"Not Guilty!"

The judge handed down his verdict in the trial of Ron Delite, who had been cleared of all charges by John Phoenix. John Phoenix knew Ron was actually guilty of the thefts, but he knew he deserved to go free anyway. Because John Phoenix believes stealing from the rich is the right thing to do.

So they went to the defendant lobby to celebrate and Phoenix started flirting with Ron's wife.

"Uncle Phoenix stop that right now," John Phoenix rolled his eyes.

Then Pearl Fey appeared!

"Mr. Nick how COULD YOU!" she screeched like a little viper and smacked him in the face.

"Pearl no!" cried Uncle Phoenix.

"I'll never forgive you! EVER!" Pearl smacked him again and again and she smacked him so hard he fell unconscious!

It was only after that when John Phoenix grabbed the feral child's hand.

"How dare you assault my uncle? I don't blame you but still, this is what they call DOMESTIC ABUSE!"

"Noooo!" Pearl started to cry. "I'm not guilty of dominic abuse!"

"Yes you are! TAKE THAT!" John Phoenix presented the slap mark on Uncle Phoenix's face! The fingerprints belonged to... PEARL FEY!

Pearl Fey got arrested and Uncle Phoenix was rushed to hospital and everyone celebrated because the truth had been revealed!

John Phoenix went home.

"Ahh, it's good to have some peace and quiet without Uncle Phoenix around," John Phoenix said while relaxing in front of TV.

Just then, the phone rang.

"Hello," said John Phoenix.

"John Phoenix help I've been arrested for dominic abuse!" said a crying Pearl Fey.

"What! How could they accuse a child of such a thing! The courts will pay for this!" said John Phoenix.

John Phoenix went to court to defend Pearl.

The prosecutor was Valant Gramarye?!

"Ha ha ha, YES! 'Tis I, the great Bruhmangoddman!" said Valant I mean Bruhmangoddman.

"Very well. Make your opening statement, Prosecutor Bruhmangoddman," said the judge.

With a twirl of his staff, Bruhmangoddman (who I'll shorten to Bruh from now on) complied.

"Pearl Fey viciously assaulted Phoenix Wright. This makes her an abuser. We know she's an abuser because she colludes with fellow abuser Franziska von Karma!"

Bruhmangoddman arrested Franziska too.

"What is the foolish meaning of this you fool of a fool!" said Franziska and she tried to whip him but he caught it.

"Ha! I caught it! Like actual based chad Shi-Long Lang," Bruh said with a smirk. Then he pulled the whip away from Franziska and presented it to the court. "This whip is used by Franziska to abuse people and it's not funny!"

"Objection?" said John Phoenix. "Have you ever considered the obvious fact that any humor surrounding that gimmick is secondary and its main purpose is to vent her frustrations with and also establish dominance over all the misogynistic pigs and incompetent men of the court? That's why she never whips me, because I am a feminist, and I'm competent (that's a Conflict of Interest reference)."

"It matters not!" Bruh twirled his cane again. "The simple fact is, she abused people with this here whip and so she must be punished!"

John Phoenix groaned.

"Hey Ema dust that thing for fingerprints," he said.

"On it!" said Ema and she did that. "The fingerprints belong to Bruhmangoddman!"

"WHAT!" said Bruh and he realized he was holding the whip with his bare hands. Bruh moment.

Bruh threw the whip away.

"A thousand curses! But it doesn't matter, Mr. John Phoenix. I can still win this trial despite your cheating!"

"How?" said John Phoenix. "I've crushed your only piece of evidence against Franziska."

"But little did you know... Franziska was NOT the defendant of this trial!"

And then Bruh did a magic trick that made Franziska disappear and in her place was Ema!

"What the- what'd I do?" said Ema.

Bruh presented a playthrough of Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney that showed Ema throwing snackoos at Apollo.

"I see not even Yamazaki is above this insensitive style of humor that only the Japanese find funny," said Bruhk van Zieks.

"That's a Takumi game, bruh. I mean Bruh," said John Phoenix. "Anyway what exactly did she do here?"

"She threw chocolate at Apollo weren't you looking?" said Bruh.

John Phoenix exploded with laughter! And so did everyone else. They laughed at him because the argument was funny and desperate. John Phoenix picked up a piece of chocolate and started hitting it against his forehead while screaming "oh my god help I'm being traumatized!"

Bruh gritted his teeth.

"I will get you for this, John Phoenix!" he said.

"Um, threatening me with abuse? Police?" said John Phoenix.

"Nyaaaaaaaaaargh!" Bruh took off his top hat, held it upside down then jumped inside and disappeared like a rabbit!

"I believe that brings this trial to an end," said the judge. "Actually wait what about the charges against Pearl?"

"Pearl is a toddler," someone in the gallery said.

"Thank you, Only_Calligrapher462!" said John Phoenix.

NOT GUILTY!

And so the trial ended.