The great hall was filled with noise, shouts, and laughter as people wildly showed their joy about the end of exams and the upcoming feast. Severina Snape did not seem to notice this sitting in silence.
For the past few days now, she felt only a ringing emptiness and cold. The September sun did not warm her, as if it was saving its warm rays for everyone else but her. She didn't notice the people around her, didn't respond to anyone who tried to talk to her, nor did she react if someone bumped into her. She was numb to the world around her. She looked more like a corpes than a young student.
The only time she showed signs of life was when she smiled as she returned the books to the stern young library lady Madame Pince.
She knew that the whole school was already aware of the incident at the lake when James Potter suspended her in the air and pulled down her skirt in front of a mob of people. It was all in good fun for everyone to savour her humiliation, shame, and horror. Despite all this she was calm because it wouldn't be long now as the imminent end gave her strength.
At a feast to mark the end of the school year, she heard part of someone's conversation,
"...suicide season is coming."
"Why is that?"
"Because in a month, they will start sending out exam results, and then everyone who didn't pass will end their lives in fear of facing the consequences from their parents."
"Ha, those who are pumped out will be unlucky because they will have to live with the knowledge that they are twice failures. They could neither pass the exams nor kill themselves."
Then the participants of the conversation laughed in unison, and Severina was pierced by the pain of the sound of someone else's laughter and the thought to herself
'Failed exams are not the only thing keeping someone from ending it all...' But after a moment, she again fell out of the surrounding reality, plunging into herself .
Later on in the evening, she packed books, clothes, and other school supplies into her trunk only leaving the clothes in which she would need to board the train the next morning and go to London King's Cross Station. She held up a pocket knife and admired her reflection as the steel blade gleamed, and Severina lost track of time, sitting on the bed and staring blankly at the knife, but suddenly woke up as she needed to carry out her plans before anyone interfered.
After changing into fresh clothes, she put the knife and her wand in her pocket and walked barefoot towards the bathroom. In the cool, dark room, drops of water fell loudly and steadily from the tap.
Severina paused on the cold stone floor, mentally checking off items on her list to see if she had forgotten anything. It turned out that I had forgotten to write a note to her parents. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Now was not to panic or even curse herself.
Quietly she returned to the dormitory, walked past her sleeping roommates, and trying not to make noise, she took out a piece of parchment, a pen and an inkwell from the chest, annoyed that she had disturbed the order of her things. Without hesitation, she began to write what she wanted to say, and what she would never have said if an opportunity like this had not presented itself to her. The calmness (or emptiness?) that she felt, it turns out, was not felt by her body. To Severina's surprise, her hand was shaking, writing some unreadable scribbles. Nevertheless, she finished the letter, waved it, urging the ink to dry, and rolled it into a tube. Then she quietly left the Slytherin dorms, walked along the corridor towards the owl tower, and sent a letter with the school owl.
Back in the bathroom, Severina looked her reflection in the mirror and saw dead eyes looking back at her. Gone was the hopeful spark she once had. She thought to herself,
'I did nothing wrong. Why are people calling me a bad person.'
After filling the bathtub, Severena tested the water in the bath to see if it was too hot or cold. Not that she cared, but there was still no point in spending her last minutes in discomfort. Without undressing, she lay down in the bathtub and placed her open pocket knife on the edge. The wet fabric clunging to her skin, and she watched as the white shirt became almost transparent, revealing fresh scratches and old scars. How strange it was that since the incident, she had no desire to punish herself with the cold steel of a faithful knife as if this was no longer necessary when another solution appeared.
The splashing of water against the sides gradually died down. The only sounds left were Severina's breathing and the steady drops of water from the tap.
She silently cast a spell that was supposed to save her from her enemies.
Sectumsempra.
How ironic that in the end, her greatest enemy was herself.
She exhaled sharply as the water was stained scarlet from dozens of cuts on her body. Blood and clear water mixed in the white marble bath in dark swirls that turned pink with each new drop.
The pain left her along with the blood. Severina smiled as her vision blurred. It did not really matter whether she felt calm or empty if pain and suffering will leave her forever. Complete calm, warm water, silence, broken only by a drop of tap.
'I'm free...', she thought as measured drops put her to sleep. Her eyes closed with a smile on her lips.
When she woke up and realised that she was still alive, she cried.
