think they're pranking him?

Besides, of course, the fact that he and Clint are always pranking him.

"Cap, guess what!" Clint says with a manic glee.

"Nothing!" Tony snaps out, glaring at Clint. "There's nothing. We will see you at the mission briefing."

Cap just looks at them with a skeptical eye but leaves with a nod.

Clint deflates, "what was that? If we have a mission, he's going to need to know."

"No." Tony says firmly, "I'm not getting another Cap lecture when I don't even know why this happened. So until we figure that out. We keep it quiet. From Natasha too. You understand?"

"Tony," his own voice says, sounding strange, "I'm not sure that's the best decision. Who would hulk out? You in my body? Or me in yours? And I don't know how to control a suit. We need to tell them what happened!"

Tony knows he makes sense. But all he can see is Cap's disapproving face like Tony's a toddler who misbehaved.

"We have till 2pm." Tony says quickly. "Give me till at least then."

Both men just share a hesitant look and then nod.

"JARVIS?" Tony calls, "time for those tests."

—-

At 1:58, he sighs and tips his head back, "shit."

"We gotta go." Bruce says, "and we have to tell them."

Tony pinches Bruce's nose, "but we don't know anything other than the fact it was some sort of contact based switch. But why?"

Bruce picks up the tool that he had requested that had been the one they'd touched at the same time. "We've used this tool a hundred times. And I'm sure we've handed it between us. So what changed?"

Tony shrugs. It's the question they've been asking themselves for the past couple hours. Clint had slunk off a while ago, promising not to say anything.

The clock turns 1:59.

"Come on." Bruce says in his voice, "we gotta go."

—-

Natasha's reading the briefing, boots up on the table, while Steve is studying coordinates. Clint looks up, a question in his expression. Tony witnesses his own face grimace and Bruce shake's his head 'no'.

"Cap." Tony says, getting the man's attention, "we gotta talk."

The man looks up, his expression reserved. "Yes?"

"We've got a problem." Bruce starts, "a big one."

"Quite the mix-up." Tony jokes weakly. "One that will affect the mission."

Clint looks positively gleeful as he listens and Tony can see Natasha is paying attention now.

"What is it?" Cap asks.

"We've swapped places."

The room is quiet for a minute but Clint is nodding, "it's true. Bruce is in Tony's body and vice-versa."

Natasha leans forward, "what? How!"

Cap is staring them both down, as if he might be able to see their souls and know if they're telling the truth. Which… Tony shudders, sounds like one of his 'too righteous for you' powers.

"It's true, Steve." Bruce says in his voice. "I'm Bruce."

Cap blinks, the spell of deep staring broken. "Bruce?"

His head nods, "yeah."

Something like relief flashes across Cap's face, "oh…" then he tilts his head, "how did this happen?"

"We don't know." Tony interjects, "it happened when we touched a specific tool and we tried touching it again and a bunch of other things. But nothing."

Bruce sighs, "we're hoping it's a limited time thing. LIke a 24 hour virus or something."

Natasha stands, "you better hope so. We have a mission in 20 hours and we need everyone."

—-

It's a relief to both him and Bruce that it didn't take much to be believed. Aliens invading. Norse gods existing, and a million other weird things make body swapping almost laughably normal.

But when Tony wakes up the next morning. Still in Bruce's body. He groans. "Oh come on."

It hasn't been 24 hours sir. JARVIS tries helpfully. You have another 4 until that time elapses.

"This is not some fairy tale when the clock strikes midnight." Tony gripes, "I know Bruce is hopeful but…" He looks down at Bruce's hands, weathered and strong from his days in Brazil and traipsing across the east. "I don't know."

You've never given up yet, sir.

Tony grins, "I know. And I'm not about to start now."

They load up in the quinjet and strap in. Clint takes pilot and Natasha joins him up in the cockpit.

Which leaves a big awkward triangle in the back.

"Any luck getting ahold of Jane?" Bruce asks him, "or Selvig?"

Tony shakes his head, "not yet, but it's still early for them."

Bruce nods and his eyes glance at the watch he's wearing. Tony had had to show him the right things to wear for when he's in the suit.

He swallows thickly. What if he Hulks out? Bruce didn't talk about it much… but he knows it's not pleasant.

"We're going to try to take care of it." Cap says with a firm but sympathetic tone, as if he can read Tony's mind. "So hopefully you two can sit out."

Bruce just nods and he stays silent too. Being benched isn't his favorite thing. But maybe in this case… he'll take it.

The 24 hour mark passes on the flight.

Bruce looks at the watch and once the 60 seconds of that minute are over. He looks up with a grimace. "Guess not."

Tony just tips Bruce's head back and sighs.

Bruce manages to do some sort of helpful bumbling around in his Iron Man suit. Heavily relying on Jarvis' help and guidance system. Tony stays hunkered in the quinjet. Neither hulk out. Which is almost more frightening because they still don't know who would.

The mission is brutal and bloody but they manage it. Clint takes a hit to the head that has Natasha sharp and short over the comms.

They tromp back onto the quinjet, bruised and quiet. Tony feels guilty, having hidden the whole mission. Even though he knows it's for the best this time. Bruce is relatively unscathed as well, the suit having protected him.

Clint doesn't make any quips as they fly back to the Tower.

As they walk off the jet, Tony notices that Clint has left his bow. He grabs it and hold sit out, "hey! Barton. Your bow."

The man, almost off the gangplank turns, looking tired and weary. Cap, who is closer to Tony, reaches out, "here I'll give it to him."

"Okay." Tony says, swinging it in his direction. Cap grabs the end and Tony gasps. That same familiar feeling rolling through his veins. His center of gravity gets yanked and he wobbles. He hears a sharp inhale from Cap and then it's over.

He stares down at Bruce.

He stares down. At Bruce.

"What the hell." He whispers out. Then a dread fills him. "Cap?"

Bruce's eyes widen. But he shakes his head. "No… no. I'm me." He waves his hands, "me. I'm Bruce again."

Which makes both of them swing their heads slowly to the group at the bottom of the gangplank where Natasha is by Clint's side and Tony's body is slightly ahead of them.

Tony, in Cap's body, stares at his body as it stares down at its own hands like it doesn't recognize them.

Because it doesn't.

His own wide eyes raise up to meet his now blue ones.

"What just happened." Bruce asks, "why am I back to being me?"

Tony looks down, his now eve bigger hands still gripping the bow tightly. "I don't know."

He lets go of the bow and it clatters to the floor. Everything tingles. Everything itches. His shoulders raise up to his ears in discomfort and he steps back. His head, or Caps', smacks against the edge of the door, "ow! Shit!"

Bruce laughs, "careful, you're taller."

He glares at the man, now luckily in his own form. "No shit!"

A snort draws his attention and he looks over to see Clint and Natasha hiding smirks behind their hands. "WHAT!"

"Just funny hearing those words in Cap's voice." Natasha chuckles.

But he's just really annoyed. "Well it's not fucking funny to me!"

Clint full out guffaws as he stomps down the gangplank, approaching his own body, pulling at his uniform, "why is this thing so freaking tight!"

His own face gets annoyed, "I didn't make it." Cap snaps back at him.

"Well then why the hell does it itch or feel so scratchy!"

Cap blinks and then shrugs, "that's just how all material feels."

That makes Tony pause, tugging at the collar and then the bottom hem of the top of the uniform, "what?"

Cap, I'm Tony's body shrugs again, "since my skin sensitivity is so high, that's just how all material feels. You'll get used to it."

It's silent as the whole group just stares at him.

Tony leans forward, Cap's larger stature dwarfing his own body, "you mean to tell me, you feel like this—" He's scratching at his arms and yanking on the uniform, "all the time?"

And Tony's never seen this sort of hesitant unsure expression on his own face, "uh…" cap stumbles in his voice, "I mean, I sort of just tune it out."

"What. The actual. Fuck." Tony grits out, "I can't tune this out!"

Now his own face looks defensive, "it's not that bad."

"What! It's like being grated by sandpaper!" Tony's growls out, "this is awful!"

And Cap, in Tony's body, just stands there looking unsure of what to say.

"Okay." Natasha says, her voice shifting to one of caution, "maybe let's backtrack. We haven't even addressed the fact that you two switched and Bruce was—-" she frowns, "returned? I don't know, however you want to describe it. "What happened?"

"I just tried to hand the bow to Cap to give to Barton and then bam!"

"Okay," Bruce says calmly, "let's see if you guys touch the bow again at the same time if something happens."

"We tried that with you and me and the tool." Tony complains, still fidgeting in Cap's uniform, "it didn't work."

"Okay, well there's no harm in trying." Bruce offers gently.

So they try. They both hold the bow for a long minute and nothing happens.

"Okay how about we try you and Bruce again." Natasha offers, "maybe it's like no tag backs?"

Clint snorts again and everyone glares at him.

But they do try it. Bruce in his own body and Tony in Steve's tries the bow again. And nothing.

"Maybe it has to be someone new." Bruce guesses, looking towards Clint, who blanches.

"What?" He shakes his head, "no."

"Come on." Natasha pushes gently, "we need to know."

Clint's vehemently disagreeing and arguing with Natasha when Bruce shoves the bow into his hands, Tony still holding the other side.

The archer flinches, expecting something. But after a few seconds his shoulders droop in relief and he grins, "guess not."

"Maybe it has to be something new?"

"What?" Tony asks.

"Like maybe the bow would transfer only once."

Natasha slips around behind him and he feels a yank. The shield, a weight he hadn't even noticed, appears in front of him and is shoved into his hands. Then she drags Clint forward who's wincing in expectation again.

Still nothing.

They try one last time, with something metal from the Quinjet after Cap says something about the vibranium maybe not being the right transfer material.

But still nothing.

Tony's still scratching and fidgeting and he's really annoyed, "geez! This is awful!"

He expects an argument. In fact he's sorta annoyed enough to be trying to start one. But Cap, in his body, just shrugs.

And if that doesn't make him pause.

"A shower usually helps." He hears himself offer quietly. "If it's too overwhelming."

Clint chuckles, "tryna show off, Cap? Make Tony take it all in?"

And Tony's never seen his face get red so quickly. "What! No, I—"

"He's teasing." Natasha says in annoyance, slugging Clint's shoulder.

"Ow." He pouts.

"A shower it is." Tony glares at them, stalking into the tower.

—-

After once again having to prove to an ever more amused JARVIS that he is Tony in yet another body, he gets into his room. Thank heavens that Peppers on a business trip to Pheonix.

He makes it to his bathroom and it gets suddenly awkward.

He's showered in Bruce's body. But… he shudders, somehow this feels different.

He rips off the top of the uniform, and the giant boots. Socks. Then the undershirt. Tony rolls his eyes at himself and starts undoing the belt. Boxer briefs next and then he stands there, looking in the mirror.

"Holy shit." He breathes out. "How does he not brag?" Tony twists, examining the back muscles that engage as he does so, flexing his arms and thighs. "Geez la-fucking-wheeze*."

Tony ignores the slight nudge of self consciousness that enters his gut knowing Cap will be privy to his body's much less impressive form.

He's about to step in the shower when JARVIS speaks

Although Captain Rogers' dampeners are relatively waterproof. It is recommended to remove them before bathing.

"Dampeners?" He asks to the empty room.

Sound dampeners, sir. In the ear canal.

Tony reaches Cap's massive hand up and gently plucks a little thing out of each ear.

Immediately he's assaulted with sound. The buzzing of the lights, the water sloshing in the plumbing. The wind outside. His alarm clock in the other room ticking, the gears of the elevator down the hall working, everything.

"What the hell!" He cries out, clapping his hands over his ears and only barely muffling the barrage.

Slowly he pulls one hand away, the hand still holding the two little devices, and while the noise, still way too loud, is less of a surprise.

He stares at the little mechanical things. Very clearly outdated tech. "JARVIS." Tony asks, "scan these."

Scan already in files, sir.

"Explain."

They are sound dampeners.

He sighs. "No Fucking duh! When we're they fabricated?"

2012, sir.

His brow furrows, "what? These look ancient, how do you already have a scan?"

There's a strange pause that somehow makes Tony think that the AI is unsure of himself.

Captain Rogers replicated a pair given to him by your father. He requested I scan the pieces and find repair parts. He assembled it himself after he began living in the tower.

All the implications of that make his brain go haywire for a minute.

Cap went without these sound dampeners while the Chitauri tore apart New York?

His dad designed these?

Cap was able to actually do something mechanically intricate?

He studies the pieces. Rudimentary at best but still impressive for tech from 60+ years ago.

"I want up-to-date, start of the art, top of the line sound dampeners fabricated when I get out of this shower. Use the schematics from the 9-7-6-3 ear mufflers batch from that Air Force contract from two years ago. You know which one I'm talking about?"

Yes, sir.

"Make sure you use these scans for sizing and shape. If I didn't notice them there then they're already how they should fit. And make them fully liquid and heat proof."

Yes, sir.

Tony flips on the water and sighs. "JARVIS?"

Yes, sir?

"Does Cap sleep in them?"

Privacy protoc—

"JARVIS." Tony snaps, "I'm not asking to infiltrate his privacy. I'm in his damn body. Does he sleep with them or not?"

No, sir.

Tony contemplates that, and suddenly hears a beeping that sounds like the microwave from two floors above his head.

"Then how the hell does he get any sleep?"

The AI takes on a cautious tone.

When Captain Rogers sleeps, it is not very deeply.

"What the hell do you mean by when?"

Privacy protocols dictat—-

Tony flips off the ceiling and starts the water.

Then he takes a very very long, hot shower.