The Sorting Hat had enough. Another year, another crop of students sorted. And because of the quota system imposed by the Founders, a quarter of them had been declared geniuses, a quarter evil, and a quarter brash idiots. All because Rowena had been a genius, Salazar had been evil, and Godric had been a brash idiot.

Next year, he promised to himself, he would sort purely based on suitability.


One year later...

Harry Potter was nervous. His new friend Ron had told him that they might have to wrestle a troll to prove their worth to the school. Presumably the troll would be quite small, but he'd still rather not do that if he could help it. Ron had seemed oddly relaxed at the prospect of brawling with a colossal killing machine, which made Harry wonder whether all wizarding folks were a bit soft in the brain. After all, his only real reference point was Hagrid, who would probably have loved to adopt a troll.

The other students he had met so far were equally odd, albeit in different ways. Draco Malfoy seemed to have taken his cue from a particularly stereotypical vaudeville villain - equal parts condescending aristocrat and morally corrupt mobster boss. His two bookends seemed to have trained up every muscle bar the thinking one. This would probably come in handy if they really had to face a troll.

Finally, Hermione Granger seemed to be obsessed with learning and inordinately gifted in that respect. She seemed to have learned all their textbooks by heart already and even knew how to perform some of the spells already. He hoped for her sake that Hogwarts had a big library, else it would be a long seven years for her.

He absentmindedly noted that a few ghosts had appeared while he had been lost in thought. Before he could address the nearest one, a pompous knight, Professor McGonagall had returned and told the assembled group that the rest of the school was ready for them to be sorted.

As they were led into the Great Hall, he noticed an old, tired looking leather hat sitting on a stool on the raised dais in front of the teachers' table. He did not have to wonder for long as to what the hat's purpose was. It suddenly sprang to life and opened its mouth at the brim to break into song.

Welcome to Hogwarts everyone,

Let me greet you with a song.

You're a brawny, brutish bore?

Then you belong in Gryffindor.

You're a bookish, brainy freak?

Then Ravenclaw is what you seek.

You're an evil, nasty snob?

Then to Slytherin you pop.

You're of normal, av'rage stuff?

Then you'll go to Hufflepuff.

I hope you liked my song of pith,

Let's get the Sorting over with!

The entire Great Hall greeted the end of the song with shocked silence.

Finally, Professor McGonagall broke the silence by clearing her throat.

"That was... Yes, well... Thank you, hat. First years, when I read your name from the list, you will go up to the stool and sit down, placing the hat on your head. The hat will then sort you into one of the four houses."

And so it began.

"Abbott, Hannah."

"Hufflepuff!"

"Bones, Susan."

"Hufflepuff!"

"Boot, Terry."

"Hufflepuff!"

After the first eight students had been sent to Hufflepuff, Vincent Crabbe became the first new Gryffindor. He only received a lukewarm reception from his new housemates. Gregory Goyle soon followed him into the house of the brave and strong before Hermione Granger became the first new Ravenclaw.

The excitement did not last long.

"Greengrass, Daphne."

"Hufflepuff!"

Eventually, it was Draco Malfoy's turn.

"Evil! Sorry, Slytherin!"

Considering he had bragged to Harry about being a shoo-in for Slytherin, Draco's enthusiasm was rather muted as he made his way over to his house table.

Finally, after another seven Hufflepuffs, it was Harry's turn.

"Potter, Harry."

As he lowered the hat onto his head, he suddenly heard a voice speak to him.

'Mmm, a tricky one... Definitely acting rash and unthinkingly, but not a lot of strength and not very interested in sports... Not an academic... There is something oddly evil buried in here, and yet you clearly are not... Oh well, wasn't that tricky after all. "HUFFLEPUFF!"'

Relieved, Harry squeezed himself on the crowded bench at the Hufflepuff table before turning to witness the rest of the sorting.

'Weasley, Ronald' became the third Gryffindor but no further students were sorted into Ravenclaw and Slytherin. In the end, Hufflepuff had gained thirty-five new first years. The teachers watched on in stony silence and the headmaster had started to sob quietly shortly after Harry's sorting.

It would be an interesting year...


Six years later...

"Warbeck, Iolanda."

"Hufflepuff!"

Hermione Granger groaned. The last six years had been surprisingly good. With the brash and evil students effectively isolated and overachievers like herself given the space to unfold, the school had experienced the most peaceful period in living memory. However, the last of the quota years had graduated last summer. Which meant that, given that like every year since, only one student had been sorted into Ravenclaw, there were only seven students in Ravenclaw this year. A full Quidditch team required seven players. Professor Flitwick would insist. She was screwed.

Ronald Weasley groaned. The last six years had been surprisingly good. With all the boring students kept out of Gryffindor they could party whenever they wanted and play Quidditch every afternoon. Well, at least ever since Professor McGonagall had passed her Head of House responsibilities on to Hagrid back in third year. But the quota students had graduated last summer and while the new intake both looked like they'd be cool neither seemed very studious. Which meant there was nobody left to help him with his homework. He was screwed.

Draco Malfoy groaned. The last six years had been surprisingly good. With all the plebs and rabble kept out of Slytherin he could rule supreme within the house thanks to his father's and the Dark Lord's influence. But the latter had demanded he recruit at least a dozen fellow students for His cause this year. With the last quota year having graduated last summer there were only three students left in Slytherin. The Carrow twins were already devout followers and trying to recruit anybody outside their house would be a waste of time. He was screwed.

Harry Potter cheered for Iolanda Warbeck. The last six years had been awesome and this year would be too.