Thank you for reading. Hope you like it
This is the third and final part in the story. Thank you for sticking with it all this time. If you have been reading since I started posting this over a decade ago then please let me know. Like parts one and two this part will have fifty chapters. I hope to update once a week, but there may be times when it takes a little longer. As while I have the major events worked out, there will be gaps when I can add some chapters that are more character driven than plot driven.
Her statement was simple and clear, but he was having a hard time trying to prosses it all. Avalon had always been just an idea to him. The safe haven for those that were like him. Somewhere he would be excepted. Wouldn't have to hide who he was. It never seemed real to him though. A physical place he could go to. Now Morgana was standing in front of him asking him to go there with her. Merlin wasn't even sure if he had truly believed in Avalon before this. The possibility that it could be just the deep wish of the oppressed for there to be something better in the future. So many conflicting thoughts and emotions played out in his mind as Morgana stood before him. Her eyes searching his for any idea of what he was going to say. The silence dragged on. Just before he would be forced to say something, anything the faint footsteps of someone walking towards them saved him. Both hearing the sound the stepped apart quickly and turned to face whoever was interrupting them. Relife washed over them as they saw who it was. They had been very lucky.
"I wanted to make sure you were alright, you looked very pale." Lancelot smiled a faint smile as he spoke. Merlin nodded that he was alright. "And you." The knight asked the witch. Morgana looked confused. "You seemed to turn pale as Merlin did. I thought..." He didn't need to say anymore she understood.
Lancelot had noticed her looking unwell and moving away from the group at the same time as Merlin fainted, then she had disappeared without anyone else noticing. She had in fact suddenly felt faint and moved to one of the large tables to get some water. Finding the jugs of water on the table empty, she started to head to the castle to get some form the kitchen. She had just entered the castle when her legs gave out and her vision began to blur. Reaching out she placed a hand on the wall which stopped her from falling over onto the stone floor. All she was aware of them was the musical voice in her head. When she came to, she pulled herself up, looking back she saw the crowd gathered round Merlin. When the parted slightly she met his eyes and knew that he had heard and felt the same things that she had.
A little surprised at the concern of the knight Morgana affirmed that she was also alright. She then turned around and opened the door behind her, which led to a storeroom. Merlin and Lancelot followed her inside. Anyone else could enter the corridor and interrupt them and there was a lot to talk over. Quickly Morgana told the knight what had just happened. Looking at Lancelot Merlin was pleased to see that he looked as confused as he felt.
"How would you get there." He asked.
Morgana answered. "A boat, there's a boat. It's the only way to travel through the mist -"
"The mist."
"The mist of Avalon. It's what protects Avalon, keeps it hidden."
Lancelot nodded in understanding. "So, there's a boat just waiting there."
"I... It's what I've been told." She had sounded so confident up to this point. So sure, sure that Avalon as they had been told it was existed. Now she sounded so unsure. While Lancelot politely didn't point out how ridicules this all sounded, he looked as unsure as Merlin felt. Morgana picked up on the skepticism. "I know how it sounds." She said defensively. "But we have to try." She looked directly at Merlin. Begging him with her eyes to agree with her.
He knew that look, knew it well. It was the look that haunted him. The look she gave when she was pleading with him to confirm that she had magic. That she wasn't going crazy. When he looked back that was the moment, he believed that everything had started down the road that led to so much pain. How different things would have been if he had agreed with her back then. Told her she wasn't crazy, and she wasn't alone. As much as he wanted to make up for that now and agree with her, something was stopping him. A block he didn't fully understand. Seeing the hesitation in his eyes, her pleading eyes turned to hurt. He was going to deny her again.
"I...I don't know. We don't know anything-" Merlin began.
"Well, we're not going to find out anything by staying here."
"She does have a point." Lancelot said trying to mediate. Merlin turned to him a hurt look on his face. "It could be worth the risk." He added.
"Merlin...I can't do this without you."
Morgana spoke with her head lowered. Her face hidden, but he could see the vulnerability in her eyes. Admitting this could not be easy for her. He knew there was something deeper she was not saying. She feared she could not do this without him, because he was more powerful than she was. That they had been called together. In the same way at the exact same time. whoever called them wanted them to come together. More than those reasons she needed him because she didn't want to be alone. That had always been her biggest fear, and it was his too. There was so much he wanted to say, but all the words got stuck in his throat. He was very aware that Lancelot stood next to them and the whole city just a few feet away.
Magically, then without magic the knight seemed to notice the air of tension. The unsaid words. "I'll let you discuss this in private." He moved to leave but stood before he opened the door, he turned back to them. "I leave for Nemeth in two days. You could use that as a cover." As he left, he saw a smile briefly cross Morgana's face.
"Thank you." She said as he closed the door behind him. She then turned to face Merlin, meeting his gaze she waited for him to explain what he was thinking.
Taking in a deep breath he tried to focus his rambling thoughts into a coherent stream of words. "So much could go wrong."
"And so much could go right." Morgana countered.
It was a strange turn of events. Morgana being the optimistic one and Merlin the pessimistic one. He couldn't help but scoff under his breath. As much as he did enjoy seeing hope once more in Morgana's eyes after so very long, he didn't enjoy that it was in contrast to how he felt. He wished her could be as hopeful as she was. Or that he could understand what was stopping him from being so.
"My mother might be there, Morgause." Her voice broke a little as she spoke.
In a moment of pure instinct Merlin reached out and took her hand in his. "I know."
"Your father, Fraya."
He felt that he had been punched in the gut. No matter how much time has passed it still felt as raw as it did when he lost them. It brought him back to that place. If things had not changed so much between them, he would have thought Morgana was bring them up to hurt him. She wasn't. She was bringing them up because she knew how much he wanted more time with them. Didn't want him miss out on the chance to see them again. Like she didn't want to miss out on the chance to see her sister again. Get to meet her mother. No matter how small of a chance she didn't want to miss out on it. He wanted that for her, he did, and himself, but he was still mentally blocked. It all seemed so impossible.
"What can we tell Arthur." He finally said.
He could feel her whole body relax as he still held her hand. Suddenly more conscious of their connection they pulled their hands apart.
"I can tell him the truth, that I'm going to Avalon. You can say you're going with Lancelot." Merlin shook his head. He didn't want to have Lancelot lie for hm. He greatly appreciated his friend keeping his secret, he wasn't going to ask more form him than that. "You could tell him the truth." Morgana offered with a slight edge to her voice
Her words again hit him like a physical attack. Just like the last time too he knew that she was not intending to hurt him. Just stating a fact. She watched him carefully as she tried to work out what he was thinking. She couldn't understand why he was so resistant to the idea of Avlon. Why he didn't want to take the chance to see those that he had lost again. To learn more about their kind. He seemed to be so ready and willing to do everything that the ancient prophesy had said he should. Even kill her, but this, this was where he was going to draw his line in the sand. So, she asked him.
"What do you want."
It took him sometime, meeting her eyes to understand what she was really asking him. It seemed such a very simple question, but it was really anything but. He had asked her the same question before. In almost the exact tone and words. He hadn't understood how she couldn't answer. Now he understood how difficult a question it was. Feeling a weight press down on him, Merlin stepped back and slumped down onto a wooden crate that was just behind him.
"I don't want to fight anymore." Morgana nodded in agreement as she moved to sit next to him. "I don't want to hide anymore."
"Then don't."
From anyone else he wouldn't accept sure a flippant response. He would have bite back. From Morgana though he accepted it. If anyone understood, it was her. "It's not that easy."
"It never is." She said with a small laugh.
The feeling of deja vu slowly crept in. They had many conversations like this before. The same back and forth. He had sometimes wondered if they were going to be stuck in this continues cycle forever. It was nice to know that things could change. This time it seemed different somehow. The words were the same, but they were different this time. The tone they were spoken with was now one of understanding, not one of condescension and bitterness. It was a welcome change, but it did little to change how he felt. It changed nothing of the fact that he would never now be able to tell Arthur or Gwen the truth. Gwen of course would understand. She would feel hurt but was far too compassionate to hold it against him for long. Arthur too he now felt sure would accept the truth. It was the years of secrets that he would not be able to forgive. The king had been able to move forward with his sister, come to an understanding, because while she had lied, her goal had always been clear. She never lied about who she was, just what she did. It seemed a small difference, but it changed everything. Arthur could aways trust that he knew what her priorities were. Even if he didn't know what she was planning. If he knew the truth it would undermine all the times that he had trusted Merlin. It would all be a lie, an act to him.
"There will never be a right time." She paused before carrying on. "I do think that you let the closest to a right time pass by." She couldn't help but add. Surprisingly trying to be as gentle as possible as she spoke the harsh truth.
"Then why did you lie for me." He turned to face her. His tone was less accusatory than she expected after their last talk.
It took her a few seconds to answer. "If he knew that I knew before him, that anyone else did-"
"I get it." Merlin cut her off as he let out a groan and leaned back against the wall.
She was right. It was not what his secret was that would hurt Arthur it was that Merlin and kept it from him. That others, Giaus, Lancelot and Morgana knew before him. The king may never say it, but Merlin knew that he thought of him as his closest friend. That he deep down, deep deep down respected and trusted him. At least that was what Merlin choose to believe. To learn that something so important was kept from him and others that he trusts and carried for had kept it from him too. Arthur had grown in maturity. Was more willing to use words and diplomacy to solve an issue than try and solve every problem with a fight. Merlin doubted though that even with this more mature and rational Arthur he would be able to accept such a huge betrayal of trust.
What made all of this worse was that he had done it to himself. He had dug the hole he was now stuck in and no one but himself could get him out all if. He had to climb out himself.
Morgana couldn't understand why she felt a deep sadness for him. If anything, she should feel some vindication. Despite what he had done to her she would not wish a life lived in the shadows, a lie on anyone. Being honest had cost her, but she would accept it all again if she was able to keep the freedom of being herself.
"We have to go to Avalon." She said after a few seconds of quiet. Her certainty on the matter still firmly set.
"What do you really hope to find there."
He asked but didn't turn to face her. He watched her from the corner of his eyes. He didn't want to make her feel she was being watched and try and mask her emotions. He needed to know what was making her so sure this was the right choice. What she had said about possibly seeing her family was the truth he knew, but there was more to it than that.
"Where I belong." She finally said.
Still not looking at her, Merlin lifted his left hand and placed it over Morgana's hands that she clasped in her lap. No matter how things had changed. That she had managed to selvedge and rebuild her relationships with Arthur and Gwen. That she had lived here for most of her life, she would never truly feel safe here. Never feel that she could relax while she was here. Could never fully be herself. He wished he could make her feel that this was where she was belonged. Nothing he could say would do that so he offered all that he could. Silent understanding and a small act of comfort.
They sat like this in silence for what felt like minutes but were only seconds. Till suddenly the door opened, and they both jumped to their feet.
Peaking his head round the door Lancelot's face in the dim light came into view. They both let out a loud sigh of relief.
"Arthur is looking for you, my lady."
Morgana rolled her eyes at his insistence on addressing her so formally, in such an unformal situation, as she walked towards him. The knight opened the door fully for her to pass through. When she reached it, she turned back to Merin. Silently asking if he was coming too. He shook his head. He needed more time to think. With nothing else to say, Morgana left to find her brother. Lancelot to Merlin's surprise didn't move to follow her. Instead, he walked back into the storeroom. Watching his friend, trying to see how he was feeling.
"I'm fine." Merlin said, trying to sound like it was the truth.
"Really."
"No." Merlin admitted.
Knowing that he would get no more on the matter from his friend Lancelot changed the topic to the more pressing matter. "What have you decided to do about Avalon." The look on his friend's face told Lancelot that a decision had not been reached.
"What's holding you back." He asked gently.
Merlin scoffed a little. Of course, Lancelot would pick up on what was the real issue. Though to Merlin's great relief he didn't say out loud what he knew Lancelot really wanted to say, ask.
"You could-" Merlin shock his head. "You don't deserve to live in the shadows."
Merlin didn't know what to say. Lancelot too seemed to have nothing further to add. Both feeling a little uncomfortable at the turn of the conversation, Lancelot patted Merlin on the shoulder and they moved to leave the storeroom. It wasn't till he was halfway down the corridor that Lancelot realized that he was walking alone. He turned back, but Merlin was already gone.
Morgana stepped out of the dark corridor and out into the early evening light. The music was still playing as couples danced. Carefully she made her way through the crowd towards Arthur. She could just see him and Gwen standing a little to the side of the crowd. The gold of Gwen's dress catching the last of the light from the setting sun. They were deep in conversation. A private conversation that was understood by the people nearest them giving them a few feet of space. Neither of them noticed her getting closer, till when she was a few feet away Gwen glanced up and saw her drawing closer. Arthur turned to face her when Gwen informed him of her presence. His face widened into a smile that she returned.
"We were worried you were going to hide away the whole time." Gwen said as Morgana reached them.
"The thought had crossed my mind." She teased.
Arthur looked back and forth between his future wife and sister. Taking a few steps further back from the crowd. The women followed.
"I'm about to make a speech. I wanted to make sure you heard it-"
"Arthur-"
He wasn't looking at her as she interrupted. He was looking to the musicians, giving them a cue to stop playing. The music trailed off as Arthur moved into the Centre of the crowd, where the dancers parted and made way for him. Gwen placed a hand on Morgana's back and pushed her forwards with her as they followed Arthur. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to their king.
"I promise I won't holt the celebrations for long." A small chuckle grew from the crowd. "Having everyone gathered together felt like the right time. Things have changed over the last few years. Some for the better and some for the worse. Some that landed somewhere in the middle. I grew up knowing that one day I would be king."
Morgana glanced a Gwen for any clue as to what all of this was about. She just smiled a subtle smile and slipped her arm around Morgana's as she set, her eyes back on Arthur.
"But I have come to realize that I was not prepared for what it truly meant to be king. That there was no way that anyone could ever be prepared for such a thing. No matter how hard we try we are never going to be able to prepare for everything that life is going to bring. It is through each other, supporting each other that we are able to take on what comes our way. That is what Camelot has done when faced with a sudden threat."
A cheer grew form the crowd. The sound of which drifted up and was heard by Merlin from a tiny, uncovered window that was made for defensive purpose to be used by archers on the staircase he was walking up. He stopped to look out and try and hear more of what was happening.
"But it was not a sudden attack." Arthur raised his voice further to be heard over the cheering. That now turned into low muttering.
"Yes, on the day we did have no warning of the attack that came, but the road that led to that day started long ago. When Magic and those that practiced it were outlawed. Labeled criminals, soulless, evil." As he spoke now, Arthur met Morgana's eyes. He didn't think he had seen her look so shocked and confused before. His lips curled upwards in a hint of a smile.
"Yes, magic had caused harm to Camelot, but it has also aided the kingdom. If not for magic, we would not have been victorious that day. I would not have been born and my mother may still live." He paused letting what he said be taken in fully. Meeting Gwen's eyes he saw pride and he spoke again. "In just ten short days Guinevere and myself will be married. Like today the wedding will take place here rather than the castle. So that all of you can share in the day that will mark the true start of the new age of Camelot."
The crowd cheered again. Not as loud as before. Clearing still trying to make sense of what he had said about magic.
"For that day on magic will no longer be outlawed in Camelot."
Morgana felt the air being knocked out of her lungs and Gwen give her arm a light squeeze. The words all made sense, but not in that order. It was what she had wanted, been willing to sacrifice nearly everything for. Now here it was. Arthur said it so casually. Like it was nothing. Like it didn't change everything. She waited for Arthur to meet her eyes as the crowd around them spoke in numerous low voices trying to make sense of what they had just heard. When he met her eyes, she searched his for any sign that this could be a cruel trick. Not that she really believed him to be capable of such a thing or Gwen. Who still linked her arm with hers. Arthur offered a small smile as he gave a slight nod. Morgana took in a deep breath as she fought back tears.
Merlin stood at the tiny window a hand on the wall before him to keep him standing. His heart was racing as he swung for letting out a chocked laugh to a cry. He watched as Arthur gave his speech, as he nodded to Morgana that he was being serious. He caught sight of Lancelot as he moved through the crowd and clapped loudly as Arthur made his proclamation about magic. Gwaine, Mordred by his side moved over to Morgana and Gwen. Both placing a hand on the witch's arm in a congratulatory way before Her arm slipped from Gwen's and she stepped forward to hug Arthur.
Merlin sank back to sit of the steps his back against the wall as he tried to steady himself in a world that had just be upended in the most unexpected and amazing way.
Thanks again for reading.
I was in two minds about the ending part. It's a big change. I just didn't feel like it made sense to continue the ban on magic. Arthur being king was meant to bring about the golden age and nothing changed in the show when he did in regard to magic. So, Merlin lied to everyone, turned on his kind for nothing in the long run. I wanted there to be something good that comes for that. I hope I don't regret making this change. I would really like to hear your thoughts about the change and what you think could come from it.
While I do have a plan for this part. Know how it'll all end. There is still 50 chapters to fill. That means that I would really love to hear from you all, what you would like to see in the story. Which characters, relationships you would like to see more of. Are there any characters, ideas form the show that you would like to see in this story. Anything from the legend maybe. I would also love to hear any ideas you have about Avalon. I see it as being a little like the grey havens in LOTR, but I'm open to any further input.
I love forward to hopefully reading all of your input.
