I hate this, this constant feeling of helplessness I feel. It has been five years since… since my last fight. The whispers in the knight remind me of the awful truth, that it was the last time I had been truly alive.

Even as my overwhelmed mind sacrificed billions for mere seconds I had felt alive. The guilt had not set in, adrenalin and administrative subroutines were flooding my mind exiting me, there was no pain, I saw everything and knew everything, there was nothing standing between me and a fight to the death.

I was an unfeeling machine fighting an opponent who was at the end more human than me. In the end that inhumanity had gotten me betrayed, after all that I had done, all that I had sacrificed, everyone that I killed I was forsaken. My unwilling comrades scared and wounded surrounded me and without access to Doormaker I couldn't take them over, but even then had I tried I might have somehow found a way.

It was my own indecisiveness and Contessa's meddling that prevented me from killing more innocents. Had I known it would be like this I wouldn't have stopped, better to die fighting than to life wallowing. Now I know life without my powers, what made boring; pathetic; useless Taylor Hebert Weaver, languishing in my uselessness.

I wasn't like this the first few years, I was naive back then. With my credentials and citizenship in the 'homeland' I lived a life of moderate comfort studying this world's literature and language. They only served to open my eyes, I knew something was wrong from the name Britannia alone but to see it so clearly frightened me.

Many influential works about racism, equality and liberty… no, even such ideas had never reached America, the entire continent had at some point been conquered by the nation founded by the fleeing British royalty turning into a 'social darwinistic' and oppressive state ruled by autocracy.

Justice was replaced by 'purity', Equality had been crushed by 'superiority', Freedom was abandoned for 'obedience'. It was hell, for my sensibilities. The constant wars and conquests only made me despise this despotic nation even more, and it forced me to see my inability to stop it.

I think I was exiled to this world as punishment, not overtly but a constant grind against my ego and sanity. My paranoia grew constantly and my soul withered.

Eventually I simply couldn't take it, I had thought to move to another nation but neither of the other superpowers would take a Britannian so my options were limited to the back then economically aggressive Japan or the natural country that seemed to have taken Switzerland's position, Australia in this twisted world.

I had thought Japan would be nice to see, I hadn't been able to see any of its true culture back on earth. After all, gangsters and desperate refugees ruined by Leviathan's wrath weren't prime representatives of their culture. So I bought my tickets simply as a tourist. I didn't act rashly and just moved here immediately, I had learned my lessons, acting rash had only ever burned me before and I didn't want to get burned any longer. I should've tuned into the news more often.

Only I should've known that my bad luck would follow me even here. I had a peaceful week within the nation, the principles so lacking in my 'homeland' were plenty here, fuelled by the miraculous natural recourse they had found underneath the earth. I was quite fond of my tour guide, he was a man of twenty five and extremely passionate about his country and its culture and now that I think about it he must have been into me as well… It doesn't matter much, he was one of the first to die in the preliminary bombardment of the britannians.

That wonderful clear day was ruined by the screams of the innocent, bombs exploding and tanks rolling down the countryside trying to get to the beaches before landings could be made. Hell, that's what it was. Buildings crumble, the stench of charred flesh and the rivers of blood in the streets.

It haunts my dreams not because it was the most horrific thing I had seen, human cruelty can't measure up to the cruelties of Jack Slash after all, but because I wasn't able to do anything to stop it. Even If I had had my powers all I could have done would've been to stall for time, I would've been totally helpless against the 'knightmares'.

After a week of struggling for my survival throughout the country with my singular arm I was found by britannian soldiers and 'rescued from the savages' taken to an FOB and essentially locked down into a small room. I watched as over the course of a month an entire nation was destroyed, after the suicide of their prime minister the Japanese lost the war before they could even beginn the fight.

The times were troublesome after that, I had decided to stay in Japan or Area 11 as it was called. I worked as a customs officer managing the inflow of new colonists for a while and got myself a 'free' apartment for 'serving the crown in bringing order to a savage world'. God I hate how they word things, fucking nazis. I hated them back in Brockton Bay and I hate them even more now, it just seems even pettier than before.

On another day of my existence I met someone important, Ruben K. Ashford. The patriarch of a very famous but disgraced noble family and also one of the creators of the original knightmare, therefore very eccentric and very rich. I guess he took pity on me for my missing arm, since he somehow contacted me after a few years with a job offer as an english teacher in his school.

I didn't exactly have any better prospects and even if she used to teach in a university, being a teacher is a way to honour my mother is it not? Although I doubt mom ever dealt with a student as troublesome as Milly Ashford in all her career.

I like the girl, I really do, it's just that she's a bit… unhinged. Maybe eccentric would be a better description. She acts unusually, she's nosy and on top of all that she drags other people into her shenanigans. But despite all of that I can't bring myself to hate her, because she cares.

She cares about those around her in a way I've seen very few times, usually in people like Golem… like Theo who have their own problems but nevertheless helps those around them. Better people than I ever was. There's also those kids the Ashfords are sheltering, the 'Lamperouge' siblings.

I get that they were loyal to her mother but at least they could hide them better! I know that disgraced royals are almost entirely erased from records, but these two look exactly like their childhood selves and 'Lamperouge' was Marianne the Flash's maiden name. If any servants loyal to her ever see or hear about them it's all over for both them and the kids.

God, I'm worrying too much… Am I getting old? I'm nearing thirty now… and still single, not like this filthy nation produces anyone even worth looking at as a partner. I could try saving up and going to Australia to find someone there, maybe also live there?

"Miss Hebert."

It could be nice, though I do hear getting citizenship can be difficult…

"Miss Hebert! Can you hear me?" A shy and soft voice interrupted my thoughts. I opened my eyes and laid down the cup of tea I was drinking from and turned my head towards the redhead that had called out to me. Shirly Fenette, the secretary of the student council in Ashford academy, a girl who is somehow both attention seeking and shy at the same time.

Although her hair stirrs distant memories that still rattle me, her personality and open crush for our resident prince in hiding endears her to me, she's almost like a puppy.

"What is it Shirly? Did Lelouch ditch class again?" I couldn't keep the boredom out of my voice, but that was what I was known for anyways. A bored teacher who only really gets serious about bullying and other kinds of discrimination. I think some of the noble brats call me 'the commoner bitch who should know her place'. Fun.

"Take this seriously! The president is going to do something scandalous again!" The shrieking of this student was never annoying, like the mewls of a kitten enraged about its toy being taken. She waved a bunch of papers in my face, brochures, or at least they looked like them. I gestured for her to hand them over and took a look at them.

Overly colourful and with big text describing a lancing tournament organised by the student council and the horseback riding club. A sigh escaped my mouth and I massaged my forehead. I really am fond of the kids on the student council but being their overseer is so tiring.

"I'll go talk to her, there's no way I'm letting her go through with this, it'll be far too much paperwork." I slowly got up from my seat to head over to the club house that housed the student council. Ah, I should probably ask her about Lelouch as well. "So, where's our resident pretty boy at? I'd guess at Babel Tower making nobles seethe again."

A soft sigh filled the air and she began complaining about the gambling habits of the prince, who was pulling off a 'Clark Kent' as dad would've called it as we walked through the well decorated academy.

I carried my cup and sipped as we walked through the academy from my office as the literature department head to the council club house. The position I currently 'enjoy' caused no small amount of friction with my coworkers because I was give or take twenty years younger than anybody else in my department and almost fifty years younger than the other department heads. Understandably this caused even more work and even more stress for me. It's just like back then, even if it could be better.

After our calming walk throughout the campus we stepped through the double doors and afterwards into the student council room, which currently held Milly , the ever studious Nina Einstein and our ever faithful cat Arthur. With calm steps I walked into the room, Milly seeing my passive face set in a slight frown understood what was about to happen. Thus, being the smart girl that she is, she tried to escape out the window.

Three large steps took me right behind her and I grabbed her by her right earlobe pulling just enough to hurt but not injure. I tried to get that scolding teacher's tone right and begann my scolding. "Dear Milly, you do realise that causing trouble for others is a real taboo in society, right? I can't have such an… upstanding young lady such as yourself ruin your reputation in flights of fancy."

She started trembling under my wrath. "I-I'm sorry miss Hebert! I'll deal with all the paperwork, you won't even catch sight of it!" I have to admit, I do like being in the position of power, however minute.

"Ha? You think this is just about the paperwork for the school? It's about the chance of injury, the funds spent, the specialists hired for the props and so much more! Unless you can handle all of that by yourself without exploiting Rivalz and Lelouch you can kiss that jousting tournament of yours goodbye."

"But… It'll be really fun!" Ignoring her complaints I let her go and readjusted my prosthetic arm gifted to me by this very girl for my twenty-fifth birthday, tightening it a bit since my tea was jostling a bit in its grasp.

"Look Milly, I really don't interfere with most of your fun little events but this one is a bit much. There is innocent fun and then there is reckless chaos, I have a feeling you know what this one classifies as." I don't like popping her bubble like this and thankfully Milly doesn't force me to do it often.

"Okay… I'll go talk to the-" The ringing of a phone stopped Milly in her tracks.

Shirly picked her phone up and answered it.

"Lelouch? Is something wrong?" A few seconds passed and she left the room to continue talking to Lelouch alone. I placed my tea on the table and crouched down to pet Arthur.

"Lelouch really is busy all the time now, I wish he'd spend some of this newfound motivation to improve his grades. Don't you think so too, Arthur?" My answer was a cute little mewl and the opening of a door.

A wheelchair with a light brown haired girl on top of it slowly drove inside accompanied by a red eyed and blonde haired girl. I rose slowly and called out to the two middle schoolers dressed in simple dresses prepared for our little vacation.

"Alice, Nunnaly I'm assuming you two have gotten ready for our trip already?"

It was naturally Nunnally that answered me, the other girl didn't talk much if she wasn't talking to Nunnally. Really if she tried harder to seem like a normal girl instead of a soldier I might deign to ignore her stupid ass straight posture, tense walking and her keeping her head on the swivel.

"Yes, miss Hebert. Though, are you sure you can't convince brother to come with us?" A hopeful intonation filled her soft voice, a hope that I would have to crush.

"Not really possible for me, your brother has been stubborn as always saying that he has important things to deal with and all."

"Oh… I see." Ugh! This girl!? Does she not realise the power she wields? Everyone within hearing distance faltered, trying to straighten themselves against the otherworldly assault of Nunnaly's cute voice.

"Are your lessons over already?" I tried to change the topic and draw her attention to something else.

"Oh yes! We were let out early due to a bit of schedule clash."

"Girls better pack up, we'll eat something at the train station instead. Let's get going, I really don't want to be late."

Milly mock saluted me and dashed off to wear her own dress. I followed her example and picked up the bag I had left here in the morning with my dress.

Let's get ready then we can go to this farce of a conference.

Along the train yard the girls talked about inane topics, more than once said topics were turned around and back towards Lelouch. I get the whole prince charming thing but seriously? He's not even a prince these days. Well, other than Nina and Alice the girls are all quite infatuated with him in some form or the other, no matter what Milly says to deny it.

It was really pleasant. I calmed down with my fifth cup of tea today and just continued reading the diary of Ricardo von Britannia detailing his escape from the British isles. An interesting read, if a bit too heavily edited for my tastes. Though I doubt I'm going to get anything with less truth unless I break into the Royal Archives. Might be interesting…

"This is an automated announcement. Please remain calm as the magrail enters the tunnel, we are approaching Lake Kawaguchi momentarily and will be slowing down. Please remain seated and keep your seat belts buckled. Thank you for using Britannian Railways."

Hmm, we're almost there. I gazed down at the heeled shoes I was wearing and lamented over my poor feet. I would've worn flats if milly wasn't so insistent on me 'making use of my long legs'. I guess looking good isn't too bad and it's not like I'm as stick thin as I was as a teen. Certain areas are a lost cause but I worked hard to get my current muscle definition, somehow working out is a hobby that hasn't bored me in the least all these years.

The train slowed to a stop and I started to herd my students out one by one. After a brief wait for a short baggage check we headed towards the bus waiting to take us to the hotel. The ride over the bridge was uneventful but I noticed something whilst looking at the scenery. Unmarked vans and a large truck with a container big enough to fit two knightmares plus more, maybe it's just hidden security. If it's not, this night might be… exciting.

Sadly for me it looked like nothing would happen tonight. We entered the cocktail as a group and I did what I always do at formal parties like this. Pick up some food, go to a corner and eat as slowly as possible whilst keeping an eye on the girls. So long as I eat I won't have to talk to anyone and the food is pretty good.

I guess this isn't too bad, I wish I could talk to some of the other guests around but they would just spew some nonsense or the other at me about Sakuradite. A power source and a superconductor what a useful material, essentially oil but much much more valuable and somehow volatile.

I'm kinda surprised we managed to get into such an important conference by the Ashford name alone. Well, they did design the original knightmares, someone probable wants to grill Milly on schematics and secrets since from what I hear knightmare developments till now has mostly just been trying to decipher the systems and schematics left behind by the Ashfords and adding in new technological developments where possible.

A pink haired girl with a bunch of clearly not guards was walking towards me. A happy smile and kind magenta eyes, I really don't want to talk to her but I don't want to be rude to what's most likely a duke's daughter either… So I had to endure her conversation, thankfully she seemed to only want to know why I was at the corner all by myself. I made an excuse to the girl about not feeling well and having some personal troubles.

"Well, would you like to talk about it?" Said the pinkette whose name I didn't even know.

I looked over at her again and answered her. "I doubt I should pour my heart out at someone I've only just met and don't even know the name of."

She tilted her head and asked again. "Isn't that the best way to complain about troubles? If you don't know someone and they don't know you, you can tell them whatever you want."

"Most people won't just sit and listen to the problems of others, miss." The girl kept looking at me. Why are they all like this? "Huff. Fine, but don't expect me to go into detail." The girl's smile got even brighter.

"These days I feel like I can't do anything, as if I've lost something as I've aged. I want to truly live again, do something, change the world instead of working a job I am frankly bored of." I glanced back at the girl and saw that her face had taken a sympathetic shape, she must have experienced something similar.

I continued speaking. "I feel like I'm supposed to do more but I also don't have the power to do it. From what I can tell you feel like that too, don't you?" The pinkette opened her mouth to say something but one of her guards whispered something into her ear. She turned to try and apologise but I waved her off.

"Thank you for our tal, miss. Saying things out loud really does feel good, maybe I should do it more often." They brought her hands up as if she was trying to deny something.

"I should be the one thanking you, you've given me a lot to think about." With a little bow of her head she turned around and left.

Hmmm… the ambiance of the party settled in once again. I'm used to this, just going to parties as Milly's chaperone because of her disagreements with her parents. Huuuffff… Ruben I owe you so much that I have to bear this shit constantly. My mind slowly wandered to the first ever party I had been a part of. I say 'been a part of' more like crashed into through the skylight.

Man that was fun, I miss being a villain somehow… I certainly did things I shouldn't have done but I did good too on top of all that it was exhilarating. The adrenaline, the shock, the triumph and the feeling of being worth something are all emotions of those times, I miss those times.

I turned my head upwards to look at the skylights upon the ballroom and a young japanese man wearing what looked like a military uniform met my gaze and yelled something at his companions. Ha, I've forgotten… my luck fucking sucks or maybe it doesn't.

The young man didn't waste time any longer and brough what looked like C-4 out. I tried to shout at the security but I was too late. With a deafening boom the reinforced glass shattered and through the shards and smoke ten or so japanese terrorists rappelled down. I could already hear gunshots outside, most likely the guards being gunned down.

With a slightly accented English one of the terrorists with insignia of some rank or the other begann giving orders to the crowd.. "Get the fuck down and show us your hands! This is the Japanese Liberation Front, you filthy brits better not fucking try anything."

The terrorists began grouping us all together, not too close; just close enough to be herded away from all exits into a single corner of the room. Once everyone was gathered we were searched and our electronics along with any kind of sharp object we had was taken.

I tried to gather all the girls together and drew them close to myself. Eventually after a lot of shoving and pushing a broad shouldered Japanese man with a circle beard and a katana on his hip came through one of the entrances along with two guards following at his heels. The man came before us and stopped just three or so metres away with his hands clasped behind his back. Too far to lunge at and kill, I'll wait for a better opportunity.

"I am Kusakabe Josui, one of the few remaining soldiers of the great nation of Japan now serving the Japanese Liberation Front. I will begin with saying that I apologise, it was not my intention to force civilians into this when I began resisting against our oppressors, but your government has forced my hand at this point. We must make it known that we survive despite the cruelties of Britannia, you will be the medium through which we will make ourselves known. I hope that the Britannian government will learn their lessons from this incident."

What a stupid way of thinking, Britannia doesn't care about its people. They'll just take our deaths as justification to slaughter more innocent Japanese people. He must have gone insane, telling us that we'll be martyrs for his people and hoping that it would calm us down. I could here sobbing from behind me already and the already xenophobic Nina was practically stuck to Milly, who was trying to cover as much of Nina as possible.

After his impromptu speech the soldier left through the door only leaving four soldiers to guard us. Manageable but they have assault rifles, I'll need a distraction to do anything without getting half the hostages killed. But how?

A camera was wheeled in and an announcement was made, televised to the entire nation. This is going to become a mess, the military can't look weak, so they can't give into their demands. The terrorists will eventually need to prove they are serious, blood will be spilled.

After a barrage of constant announcements by the military, the earth shook beneath us with explosions. The Japanese terrorists begann talking about a 'raikou' being effective as expected, the source of those explosions must be that then. Let's hope they don't destroy the supports with whatever Raikou is.

Seems like the attacks spooked them, two more men came in and after a bit of struggling took a man with a fairly expensive looking suit away. The fate of that man was already apparent. Nina and Milly had retreated to the very edge of the room, good, Nina won't cause any trouble from there.

Alice was trying to comfort Nunnally, who without her sight couldn't understand the environment clearly, was naturally even more terrified than others. I tried to stay near her just in case.

Another excruciating hour passed and I felt even worse because of my hopelessness. If only I still had my powers, then I could've solved this so fast. Now, I can only dream about my past strength. Another man entered the room holding a tablet and pointed directly at nunnally.

The man approached with calm professional steps, must be one of the real soldiers then. "You're Nunnall Lamperouge, Right?" A grating tone, he must be a smoker.

Nunnally hesitantly answered back "Huh? I mean, yes, I am."

"You'll be coming with me." Milly tried to rise up and say something but I acted faster.

"Executing a blind and crippled girl won't look good, you know. Take me instead if you want a cripple so much."

"My orders are to take this girl to the Lieutenant Colonel, not your worthless ass." The man spoke as if our very existence was tainting the air, spitting his words and scrunching up his face.

This interest in Nunnally, did they somehow figure her identity out? He must have tired of my resistance since he began unsheathing his sword and I tensed up to kill him if he tried. Nunnaly hearing the metal scraping intervened.

"Wait! I'll come with you, so please sheath your sword." She stopped me from doing something stupid.

Ignoring the protests of Milly and Alice Nunnally left with the man with a promise saying she'd be back. Alice was staring at me and Milly, she must've guessed we know something about Nunnally she doesn't.

I don't know what happened but a few minutes after Nunnally was taken the building shook and a bunch of gunshots filled the air. Seconds later the lights were cut. My chance! I jumped at the nearest panicking guard and stabbed him in the jugular, they would be killed anyways plus what's a few more souls extinguished couldn't compare to the blood of millions weighing me down.

No time to waste I picked up the Chinese assault rifle in his hands and sprayed it at the locations I remember the other three guards being. Three screams of pain rewarded my reckless and desperate attempts at feeling strong again. Something stirred in the back of my head.

I felt my head practically split apart. White dots flashed across my mind constantly moving and living, my awareness expanded far beyond what my mind could now handle and I choked back a scream as my knockoff AK looking rifle dropped and thankfully clicked empty. The doors to the ballroom were breached by black uniformed soldiers with britannian rifles at hand, though they didn't look like soldiers.

I could hear them cursing in Japanese wondering what had happened to the guards, I couldn't make out what they were all saying. My Japanese was not fluent and my confused mind didn't help me in that regard. A red haired woman- no, girl- ran up at me and helped me lean on her. She seemed oddly familiar but I couldn't focus on anything other than the thousands of white dots in my mind.

Come on, you've done this before. Get yourself together! I slowly calmed down enough to hear them speaking in English, directing us down towards the liferafts. The red haired one oddly didn't leave my side and stuck close to the girls and I. Once we were all on a raft along with Nunnally who was personally escorted by Zero with a shock on her face clearly out of place on the normally calm girl, we safely escaped on the raft.

Only one missing was Alice, who had disappeared somewhere along the way.

I couldn't bring myself to care about the clearly undercover agent posing as a middleschool girl, more interested in the collapsing hotel. I knew this would happen eventually, thank god everyone was already evacuated.

Searchlights from the shore passed over us and eventually passed by us and landed on the motorjacht he was riding on.

"My dear Britannians, have no fear. All of the hostages from the hotel are safe and sound. I, Zero, return them to you unharmed." Dramatic as expected, but should I be surprised?

"People! Fear us, or rally behind us as you see fit. We are the Black Knights!" He's using the attention gained by the hotel jacking to his advantage. This guy understands PR.

"We of the Black Knights stand with all those who have no weapons to wield. Regardless of whether they be Elevens, or Britannians. The Japan Liberation Front cowardly took innocent Britannian civilians hostage, and they mercilessly executed them. It was a wanton and meaningless act, therefore they have been punished." Introducing themselves as vigilantes with a cool britannian-like name, heh… Hahaha…. Interesting.

"Just as former Viceroy Clovis was punished for ordering the slaughter of countless unarmed Elevens, we could not stand by and allow such cruelty to be carried out, and so we made him pay for his actions. I will not repudiate battle on a fair and level field, but neither will I tolerate a one-sided massacre of the weak by the strong. The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed! Wherever oppressors abuse their power by attacking those who are powerless, we shall appear again. No matter how mighty, how formidable our foe may be." 'The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be killed.' I'm really starting to like this guy despite myself.

"Those of you with power, fear us. Those of you without it, rally behind us. We, the Black Knights, shall be the ones who stand in judgement of this world!" Maybe… hmmm. I felt the bugs near us flex and move around. I can change things… I can make a difference! I won't let a man in a mask decide my fate ever again.

Still, it's about time I took action. Look mom, I can fight against the system too…

An: This fanfic is not my main writing project, heck not even my main fanfic, it's just a way to write something else when I tire of writing Curator which might go on a small hiatus soon. Anyways please enjoy, check out my other fic at your own risk and as always please do review. They are a major source of motivation for me.