Moiraine and Lan accompany Nynaeve and Egwene to the White Tower.
Since the Aes Sedai has lost her powers, she wants to be of use to her companions.
"Blood and ashes! Why isn't it working?"
Moiraine Damodred, Aes Sedai of the Blue Ajah, kneeled in front of a bundle of branches, cursing, with a dagger and a firestone in her hands. For quite a while, she tried to create a spark that would ignite the straw. Without the spark, she couldn't make a fire. What was she doing wrong?
I did everything like Lan showed me! I only pilled the smaller branches, so the fire would grow. And I need to ignite the straw to put the branches on fire. But it's not working!
The Aes Sedai was frustrated. It had been three weeks since they had left Fal Dara. After Lan had brought her back to the city that had never fallen and had told the Emond's Fielder about Rand's 'death', Nynaeve had tried to kill her. It had been only because of Lan's quick reflexes that the furious woman hadn't been able to strangle her. And at that moment, a small part of Moiraine had wished Lan hadn't stopped Nynaeve. Without her connection to the One Power, she was useless to everyone around her. She couldn't heal any injuries – the Wisdom had to help everyone with her herbs and didn't hold back to remind Moiraine about it. The woman of the Blue Ajah had assisted as best as she could, yet it had been obvious to whom those people owed their thanks. It was only because of Nynaeve's skills that so many people survived – including the Ogier.
Apart from not being able to heal anyone, Moiraine couldn't unmask her bond with Lan, which drove him further away from her with every passing day. The woman of the Blue Ajah had apologized to him for masking the bond, leaving him behind, and not telling him about her plan. Lan had listened with his stoic face and had said he understood her decision, but there was this nasty cold coming from him when they were together, which told her he hadn't forgiven her yet.
And she had this strange feeling he searched for reasons to get away from her – by helping Nynaeve with the injured ones, working through his training, taking a walk to clear his head – anything that gave him a break from being around her. Moiraine tried her best not to show how much his absence hurt her. In the end, she started to push him away by finding tasks for him that would get him closer to Nynaeve. She didn't want him to feel forced to stay by her side because of the former bond they had shared for years. If Nynaeve was the one who made him happy, he should be with her.
Then there had been Perrin and Loial. The Ogier had been heavily injured by the peddler Padan Fain, yet he had been quick in accompanying the young blacksmith in his search for Fain and the stolen Horn of Valere. Moiraine had tried to talk them out of it and had failed. Even Nynaeve's outburst hadn't helped. Perrin and Loial had left Fal Dara in the middle of the night, which was another reason why the young woman was angry with Moiraine. In her eyes, the Aes Sedai was responsible for their departure, though she had also tried to stop them.
After a few days, Egwene had asked about their next steps, but when the woman of the Blue Ajah had mentioned the two young women needed to go to the White Tower to become Novices, the Wisdom nearly ripped her head off. She wanted to find her missing friend and the Ogier rather than learn how to use the One Power.
It had been Lan who had knocked some sense into the two women until they had finally admitted they couldn't do anything for Perrin and agreed to go to the White Tower.
This happened three weeks ago. Since then, they had been riding day after day, getting closer to Tar Valon. Dragonmount had come into view a couple of days ago – slowly getting closer with every passing day – and Moiraine was certain they would reach the home of the Aes Sedai within the following day. The Cairhien woman noticed how she became more nervous the closer they got and hoped Lan wouldn't notice. Since they had returned to Fal Dara, a plan had formed in her head – a plan she would see through, no matter how much it hurt. And it would hurt. She was sure of that.
So, whenever they made camp for the night, Moiraine tried to be as useful as possible – she wanted to show Lan she was not helpless – but it was hard. For so many years, she had always relied on Saidar. With the One Power, she had been able to help the people around her, and now, she couldn't do it.
Lan did his best not to be annoyed by her failures and even smiled at her sometimes, but Nynaeve wasn't so nice. She had no problem continuously shooting daggers at Moiraine's back, and her sharp tongue threw many insults at the older woman – especially when Lan complimented the Cairhien woman about something.
Moiraine's Warder did his best to keep some distance between the two hardheads, but it was tough, and he was exhausted.
Yet, the Aes Sedai didn't give up. She tried to learn as quickly as possible, and in the last couple of days, she had watched how Lan ignited the campfire without the One Power. Of course, she had watched him doing it for years, but back then, she never had been interested in HOW he did it as long as he lit the fire.
And that's precisely what I have done! I followed all the instructions, yet it refuses to burn for me! Come on, stupid fire! I only need one spark!
Suddenly, the woman of the Blue Ajah felt someone kneeling beside her. Surprised, she lifted her head and looked into the beautiful brown eyes of Lan Mandragoran – her Warder, whom she had hurt pretty badly with her actions. She wanted to send him her love through the bond – wanted to feel him again! – instead of seeing this grim line around his lips all the time. She hated that – hated the distance between them.
"I can do it," Moiraine promised, though she didn't even know how long she was already trying. Probably too long when Lan had to come over. "Just give me a few more minutes."
Lan didn't seem to listen and took her bundle of straws. Yet, the Aes Sedai wasn't ready to give up. If only she could show him that she had been an attentive student!
"I did everything you did the last time." Moiraine pointed at the pile of branches. "I used small branches which would burn easily, and the bigger logs are ready to be placed on top. All there is left to do is to ignite the straw, but it refuses to burn. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong."
The uncrowned king of Malkier put the straw back down, but now it was thinner. Moiraine's bundle had held too much straw. While the woman of the Blue Ajah frowned at the straw, Lan put his arm around her and grabbed her hand with the firestone while he placed his other hand on the back of her right hand, then guided her hands closer to the straw.
"No, please! Please, I can do this!" In her panic, Moiraine thought Lan wanted to take the tools from her. "Give me one last try! I promise I can do this!"
"You used too much straw," Lan said calmly.
"What?"
Confused, she looked at him. He didn't seem angry. Was it possible he didn't mind she hadn't been able to light the fire? Would he give her another chance to prove herself? – A chance to show him she could help too?
"Your fire couldn't get started with that much straw. You only need a handful to ignite the small branches." Carefully, Lan moved her hands together, so the dagger and the firestone would create a spark.
Moiraine held her breath while she kept hitting the firestone. Would it work this time? Could she create a…?
Suddenly, the straw caught fire. It was only a tiny flame, but it was there! Quickly, Moiraine lowered her body and gave the little flame more air to grow.
Lan cursed beside her and gathered her hair before she burned her beautiful dark locks.
"It's burning!" Moiraine's joy about her success was audible, and Lan couldn't suppress a smile about her happiness.
"Place it under the branches, or we will lose the flame."
"Oh, right." The woman of the Blue Ajah held the burning straw under the small branches and watched how the flame kept growing. "It's working."
Happily, she reached for the big logs, but Lan grabbed her hands again. "Wait." He pointed at the rest of the smaller branches which lay beside her. "Allow the fire to grow before you put the big logs on it. Put the rest of the branches on top. But be careful not to suffocate the flames."
Nodding, Moiraine followed Lan's instructions. She waited until the branches were on fire, then placed the bigger pieces around them. Lan nodded appreciatively. His Aes Sedai had done well.
"I did it." Moiraine was relieved. She could help her friends even without the One Power. Of course, Lan had helped her again, but she would do better the next time. "The next time, I will do it alone. I promise I'll learn to do it right."
Lan saw the slight smile on her lips and the sadness in her eyes. She wanted to be useful so badly, and he had seen her trying over the last few weeks. It pained him to see her like this – to know she thought she was worthless without Saidar.
Grimacing, he pulled her against his chest, burying his nose in her dark locks – inhaling her scent. His Aes Sedai – his Moiraine. Lan felt her resistance to his sudden movement, and his heart became heavy. One moment – that was all he wanted. A moment to stop time. A moment to be with his soulmate without her pushing him away. But Moiraine wouldn't want that. She would…
The uncrowned king of Malkier winced when the woman of the Blue Ajah wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She even snuggled deeper into his embrace! Relieved, he kissed her hair. A moment. A moment to themselves.
"You did very well with the fire," Lan whispered in her hair.
"The next time-"
"I know," he interrupted her tenderly. "I have no doubt you will handle it the next time. After all, we're talking about you. You've always been a quick learner." They both chuckled. "But please do me a favor."
"What?"
"Would you please not try to burn your hair the next time? I would hate to see it cut short because you set it on fire."
Moiraine chuckled at his words. "So, you like my hair?"
Lan's fingers entangled in her locks. Then he pressed another kiss on her hair. "No, I love your hair. I love to touch it, I love its smell, and I love to look at it because it belongs to you."
Tears built up in Moiraine's eyes at his words, and she hid her face in his tunic. Touching her – she loved touching him too, just like she was doing now with her arms wrapped around him. Smelling her – involuntarily, the Aes Sedai inhaled her Warder's unique scent, which she loved so much. Looking at her – she wasn't in love with Lan, but her heart always felt lighter at the sight of him. Light, she didn't want to let go of him!
But then Nynaeve's voice was heard, and she sounded angry. Sighing, Moiraine let go of Lan and tried to push him away. She didn't want to start another argument with the Wisdom – though she had every right to hug her own Warder and didn't need the permission of the young woman who had fallen for Lan.
The uncrowned king of Malkier growled when he felt the Aes Sedai pushing him away. One moment. One single moment to themselves! – That was all Lan wanted! He didn't want to let go of Moiraine – not yet.
In the last few weeks, he barely had the chance to feel her. While they had been riding, he had scouted the landscape for possible enemies, and when they had made camp, it had become his task to keep Moiraine and Nynaeve separated from each other. But even before, since their return to Fal Dara, Moiraine had kept her distance, pushing him away more than once like he wasn't her Warder anymore without her connection to the One Power.
Don't you dare place all the blame on Moiraine, Lan Mandragoran! Your anger has stopped you from going to her. Because of your anger, you haven't been able to touch her. So, the fault lies with you too, Lan scolded himself.
Moiraine had apologized to him, and though his mind knew why she had done it and understood her reasons, his heart was hurt, and seemed not to be able to forgive her. So, he had punished them both by staying away from her until she had started to push him away. Stupid! How many times had he left her side to go through training or take a walk because he had felt the cold distance between them? He had assumed his presence was a constant reminder of what they once had, and she wanted to be left alone.
"Lan."
The uncrowned king of Malkier knew he would provoke an argument if Nynaeve saw them. But it felt so good to have Moiraine in his arms! Why couldn't these two start working together?
Sighing heavily, Lan pressed one last kiss on his Aes Sedai's head, then released the Cairhien woman. There was no need to fight tonight. Actually, he was bored of arguing.
"Thank you for your help with the fire." Moiraine smiled and brushed a loose lock behind her ear. "I will remember your advice."
Lan nodded, then grabbed her left hand and pulled it gently toward him. During his previous attempt to help her ignite the straw, the Warder had noticed his Aes Sedai had cut herself with the dagger. Luckily, it wasn't deep, but he cleaned it anyway with some water from his water skin. Moiraine hissed once when he rubbed his thumb over the cut but otherwise stayed quiet and kept her calm Aes Sedai mask in place.
"Thank you," she whispered when Lan was done and released her hand.
"Maybe I should add 'no injuries in general' to my request."
They both chuckled at his words, and after one last tender look from Lan, the Warder got back on his feet. It was time to prepare their dinner.
The next chapter will be uploaded on Wednesday.
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