Fasten your seatbelts guys, it's gonna be a ride!

Warning CNC has elements of rape, it might be triggering to some. Dead dove don't eat. You can skip this chapter without missing out on the plot.

I'll post another chapter this weekend :)

Where fantasy meets reality...

Elliot and Christian are on speaking terms again, even though it took Kate a little more persuasive work on Elliot. She didn't know what they argued about. But Kate being Kate, she was decent enough not to ask any further questions. I didn't expect Elliot to be even more stubborn than my share of the Grey boys.

It took us several weeks to overcome our fight from Miami. I decided to forgive Christian after his sincere apology. I didn't want him to feel jealous when I danced with Jose. So making a huge deal out of this wouldn't be fair. After all, he didn't dance with other women but merely danced on his own with women around him. That's a huge difference.

What surprised me the most was his reaction to all of it. Being the ultimate private person to being displayed as a womanizer partying on top of the amp is a huge step. I would have imagined that the opinion of others has a greater impact on him. I mean, he was so secretive in the past.

But he didn't care at all. In fact all he thought about the media's attention was that it was.. Funny.

Seems Christian is an entirely different person when let out of his shell.

Well Christian and me is a different story. Although we reconciled, our relationship isn't as fleet footed anymore on an emotional basis. We didn't go to the playroom for punishments again, even though I wished we would bury any remaining demons with an occasional rough scene. This is certainly on his behalf. Our relationship is as bland as porridge by his choice. I just don't understand why.

Christian has increased his appointments with Flynn saying that the wedding and the trip to Miami had him realize we need some couple counselling. I didn't want to lay out my personal life with a therapist. So Christian got counselled. Alone.

Undoubtedly, all of this is bothering Christian which is why he's tackling it with Flynn. So much… that we're not going back to our past coping mechanism. Christian explained that it would be a better idea to work on the core of our relationship before we indulge into further sexcapades. I strongly disagree with him on this. BDSM isn't just an occasional release for him. It's a fundamental part of our relationship.

Boy. I'm starting to miss our rough punishment sessions. And don't get me started on loosing hope about enacting my raunchy dream. I brought it up regularly to keep the discussion going so he wouldn't sweep it under the carpet. Sometimes over dinner, sometimes after vanilla sex, sometimes when we were just checking in on each other. The last time we spoke I just tossed all hesitation aside and told him my dissatisfaction that recent happenings somehow weaseled their way into our sex life. He confessed that he was afraid our relationship might drift off from a loving and consensual connection to a mere outlet of extreme emotions. Even Flynn had advised him to step back a little from our 'role play'.

I couldn't follow this way of thinking. Wasn't he the one that told me he needed to be dominant?That that's who he was? That I have made him feel weak? But those words were weeks ago and several counselling sessions afterwards seemed to have changed his perspective. How could the tables turn so much that I'm suddenly the one who's more eager than him?

After several conversations we came to the conclusion that although Flynn's advise had been immaculate in the past, we would ignore it on this single instance. Or maybe Christian just grew tired of discussion and gave in.. Reviving the more extreme parts of our sex life.

Thankfully, with all hurdles out of the way, we finally have a real discussion about our next scene. We have staked out what that scene might look like in all of its glory details. Where it would happen, how long we'd keep the scene, how he'd know that I was still in the mood, what sexual activities he'd be allowed to do, if it would be just physical assault or if we'd add humiliation and degradation to the mix. How to safeword if I'm gagged and bound, what kind of aftercare he'll do for me. Hell, we even decided that he gets a safe word. Just in case. And I promised over and over again that I would safeword the second I even thought about being uncomfortable. Not actually be hurt or miserable. Just slightly uncomfortable! This man has surprised me with his careful demeanor.

Somehow this has gotten such a huge deal that I'm not even sure we'll be able to actually act it out. From a simple kindergarten rehearsal play to an opera with seven acts. The only problem is that I cannot let this idea go. It has visited my mind seemingly out of nowhere on several occasions. Most of them highly inconvenient. The picture of Christian pushing me into the mattress while I fight him off has burned itself into my mind. I even caught myself replaying that dream when we were actually having sex. Kinky, consensual sex. But still.

I needed this to get out of my system and the only way possible was in the safety of our relationship. Especially after the last few weeks. As Christian had pointed out correctly, I'm in fact not interested at all to be raped. Just play it out with him.

I can understand his hesitancy. There's a lot that could go wrong if not discussed properly. I was kind of foolish when I thought we could spontaneously dive into it like any other scene. But after some research I have to agree with Christian that CNC is an intense play with a high risk of getting hurt, emotionally and even physically.

Christian loves me so much he just doesn't want to risk it. That rift over the punishing incident after Kates wedding where I safe worded him incorrectly had taken a great toll on us too. I should have said Red but didn't. In hindsight I might have dived too deep into sub space to become nonverbal. Or maybe I just had the wrong idea how our dom sub relationship should be. It had shaken the core of our relationship for a while and it took both of us a lot of effort to reestablish the love and trust we share back into our sex life.

On a lazy Tuesday, Christian is out of town for a few meetings while I have taken a few days off from work and stay at my apartment. Catch up on chores, do some crafting and answer my letters. Things I didn't have time to do for weeks now. In hindsight I should have checked my vacation days with Christian, so we could spend more time together.

I call his number to check on him.

"Hey babe. How was your day?" he asks.

"Productive. I worked off my list of chores and was about to jump in the shower. How was yours? Are you on your way back?"

The line is silent for a moment and I wonder if there was a problem with his connection.

"That's nice to hear. No, I still have some work to do. Do you want me to pick you up for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Make that brunch. I want to sleep in."

"Do you now? All this time with me and still I couldn't spank that sleepyhead out of you?" Fondly I remember when I had overslept on purpose to wedge in a little 'punishment' from him. That was fun.

"I guess you didn't do your job well enough then." I hear his laugh on the other side, followed by another longer silence.

"I love you Ana. You know that right?" Where did that come from?

"I do. I love you too." When he doesn't say anything more, I conclude to just call it a night. We say our goodbyes and hang up.

I spontaneously decide to pamper myself today. Put on a face mask, paint my nails and do the whole body scrub. After that, standing in the shower I let hot water soothe my mind. Christian acting weird isn't new. Sometimes I feel so close and connected to him and some days I just have no clue what the hell he might be thinking.

It's pretty late when I head out of the bathroom and notice I'm really hungry. With a goal in mind I walk to my bedroom and put on a shirt and some sleep shorts already planning on raiding the fridge. When I exit the door, I'm surprised that the hallways lights are turned off. I could have sworn that I turned them on a moment ago.

I take a step forward to reach for the light switch. Out of nowhere something slings around me. Instinctively I want to scream out of surprise but a strong hand is almost painfully covering my mouth.

"If you scream I'll gag you."

Oh my God! It's Christian! The adrenaline rush just kicks in. My brain is in overdrive. He's here! Why? Oh yes…

The scene!

Opposite to my initial reaction the realization what is going to happen makes me paralyzed. Unable to even try to fight back. But that was the whole point of it, right?

When I find myself dragged into my bedroom I'm still numb. The first thing I actively note is his smell. He doesn't smell like he normally does. Did he use a different perfume? Out of the corner of my eyes I see that his clothes are different too. He's wearing the baseball cap! What the hell. Christian is a perfectionist through and through, even in acting as a stranger.

To me it feels like all of this happens over the course of hours while it certainly just took less than a minute. Weeks of waiting to get to act out this scene seem like the most potent foreplay.

He pushes me onto my bed when I finally begin to fight him off. Wow he's so strong. He's handled me roughly before but surely he was holding himself back. This is totally different and so.. Hot. Who knew? Despite my efforts I find myself pushed into the bed on my stomach, his knee in between my shoulder blades to hold me in place. Clumsily I try to buckle him off. Yeah that won't work.

"No!" I scream and surprise myself. This is actually so much fun!

He roughly grabs a handful of hair at the back of my head, holding it in place to lean close to my ear. The feeling of his breath on me makes me shiver in pleasure. "Be a good girl and I'll spare you."

"Please, what do you want?" I ask, my voice is muffled by the sheets. He puts his other knee on my lower back. Ow. He's really heavy! I never noticed that before. When he doesn't answer I try to fight him off again. Before I know it, he has my hands tied behind my back, whatever he used it's pretty thin and has sharp edges. I wonder if he will tie me to the bed or if I'll stay this way till the end. He leans down to shove my cotton shorts and panties down. Oh my God. This is really happening!

"No!" I try again to fight him off.

"I said be quiet or I'll gag you!" His angry voice turns me on even more. He shifts aside and begins to open the top button of his pants. In a moment of his carelessness I manage to turn partially and free my leg to kick him into his chest with a force that pushes a groan out of him. The impact makes him almost fall off the bed.

„That's it! " he says angrily and janks my foot back onto the bed. God, his strong hands never have touched me like this before. His strength and roughness arouse me even more. So..animalistic. Sometimes reality is even better than fantasy.

Without delay he pushes me forcefully back into the bed, now sitting on me and pinning my shoulders down with his knees. There's a ripping sound. What is he doing?

Grabbing my hair again to jank my head back, he shoves what must be my balled up panties into my mouth. The fabric almost fills my whole oral cavity and is just an inch away from making me gag. Instantly he ties something around my head and through my lips to keep the gag in place.

A mixture of excitement and panic fills my body. Without a delay I feel something being put in between my fingers.

The clicker. In the heat of the moment I almost forgot we had a non verbal safeword. It reminds me that all of this is just pretend and funnily makes my gag reflex ease up on me.

He turns me on my back, it's uncomfortable as I'm lying on my bound hands. My breathing is heavy and ragged. Can he see how excited and aroused I am? Shoving my shirt up he fondles my breasts. I can't take it anymore. Hopefully he'll fuck me soon. In an lazy attempt to act as if I don't want this I try to fight him off for one last time.

„You cannot fight me." he says while taking his time to endeavor my body. And I actually don't want to anymore. I just want him to fuck me. Period.

Finally. He unzips his fly and without much delay pushes into me. Bare. Without seeing if I was wet enough like he normally does.

He really wants me so much he cannot wait. I love it. Oh Christian, I hope you fuck me till I'm sore. I want this to last just longer. Long enough to replace my tormenting fantasy. I want to remember this the following days when I walk and feel the raw pain of you taking me like this.

I'm entering a part of head space I've only experienced once before. Somehow floating in excitement. Like I could conquer the world and kiss every puppy that crosses my way. I felt that after running. Runner's high or something. I'm still here but somehow my mind is drifting further and further apart. I begin to moan again.

‚Take me. Mark me. Make me yours.' I say over and over again, risking this might break the scene. Although, my gag is so firm around my mouth I'm not sure he understands what I'm saying. To the bystander it must look like I'm begging for mercy. Pleading him to stop. While it's literally the opposite.

Even to my own ears I'm pretty loud at this point. The noteworthy thing about all of this is that it doesn't bother me at all. If I'm too loud with the possibility of the neighbors hearing, Christian will make me be quiet. I don't have to worry or even think. It's so liberating.

„Isn't it enough I gagged you?" he says and stops his rhythm.

He puts a hand on my throat and I wonder if this is the part where he'll make all of my fantasies into reality. His hand is warm and soft, maybe too gentle for this scene. We stare into each others eyes for a long moment. I'm so filled with arousal my head isn't working properly anymore.

To my surprise he slides his hand away and resumes to fuck me. Fueled by the idea of what might have happened I begin to moan against my gag.

„Be quiet." He repeats fiercly. I don't care. He can make me. Hell, I want him to. Gagging me seems to leash out the beast in me.

And then. Finally. He pushes a pillow on my face. I resume to moan but very quickly feel the air running out of my lungs. I still have the clicker in my hands which mutes my initial wave of panic. The endorphins and adrenaline from earlier mix with a new wave of hormones caused by the lack of oxygen. I remember in my teenage years the sensation of sitting cross legged on the bottom of the public swimming pool, watching others take leaps above me. It was utter tranquility and a sense of peace that filled my body before the urge to take a breath of air overcame me and made me leave my place of serenity.

Whatever it is, I suddenly become very relaxed as if I had climaxed already. I'm deep inside my bubble of pleasure. Drunken, I don't realize that there is more light than before behind my closed eyelids. And the warmth of the pillow on my face is gone. Just then I become conscious of the fact that the pounding fullness between my legs is missing and Christian is leaning over me. I don't hear a word he says although his mouth is moving. Slowly I leave my warm, fuzzy cloud of ultimate content.

„Yellow." I hear.

What?!

Repeatedly squinting my eyes to adjust to the light does the trick. I'm back in my bedroom with Christian sitting down on the lower half of the bed. His complexion white as the sheet. No erection in sight whatsoever.

Oh no.

We never really discussed what to do when he safewords. I never considered that happening to be honest.

I click the clicker one time. I remember that. One click: checking in. Two clicks: yellow. Three clicks: red.

He yanks my gag down and fishes the now very wet fabric out of my mouth. What am I supposed to say now? He said yellow but I have no idea how to change the scene. That's normally his job.

„Please." I say and note that my voice is very hoarse.

He just stares at me, probably still shaken by what he must have seen.

„I'll be quiet from now on." Trying to say what I want to say while keeping the scene is difficult. How can I tell him that I want him to continue? Officially I'm being raped here.

„I'll do anything you want. I'll be good. Please." That's actually the opposite of what I want. Fuck me hard till I faint, is what I really want to say. Not today though. Maybe I can guide him a little more without ruining the scene?

I turn on my stomach and bend my knees. Perhaps he gives it another go like this? I know that he loves to take me from behind when we're in his red room. Bound and waiting, just as he likes it. Through my wet and messy hair I look back at him and bite my lip. Hoping he'd understand.

Christian's facial expression changes a little, I get my hopes up. I pray he hurries up, without my arms to support me, this position is rather tiring.

In spite of what just happened, safeword and all, I can feel him pushing several fingers into me. It takes me all my willpower not to scream out in ecstasy. Instead I want to encourage him to continue to keep the scene.

„Please. I'll do anything. Just stop torturing me." I stammer more mutedly.

„Shh." He slaps my ass. Nice. Christian is back.

Thank God. Without further delay he enters into me. Not as harshly as I would have liked but still. I should be thankful he could get hard again after the averted disaster.

After so much preparation it's no surprise that I come fairly quickly. I was already close when he finger fucked me. Christian doesn't continue after I stop spasming. Without a climax for him he pulls out of me. I just slam into the mattress utterly sated and spend.

End of scene. Like we had agreed on.

Although our plans did involve that both of us finish. I also note that we completely forgot to use the blindfold on me.

He conjures up a pair of scissors and cuts me free. Cable ties. Always prepared, my kinky lover. With his back towards me he sits on the edge of the bed, adjusting his fly and then. Nothing. No cuddles or sweet words. He just stares straight ahead, out of the window. Okay. I remember what we discussed about aftercare. Christian is clearly overwhelmed and I need to take over.

I shuffle up and embrace him from behind. Leaning my head on his shoulders to whisper sweet words into his ear.

„Thank you." That's the first thing I want to say because I feel so blessed he agreed to this.

"I love you so much." I say and kiss his earlobe. He turns his head slightly. „I enjoyed that a lot. You make me feel safe and loved. Thank you." I whisper into his ear over and over again. It feels like he wants to say something in return but he remains silent.

Okay. Talking isn't enough aftercare then.

„Do you want to take a shower with me?" I ask and caress his scalp.

„Okay." He says but doesn't move an inch. I shuffle around him, only wearing a short t-shirt I stand with my naked ass in his view, giving him a special angle to my glistening privates. To my disappointment he doesn't react like he normally would. What we did has shaken him to his core. We took it too far.

„Come." I say and feel so weird having the lead for once.

To my delight he doesn't need any further encouragement. Silently we walk into the bathroom and he undresses fairly quickly to step into the shower. I decide to give him a little space before I join him. After a short detour to the kitchen where I empty a glas of water in one go and shove a dry cookie into my mouth to stop me from passing out due to hypoglycemia, I take some stuff for him to eat and drink and go back to my bedroom.

The look of my bed in its dismantled state is equally exciting and saddening. Christian did play along but didn't enjoy that at all. For the first time I can understand what he felt like when he introduced me to his kinks and I didn't respond the way he had hoped. I also understand how he can just stop yearning those, I'd never want to repeat this scene again if this was the price he had to pay for that. No matter how pleasurable and satisfactory it might have been for me. Christians feelings are more important than that.

Stripping completely I return to the bathroom where he's standing under the flowing water with his back towards me. Deep in thought.

„I'm coming in." I say not to startle him. He shifts a little forward to make room under the warm water. I put my head between his shoulder blades, running my hands up and down his sides and let them rest on his stomach.

„Do you want me to make you feel better?" Thankfully he turns around to look at me. The look on his face. Gloomy. Brooding. Closed off. Just like when I first got to know him. Had all of this put us so much apart? Why wouldn't he say something for God's sake?!

No. I can't let this happen. Standing on my tiptoes I sling myself around his neck and kiss his lips. Delicate kisses which I know he won't ignore for long. Slowly he kisses me back. My hands leave his neck and wander around his chest, down his abs to his groin. Doesn't happen often that I get to feel him in a flaccid state. Especially when both of us are naked.

I know that sex is his coping mechanism. When everything fails having sex is the way to know we are okay. I remember how we had made love after several scenes in his Playroom. Just to reconnect from those harsh things we had done together. Just sweet love making, for both of us to enjoy.

When his tongue enters my mouth I slowly push him against the tiled wall to give him more support. Sliding down his body with our eyes interlocked I kneel in front of him. Stroking and teasing his now manifest erection. Closing my eyes I lean forward to really enjoy the feel of him, only to be janked by my armpits into a standing position.

„No, Ana." He says and pushes past me.

„Why not?" I ask utterly confused.

„I can't."

„Okay." I say and cannot hide my disappointment. Of course he always has he right to refuse sex which has happened in the past. But mostly for edging purposes or due to the lack of time. Now? This feels different. He sees my expression.

„God Ana, I almost choked you to death!" he blasts while wrapping a towel around his hip. And then he's gone.

When I step out of the bathroom with some delay, I see him completely dressed, leaning down to put on his shoes.

„You're not leaving?" I say panicked.

„That's probably the right thing to do." he says. Why does he have to make himself the criminal? Just why?

„Please stay with me. This doesn't feel right if you leave now." Warily he stares at me.

„Are you sure? Do you feel.."

„For God's sake, Christian! Yes, I feel safe around you. More than that. I feel safe because you are around." Taken aback by my outburst, he crosses his arms in front of his chest.

„I highly enjoyed what we did. Yes. We. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Fuck, Ana."

"Was it the rape part or the breath play?" I need to know.

"Choking you just.. felt so wrong." I've never seen Christian like this. So vulnerable.

"I know." I say. Well, maybe there's still hope for the CNC. "We just leave the breath play aside. We tried it, didn't work. It will stay a hard limit." I say.

"Ana, just let go." He turns on the spot and heads for the kitchen. At least he's staying.

Again that night I decide to give him some space, let him eat and drink something and try again after some time has passed. But even an hour later he's still so much shaken it breaks my heart.

I need to do something. Anything, to change the direction or this will end in a train wreck.

This feels wrong. He just said he doesn't want to have sex with me. But for once I know that doing just that will make him feel better. For once it seems I know what his body wants but his mind refuses. Weird how I'm slightly going to be the rapist now? Definitely consensual forced sex with what I'm about to do.

What if I prove to him that what we've done I highly enjoyed? Without any pretense?

„You're going to catch a cold if you stay like this." He says and looks at me sitting gloriously naked on the other side of the couch.

„I'm still hungry. I'll put something on afterwards." He raises an eyebrow at me. Yeah, I'm normally not the one declaring to be starving. In fact I have a high tolerance for hunger.

Taking the ice cream tub in my hand I can tell he's watching me.

„Forgot the spoon." I say dumbly. He's probably seen through me right now.

„Ana." He scolds me. Yep. Right through me.

„What?" I say and punch two fingers into the tub to scoop a little ice cream out and pop it in my mouth. It's not my fault he doesn't want to just talk about it and get it over with. Actually he is making me finger fuck myself to get him to open up to me. Desperate times require desperate measures.

I hum my apprehension. Scoop after scoop. Hum becomes moan and I let my two fingers stay in my mouth longer than necessary. Sucking them clean we stare into each others eyes. Yeah, I wish that was your dick.

„Ana." He warns me again. I ignore him.

The ice cream is pretty melty at the rim so I slightly tilt the tub so it drizzles over my torso and between my legs.

„Oops. Better clean up this sticky mess." I say and let my hands glide down between my legs. The tension is so palpable I don't even blink to miss a second of his reaction. When I reach my goal and start to gasp in pleasure he jumps from his seat.

„That's enough!" he says furiously and grabs my wrists.

„Why?" I ask amused.

„Ana what is wrong with you? How can you even fantasize about me? You cannot want to have sex with me after what I've just done to you."

„Done to me?" I need to take a deep breath to compose myself. Taking the closeby blanket I wrap it around me. „It was an earth shattering experience. I'm so grateful you did that with me… for me."

He remains silent.

„Remember that one time..?"

„Yeah." He says. No need to explain what I'm referring to.

„I felt so…dirty. And you helped me fight those feelings, remember?"

„Yeah."

„Why won't you let me in?" I ask.

„Seducing your offender to have sex with you is your idea of aftercare?" he asks with a raised eyebrow. I suddenly remember that story he told me when we were planning this session. One of his ex submissives had a real rape kink where she went so far as to mastrubate in an Uber to be raped by the driver. Jesus, I forgot about that story completely.

„Christian, once and for all. I love you. You love me. I liked what we did and I get that you didn't. If you don't want to talk about it or make love like we usually do. Would you at least be so kind to tell me how I'm supposed to take care of you?"

„Take care of me?"

„Even a Dom needs caring for sometimes."

Both of us let that sink in. Christian ruffles through his hair. Then he takes off his jacket.

„There's a sticky mess you need to take care of. Maybe you show me how that's done first."

I cannot help but laugh while dropping the blanket from my shoulders. Seems like this is his idea of CNC.

This chapter won't be to everyone's liking and that's okay. While doing research for this story I found out that noncon fantasies are the most common out there, however I never found a cnc story for these two?! How can that be... So that's how this chapter was born. Heavier BDSM lovestory, remember?

Back to Escort business.