Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
"Hurry, Grotch! We're already very late, we can't afford to be any later, or we might miss the whole thing!" Former Deputy Leader of the Bowzock Zelmoda cried, rushing down the sidewalk.
"I'm… Huff… Going as fast as I… Puff… Can, Zelmoda!" Former Inventor Grotch wheezed as he awkwardly waddled after his friend, unable to go much faster due to being stuck inside a very large, very puffy environment suit.
Zelmoda fretted and bit his nails. "Ohhhh, why did this have to happen, and today of all days? I was so looking forward to Family Day!"
"Yes… Gasp… I was hoping they'd finally show this year!" Grotch panted.
"And I would finally get to know who mine are! Neither of my parents were there at my birth, you know," Zelmoda said wistfully.
"Yes… Wheeze… I know," Grotch gasped, suffering multiple heart attacks in a row.
"If only we hadn't run into those delinquent second graders! Just because they're upperclassman doesn't mean they get to pick on us," Zelmoda whined, starting to tear up. "And the things they said were so mean!"
"They called me fat," Grotch wailed. "And gave me a wedgy! I have no idea how since I'm wearing an environmental suit and don't even have underpants, but they did all the same!"
"Well, don't worry, buddy, this year we're finally going to get see our families, just like we'll finally graduate from first grade!" Zelmoda said optimistically. "26th time's the charm!"
"26? Really? Has it been that many? I thought it was more… Or less," Grotch admitted.
"I blame King Tokiwa," Zelmoda sighed. "And not the fact that I can't count above 10."
Grotch nodded in agreement. After all, he couldn't count higher than 20.
"Oh, look, we're almost there!" Zelmoda said excitedly. "Good old Moraboshi Elementary School!"
Grotch frowned in puzzlement as they finally reached the school. "Zelmoda, does something seem different about the school to you?"
"How do you mean?" Zelmoda asked.
"I'm pretty sure it doesn't usually have a big energy dome over it," Grotch observed.
The two of them stared at the force field encompassing the school for a moment.
"Must be something special for Family Day," Zelmoda decided.
"Oh yeah, that explains it," Grotch agreed.
"Come on, let's get to Ms. Takayama's class! Our families might still be there!" Zelmoda said eagerly.
"And Lovekov, whom I will marry one day," Grotch added.
Zelmoda laughed good-naturedly. "Not if I marry her first!"
Giggling at the idea of marrying a child vastly younger them while being too stupid to realize the disturbing implications of that – though to be fair, it's not like they were the only older people interested in marrying Lovekov, though in Astarte's case they're both demons and Lovekov's age and level of maturity are difficult to pin down so it's a little more complicated than that and wait, am I promoting some sort of double standard here? Seriously, am I? – they skipped towards the school, ran straight into the force field, and were electrocuted into unconsciousness.
Goro immediately drew his gun and pointed it at the strange man. "Who are you and what's going on?"
The man snorted. "You really expect me to believe you'd fire that in here and risk hitting one of your children?"
"I am a very good shot," Goro said calmly.
"He really is, it's not hyperbole," Jun spoke up.
The man rolled his eyes. "Violent primitives. Very well. My name is Zitt-"
Immediately, most of the children, Jinx, and Evolto-Chan burst into laughter, and a few of the other parents couldn't help snickering as well. Giff had no idea what was so funny, while Ms. Takayama seemed horrified.
The laughter ended when Zitt whipped out an extendable baton and slammed it onto Masaki's desk, causing him to scream in fright.
"SON!" Asagi cried in horror.
"Aha! You do care-Evo!" Evolto-chan cheered triumphantly.
"This is why I'm glad we did away with children," Zitt said coldly. "As I was saying, I am-"
"The Game Master of Bad Ends," Ms. Takayama interjected, terrified. "The right-hand man of Executive Producer Suel and the one they call in when they want a game without a happy ending where everyone dies."
Zitt smirked at this. "That is what some call me, yes. I suppose Archimedel told you about me. I'd think you'd be happier to see me, then. After all, my games are the ones where your kind win."
"That may be so, but you view the Jyamato as tools just like every other Game Master! We 'win,' but only after suffering casualties even higher than in Desire Grand Prixs where we lose!" She exclaimed angrily. "We're victims of your Bad Ends just as much as the Riders!"
"You're with the organization which created Ms. Takayama? What are you doing here?" Izu demanded. "I was told this is a different show from your Desire Grand Prix."
"It is," Zitt agreed. "But it's still a part of our network, and I'm sad to say we're pulling the plug."
He didn't look sad at all.
"You don't look sad at all!" Jinx exclaimed.
"You're… You're canceling me?!" Ms. Takayama asked, horrified.
"Yes. And just to be clear to all you simpletons, I'm not talking about canceling her on social media or anything like that, I mean we're going to kill her," Zitt emphasized. "I mean, yes, that means her show is over, but we're killing her as well."
"Yeah, I think all of us knew it was a euphemism," an annoyed Neycombe pointed out.
"I didn't, love," Lovekov admitted.
"That's because you are a pure, precious soul," Cherubi told her pleasantly.
"What… But why?!" Nana demanded. "The last time I checked my ratings, I was doing very well! Plenty of fansites, merchandise sales, even talk of another spinoff or two!"
"You're right, you have been doing very well," Zitt agreed. "Almost too well. There's been some worrying that your show might actually surpass the Desire Grand Prix in viewership. Some of our most influential patrons weren't happy about this, and demanded Suel do something about it. As always, our beloved Executive Producer obeys the whims of our audience, so I was called in to direct your final episode and bring this insipid, feel-good crap to an end. A Bad End, of course." He grinned cruelly, glancing at the children. "Which means all of you have to do die, of course."
"WHAT?!" Just about everyone cried.
"Even Mugensai the class hamster?" Mugensai, using ninja ventriloquism to project his voice across the room, asked.
"Especially Mugensai!" Zitt added.
Mugensai cursed under his breath.
"No, leave them out of this-" Nana protested.
"Sorry, can't do that," Zitt interrupted her.
"You don't look sorry at all!" Jinx exclaimed.
"You see, those very influential patrons I mentioned don't just hate you, Ms. Jyamato who thinks she gets to be a person, but they despise your kids as well, and honestly, I can't blame them," Zitt said, voice dripping with loathing. "So disgustingly cute and innocent and loud and annoying… And that fat snake most of all."
"K-kobu?!" Lovekov cried.
"Hey! Nobody calls our Lovekov fat!" An outraged Hislava shouted.
"Anyone who hates Lovekov has no soul!" Rayco shouted.
"That… May actually be accurate. I'm not sure he has a soul," said a puzzled Cherubi.
"A pity. I was looking forward to eating it," said a disgusted Neycombe.
"He smells… Strange," the confused Bishop noted.
Lilim nodded. "Yes, like he's not really here… But he is, that's not a projection. He almost seems…"
"Fabricated," Giff finished, getting the same vibe. "Even more artificial than Izu or Hazu or Pico. No offense."
"None taken," Izu assured him.
"I for one consider myself more real than most people I know," Hazu remarked.
"Pico!" Pico chirped.
There was a flicker of emotion in Zitt's eyes. Surprise? Dismay? Whatever it was, it was gone in a heartbeat, but Giff knew it had been there. Had they accidentally stumbled on something they weren't supposed to know? Had he known?
"Please, Mr., can't you let us go?" Jun pleaded.
Zitt chuckled, having recovered from his momentary lapse. "Sorry, but you're not going home. None of you are. All of you are going to die here as well. Well… Almost all of you. Isn't that right, Mrs. Okami?"
Startled, everyone turned to look at Kyuubi. "What's he talking about?" Nushi demanded.
"I am… A sponsor of the DGP," Kyuubi said weakly, wiping away sweat, her children fretting around her. "I have been for thousands of years."
"You WHAT?!" The Bishop shouted.
"I am a Youkai. My kind feed… On fear and other negative emotions. The DGP has been causing a great deal of it for over 2000 years. Is it any surprise that I would find a way to profit off it if I could?" Kyuubi grunted, trying to ignore the upset looks her daughters were giving her.
"You're one of our oldest and most valued sponsors, Kyuubi, so you are exempt from the fate which will befall everyone else," Zitt informed her. "You and your daughters are free to leave, though you will be forced to stay in one of our extradimensional viewing lounges until this episode is over."
Kyuubi hesitated, glancing at the shocked and betrayed-looking parents, and the terrified children "Can I bring anyone else?"
"No. Just your girls," Zitt informed her. "You are, of course, free to turn me down… In which case you will stay here, and, thanks to the dampening field we've set up, you'll die. Not even you can survive what's coming in your current state."
Kyuubi grimaced. "Then… I'm sorry, everybody, but I have to take this deal."
"Are you serious?!" Asagi shouted.
"Traitor!" Goro yelled fiercely, tempted to turn his gun away from Zitt and point it at her.
"The lives of my children are at stake," she shot back. "Can any of you honestly say that, in my position, you would not do the same thing?"
Everyone looked very uncomfortable at this. Even Goro, much to his discomfort.
"I promise I'll do what I can to help once I'm away," Kyuubi said. "I am one of their most influential sponsors in this era, and, I suspect, every other. That must count for something."
She didn't look like she entirely believed it.
"Come on, girls, let's go," Kyuubi said, gathering up her daughters and Usa.
"But… But mommy, our friends-" Kyuko protested.
"Children, I'm sorry, but we have to leave them," Kyuubi said with a little more harshness than she wanted. "I lost you once, and it nearly destroyed me and your mother. I can't… I can't lose you again."
"But mommy-" Nyaria started.
"We are going. And that's final," Kyuubi insisted, holding them close to her and nodding at Zitt before they could break free.
He gestured, and the four of them were teleported away.
"The same offer extends to you as well, Mrs. Hiden," Zitt said to Izu, startling her.
"What?" She whispered, confused.
"You too, Izu?!" Asagi demanded, looking betrayed.
"I… I have no idea what he's talking about," Izu insisted.
"There is no way someone as upstanding and moral as Izu would be involved in something as wretched as this," Parasoleil said.
"Right, because you would be-Evo?" Evolto-Chan pointed out.
"Of course not! I'm completely on the straight and narrow," Parasoleil sniffed. "Although, hypothetically speaking, is it too late to exempt my child and myself from this?"
"Really?" An exasperated Goro groaned.
"Oh, like I'm the only one thinking it!" The Rainian snapped.
Embarrassed, the Bishop and Lilim awkwardly raised their hands.
Zitt smirked. "Cute. But yes, it's too late."
"Oh. Well. I was just wondering," Parasoleil muttered, trying to hide her disappointment.
"Please explain. What do you mean, I'm a patron of your clearly illegal and highly unethical organization?" Izu demanded.
"You really don't know?" Zitt asked in amusement. "I guess your creator never told you. Korenosuke Hiden agreed to be our patron in exchange for getting the seed AI he needed to create the first HumaGear and get his company off the ground and make it into the international mega-corporation it is today. You didn't really think he would've been able to develop the technology advanced enough to create your entire species all by himself in the early 1990s, did you?"
Izu stood there, stunned, her ear modules buzzing very loudly as they struggled to process this revelation. "That… No. That… That cannot be true. He… He would never…"
Zitt tutted, taking enjoyment from her distress. "Come now, surely you know that his dream of human/AI cooperation was never about true equality like your husband's. After all, which of the two of them decided that HumaGears should be paid for their labor? And it's not as if he had much of a presence in his grandson's life, after all… I suppose he must have set things up so that Hiden Intelligence would keep supporting the DGP off the books and through back channels even after he died. I guess your beloved creator and your company aren't as squeaky clean as you imagined, huh?"
Izu's eyes flickered, her ear modules going into overdrive.
"When we are out of here," Hazu said coldly. "We will go through every line item and string of code until we find how my great-grandfather was shuttling resources to your organization and cut it off at the source."
"Feel free to do so," Zitt said with a shrug. "We have plenty of other sponsors, anyway. Of course, that all depends on whether or not your mother is willing to take the deal and leave? But of course, just like Kyuubi, you will be isolated in one of our lounges and unable to contact anyone on the outside until this is all over."
"Mother? Mother, we can't," Hazu insisted, her network link to her mother making her privy to her thought processes.
"I… Hazu, I cannot let any harm come to you," Izu said weakly. "And your father… Azu… If we were to perish… What would become of them?"
"Probably fall into despair and be vulnerable to the Ark's influence again, I should think," Zitt said smugly.
Slavi gasped. "No, not lovebutter! Mrs. Hiden, you must take his offer!"
"What?" Izu asked, startled. "But-"
"I know you can't take me with you, but… She loved you and Aruto first. She'll survive losing me, but she certainly won't survive losing you!" Slavi insisted.
"Big sis…" Hislava whispered, eyes watering up.
"I…" Izu faltered. "Can… Can I take-"
"No," Zitt said bluntly. "The snake stays. All of them, just to be clear."
Izu was crestfallen. So was Slavi, though she did a better job of hiding it. Yes, she'd been willing to sacrifice herself, but a part of her had still hoped…
"Wait," Hazu spoke up. "What about Pico?"
"Pico?" Pico asked.
"Only you and your mother have the right to be excluded from all this," Zitt informed her. "Your girlfriend stays. Now, if you were willing to classify her as a virtual toy, on the other hand…"
"… That would be to denigrate her. Say that she is not a person but a plaything," Hazu said slowly. "Which in turn denigrates my mother and I, by implying we are less than people either, since we are also AI."
Zitt shrugged. "That's one way of looking at it, sure. But another way of looking at it is that if you were willing to swallow your pride, you get to live. It's not that hard a choice, is it?"
Clutching Pico's device tightly, Hazu shot her mother a pleading look. "Mother. I… I cannot do that to her, even to save her life. To do that to her would be too cruel. Neither… Neither will I leave her. She is… Everything."
"… Yes. I understand," Izu said, taking a deep (unnecessary) breath, closing her eyes for a moment, then glaring at Zitt. "I will not force my daughter to leave her soulmate, nor shall I abandon her. I will stay with her, no matter what."
Zitt shrugged, disinterested. "Your choice. Now you all get to die together, if that's what makes you happy for some reason."
"And how are we to die?" Nana demanded. "This isn't the Desire Grand Prix, which means you can't send in Kamen Riders to kill us. And you can't simply erase us, that would be far too quick an end to satisfy your bloodthirsty VIPs."
"Right you are! It's not a Bad End if everyone dies swiftly and without the maximum amount of suffering," Zitt agreed casually, as if discussing the weather. "And unfortunately, Kamen Riders can only kill Jyamato, not civilians or each other. Not even the Desire Royale allowed for bystanders to intentionally get hurt by Riders, regrettably." He grinned. "But thankfully, we found other individuals who would be more than happy to serve as executioners, whom the rules don't apply to."
There was a burst of flame and a malevolent cackle, and a familiar demon materialized in the room. Lilim gasped in horror. "Astaroth?!"
"Hello, traitor," the powerful demon lord crooned. "And hello, Giff."
"What? I have no idea what you're talking about. I am cousin Giffrey, not the great demon king Giff, though I have been told we share a strong family resemblance-" Giff said quickly.
"Oh cut it out Giff, do you really still think you're fooling anyone with that get up?" Astaroth snapped.
What was he talking about? Of course he did, an entire classroom of children had fallen for his disguise! Still, there was no point in denying it, and if they were going to survive this, there was no need to keep up the ruse, especially since they would need all his power, as meager as it currently was.
Sighing in resignation, Giff turned to the students. "Children, I am sorry to inform you that I have been lying to all of you from the start, save of course for my dear sweet Lovekov, who knew the whole time. Please forgive her for deceiving you, I am sure it pained her greatly to do so."
"Uh… Sure. We forgive her. Yeah," Mugu said, staring at him.
Slowly, all the other children nodded, while the embarrassed Lovekov sank into her seat.
Giff struggled not to cry. His great-granddaughter had such loyal friends! "Very well. You see, I am not in fact Giffrey Igarashi. No such individual exists. In fact…"
He dramatically removed his sunglasses. "I am none other than the demon king Giff!"
The children all stared at him. A few of them looked like they were struggling not to break into laughter, their puny, underdeveloped brains no doubt driven to the brink of madness by this mind-blowing revelation.
"I can see from your expressions that this has shaken the foundations of your reality. Be not afraid. I am here to help," Giff promised to them.
"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" Cherubi muttered.
"Oh for the love of…" Zitt groaned.
Jinx gasped. "What! Giffrey was Giff the whole time?!"
The other adults stared at her. "What are you… Of course he's Giff, he told us so earlier, how could you have forgotten that?" A dumbfounded Asagi asked.
"My brain is like Swiss cheese!" Jinx replied, taking out a hunk of Swiss cheese shaped like a brain and cheerfully munching on it.
"Astaroth. What do you think you're doing here? The contract you signed forbade you from acting against myself or my descendants!" Giff demanded.
"You are correct," Astaroth snarled, claws brushing against the rather nasty geoglyph Giff had stamped into his face during their previous encounter. "However, there are many more demons in Hell who are not bound by such restrictions."
"Your contract also forbids you from ordering anyone to act against us," Giff pointed out.
Astaroth nodded. "Indeed it does! However, you and your great-granddaughter are not their targets. As such, I cannot order them to kill you or the fat snake."
Lovekov was starting to feel very self-conscious. Was she really that fat? Did she need to work out more?
"Don't worry, Lovekov, you're perfect just the way you are," Kaseihime assured her.
Everyone else in the class nodded in agreement.
"Of course," Astaroth continued. "If the two of you should happen to be caught in the crossfire… Well, accidents happen."
"When this is over, I will stamp out your remaining eye," Giff swore furiously.
"But who could you have possibly recruited to do your dirty work? I'm Barbatos' girlfriend, and there aren't many demons willing to cross him!" Lilim argued. She smirked. "In fact, when he finds out about this, he's gonna be sooooo angry-"
Astaroth grinned. "About that."
There was another burst of flames and a bloodcurdling howl as a new demon appeared.
Lilim gasped, horrorstruck. "No… You?!"
The new demon was a hulking mass of muscle. Digitigrade legs ending in massively clawed paws with numerous spiked bands wrapped around them with broken shackles on his ankles. Torn shorts with three wolf tails that also had spiked bands ending in mouths. A heavily muscled chest laid bare with an open aristocratic jacket with the sleeves torn off, his abs and pecs twisted to resemble the face of a dog covered in demonic tattoos, ribs sticking out to form interlocking fangs. More tattoos and spiked bands wrapped around his huge arms, which split in two halfway down to form double forearms lined with fangs with the hands somewhat resembling the top and bottom jaws of a dog with the claws looking more like fangs with several surprisingly fine rings wrapped around them. Half a broken shackle was around each wrist. His head resembled a demonic cross between Doberman and bulldog with curved horns, one of which was broken off, massive fangs, tusks, and two mouths, one on top of the other. Four red eyes literally burned with hatred, and a collar with a tag with his sigil engraved on it wrapped around his neck.
He grinned, exposing even more teeth. "Hello, Lily."
"Barbie…?" Lilim whispered, shocked.
"That's Barbatos?!" An incredulous Asagi cried.
"Shitsuki likes his everything," Shitsuki said calmly.
"Don't! There's nothing about him to like," an angry Cherubi practically snarled.
"How odd. He does not at all match the description of Barbatos as described in the Lesser Key of Solomon," Hazu observed.
"Or Shin Megami Tensei," Masaki added.
"I thought he was supposed to be a robot," Rayco confessed.
"No, you're thinking of the primary mecha from Mobile Suit Gundam IRON-BLOODED ORPHANS," Mugu said.
"Oh, right."
Barbatos chuffed in amusement. "The amount of information humans know about how demons and the world really works could fit on the head of a pin."
"Yes, it is rather disappointing," Giff said sympathetically.
"Barbie, I… I don't understand. What are you… What are you doing here?" Lilim asked, looking lost.
Evolto-Chan rolled her eyes. "Isn't it obvious, girlfriend? He's selling you out-Evo!"
"That's… No, that's not possible! He, H-he loves me-" Lilim protested, only to be interrupted when Astaroth and Barbatos both burst into laughter.
"Are you serious? All this time, after all the times I've cheated on you, hit you, raped you, lied to you, broken promises, you still think that? I really did get the stupidest fallen angel in Hell, didn't I?" Barbatos shrugged. "Not that I cared about your brain, really. I just enjoyed being able to spite your family by making you mine. I still owe your sister for taking my horn, after all."
"But… but I… I thought…" Lilim stammered in disbelief.
Barbatos groaned and rolled his eyes. "I really gotta spell it out? Man, this shit's gotten old. Let me be clear: I don't love you. I have never loved you. You have never been anything to me than a bed warmer and convenient punching bag. Anything I have ever said or done which seemed to imply the opposite was nothing more than me gaslighting and manipulating you. Every reason you've ever had to think I cared about you was just a lie, and not even a very good one. And no, none of this is because I'm a demon which means it's okay to have that kind of relationship – which it's not, let's be honest there – it's because I'm an unrepentant asshole and proud of it. And if you still have even a shred of doubt, take a look outside."
They took a look outside.
Courtney was crucified to an upside down cross near the main gate, her clothes ripped off, all her nails torn out, derogatory words carved into her skin with blood still seeping from the wounds, all her limbs broken, her horns ripped off, and missing her teeth, though her eyes had been left untouched.
"Courtney!" Lilim and Cherubi gasped.
"I've always hated your pet," Barbatos said casually. "I planned to kill her first to make an example of her, but then decided to save her for last, so she can watch as I kill you, your sister, and everyone else in this school."
Astaroth laughed as several of the children started throwing up. "I knew you were the right demon for the job, Barbatos, especially because of your personal connection to some of the individuals here. The fact that you will be able to kill a traitor makes it all the sweeter."
Unable to bring herself to continue looking at Courtney's torture, Lilim whipped her head around. "Traitor? Wait. You mean…"
"That we know you're the one who helped Eden escape Hell to join her lover? Oh Lilim, we've always known," Astaroth cackled, to her horror. "You're not nearly as clever as you think you are. Though of course, the fact that you convinced yourself for so many millennia that Barbatos actually cared about you is proof of that, isn't it?"
"But… But then why didn't you…" Lilim stammered.
"Punish you right away? Now where would the fun have been in that?" Astaroth sneered. "Granted, I did want to begin your torture straight off, but Barbatos thought it would be more fun to let you think you were in the clear and let down your guard before we took action." He glanced at Zitt. "In fact, if Zitt hadn't approached us around now, we probably would've done it right after you got back from this insipid Family Day, when you would've been at your happiest."
Lilim fell to her knees, crying. Cherubi quickly hugged her, and Lovekov did as well, bless her precious soul.
Giff clenched his fist. "I will devour both of you before this day is done."
Zitt smirked. "You still think you got a chance at surviving this? Thanks to the dampening field, you're nowhere near your full power. In fact, the only reason we haven't made you weaker is because it wouldn't be quite as entertaining if Barbatos and his demons slaughtered you all without even the ability to fight back."
"Interesting. Are the demons affected by this dampening field as well?" Nushi asked, narrowing her eyes.
"Yes, but only for the sake of drama," Zitt admitted. "And they're still more than powerful enough to kill you all."
"I don't think this is going to go the way you think it will," Misora said bluntly. "Do you really know who you're messing with? The kinds of people we've got on our side? You really think your barrier is going to keep them out?"
Zitt smirked. "Do you know how many times I've heard that, and how many times that's actually paid off? Trust me when I say there's nothing in this age that can get through the Jyamar Area."
The ground shook slightly and the light from outside dimmed. They looked out the window to see Kamen Riders Build, Cross-Z, Grease, Rogue, Mad Rogue, In-Q, Zero-Two, Valkyrie, Ex-Aid, Brave, Sniper, Lazer, Para-DX, Nico Snipe, Fuma, and Knockout, a Goram, a Terrible Terror, a Six Pillars Sabbath and small army of Fangire, someone resembling a Magiranger, a whole platoon of JSDF soldiers, a host of angels led by Serafina and Eden, and a Heavy Industrial Machine resembling an Abretrex were all trying to break through the barrier.
Despite the massive force arrayed against it, Zitt just seemed amused. "You see? Despite all their incredible powers, none of them have a chance of breaking through-"
Build, Cross-Z, Zero-Two, and Ex-Aid, all in their strongest forms, hit the Jyamar Area with Rider Kicks at the same time as the Magiranger cast an enormously powerful spell that briefly outshone the sun, blinded everyone for a few seconds, and actually caused the Jyamar Area to flicker for a few seconds.
"-In the immediate future," Zitt said quickly, a startled expression briefly flashing across his face. "Which means it's probably time to stop dithering and start the game already."
Astaroth and Barbatos vanished.
"Where did they go?" Goro demanded.
"Astaroth has retreated to one of our viewing lounges, while Barbatos is preparing his minions for the upcoming massacre," Zitt said smoothly, having fully regained his composure, ignoring the next tremor which ran through the room as the forces outside tried to pierce the barrier again. "Once I depart, you will have 10 minutes before he assaults your school. While your class are, of course, the targets, they will probably kill everyone else in this building as well. You can try and protect them, if you like, or simply wait out your ends here. It's no concern of mine which you choose. You're going to die either way."
"And what if we don't?" Giff asked.
Zitt frowned. "Hmm?"
"What if we don't die? What if we defeat Barbatos?" Giff pressed. "What if our allies outside manage to break through in time? What then?"
"That won't happen," Zitt said coldly.
"But what if it does?" Giff insisted. "What will happen to us? To Ms. Takayama?"
Zitt rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. "I'm guessing you expect me to agree to leave all of you alone and spare the Jyamato?"
"I do."
"And why should I do that?" Zitt asked dismissively.
"Because I know what you really are."
Everyone gave Giff puzzled looks, except for Kaseihime, who smiled calmly.
Zitt scoffed. "Please, as if you could possibly-"
"You are an artificial being fabricated by this Executive Producer Suel to do his dirty work, and you, he, and everyone else associated with the Desire Grand Prix except for the players and patrons are from the distant future."
Zitt froze, then forced a laugh. "That's preposterous-"
"OBJECTION!" Giff shouted, pointing dramatically at Zitt and using his powers to generate as much force as he could, creating a gust of wind which pushed the Game Master back a few feet and sent papers flying all over the room.
Lovekov gasped. "Great-grandpa Giff, you're an Ace Attorney?!"
"Wow, Lovekov, your great-grandpa is cool!" Mei gushed.
"Yes, I am, feline child," Giff said proudly, glad all his hours upon hours of playing that rather fascinating videogame series – which, to his disappointment, not only did not make him qualified to argue in a court of law, but apparently was not a realistic portrayal of how the legal system worked – had not been in vain.
"He is… From the future? What are you talking about?" A confused Parasoleil asked.
"It's quite elementary, my dear," Giff said, wishing he had a necktie, because something told him he should be straightening it right now and saying something about how his mind was shifting into gear. "Let's examine the facts, shall we? Ms. Takayama identified him as the right-hand man of the Executive Producer of both her show and the Desire Grand Prix. I, and several others, notice that he lacks a soul and seems to have an incomplete, artificial existence. Now, given what we've managed to glean of this DGP so far, do you really think the man who created and oversees it would trust just anyone to be his second in command? Or is it, perhaps, more likely that he would instead CREATE his own number two rather than rely on someone else to do his dirty work?"
"That's…!" Zitt spluttered.
"That… Might actually explain a lot…" Nana said slowly.
"But where are you getting this time travel stuff from?" Asked the skeptical Misora. "I mean, I'm not saying it's not possible, I want to know your line of reasoning."
Giff chuckled. "I'm glad you asked, Misora! It's fortunate that we are in a classroom, because I'm about to teach all of you a thing or two about the deductive skills of the great demon king, Giff! Pay attention, and you just might learn something!"
He snapped his fingers because he thought it would look cool, and by the awestruck looks on all the children, he succeeded. "First! Zitt implied that there is no way Korenosuke Hiden could have created the first HumaGears several decades ago because there was no way human technology was developed enough to make them by himself. This is true. But…" He pointed dramatically at Zitt. "Then how did the DGP have such technology ready to offer him?"
Izu started. "I… I hadn't thought of that."
"And let us consider the other resources the DGP appears to have available," Giff continued. "They're powerful enough to create a reality show where mass-produced Kamen Riders fight an entire species bred solely to combat them and somehow nobody save for a select few wealthy and powerful individuals serving as sponsors knows about it. They could trap us in a barrier so strong that not only are some of the strongest and smartest people in the world having difficulty breaking through it, but all of us have had our power significantly weakened, despite said powers being from numerous vastly different sources and many of us being extraordinarily powerful individuals in our own right, including members of three of the most powerful species in the entire universe. In addition, it has cut us off from the outside world so thoroughly that even Philia, a member of the Hive, cannot access the Buzzing, which should be impossible without her being excommunicated by her mother, which we know simply cannot be the case. And, as we've just seen moments ago, they can call forth demons from Hell to do their bidding. Even the most powerful evil organization of this age would have difficulty being able to do all of that."
He smirked. "An evil organization from another time, however…"
"Now hang on, there's plenty of other reasonable explanations that don't involve time travel," Zitt insisted. "We could be aliens, for one thing. Aliens do that sort of thing all the time."
"That's incredibly stereotypical!" Parasoleil said angrily. "It's correct, but it's still prejudiced."
"Oh yeah, I've done it plenty of times for laughs-Evo," Evolto-chai agreed.
"That's a fair point, but easy enough to disprove," Giff said. "First of all, he smells completely human, too much so to be wearing a disguise, and his DNA is also a genetic match for human, albeit one rather more advanced than baseline, lacking the numerous flaws the pitiful inhabitants of this planet currently possess."
"Gee, thanks," Goro muttered.
"You can see his DNA?" Asked a surprised Nushi.
"There is very little that my demon eyes cannot see," Giff bragged. "So! While him being human doesn't necessarily preclude the DGP being made up of aliens, what would be the point of his creator fabricating an entity so obviously human? Being such as he are usually egotistical enough to make their fabrications in their own image, and if this Suel truly were an alien, then wouldn't Zitt be of the same species, or at least have some trace of his alien DNA? And yet none can be found.
"And now for my next point: when Zitt introduced himself, he called us all 'primitives,' which is hardly what you'd expect someone in the same time period as you to say."
"Oh yeah, that was really rude of him," Jinx acknowledged.
"Nom-Nom!"
"Really? A stray insult is the best you've got?" Zitt scoffed.
"Hardly. Kyuubi implied that she's been sponsoring the DGP for thousands of years. Both Zitt and Ms. Takayama implied that Suel is not only the person in charge of the game, but its creator," Giff pointed out. "In addition, when Zitt was taunting Izu about her creator secretly sponsoring the DGP all along, he said it happened in the early 1990s. Not the 90s, the 1990s. Given how short and frail the average human's lifespan is, there's no reason for anyone to say that unless they're old enough to have experienced multiple nineties and unthinkingly were trying to distinguish which one in particular. And the only people I can think of who would do that are either immortals… Or time travelers!"
"Or both!" Nushi suggested excitedly.
"Yes, that is a possibility as well," Giff agreed.
"That's still no proof that time travel is involved," Zitt added. "Like you just said, we could be immortals, an ancient conspiracy that's been playing games with humanity for ages. We'd hardly be the only one. Don't some of your own subordinates meet that description? It could even explain how we have such advanced technology and why I would consider you a primitive if I'm from a society that's been around since before most humans figured out that poking someone with a sharp stick kills them."
"That they do," Giff acknowledged. "However, some of the language used today works against you. The primitive comment aside, you mentioned that you've 'done away with children.' The only kind of civilization that could continue thriving, even if everybody in it was already immortal, was if you already had a way to make more of you. We've already established that you are an artificial creation of Suel, and I see no reason to believe that you're the only one of your kind where you come from. While it is certainly possible an ancient society might have such capabilities, it's far more likely that only someone from the distant future would have science advanced enough to pull that off."
Zitt flinched. "Tch!"
"In addition, Kyuubi implied that she was your greatest sponsor in this and every era, a statement which would only make sense if she was aware that the DGP already existed and will continue to exist in the future, so as an immortal she can continue participating into perpetuity," Giff reasoned. "And if that's not enough, another thing that works against you: the Jyamato."
Zitt blinked. "What? What do they have to do with anything?"
"The DGP has been running for thousands of years, and as far as I can tell the Jyamato have been serving as antagonists for that entire time," Giff pointed out. "And while yes, you simply being an ancient secret society could explain the fact that you are able to create them… But does it explain why Inves DNA are part of their makeup?"
"Wait, you're part Inves?" A startled Slavi asked Nana.
"It never came up," she said quickly.
"I see no reason it couldn't explain it," Zitt said. "After all, Helheim has tried to invade Earth multiple times in the past, and if we're really as old as you think we are, couldn't we have easily obtained some samples from one of their incursions?"
"You could have, yes," Giff agreed. "However… How would you have obtained the other genetic samples to create the Jyamato, ones from monsters that didn't even exist until a few years ago? Ones from alien species that have never even visited Earth? Ones from beings I don't recognize, and I've been just about everywhere? An ancient secret society would never be able to do something like that. Time travelers, on the other hand…"
Zitt's eyes bulged. "That's…!"
"But of course, the final and most damning piece of evidence… Izu, if you would, please run a full spectrum scan on Zitt," Giff requested.
"Wait-" a startled Zitt protested.
"Done," Izu said. "What am I looking for?"
"Chronitons."
"He has a chroniton count of zero," Izu reported.
"AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!" Giff shouted.
Everyone stared at him, somehow not astounded by his brilliance.
"I'm sorry, but what the heaven is a chroniton?" Lilim asked.
"You know, considering there's no way you're welcome back in hell now, you should probably stop using home as a curse," Cherubi pointed out.
"It's not my…" Lilim hesitated. "It… Oh. I guess… I guess it is home, isn't it? I mean, if I'm still welcome?"
"Absolutely," Cherubi assured her warmly. "You and Courtney both. Our doors have always been open to you, you know that."
Disappointed, Giff glanced at Nana. "You haven't told them about chronitons yet? What kind of quantum physics have you been teaching them?"
"It's later in the curriculum," the Jyamato said defensively.
Giff huffed and shook his head. "Honestly, the state of schools these days. Children, pay attention! Adults who have been failed by the modern educational system, you should probably listen in as well. A chroniton is a particle generated by travel through time. Your average time traveler will have a much higher chroniton count than anyone else in the same era."
"But… Mother just said he has no chronitons," a confused Hazu pointed out. "So haven't you just proven that Zitt can't be a time traveler?"
Zitt looked very smug at this, only for Giff to wipe it off his face moments later. "On the contrary! Izu, scan the entire class for Chronitons!"
"Done," the HumaGear replied. "And…" She blinked, surprised. "Everyone in here has a chroniton count except for Zitt. It's not high, but it's not zero either."
"HUH?!" Everyone in the class shouted.
"But how is that possible? We haven't traveled through time… Have we?" Asked a confused Bishop.
Jinx quickly shoved a large assortment of historical artifacts into a closet.
Giff chuckled. "Oh, my dear Fangire, but we have traveled through time… One second after the other, the same as everyone else! Everyone generates Chronitons! The thing is, most time travelers, even the most experienced ones, often forget this, so when they use cloaking technology to hide their chroniton count to try and blend in, they often go too far in the opposite direction and make it look as if they have none at all. Since the only creatures in existence who don't generate Chronitons are ones who exist outside of time as we know it, this makes time travelers stand out even more to those who know what they're looking for!"
"Then that means…" Misora said slowly.
"Zitt is a time traveler!" Asagi concluded.
"Oh my gosh! Great grandpa Giff, you're amazing, love!" Lovekov gushed.
Evolto-Chan shook her head. "Okay, I gotta admit, you're a lot smarter than you look-Evo."
"Why thank you, Evolto-Chan! And since I am already clearly brilliant anyway, that's quite a compliment!" Giff said, pleased.
Neycombe raised her hand. "While all that was very impressive, Mr. Giff, how would any of us who can't see Chronitons have been able to figure any of that out?"
"Oh, you could've just asked Ms. Takayama, since she is a product of the Desire Grand Prix she would've confirmed it," Giff said, nodding at the teacher.
"Ah."
"You… You think you're so smart don't you, Giff?" Zitt snarled.
"Considering how easily I was able to ferret out your true identity, I should think so, yes," Giff said smugly. "You shouldn't feel too bad, however. You never had a chance to begin with. I am, after all, an entity vastly older and superior to humanity, no matter how far in the future you're from. My mind works on levels beyond your understanding. Whenever someone thinks they have outsmarted me, in truth they are only playing right into my hands, and don't realize it until it's far too late!"
"You thought that by wearing an absolutely ridiculous disguise you could convince an entire classroom that you're a completely ordinary human!" Zitt shot back.
"And it worked!" Giff said triumphantly, ignoring the uncomfortable and awkward expressions on everyone else's faces.
"No it-" Evolto-Chan began to say, only for Jinx to bop her over the head with a giant inflatable banana, leaving her too bewildered to retaliate.
A very ugly look formed on Zitt's face. "You really believe that, do you? That you're all that? Do you want to know what you are to the people of my time, Giff?"
"I suspect you're about to tell me."
"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Zitt spat. "Nobody knows who the hell you are, and nobody except the most dedicated historians or fans of this time care! All your ambitions? Your plans for humanity? Your precious family? None of it is going to mean a damn thing. You're going to fail and fade into obscurity just like every other would-be conqueror or Savior. The world will move on and everything you know and love will eventually be forgotten. You. Don't. Matter."
Giff regarded him for a moment, alarmingly calm. "Does it make you feel big, Zitt, trying to make other people feel small? Does it fill the void inside you, the lack of a soul, the knowledge that you're not even a person, just a puppet for the man who created you, able to be disposed of and recreated at a moment's notice?"
Zitt stiffened. "That-"
"I am an immortal, Zitt. I have seen civilizations rise and fall, worlds burn and be reborn. I am all too familiar with the impermanence of time. And yet, I strive, as do all living things," Giff said. He gestured around him. "Look at all of us. You look down on us because we are creatures of the past? Because nothing we do matters by your time? But who are you to judge? We have ambitions. We have lives, dreams, plans for the future. Things we wish to achieve. People we wish to do it alongside. People we love. Even Evolto-Chan, who desires nothing more than to destroy everything, has some form of a family, and people she may actually feel bad about killing. She's even creating her own show for children!"
"Keyword being may-Evo," Evolto-Chan insisted quickly. "And I wouldn't exactly say my show is suitable for kids-Evo…"
"And look at Ms. Takayama," Giff went on, gesturing at the Jyamato. "Instead of accepting her destiny to be disposable cannon fodder for your sick games, she chose to pursue her own path and become a teacher, enriching the lives of the next generation!"
"The person I was… Made from never got to fulfill her dreams," Nana murmured, blushing. "It seems only right that I carry them out in her stead."
"Laudable indeed! But you, Zitt?" Giff scoffed. "What has you or your Desire Grand Prix achieved? You're nothing more than a parasitic reality show which has done nothing but bring suffering and misery to many for thousands of years, all to satisfy a bored and bloodthirsty audience. At the end of the day, what have you accomplished other than providing a source of fleeting entertainment to the fickle masses? Were your show to be canceled, would they even bother remembering your name before moving onto the next banal series to keep them from thinking too much about the meaninglessness of their own existences? How dare you say we don't matter, especially because without us, you wouldn't even have a show to begin with! You need us far more than we could EVER need you!"
Zitt clenched his teeth, trembling with rage, especially as the children all cheered Giff on.
Then he smashed his baton into Masaki's desk hard enough to break both, causing the boy to scream. "Congratulations," he said hoarsely. "You now have only five minutes before Barbatos and his minions kill you all die. Enjoy your moral victory while you can, because in a matter of moments, it won't matter. Just like you."
Laughing, he started to dematerialize-
BANG!
Only to cry out, clutching his chest as red started staining his purple tuxedo, an absolutely wonderful look of shock and disbelief on his face just before he disappeared.
Everyone looked at Goro in amazement, smoke rising from his gun. "Like I said, I'm a very good shot."
Everyone gasped, staring at the unmasked mercenary in disbelief.
And then a very confused Ikki asked, "I'm sorry, who are you?"
"Ikki, what are you talking about? Of course you know this guy! It's…" Vice hesitated. "Actually, I'm drawing a blank too. Who are you?"
"What the… Are you serious?! You know who I am! You all do!" The mercenary said angrily.
Everyone fidgeted, unable to meet his eyes.
"Oh for… It's me! Hikaru!" The mercenary snapped.
Everyone stared at him blankly. "Who?" Sakura asked.
"What… You know who I am, Sakura! It's me, Hikaru Ushijima!" He yelled. "We've known each other for years! I was in the same dojo as you!"
Sakura stared at him blankly. "Uh…"
"My family were regulars at the Happy Spa!"
"No, I think I would remember someone like that," Genta said skeptically.
"My family weren't actually my family, and we were actually members of Weekend spying on you!"
The Igarashis exchanged confused looks, then shook their heads. "Not ringing any bells," Vail said.
"Karizaki was always getting my name wrong, on purpose!"
George scoffed. "That doesn't sound like something I would do."
"I was Over Demons!"
"What? No, Tamaki is Over Demons," Hiromi pointed out.
"Get Over Demons now, actually," Tamaki corrected him.
"I was the Over Demons before he was!"
"There was an Over Demons before Tamaki?" Ampaz asked skeptically.
"Oh wait, yeah… I think there was, come to think of it…" Tamaki recalled vaguely. "Whatever happened to him?"
"I think he died," Hana said dismissively.
"I didn't die! I'M RIGHT HERE!"
"Look, Mr. Hickory dickory dock-" Astarte began.
"My name is Hikaru!" Harold shouted.
"I don't understand what all… This is," she said, vaguely gesturing at him. "But we really don't have time for this, we must save Lady Yukimi, so if you could just stand aside and let us go on our way-"
"NO!" Hyacinths shouted angrily, firing a round over their heads and causing them to flinch. "You won't ruin this for me! I betrayed you all, helped Chic escape, all to get my revenge, and you can't be bothered to even remember me?!"
Ryu cautiously raised a hand. "In my defense, I'm still fairly new, and I probably never met you."
"I GAVE YOU ORIENTATION!"
Ryu frowned. "What? No, that was some other guy, I think his name was…uh… Hanzo?"
Harvey looked as if he were about to snap. "I'm going to kill you all."
"… You do realize that all of us are Kamen Riders, wearing more or less bulletproof suits that your weapons can't possibly scratch?" George bragged.
"We're packing anti-Rider weapons stolen from Weekend," Hoshi said bluntly.
"Wait, you guys made weapons to fight us?" The startled Ikki asked.
"Just in case!" George protested. "I mean, Vice did pretend to go wild a few times. Plus, you know, Vail."
"Fair," the elder demon admitted.
"Psh, they can't be that bad-" Vice started, only for Hilary to shoot him in the foot. "OW! FUCK! That actually hurt!"
Hesitantly, everyone raised their hands. "Okay, you make a very good point," Tamaki said. "But I have a good counterpoint. Ampaz, sweetie?"
"Yes, dear?"
"I think our friend outside might want to make some new friends. And we probably shouldn't be here when that happens."
Ampaz's eyes lit up. "That's a wonderful idea."
She twitched a finger, one of her rings glowing…
And suddenly the giant door behind them simply vanished, revealing the thing just outside. Ampaz smirked and twitched another finger, using the ring on that digit to turn the entire party invisible, leaving nothing between the mercenaries and the abomination of nature.
A few of the mercs immediately dropped dead of brain aneurysms. A couple shot themselves. Homer, regrettably, wasn't one of them, though he promptly voided his bowels.
The horror gazed down at him and whispered, in the voices of his parents, "Do you know how you are going to die?"
Holly whimpered. "Are you asking me, or telling me?"
The monster roared and advanced on them, while Hitch and the surviving mercenaries screamed in terror and opened fire.
It didn't help.
A terrified Daiji screamed as the monster in the dark lurched at him.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
A terrified Daiji screamed as the monster in the dark collapsed at his feet. Masumi stepped forward, patted Daiji on the shoulder, and calmly fired a few more shots into its skull just to be safe.
"You're welcome," the masked man said, crouching down to examine the corpse.
Red with embarrassment, Daiji joined the two immortals as they did the same thing.
He found his head swimming as he tried to look at the dead body, feeling on the verge of throwing up. It was… He couldn't even describe it. It looked as if it had either once been human, or… Was trying to become human, and he wasn't sure which was a more horrifying possibility.
"What… Is that?" A revolted Azuma asked.
"I have no idea," Masumi said, sounding fascinated.
Everyone looked at him sharply. "What? But… Karizaki, you created just about every demon we kept locked up here," Akaishi protested.
"And yet I don't recognize this one. Which can only mean one thing: that they are making more of themselves, and they are evolving." Masumi glanced up at them. "I think we may have come at just the right time. Something tells me the walls of Area 666 might not have held back the horrors we sealed away all those years ago for much longer."
Akaishi turned very pale at this. "Karizaki… What have we done?" He whispered.
"Something unforgivable… And yet, we must still strive to correct our mistake. It may not yet be too late," Masumi said gravely. "One thing to note: this demon is dead."
"… Yes, I think we can all tell that," Azuma said flatly.
"You misunderstand. This demon has been dead for years," Masumi explained.
They tried to process this.
"Mr. Karizaki," Daiji said slowly. "It tried to attack me a minute ago."
"It did."
"And you're saying that it was dead already."
"I am."
They sat there in silence.
The tunnel suddenly seemed that much darker.
"What the hell?! What is this, Resident Evil?!"
"What is this, Resident Evil?" Daiji said out loud, refusing to acknowledge the voice in his head that wasn't his own, his tenuous grasp on sanity little more than a frayed thread at that point.
"That… Actually isn't a bad parallel," Akaishi admitted.
"I was thinking more like Dead Space myself," Azuma spoke up. "Since these are monsters made from eldritch powers rather than some viral mutation. Lord Giff's stamp actually looks a little like a Marker if you think about it."
Masumi shook his head. "No, it went down with a headshot instead of dismemberment, and none of us are packing weaponized power tools. And while these are demonic creatures, it obviously can't be Doom, since none of us are nearly badass enough to be the Doomslayer. I think Eternal Darkness is more like it."
Akaishi and Azuma immediately nodded. "Oh yeah, that makes sense," Akaishi agreed.
"Absolutely," Azuma said. He made a face. "Does that mean we should be worried about a bathtub?"
"Oh Giff, I hated that scene! Scared the shit out of me!" Akaishi shuddered.
"I did not appreciate how often the game left me questioning my own sanity. I have far too much of that in the real world already," Masumi commented.
Daiji stared at them, bewildered. "… You guys all play horror games?"
The three of them scoffed. "Daiji, just because we're old doesn't mean we're out of touch," Masumi said pityingly.
"Young master Igarashi, when you live as long as we do – and you very well might – you pick up as many hobbies as you can find," Azuma told him.
Akaishi nodded. "Immortality is a blessing, but you often find yourself with a lot of time on your hands and a need to fill it lest you do something silly like trying to groom a God of destruction to destroy the world or starting a new fashion craze involving Groucho Marx glasses and edible thongs and pierced buttocks or writing an epic sci-fi erotica series that receives critical acclaim, has been running for decades, and has received several film, animated, and videogame adaptations."
Everyone stared at him. "Those were all kinds of specific examples," Daiji said.
"I got bored, okay?" He said defensively.
Without warning, they heard a faint, scratching sound.
Immediately everyone was standing up, pointing their weapons into the darkness.
"Everyone heard that, right?" Daiji asked anxiously. "It wasn't just me?"
"Karizaki, what are the odds that that undead demon was the only one of its kind to find its way down here?" Akaishi asked, licking his lips nervously.
"I wouldn't count on it," Masumi said grimly.
"I strongly suggest we transform," Azuma said. "You know. Just in case."
Everyone nodded rapidly in agreement.
TRI CHIMERA!
DIVINE WING!
TROOPER RHINO BEETLE!
"HENSHIN!"
SCRAMBLE! OCTOPUS! BLACK RHINO! SCOLOPENDRIDAE! KAMEN RIDER DAIMON! DAIMON! DAIMON!
WING UP! DIVINE UP! HOLY HOLY HALLELUJAH! HOLY HOLY HALLELUJAH! HOLY HOLY HALLELUJAH! TRUE HOLY LIVE!
DECIDE UP! RISE. RAGE. REQUIEM. KAMEN RIDER!
Akaishi, now in his Gigademos form, looked somewhat enviously at the other three as they finished their transformations. "Maybe I should look into becoming a Rider…"
Daiji did a double take, suddenly noticing that Masumi was wearing a suit resembling a Demons Trooper, but the Gene Shoulder was on his right side, and his Geno Gear and Viewer resembled the Vail Compound Eye and Dynastinae Lung. "Mr. Karizaki, you're a Rider now?!"
Masumi nodded. "Yes. You can call me Kamen Rider Demons Trooper Delta."
"Isn't gamma after beta?" Azuma pointed out.
"Yes, but I thought Delta would make George pleased, he'll understand the reference," Karizaki said.
"Karizaki, are you certain this is a good idea? Considering your condition…" Akaishi asked in concern.
"The suit will sustain me long enough for us to do what needs to be done. And… Truth be told, I've actually been feeling a lot better over the last few weeks. I'm not sure why…" He shrugged. "A matter for another time. We need to link up with the others to rescue Yukimi Igarashi and put an end to this testament to our sins once and for all."
They began advancing through the darkness once more, even the holy radiance from Daiji's body failing to truly banish the shadows.
And Daiji desperately tried to pretend there wasn't a voice in the back of his head murmuring, "You know, this may actually be fun…"
