Hello and welcome back to another installment of Hannah's grand misadventures! Just wanted to thank beta reader extraordinaire Minaethiel and writing assistant BrambleStar14 really quickly. And thank you for joining us one more time. It means so much to have people following/favouriting/reviewing. Thank you.
Happy
Written by TunelessLyric and BrambleStar14
I'll go anywhere you want
Anywhere you want
Anywhere you want me
-Sleeping At Last, 'Mercury'
There was a warm, solid form against her back. Hannah wasn't certain what it was when she jolted awake. The room around her was still, not silent. There was the gentle hum of power through the base and the softest echo of autumn wind from outside her window.
Another snore rumbled through her chest. It was what had woken her, she realized. Which meant the body pressed to hers was… A quick peek over a shoulder revealed the long figure of Jason Shaw. His skin met hers, as comforting as it had been when they had fallen asleep late the night before. Freshly clean and smelling of standard-issue military soap.
There was no suggestion of the blood-smeared Insurrectionist that had stumbled to her quarters the night before, hesitant and so deeply sad. This wasn't even the killer who had lunged for her, fury and betrayal singing through his bones. Or the dead blank man he had frozen into every time she looked his way.
Her Jason Shaw lay next to her, their legs tangled together.
She didn't want to disturb him, but there was no physical way to escape her narrow bunk without his cooperation. Reluctantly, she gave his shoulder a gentle shake.
"Jason?"
It was a mark of just how content he was in sleep that it took a few seconds for him to wake up. Blue eyes cracked open for a second, a small sound of protest catching in his throat and his arms tightening around her, keeping her close. He still looked peaceful, his expression relaxed and easy as he pressed his face to the crown of her head. "What time is it?" It was a muffled rasp.
"Almost oh-six-hundred," she whispered back. "I'm hungry."
Fingers pushed through his hair, just revelling in the touch of him.
Another sound of protest caught in his throat, but his arms relaxed their grip on her just a little. As if to balance that out, his lips found her temple, and then her cheek, and then her neck.
Hannah couldn't help the soft sound of appreciation that escaped her. "Go back to sleep if you like," she breathed. "I can play dumb if the guys ask where you are."
There was a breathy chuckle against her neck. "You had to mention the guys." It wasn't anywhere near as antagonistic as it could have been. "You're what was helping me sleep anyway. If you're up, I'm up."
It was her turn to leave kisses down the side of his face. Just to remind herself what it felt like. Not just between their skin, but what it felt like to have that tiny flame trapped inside the ice starting to fill that awful wound in her heart. The way it made her feel healed. Whole.
"Relax, boy, same rules apply as last night. Best behaviour only for now," she teased gently.
"Mmm…" He obviously appreciated the tender affection, eyes closing for a moment. "If you keep that up, no promises about my behaviour." Peering at her with a sly grin, his lips met hers this time, keeping the action deliberately soft to counter the playful words.
"And 'boy'? There's only a few years between us." It was muttered almost mutinously against her mouth, like he didn't want to pull back.
She let a smile grow against his mouth. "What would you like me to call you then? I take requests."
"For now, let's just… Jason is good. Great, even. You may outrank me, but I'm not really feeling 'ma'am'." He kissed her briefly again.
That made her laugh aloud. "Hannah's fine with me."
Though it did make her hesitate, the way he insisted on his real name, no matter how gently or playfully. It dragged her thoughts in a direction she wasn't ready to face. Not when sunlight streamed in on them and he was warm and happy. Not when she felt good. Alive.
She let her forehead rest against his shoulder, the memory of his lips on hers as she just relaxed into him. She had missed this, in some way. Not just the man she remembered, but… "It doesn't make any sense, but this, you, feel familiar to me."
"I promise I didn't cuddle you while you were in the infirmary, if you're wondering." He let out the very small chuckle. Fingers came up, running through blonde hair with far less ferocity than last night, perhaps not wanting to mess it up any more if they had to face the rest of Phoenix later.
"Don't know about familiar. Inevitable, maybe."
Hannah pushed herself up to her hands, planting one on either side of his head so she could gaze down at him. "Harper told me I woke up and you talked with me." She winced, regretting bringing both the team leader and the incident up. "I'm sorry, that was fucking stupid. Forget I said anything."
She moved to roll off him. Out of bed. Away.
Hands caught her immediately. Not aggressively, but firmly enough to keep her from moving away, pulling her back. His expression when he returned that gaze wasn't hostile, or like he'd been snapped out of some trance. It wasn't even guilty.
"You woke up," he confirmed quietly, his eyes searching hers. "You don't remember?"
Shaking her head, she met his eyes. Concern coloured every inch of her expression. "Nothing."
"It wasn't. Nothing, I mean." He tried to correct himself immediately. "You wanted to go back to Errera. Wanted to dance, wish you could have stayed. Wish we could have…" He trailed off, the usual confidence lacking. She couldn't guess whether it was because Hannah Steele was finally vulnerable with him or because talking about the infirmary wasn't entirely something he'd expected to ever share. "I said it was too late."
Gently, encouraging her down to rest against his chest so that she didn't collapse when he pulled one of her hands to his lips, he kissed the knuckles, exactly how he had mere weeks ago. "You said 'it's never too late, Jason'."
She let her full weight spread across Jason. "You didn't wake up when I sat with you," she said softly. "You called me Starlight. Like Mark does. You asked me not to let you go."
"I'm tempted to ask it again," he breathed. All of the darkness had drained from his face, looking younger again, less violent, less Harper. "I never forgot your name, but… I dunno. 'Starlight' fit. Couldn't forget that either."
Leaning down until she nearly kissed him, her eyes closed. For a long moment, nothing happened. Then, "I'm not going anywhere, Jason." Only then did she brush her mouth along his. Just a bare touch. The hint of the promise.
The arm around her waist tightened, the fingers interlaced with hers squeezed and Jason had to blink several times, holding back a sudden rush of emotion that threatened to overwhelm him. Tilting his head enough to return that gesture, his forehead touched hers again. He practically breathed his gratitude to her rather than speaking it, like an exhale from what was left of his soul.
"Thank you, Starlight. Neither am I."
"Though maybe we could go to the mess hall together." It came out soft, a little too serious to not be a joke. "I wouldn't complain."
"You're not letting this go, are you?" It was a groan, his expression falling into a long-suffering sigh. Without warning, he was sitting up, keeping a hold of her so that she was lifted with him, perched in his lap, as close to face to face as they could be, even with the height difference.
He didn't say anything, instead watching her. Fingers came up to her jaw, her cheek, brushing stray hair from her eyes. His lips were pulled into the smallest of delighted smiles, lost in those small but deeply affectionate motions.
Finally, he murmured, almost reverently, "Beautiful."
Her legs wrapped loosely around his waist, she grinned. It glowed through her, from deep within. Somewhere she had begun to think might be lost in the winter storm. Maybe it came from the same place as that Blizzard.
"You're perfect," she answered, eyes tracing the lines of his face. Hands circling over the muscles of his back. Feeling the power trapped in his skin.
"Not quite," he disagreed, but it was mild at best. "If I was, I would have let you in sooner. This… feels right, Hannah. You and me." It was like something inside of him was complete, a little of those darker corners that had been more and more infected suddenly burned clean.
"It does, doesn't it?"
"I wish you'd been able to stay. You stood out in that crowd. A storm of people and you just stood out in the song. You were beautiful. All of you. Wish you'd had one more night."
Her arms tightened around him as she pulled herself flush to his chest. She buried her face against his neck, letting his pulse pound against hers. This was real. He was here with her. Looking at her with that fire, that gentleness. Saying those things. It took her breath straight out of her chest, that fact.
When she twisted to look up at him again, she said, "Last night made up for it. It's not the same as it could have been, but I'm glad you came back for me."
"You were right. About a lot of things. We're not quite the same as we were. Not the same people. But I can still feel it. This." Chest to chest as they were, it made it difficult to press a palm to find her heartbeat, so he reached up to catch one of her wrists, thumb finding her pulse. "Last night, and more nights. Not going anywhere, Hannah."
A content sigh eased from her. "As many nights as you want. As long as you want me, I'm here with you."
That pull like gravity didn't let up, hadn't when they held each other before falling asleep last night. Probably never would, she realized. It didn't matter because she never wanted it to.
"Our life expectancy is pretty low, honestly. But I'm glad we got this at least. And everything else to come." Another promise, his lips meeting the crown of her head again.
"Everything else to come," she echoed, voice solemn. Gently, she pulled herself free. "I'm dead serious, Jason. We need to eat now. Before I lose the willpower to ever leave this bed. Please."
"I wouldn't complain," he returned, sly again, before arching a little and forcing himself from the bed with another groan. He still seemed unable to tear his eyes away from her, tracing her up and down in slow appreciation at the sight of her there, in front of him. "You win. Out of bed. Just in time, too, or I wouldn't be able to be held responsible for my actions."
Hannah crossed to her desk, snatching up his shirt and balling it up. A flick of her wrist sent the projectile sailing towards his head. "Don't make this harder than it already is," she retorted.
He laughed as he unfolded the shirt, pulling it back on and muttering, "I'm choosing not to reply to that one."
She laughed, happiness bubbling through her at the easy, effortless back and forth. "Let me help you out," she said, balling up his pants and throwing them as well.
"Oh, trust me," he caught the pants and began sliding those on too, meeting her eyes and grinning even wider. "You had the chance to help me out but you insisted we get out of bed. I can wait, though."
Rolling her eyes, she began pulling her own fatigues on. Desperate for a subject change, lest she completely forget about breakfast, the rest of Fireteam Phoenix, the war raging through the galaxy and anything else relating to life in general, she reached for her shirt. "You didn't say anything about my tattoo."
It was so personal, her loss drawn into her flesh. But it seemed like something he might have commented on. Maybe he was just waiting for permission.
In a flash, he'd gone from admiring her to something just a little more serious. Taking several steps across the room before she could pull the shirt on, fingers hesitantly found the edges of the tattoo, tracing it without even looking. He'd seen it, stared at it, wanted to ask, clearly memorized it.
"Figured you'd talk about it when you needed to. That kind of tattoo is more than just a mark on your skin. Wanted it to mean something to you when you talked about it, too."
"Yesterday," she said slowly, feeling the words out, "Mike made me realize that we won't be here on Byzantium long-term. We'll leave for another base eventually. Aaron did this for me, after we went to see my dad. Before Lucas fell into the harbour."
Had it been that long ago already?
"Wanted something to remember them by when we leave here. Guess some part of me always knew this, being here, wasn't forever."
"You better stop encouraging Aaron. He's been pushing a Phoenix tattoo for the whole team for months." It was quiet, the humour faded and withdrawn as he traced every name, slowly, one at a time. "I only saw them in Errera. But they looked… well. Happy." He couldn't judge their character, couldn't reassure her that they were good people. He didn't know them. Those fingers hesitated for just a moment as they traced DJ.
She fought to keep from flinching, feeling the letters he drew against her skin. He was wrong, seeking out the wrong name. Then he hadn't been to the monument, she realized, trying to pull herself out of the shredding pain. She knew which ghost he was thinking about. Which dead man he was comparing himself to.
Jason was jealous of Dom. But his touch invoked White.
"Being here, on Byzantium? Or being here, in the URF?" His hesitation shook her out of the memories.
"The URF," she admitted. She let her eyes drop to the floor, though she caught his hand and laced their fingers.
Fingers caught her chin, tipping her head up to face him again. The smile on his face was so very sad, but not surprised. "Kind of figured." He nodded a couple of times. "Where are you planning to go? After you've settled your debts."
She saw it in his face, that preparation for a farewell of some sort. "Where do you want me to go?" she asked quietly.
"I wouldn't ask you to stay. If you didn't want to, I wouldn't be that selfish. But… not too far away. If you want to, you know… I wouldn't mind seeing you again. Took long enough to find you again this time."
Blue eyes met their match steadily. "Jason, listen to me. I told you I wouldn't go anywhere without you. My friends are here. Even if we left the dead ones to sleep. You don't have to ask me to stay. As long as you have me, I will."
"And you have me." It came out almost like a sob, but not quite. Something about it ached of relief, of stunned gratitude. This close, leaning down and brushing his lips against hers was easy. It wasn't intense or fierce or hungry or longing or any of the previous ones. "I just want to see if this can last."
She took his hand, letting her shirt finally fall into place. Giving him an insistent tug, Hannah turned to leave. "So do I. Let's go see who's up. I want to talk to Aaron about this Phoenix group tattoo thing you mentioned."
"A mention I already regret." He sighed heavily, deflecting for a moment with humour. For a second, he eyed the door as she pulled him along, glancing down at their linked hands. Several emotions caught in his eyes. Fear. Apprehension. Defiance. Satisfaction. All of them flashed in front of her.
Then, he fell into step with her, squeezing her fingers a little more tightly and using his other hand to run fingers through his hair to keep it somewhat in order and less suspicious-looking. He didn't let her go. "Of course, the real challenge is getting Geist and Ian to agree."
As she led him into the hall, Hannah glanced up with a smile. "I think Geist would let Aaron draw just about anything on him. You can't tell me they could possibly say no to each other."
"Oh, I've got money that Aaron already has drawn on him," he responded with absolute certainty. "But they won't tell. And Geist's digging his heels in on the group tattoo. I think because it annoys Aaron so much." He sounded like he could relate.
She shrugged. "So we get Harper onboard with the idea and Geist can't say no. Publicly. Everyone knows peer pressure is the best when tattoos are involved."
"Remind me never to let you and Aaron go into business together." He sounded almost intimidated by her 'marketing strategy', before coughing and managing a wry grin. "Good luck convincing Ian. Aaron's been working on him for months. Peer pressure and he… kind of repel."
Hannah let out a long breath as she hesitated before saying, "You'd have the best luck talking Harper around."
Jason noticeably paused this time, the elephant in the room finally addressed. He didn't slow his pace, keeping himself alongside her and his fingers firmly in hers. "Probably," he agreed cautiously, drawing out every syllable, the single word rather loaded.
She drew to a stop, turning to face him. Lifting their joined hands, she asked, "What do you want to do about him and… us?"
Blue eyes stared into blue eyes across their joined hands, and something extremely pained flashed behind his eyes for a moment. "I adore you." It was quiet, almost anxious. "I need you to know that, before I say anything else."
Something inside her wilted. Fear made her jaw clench. "I know, Jason," she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. "I hear a 'but' coming."
"The 'but' being that I can't… can't let either of you go. It's selfish. It's fucked up. But…" He trailed off after mouthing several words, a very quiet 'wow' leaving him as he perhaps for the first time realized the magnitude of whatever he had with Harper. "I don't want to hide this. Us. I won't hide it, if you don't want to. I'm not going to be ashamed of you. Never. You're… this is supposed to be."
"Harper and I aren't on great terms right now," she said. "Believe me, I don't want to hide it. I don't want you to be ashamed of me. I want to walk into that mess hall and let everyone and anyone see who cares to look. Even Harper. If you're okay with that."
Because she had no idea if he would be. Or what the team leader would do when he spent so many stolen moments just touching Jason so Hannah and Shaw could both have reminders of the sentiment. She knew what those bruises around Jason's neck meant, whose fingers they fit to. She knew what Harper had spat at her the previous day. But she didn't know how he'd react to her holding Jason's hand. Teasing and laughing with him.
"I want it. God, Hannah, you know I want it." He was tormented in that moment, something in his eyes breaking into self-hatred. "Things weren't supposed to get this complicated. I never… didn't think I'd see you again. And I think I might actually be attached to him. But… I don't want to hide us. Ever. We waited too long."
She grabbed for his other hand, giving both a sharp jerk. "Listen to me right now," she said, forcing a hint of steel into her words, "it's okay. We can figure this out."
His eyes met hers, jolting sharply at her tone. Slowly, cautiously, he nodded. "Gonna be honest," he admitted slowly, "I kind of figured saying that about him might drive a wedge into this immediately. But I have to say it. Wouldn't be fair to either of you if I didn't."
"I've watched you two together for a very, very long time now. If I didn't know it somewhere deep down before, I was an idiot. I don't run your life, I know that. I want us to work because I care about you. So damn much, Jason. Going to take more than Harper to scare me off."
"Good. Because he's going to keep trying. The second he sees this." It was Jason's turn to tug Hannah's hands. "And I know you wouldn't do what he'd do with this and use it to hurt him."
"Whatever else he is," she said, "Harper's the leader of this fireteam. And I-" She chewed her lip for a second, searching for the right way to say it. "I've hurt him plenty through you."
"I know. I just want us to work. All of it. Phoenix is my family. Harper's… well. We're whatever we are. But you and me, that's fate. I'm not letting that go. If we can work it out…" He glanced down at the joined hands again. "Then yeah."
She gave him a nod. "Then let's settle the betting pool once and for all." Turning back in the direction of the mess hall, Hannah dropped one of Jason's hands so they could resume walking.
"At least I'll finally know who placed the damn bet that we'd kill one another. I'm convinced it was Lucas and he wasn't taking it seriously when he placed it." The tension hadn't quite left his frame. But he hadn't left her side and his fingers only squeezed hers more tightly.
It was like he'd said, she told herself. He wasn't going anywhere.
Despite the fact that Jason would have continued to sleep if Hannah hadn't woken him, the rest of the team were already gathered at their customary table when they entered the mess hall. Aaron was the first to notice their presence, dropping his fork and getting to his feet, massive, stupid grin plastered to his face as he bellowed around a mouthful of pancakes, "Happy rebirthday, Shaw!"
"You bastard." It was extremely affable, even if Jason looked like he wanted to deck the grinning redhead. His eyes sought out Harper immediately.
The team leader was in his usual spot, the empty space next to him clearly reserved, but his expression was completely calm. Green eyes flashed between Jason's face, Hannah's face and their joined hands. Something like shadows were flickering behind his eyes. His mouth twisted, just for a second, before his expression smoothed as if nothing had bothered him.
"What did Aaron just scream across the room?" asked Hannah, staring at Jason, curiosity overriding her natural drive to evaluate threats. Or maybe, as her eyes skipped back to Harper for a second, she didn't consider him one.
"It's a… tradition of ours." Jason looked almost sheepish for a second, having to explain it so suddenly and without warning, shooting Aaron the briefest of glares before his eyes inevitably drew back to Harper.
"Explain it to me over breakfast," said Hannah. She nudged him toward the table. "What do you want, rebirthday boy?"
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" He fell back into that easy grin, even if it was just a little strained. It wasn't hard for the rest of the team to notice those joined hands, something like a ripple passing through all of them.
Well, all of them except Harper. He still looked like stone, to the rest of the URF. Even as the two of them approached the table, Harper slid a plate that had been placed in the empty space at his side across the table, towards an empty space at the other side. It looked like it hurt him to do it.
The whole tense moment didn't escape Hannah. She gave Jason's hand a squeeze before letting him go. "Sit wherever you want. I'll get something for myself and be right over." Offering him a smile, and the rest of the guys a wave, she went to stand in front of the serving counter.
She was there for maybe ten seconds before there was a presence behind her, something close to stunned shock on Aaron's face as he watched her, took in the ease that she seemed to be able to smile, that lighter edge to her eyes. Trying to find words, Aaron glanced back over his shoulder at where Jason had taken a seat next to Harper, apparently avoiding a deluge of questions from everyone except the team leader.
Green eyes found her from across the room, still carefully neutral.
"All right. Talk. Out with it, Hannah." Coming from anyone else, it might have been aggressive. Aaron just sounded like not knowing was killing him. "I've got money on this, don't leave me hanging."
She lifted a brow at his needling. "I don't even know what to say. Yesterday you were an inch away from beating the shit out of me. Now you're a gossipy old woman. What do you want to hear?"
"Yesterday, he looked like his heart had been torn out. Now, you two just… walk in like that? I reckon you two figured a few things out. If Jason's forgiven you, I won't hold a grudge. I'm guessing it won't happen again."
"No, we're," she paused, glancing over at the team's table until she found whatever she was looking for, "good." A smile played at her lips, making Hannah look at ease for the first time since… She couldn't even remember. Probably before Phoenix. "We forgave each other."
"But how?" He still looked stunned, glancing from her to Jason and back again, like he was trying to figure something out. "You went from whatever was going on with that training session to walking in together."
She opened her mouth, Aaron watching her. His eyes widened and he cut her off. "You two didn't… Christ, Bliz, I'm going to be rolling in it when the bets come in."
She punched his shoulder lightly, trying not to look annoyed. "I swear to god, Paul, if you ask if we fucked, I'm going to leave such tiny pieces that Geist is going to go into mourning for the next decade."
"Well that's not very in the spirit of team forgiveness," he pouted, though a little of the grin was coming back to his face. "I didn't ask, but, y'know. If you ever want to help me win some credits, I'll slide some your way. Food for thought." Letting the fun and games drop, he watched her with a hint more seriousness. "You mean it, though? You're good? You and him aren't going to be… how you've been?"
"No. We're good. As long as Harper doesn't cause any team trouble." Brightening, she punched his other shoulder. "If I'm making money off my personal life, you have to sweeten the deal. Sharing is caring and all that. Spill some beans about Geist and maybe I'll return the favour."
She offered Aaron a grin as the line shuffled forward. Grabbing a tray, she began loading up on bacon and a bagel, some oatmeal and her usual fruit.
"Of the many offers I've gotten, that's one of the tempting ones." He wasn't quite in the line, but he followed at just enough of a distance that he couldn't be mistaken for trying to collect more food. His hands were in his pockets, casual, but his expression turned wry. "You're assuming I even know anything worth telling."
"Something to revisit over drinks then." Starting back toward their table, she threw a more serious look at the pyro. "What's this rebirthday business about?"
"Anniversary kind of thing. Like a birthday, except it's when you took the new name. Got the new identity, so to speak. Did the whole 'rise from the ashes' thing." He waved his fingers very briefly like imitating flames. "Supposed to be a reminder that we're a family. Despite any problems that come up between us." His words were deliberately airy and light.
"You could have warned me this was coming. Didn't get him anything," she grumbled.
"Didn't you?" He gave her a rather pointed look, before gesturing back at the table. "You think he's always smiling like that, Bliz?"
"Not like I can say anything about what he was like before you decided to climb down into holes and pull ODSTs out for fun," she pointed out. Still, she was pleased to see how easy Jason joked and laughed around her. He had never done that. Ever.
"He was a lot like he is now. Except he was a little darker. This is something… well. He's a little less like the Boss. No idea what he had planned for Jason."
Harper was deliberately avoiding Jason's gaze as Hannah sighed and dropped into her usual spot at the table, next to Lucas and diagonal from Jason. "You're all up early," she said, a little wary.
"Jason went missing again, last night," Phil offered quietly, looking at her rather than accusingly at the man in question as he shuffled next to Harper. "Figured we'd wait for him to show up."
Practically throwing himself back into his chair, Aaron reached out to take a strip of bacon from Geist's plate, though by the time he'd raised his fingers to his lips, that strip was gone from his fingers and he pouted. "'Course, we all just figured he wanted alone time. Or went to Lucas."
The engineer shook his head slowly, glancing up at Hannah with a little less of the discomfort he'd shown her yesterday. He looked just a little happier, not just in general, but there was something gentler about his eyes when he took her in. "How're you feeling?" It was quiet, but no less meaningful. The rest of them were most definitely pretending that they weren't listening intently.
She glanced around, feeling the weight of a lot of eyes on her. How did she feel? Aches and pains chorused from all over her body from yesterday's grueling weight lifting. But, her gaze snagged on Jason for an instant, she couldn't help but smile. She felt good. Light, as if a dragging weight had been cut free.
"I feel great," she admitted. "You guys?"
"Well, we were figuring out how to do Jason's rebirthday but also try and do something about the whole… whatever two days ago was." Phil kept his tone gentle. His rougher, more demanding tone from yesterday was gone now, though his eyes still carefully shifted between her, Jason and Harper, the centre of this sudden upheaval within Phoenix.
Nearby, Mike sent her a brief thumbs up, so quick that it was almost easy to miss, meant only for her, his lips moving into just the smallest of smiles. It wasn't relief, or pride. Just something closer to quietly pleased for her.
"I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm making money! I'm great! All sins are forgiven!" Aaron leaned back in his chair, throwing his arms over the back of it, letting one of them fall so that his fingertips brushed Geist's shoulder.
Nearby, Jason snorted at Aaron's declaration.
"As peachy as can be," said Harper, posture collapsing into casual disarray as he fully regained his footing.
But Hannah didn't miss the dislike in his gaze as it finally landed on her.
She felt a nudge under the table. Lucas's thumb brushed over his curled fingers like rubbing the dice pin that she'd carried more and more lately. The meaning behind it and the gleam in his eyes were clear.
Good roll. Coming from the master of missed opportunities on Phoenix, her settling the differences with Jason probably meant so much to him, after grieving over their lost chances together.
"We should go out tonight."
The suggestion slipped out before her brain caught up. It surprised her, that was for sure. But they had all been through enough in the last few days. They deserved a chance to unwind now.
"Aye, now there's a thought!" Of course it was Firefly that agreed immediately, snapping the fingers that were resting on Geist's shoulder at her in agreement and grinning a little wider when the assassin shot him a sideways look that might have been irritation but could equally just have been prompted by the sudden movement at his side. "It's not every day we get a rebirthday! Guys, with me?"
"You just want to hit a club again. Any excuse for drinks." Jason's head shook in resignation, though he too seemed unable to stop smiling.
His eyes caught Hannah's and for a moment, something caught between them, a frozen memory. Lights and a crowd and that one song that had kept them bound for so long, almost tore them apart and then brought them back together all over again. Ducking his head to eye his plate, not quite managing to hide the softer grin in time, Jason nodded.
She grinned back. After all the time and space and chilled air between them, all the bitterness and resentment, they had a chance to try again. To do it properly this time.
Hannah let her attention drop to her breakfast. It was looking like they had a busy day ahead of them, even if it would be fun. There was still the matter of Harper's obvious hard feelings to deal with, if Jason needed her help.
Once she finished eating, Hannah nudged Aaron under the table. "So what's this I hear about matching team tattoos?"
"Oh no," Phil muttered.
It was more for effect than out of genuine dread, but the ripple that went around the table was built on long-suffering exasperation. Lucas visibly leaned back and sighed, Mike shook his head at her with a worn smile. Geist's eyes found hers, the his brow furrowing even as Aaron practically leaned in, looking suddenly energized, fresh fire burning in his eyes.
"He told you? Brilliant! I should've mentioned it ages ago but I kept getting distracted by all the bloody drama! So, I figured what's better than dogtags? What means something to us but only us? And of course, me being the excellent-"
"And modest," Mike put in mildly.
Aaron snapped his fingers again, not caring about the interruption at all that he was on a roll. "-and modest! So I figured, why not get a team template! Small Phoenix, wings spread, inside of the left wrist, right? But make 'em all unique! So mine would obviously be on fire, Geist's would be icy and clutching a sword in its talons, Phil's would be boring-"
"Hey!"
"All right! All right! I'll put a falcon with its wings spread inside the Phoenix silhouette!"
"You're only saying the inside of the left wrist because it's where you haven't either reserved another tattoo or been burned to shit," Jason pointed out, Lucas sniggering nearby.
"Fuck you, Shaw, you like fire as much as I do! But is that not fuckin' awesome? It's fuckin' awesome, right? Back me up, Bliz!"
She leaned back in her seat, too, gentle frown on her face. "It has merit. Maybe more if we all chose placement that suits us. That way not everyone who wants to display it can hide it or whatever." She glanced at Geist and Harper. "I like the brainstorming for designs."
"What's the point in the group tattoo if it's not uniform?" Aaron seemed almost disappointed by the adjustment, before recovering astonishingly quickly. "Fire for me, ice for Geist, naturally. Phil gets the falcon, gotta put the Crosshair on Mike's, I figure you get something inside the phoenix symbol. ODST logo maybe? The pod and skull?"
He narrowed his eyes at her thoughtfully, but it was Jason that spoke next, his blue eyes watching her whilst she'd been distracted with everybody else. It was unusual even now, the way he so openly looked at her.
"Constellations. Fill it with stars, maybe."
"Storm clouds. That sounds cool. I think I'd like it on my shoulder." She tapped near her spine. "Start drawing something for me, Aaron."
"I'll spin up the old design brain and we'll see what happens." He looked positively wicked for a second, eyes glowing. "Now we're in business!"
"We're never going to hear the end of it now," Lucas sighed, hiding behind his third cup of coffee.
Hannah shrugged. "Don't get one if you don't want one. It'll be an exclusive club of only Aaron, Geist and I though." She was probably being serious. Mostly. The gleam in her eye was a little suspect.
"Please. Once three of you get one-not a word, Geist, we know you're getting one," Lucas glanced over Geist, having noted the slight furrowing of his brows that might have indicated disbelief, "it'll start and it won't stop until it's actually a team thing. You better not put the Scottish flag in mine, Aaron, or I'll set your next grenades to explode early."
"I think I've caused enough havoc for one meal." She stood up and collected her dishes. Glancing around the table a final time as they devolved into smaller discussions again, her attention fell on Harper. She nearly said something, but decided to leave it for now. "I'll be in the gym, waiting for you people."
With that, she headed out.
It was a long while before any of the rest of the team joined her in the gym. In fact, she'd lost track of time, sinking into her regular routine with practiced efficiency. This time, the usual ache when she pushed herself, forcing herself past every limit that her body told her she should be stopping at, was accompanied by something else, something new. Or something renewed.
The crushing weight at her chest had eased, just a little.
There wasn't the usual sensation of eyes on her back that set off that sense of danger in her body, because the other person that had entered the gym with startling silence, an absence of sound or energy or any sense of life, hadn't looked at her once. Instead, he'd practically slunk into the room, face shadowed with the way he tipped it away from the lights.
Without a second thought, without wrapping his hands or warming up in any other way, Harper began setting into one of the punching bags. It wasn't his usual methodically random movements he fell into, though. It was eerily familiar as Hannah watched from the corner of her eye. It was the mechanically brutal way that Jason had set into her face just days ago.
She reached for the tucked-in tail of her handwraps, then thought better of it.
"What are you doing, Harper?" she asked.
The only indication that she'd been heard was the way that his shoulders tensed, his body still in the shadows, darkened and out of sight so that she couldn't see his expression. He didn't speak.
Rolling her eyes at his stubborn behaviour, she strode to the line of punching bags until she caught his. A shove of her shoulder sent it swinging aside, forcing him to either abandon it, or track it.
"Ian."
It felt strange. Tasted strange. She never used his first name. Aside from Jason and Phil, she didn't even remember the last time she heard one of her teammates use it.
It wasn't the punching bag being swung that earned his sudden wild loss of stance, slamming his palm awkwardly into it at its new angle, but instead the sound of his name in her voice. The response was instinctive, suddenly vicious and if it wasn't so uncalculated, it would have been textbook Harper.
He still didn't speak, but he turned his head enough for green eyes to glare at her pointedly, waiting. He was hollow. The spark inside of him was gone. There was no gravitational danger to his eyes, just deadness. But his posture was radiating a readiness to strike.
"Aaron wouldn't hit me because he was scared I'd bleed again. I'm sure you'd like to find out if I would." Not her best opening line, but it was one that needed to be said. "Did you even talk to him?"
A tight, tense nod was all she got. It was all he was giving her. It didn't tell her which sentiment he agreed with.
"I knew you weren't going to take this remotely well. Jason wanted you to know, and he was right. You deserve to. He also said he wasn't going to give you up, so…" she trailed off, uncertain. She had never liked Harper, but for better or worse, he was the commander of the team.
The grimace that crossed his features was still numb rather than vengeful. There wasn't any of the expected fury when he looked at her. It was like a piece of him was missing and he didn't know how to take it.
He still didn't speak, his fists still clenched and tremors running down his arms to those fists. But he nodded again.
Hannah sighed. "I don't know what to do for things to be simple, but he needs you. And I need him to be happy. That's all I'm asking for."
"He came to you." It was emptier than normal, just like the rest of it. Like he couldn't summon the energy to affect emotion. Turning back to the bag, he hit it again, hard, not even flinching from blood splattered against it. "He told me. You kept your distance."
She shrugged. "He spent the whole day with you." There wasn't anything else to say or offer Harper. "He left with you, did whatever you nudged him toward, then returned, covered in blood. Then we apologized to one another and I helped him wash it all away, and then we fell asleep. He was with you for months until I showed up. We both know I was never supposed to be here."
"I didn't nudge him." It was suddenly alight with bleeding red fury. "That's not how we work!"
That sudden spark was gone as soon as it arrived, snuffed out as Harper turned back to the bags again. He raised a fist, before thinking better of it, a frustrated snarl in his throat. "You weren't. Supposed to be here. Should have let you burn."
Hannah smiled, the expression frosty. "I told you that before. Not my fault you didn't listen. Not my fault now that Jason isn't going to put his head down and follow you like a lost puppy."
"Watch it." His voice was more of a growl than she'd ever heard it before. There was something close to grief buried in there, somewhere, even though it seemed impossible for someone like him. "You don't know us, Hannah."
She resisted the instinct to back away, staying firmly in place instead. Her expression turned sour as she stared at him. "I know that he loves you. I don't know why, after everything that you did to him. He all but said it straight to me on our way to the mess hall. Don't be a moron."
Of all the things that she'd said to him since she got there, not just in the gym, but since she got to Phoenix in the first place, nothing made Harper flinch quite like that. He almost recoiled at the sentence, turning away to instead walk over to the other bags, anywhere that he didn't have to look at her face or the blood splatter that he'd left on the punching bag in rage and deeper things he didn't ever want to explore.
"Don't. I don't want to hear it." At least he didn't sound hollow now. Instead, he sounded raw and aching.
"Then go talk to the man who can't say it and you won't have to hear it," she retorted. Grabbing his new punching bag, she gave it another shove. It swung straight toward Harper this time and she stalked away in the opposite direction.
"And how long do you think it'll last this time, Steele?" he shot after her, deflecting the punching bag with a heavy hit, more red streaking across it immediately. "You think this'll last? I'm not an idiot. You two clung onto the memory of one another for way too long. I'd tell you it wasn't fair, but you'd laugh in my face."
He looked so unusually small, deflated, where he stood in the dark. "I can't see him now because I know where his mind is. It's you. It's always been you." He turned and headed toward the door, throwing over his shoulder as he went, "Tell the others whatever you want. I don't care. I'm not staying here today. I might kill someone."
"You don't think he wants to spend time with you on the anniversary of joining the team?" she tossed back pointedly. "I'm not holding him captive."
Harper stopped dead, but didn't turn to face her. "It's not me he wants to see at the club. I know enough to know that memory he's thinking of. He was looking at you. Congratulations, Blizzard. You've made his rebirthday." He managed to make it sound like he wasn't bothered by it.
"Nobody said you couldn't come along and dance with him on his rebirthday like I'm sure he wants. There are eight of us on this team, Harper. I'm not about to stand here and say all of his time belongs to me. This pity party? It has to stop."
"Is that what you think I'm doing? I'm not pitying myself. I'm just taking the time to avoid doing anything I'll regret. I made an effort, you know? I'm not made for this, but I tried it for him. He's something else. I can actually be alive with him. And I'm still not great at it. You two found that so easily. Says it all, really."
"I'm not you," she said with conviction. "Several people have insisted on it recently. There are a lot of things I am that you aren't. And there are a hell of a lot of things you are that I'm not. He needs those things for some reason."
"Good." He seemed almost relieved, though none of the violence left his frame. "Shouldn't be anything like me except him." He paused again, something like a grimace on his face rather than hollow fury or wild rage. "I'm not going to take anything out on you. You're a Phoenix. And he wants you. Nothing I can do about that. You got what you wanted."
"He wants you, too."
This time, Hannah pushed past Harper and walked out of the gym.
