Will be updating the rating!
Embry's POV
"How is she taking it?" Paul asks under his breath, glancing over our shoulders.
"Not well as expected."
The cook out has continued on in full swing. Sam and Jared put more wood to the fire, and it was like life turned back on again. The drinks were passed around and for the pack, fourth or fifth helpings of Emily's cooking put us back in high spirits. Jared and Kim went off to go make out at the beach. Quil was trying to trying his best to keep Enola's weed from peer pressuring his grandfather. The elders pass around a flask that I can smell from here. Seth won't leave Leah alone, but you can tell she secretly enjoys his company. Emily is debating opening what was left of the uncooked food to pack everyone plates for the road or to hope out we'll finish it. While Sam is desperately trying to get Emily to sit down and eat for the first time tonight.
Yet, Winnie sits unmovinginly on the log, her food untouched and forgotten next to her. While Sue Clearwater tries in vein to get Winnie breathe again.
I doubt she'll ask Quil to transform for her now.
"She looks like she's bugging out." Paul crosses his arms, titling his head as he observes her with a pinched face. "Oh wait, she's blinking. That's good."
"Paul doesn't understand women. Shocker." Leah says sarcastically as she passes us. Paul glares at her back, too scared to glare upfront to her face.
"Leah, you're a girl." Paul begins which earns him a venomous look from Leah. Her look is so scorching I should take a cautious step away but I'm too worried about Winnie to bother. "You could talk to Winnie."
"Sorry, I don't know how to French braid hair. Looks like girl talk is just going to have to wait." Leah rolls her eyes. We all notice that Sue is already fidgeting with Winnie's hair, mindlessly smoothing it down while Winnie doesn't even notice.
She's practically comatose.
"Oh god," Leah forces her plate at Paul, ready to intervene before Sue goes full coddling mood. It'll be easier separating super glue from rubber. Next thing, Sue will invite Winnie to spend the night and be so nice it'll be impossible to decline. "Hold this. Don't eat it."
"Winnie will come around. She needs time." Sam comes up to us, clapping a sturdy hand on my shoulder. While he's not the greatest at feelings, his advice is reassuring.
"She looks like she's going to pass out." Paul chimes in, making me shut my eyes as a new bolt of stress swells up in my gut.
"Embry will be there to catch her if he does." Sam nods nobly, giving my shoulder a nudge. It's rare for Sam to give a complement. It gives me a shiny proud feeling.
"I wish Jacob was here." I admit lowly. Sam shakes his head at the ground while Paul curses under his breath. Sure, Jared is the charming one, Quil is the funny one, Seth is the friendly one, but it's Jacob who knows the right thing to say. He's the kind of good that makes anyone at ease, that makes it impossible to be moody around. Though, he hasn't been himself since in years. This is the exact moment where I could use his help, because he would get Winnie to crack a smile, no matter how small it would be.
"It's hard for him." It takes a lot for Sam to admit that.
"It's like he's mourning her." While Sam struggles with words, Paul doesn't. It wasn't the Change that altered him, it was Bella.
The last time Jacob had attended a bonfire was when he brought Bella. She was the first and only non-quileutae to be allowed to hear these secret counsel story tellings. This isn't some date night. The stories are sacred, only for those who have Changed, their families and imprints. To us, the pack and the elders, it was Jacob announcing Bella will be henceforth part of our pack, part of our community, part of our lives...
He hasn't attended once since Bella choose Edward over him.
Jacob fought for Bella, fought for her damned soul. Bella still choose death over him. She literally willingly choose to die than to be with Jacob—she begged for it. Her wedding was more like a funeral, their vows were her eulogy. Jacob left after she got married. He took off on all fours as far as he could and lived as a wolf because a humanity with that kind of heartbreak was too hard to bare.
When he finally had enough strength to come back, he came back and fought for her again, and her 'family' of bloodsuckers. It nearly tore the pack apart. It nearly killed most of us.
Jacob didn't spilt off from the pack like he threatened. He needed us and we needed him. But it's a known fact he mostly came back for his dad, Billy. Jacob just patrols now. We only really see him working on cars, hanging out, or patrols. Sam and Jacob haven't spoken much since the morning after the fight with the Volturi. But pack business? He doesn't come anymore.
It's undeniable he's improved. It's been months, and Jacob is better. But he'll never be the same again. Paul is right. Jacob is grieving. He went through denial when Bella got engaged, then anger after her wedding, he baragined when he fought the Volturi for her, then depression when there was nothing left to fight for her anymore, now he's accepting it with each day. The thing about grief, that loss is there everyday, it never goes away, but it's letting your life to grow around it that makes it hard but makes the mourning bearable.
"Maybe by the time the next bonfire happens he'll have imprinted and come." Sam offers up in his gruff voice.
"So, is it exactly how Old Quil described it, Embry? Having an imprint?" Paul asks. That's not the first time Paul's asked me that. "Is it like the whole universe is centered on Winnie?"
"Yeah," I nod, blowing out a long breath. I don't tell him it's even better. Neither does Sam.
"Embry, you should take Winnie home," Sam suggests, "It's getting cold out here."
With a nod and a goodbye, I start doing my rounds of goodnights. Enola waves me off when I ask her if she's ready to leave, putting the keys in my hand and telling me Opal, the town elder whose snuggling her under a blanket, will take her home.
"Hey, Winnie," I stoop down to speak low at her ear, giving her shoulder a gentle shake. My stomach twists when she goes tense under my hand, but she looks up at me. "You want me to take you home?"
Winnie nods, managing stoney goodbyes to whoever is nearby. It's only halfway to Enola's Subaru does she remember that Enola came with us. I get her buckled in and assured that Enola has got a ride. Winnie assumes it's Old Quil or Billy, so I don't mention how her landlord is probably gonna get some tonight.
We make it halfway back to Enola's house when I decide to risk it all. I take a detour, going back on the main road out of the res. Winnie notices, but doesn't say anything, continuing to stare out the passenger window.
When I see the cliffs, I make a wide turn across the empty road, pulling onto the shoulder. "Do you remember this spot?"
"No..." Winnie answers to the window, not looking at me the whole ride. At least she spoke. She hasn't said a word since Old Quil's story.
"No, you do." Winnie turns to look at me when she hears me get out of the car. Her brown eyes follow me as I round the front of the car, popping the hood then turning back to her with a sheepish grin and wide arms. "You remember now?"
Instead of a look of recognition her face just sinks into a look of heart break. My arms fall back at me sides, a feeling of alarm bursting through me so fast and suddenly it burns.
"What's wrong? Are you going to cry?" I'm already at the passenger door, just trying to wrap Winnie in a hug but she dodges me as she climbs out, hugging herself as she leans against the car.
Winnie doesn't cry, she never ever cries... but there's so much pain in her face, and it's welling up in her eyes, forcing herself to blink it back while she wills herself to hug herself all the more tighter. She won't cry, Winnie never lets herself cry no matter how upsetting something is. I panic. The only time I've seen Winnie cry was at 15 at the beach and the only time before that when her parents passed. "What? Did we scare you tonight? I promise you with my life I wouldn't let a leech hurt you—"
The pain gets to her. Her arms drop, then they're around me, clutching onto me. Her tiny sigh of relief turns into a shuddered breath, like this hurts her more. I can already feel her pulling back, practically feeling her kicking herself for giving in while she's putting her all into not wanting to hug me.
"Winnie, please tell me what's wrong and I'll do anything to fix it, okay?" I plead into her hair, holding her to me. She doesn't struggle or push me away, instead she lays her head against my chest, right where my heart is.
"Remember when I was ready to call it quits? When Paul's dad first came back to town? And I tried avoiding you?" Is all Winnie gets out, letting her arms reach back up to hug me loosely. It feels good having her hold me, my head dropping into the crown of her brown hair.
"Yeah, I remember. I was crazy about you. And you were so convinced that I didn't have the same feelings as you." I'm too wary to let go of her, scared she'll take off running. I knew it. I knew telling her about imprints would scare her off. I should have waited! I should have prepared her better! I should have—
"Are you going to break up with me?" I tear away from her, holding Winnie by her shoulders to get a proper look at her.
"What?" It doesn't come out right. It comes out rushed and harsh.
"Is that why you took me to this bonfire, Embry? To explain that one day you're just going to look at a girl and that's it? We're just going to be over?" The calm manner she's using makes her question sting more.
"What?" This time it comes out a whisper. Like I've been punched in the throat and can barely get a thing out.
Enola was right. She's always right. I should have just told Winnie sooner. I let her walk into that bonfire without the slightest clue and then just let her do all the guessing work? Expected her to just figure it out? Enola is right, I'm a moron.
"Why did you even tell me about you being a werewolf if we're just going to break up at a moment's notice?" It hurts her to say that. I can actually hear the way it squeezes her heart in a suffocating grip.
"Why did you want me as your girlfriend, Embry, if you know your soulmate is out there? And you're just going to turn around and instantly fall in love with a girl one day? Some other lucky girl out there who you're gonna spend the rest of your life with. Am I just suppose to wait till that day happens? Then just be okay with it? What—"
"Winifred." She immediately quiets when I use her full name, her brown eyes glassy as they silently beg me to make the pain her chest stop. My mind races with the right way to explain, but all of them feels wrong. I can tell Winnie the imprint is a choice, but that expiation will drag on. I can finally say how Winnie is my imprint, but then she won't believe my feelings are sincere but forced by some magical wolf bond. I already know that whatever I try to deny a breakup she won't believe it right now.
"I love you." The words I've been dying to say finally come out. Those three words have been buried alive in my chest, they've been at the tip of my tongue at every kiss, they've been choking me at the throat with everyone of Winnie's smiles and laughs. It feels so right to finally say them. "I love you, Winnie. I've liked you since we were fifteen years old, and now I got a chance to fall in love you. I'm in love with you, and there's no force in the world that can ever make me love you less."
"You're going to love someone else." Winnie's voice starts off as firm but dies off with a tremble. Both of us wince, flinching from her words like a punch to the gut. That hurt so bad it has me squeezing my eyes shut. She says the next words to the ground. "You heard what Old Quil said. It could be any day, and you're just going to love someone else."
"Don't listen to Old Quil. Listen to me right now." While I don't regret admitting my feelings, I knew I took the wrong approach. I try to ignore how she didn't say it back. It's taking me my all and forcing it in the moment.
"I didn't take you to the bonfire to hint or warn you about some other girl. There's no other girl—there's never going to be another girl, because you're my imprint Winnie." It felt so good to say I can't fight the grin making its way onto my face.
At least she's not on the verge of tears anymore. Her bronze eyes search me, tracing over every line of my face for a lie. When she finds what she's looking, she finally reaches for me, her hands clasping around mine.
"Me?" Her voice has never sounded this unsure.
"Yes you, Winifred Byrd."
"When?" Winnie answers her own question after she thinks about it. "The Lodge. That first Sunday... then you kept coming back every Sunday."
"I never missed a Sunday. It would have killed me not to see you." I run my thumb over her knuckles, the ache from earlier dulling since she doesn't pull away.
"You always over tipped." Winnie mutters, looking off pass my shoulders with a serious look. "I was so cold to you. I was rude. I would barely speak to you."
"And I should have patched things up sooner. I let things in high school get between us." I take full responsibility. Now looking back, I was shy. The second Winnie went from the girl I liked in high school to my imprint, I got shy.
"Embry... You thought I hated you, didn't you?" Winnie asks, her eyes full of guilt. If I could I wipe the guilt away with my thumb, I would. I let a long moment drag pass, struggling for a way to deny. When I don't answer, Winnie looks like I slapped her. "If my car hadn't broke down... Would you have ever have told me? Even if you thought I hated you?"
"I would have learned to live with it..." I admit with a defeated shrug.
"You were okay if I hated you?" Winnie's hands cup my face, having to go on her toes just to reach.
"Yes." I admit sorely, "Then it would have been one sided."
"Being hated is not one sided, Embry." The hurt in her voice questions how could I ever think that.
"But your feelings were important, Winnie. Just because I imprinted doesn't mean I got to decide for you."
"It wasn't just because you weren't sure I'd believe you. Embry, you wanted me to like you back—for you."
"Yes." The realization takes a moment to settle, clarity settling between us with a long pause.
"How do I know your feelings for me are real, Embry? That they're not just some wolf impulse forcing you to like me?" Her hands go back to her side like I burned her.
"I love you," I clarify, Winnie's face flushing to red. I knew she'd would convince herself this. "It's like me asking if your crush on me was ever real. Why did you like me since you were a kid? Why do have feelings for me at all? It would be like saying we're just in a relationship because we have to be. Yet, I know that the way I love you is so deep—so true, it's impossible for it to be some wolf force telling me to."
I let her take it in, allowing Winnie to come up with enough excuses or reasons because if I don't settle them now, she'll run later.
I continue on. "There's something I know now that I didn't realize earlier. Wolf or not, I would have ended up falling in love with you regardless. I've like you since the 9th grade. It doesn't matter if it would have been when we were kids or in our sixties with kids and divorces. I know with my whole being I would have loved you at every chance, every life, at every school dance or whatever. Because this isn't about if we're meant to be, it's the simple fact that it would have been impossible to not fall in love with you."
"Last question..." She's fighting for her life against her better judgement. "When did you like me when we were high school?"
A big smile erupts across my face. "You always avoided me. You were hellbent on it. If I went down one hallway, you went the other even if it made you late. Not only did I notice, I took offense. Winnie, you had me thinking I must have been a jerk or that I smelled or something." Winnie flinches, but I chuckle anyway. "Do you remember the first week of freshmen biology class? You were suppose to be my lab partner since our last names are in alphabetical order. Byrd-Call. Yet, you got the teacher to move you. You convinced him to seat you with Eben Bear, the middle school kid who skipped a few grades. He had a cast on his arm when school started. No one signed it, but you did. You brought him stickers, got your friends to sign it too, then wrote a long note on his arm about how you were lucky to sit next to someone so funny. You even wrote down your phone number if he needed a babysitter, but you knew it would make him look cool if an older girl gave him their phone number."
"You remember who I sat next to in freshmen year biology?" The way Winnie's bronze eyes twinkle in the dim light has my heart clenching.
"It was the most jealous year of my life." I admit with a grin. With each day I liked her more and more. I was looking forward to an hour long class that I was barely getting a C in because Winnie was in it. I finally was getting to know this girl who refused to talk to me for as long as I knew her, and I had to sit there and get to know her through some sixth grader's eyes. "I almost flunked because of you."
Winnie's laugh is watery, thick with emotions that has me dying to kiss away any urges to cry. Even though I know she won't let herself. She smiles back at Enola's Subaru before beaming at me.
"Thank god for Enola's old car breaking down." Then she's there, kissing me. It's soft, so tender and feather light but full with something close to passion.
"It's late." Winnie mumbles when we get to her cabin. It's dark behind her all except for one dim table light she left on, casting her in this soft glow. It brings out the brown in her hair, makes her eyes go soft like honey.
"Yeah," I agree, seeing it's almost two in the morning. "Thank you for coming tonight. We can talk tomorrow—" I go to kiss her goodnight, but her hands give me pause when they stop me by my chest.
"It's late, Embry," Winnie repeats. She grins through a hue of red seeping from ears to down her neck. "Do you want to stay over?"
"Are you sure, Winnie?" My brain must have stopped working, because how did I not say an immediate yes?
"It's not the first time we've spent the night together." She's talking about when she crashed on my couch. "I mean, it seems pretty inevitable we're going to share a bed at one point or another... why not tonight?" She mostly said it to our shoes, but it still sends everything in me racing. When she looks back at me I know she's not the only one a little red in the face. Not trusting myself with words, I follow in her by her hand, letting her lead me all the way to the back of the cabin to her room. She has to tug me when I stop at the door, because my feet kept me there while taking in her tiny room.
I've only seen her room a handful of times, on my way from the bathroom or how you can see it from the couch if the door isn't closed.
Like the rest of the cabin it's cramped and all wood. There's enough room for two in here, and a tall dresser instead of a closet. The actual bed is in the window nook, a full size mattress fits perfectly in the space. Windows keep the room from feeling tight, much how I'm feeling at the moment.
I barely take the okay to sit on her bed when Winnie lowers me by shoulders onto it with "I'll get you a toothbrush." We take turns in the bathroom, mine surprisingly longer than hers. When I come back, Winnie's putting away things while she sips on a mug of tea. Her hair is damp like mine, the lingering smoke from the bonfire now off our skin with the vanilla soap I found in her shower. I haven't seen her in these pajamas before, this white cotton matching set with yellow flowers printed on them. I'm relieved they're not silk or lacy, I think she would kill me if she pulled out something like that.
"Do you want tea, Embry?" When Winnie notices I'm back in the clothes I came in with, she offers tea. probably in a way to get me to relax. Though she's the calmer one out of the two of us, I can hear her heart pounding. I could hear it in the shower.
"No, I'm okay." My mouth is dry.
"Do you want a sip of mine?" Winnie asks, looking like a damn angel. With a tight nod and a few tentatives steps I'm back sitting at the edge of the bed sipping on her chamomile tea. When did the tables turn? Wasn't she the nervous one a few hours ago?
Winnie is the only one who make me nervous. Doesn't matter how inexperienced she is and how many girlfriends I had. She gets me as anxious as my first time sometimes. Sweaty hands, buckling knees and all.
"I don't have clothes to sleep in." There's a decision in my voice along with that excuse. I almost want Winnie to look disappointed when I stand up, but she's trying her best to keep a small grin off her face. I feel stupid when I point out "I would sleep in my boxers."
"That's okay," I land back on the bed from my knees giving out from under me when she pulls her sleep shorts down her legs and refolds back into the draw. I have to bite down on my fist when her shirt goes back in the draw with it. I let out a wheeze when I see the back of her undershirt, one of those little tank tops that stops right about her navel.
"Winnie," Is all I can get out, my voice hoarse. She's just in her underwear. Not lingerie, no thong. just regular black underwear and a white tank top. "Winnie," I repeat again, almost pleading.
"Do you want to go?" Now I can hear the disappointment in her voice.
"God no," I rasp. "But a lot happened tonight, and I didn't come in to... I didn't think tonight would be the night."
"Tonight is defiantly not the night." Winnie grins sheepishly at me, slowly making her way over to me as if she'll scare me out the door if she comes too fast.
"It's not?" I sink back on my hands behind me, still struggling to breathe.
"It's not." Winnie shakes her head. "I just wanted to be with you a little longer. It would be nice if the first thing I see in the morning is you, Embry."
Fuck, I love her. She smiles into the hand cupping her face as I press a kiss to her cheek. Then another at the corner of mouth, then my lips are on hers.
"You're staying?" Winnie questions when we break apart.
"Yes." There's a thank you in her eyes. She helps me gets my shirt over my head, peppering kisses across my collar bone. They're meant to be affectionate little pecks, but I can't deny I want them to trail down my stomach to where I'm unbuckling my belt. The little excited laugh Winnie makes when she sees my boxers are printed with blue and green plaid makes me eases me up a bit.
"You don't wear socks to bed, right?" Winnie finishes the rest of her tea in bed, watching me move around her room while I get ready for bed. I smile at her shoes sitting next to my boots, it's a cute pair.
"Defiantly not." I crinkle my nose.
"Am I gonna catch a fever sleeping next your 108 degrees?" Winnie grins over the rim of her mug, finishing it before handing it to me to leave on the dresser.
"No, but I've been told it's actually really nice. That's what Emily says. Though she did had to buy special thermal sheets that keep the bed cool."
"Note to self, buy sheets." That has me smiling. If spending the nights becomes regular occurrences I'm going to have to fill up Winnie's fridge with something besides milk for her cereal.
"Are you sure we'll fit?" I ask when I lower down fully on the bed, cramming Winnie into the window. Her solution is crawl on top of me, her leg coming around my hip, her head using my shoulder as a pillow.
"Maybe I should sleep on the couch." I'm halfway out the bed already. Mostly afraid she'll feel the boner I've been struggling against.
"Please no." I'm down on my back so fast. I can feel her laugh vibrate through her body this close. I can feel every inch of her this close.
"Are you going to sleep okay?"
"I'm going to have the best sleep of my life." I'm more worried about falling asleep with this tent. It's hard to fall asleep being this turned on.
A kiss goodnight has us in a comfortable silence. Running my hands through her hair is better than counting sheep. Just when I'm about close my eyes, Winnie raises her head to look at me.
"I didn't get to say it back." Oh. I was so close to forgetting Winnie didn't say she loved me back.
"That's okay," I mumble, trying to keep my voice even. "I wouldn't want to pressure you into saying it back."
"I knew I loved you awhile ago." Winnie's voice may be hushed, but it feels like it comes from every direction.
My arm moves, my hand pulling in her by the back of her neck. All the gentle kisses from earlier tonight are forgotten. I kiss Winnie with my all, kiss her till she's breathless. I let her have a quick intake of her before pulling her back down for more, kissing her so deeply I want her taste the words I love you.
"When it's the night, you tell me when, okay?" I say against her lips before turning over with a casual "goodnight."
"Embry,"
"No, tonight is not the night."
"Fine."
