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Regular Show: Surprise

Chapter 15: Babysitting the Devil

The sun was shining brightly over CJ's face, her alarm clock was ringing away like crazy, her bladder was ready to burst, and on top of all that, her stomach was growling like a bear waking up from hibernation. That last two things should've been more than enough to get CJ out of bed. But then again, the girl had been carrying twins inside her belly for eight months now and those little guys had a habit of kicking all night, keeping their mommy up, and she was exhausted.

To her luck, her lover/baby daddy came to her rescue, shutting off the alarm, covering the blinds, then carefully helping pull her out of bed and guiding her to the bathroom. After she'd finished using the facilities, Mordecai helped his pregnant lover down the stairs towards the kitchen where the table was filled with her favourite breakfast foods; grilled cheesed toast, grapefruit juice, bacon-wrapped waffles and to top it all off with a heaping bowl of sugar-frosted marshmallow cereal. The cloud girl was impressed by how awesome Mordecai was being, but even he wasn't this good.

"Wow someone's being extra generous today. What did you do?" she asked with suspicious creeping in her voice while she chowed down.

"Hey, can't a guy be helpful to the love of his life who's carrying his future children?" Mordecai defended. "It's not like I haven't been there for you throughout your pregnancy."

"True but you're still a guy, and guys who are exceedingly helpful out of the blue are only normally so when something's going on. So spill the beans or you're seeing my ugly side," she threatened, fire daggers erupting in her eyes, which scared Mordecai a little.

"Like you have that," Mordecai flirted. "But seriously we've only got a month to ourselves before twins are born and we gotta make the most of it. So, I figured since we'd have a complete you and me, day."

Tempting as it was, what with CJ being on maternity leave, Mordecai still had work to do. "Aren't you busy working on some artwork today? I know the mayor personally ordered one of your paintings. If not him, you'll still be getting quite a bunch of other people begging for your work. And what about the Park?"

"The mayor's piece has already been taken care of and shipped to him yesterday," Mordecai said. "All other clients have been informed of a day delay in their orders; though none are complaining. They know you can't rush art."

"Really?"

"Really. And as for the Park, well, remember how you've been wanting me to quit so that I can spend less time around… you know who?"

CJ knew who he was referring to, and it made her grind her teeth in frustration. Even just the mention of that person, regardless of whether or not you used their name brought back memories of what went down months ago. And it wasn't pretty. "Yeah…" she replied.

"Well, I handed in my resignation yesterday. I'm officially no longer a groundskeeper and am now a full-time artist."

This pleased CJ greatly. "About fricken time."

"Don't tell anyone I told you this, but I overheard Benson tell Skips that he plans to offer Thomas the intern a full-time job. If he accepts, then… well… let's just say you know who will be out of a job and can spend more time at the Park without worrying about a certain pest interfering with our lives." Mordecai reached down and started rubbing CJ's belly. "And when I mean our lives, I mean you, me, and our two little bundles of joy."

This made CJ's smile grow. "Music to my ears," she said in between eating both the bacon waffles and cheesy toast.

"And today is just you, me, and whatever adventures we can do without harming the twins," Mordecai added.

"I like the sound of that. So where do we start?"

"Well… I was thinking…"

Ding-dong

Hearing the doorbell ring, Mordecai left the kitchen to see who was there. When he opened it, he wished he could close it.

"Oh no. Not today. Any day but today," he cursed.

"Yeah, good to see you too Mordo," Death himself said. In his arms, he held his sleeping toddler of a son, Thomas.

"Mordecai who is…" CJ began asking, but as soon as she got to the front door and saw who was there she became frustrated as she saw that hers and Mordecai's day was ruined. "Oh seriously?! I thought Mordecai paid you back when we took your son to the playground."

Death didn't appear to look too happy either. "Yeah, well I need you two to babysit again."

"Can't you ask Rigby?" Mordecai asked.

"Pfff, no way. My wife heard all about that little stunt he pulled trying to break you two up, knowing full well that it would rob your unborn kids of a father. She doesn't wanna place her only child in the care of that raccoon of a rat. Besides, in my perspective, you're the more responsible of the two. Also, consider this as practice for the upcoming brats in your slutty lover's stomach."

In her condition, CJ was advised not to let her anger go into storm cloud mode, but Death's words, combined with her hormones were making it hard for her to control herself; her skin beginning to turn a dark grey shade. Though Mordecai had been learning how to help his love control her anger. He ran back over to her and started rubbing her shoulders and whispering soft, soothing words.

"Shhhhhh…. It's okay babe. It's okay. You're strong and in control. You're in control. Just breathe in and out. In and out."

Doing the breathing as instructed, combined with Mordecai's techniques allowed CJ to regain control, as her body returned to its normal soft white colour. "Yeah, yeah it's okay. I'm cool," she breathed.

Once she was fully calm and back to her light skin tone, Mordecai returned his attention to Death. "Though seriously Death our answer is no."

Instead of getting angry and making heinous threats, as the couple expected he would, Death did something they wouldn't have expected from the lord of darkness. He got onto his knees and began crying. "Look you have to help me please," he begged which surprised the couple. "It's me and my wife's anniversary, I forgot to get a babysitter, and if that weren't bad enough, I completely messed up her birthday last month; not to mention I called her mother fat during her funeral. If today doesn't go right it'll be over. I can't lose this marriage. Don't get me wrong, taking souls is fun, but there's only so much of that I can do, without needing something else in my life. You must understand?"

Unfortunately, Mordecai could relate. He'd always wanted more in life besides being a lowly groundskeeper. A successful, non-deadend, job, friends, and someone to love, and now he had it all. Not to mention, the love of his life was someone he'd hurt several times, destroying their relationship on several occasions. It was a miracle that they'd gotten back together and were having twins. Looking over behind Death he saw the latter's wife sitting in the car, all four of arms and face crossed. He'd remembered CJ being like that, and worse, in the past. Not something he'd want on his friends or somewhat acquaintances like Death was.

Looking at CJ Mordecai gave her a pleading look with puppy dog eyes. It was a weakness CJ's father said that the woman of her family couldn't resist.

"Augh, alright fine!" CJ said with reluctance. "But you owe us big time. And no surprise playdates after the twins are born."

"Deal." Placing the sleeping toddler in Mordecai's arms, Death headed back into the car, which then drove off into a mysterious portal. When they were gone CJ and Mordecai looked down at the little devil. For a moment, even they admitted that he was kind of cute.

But then his eyes opened up, and the misery began. "Well, well, well it isn't beaky and cloud bitch," he snickered. "My, my, my someone's been stuffing themselves with Twinkies," he laughed, poking at CJ's pregnant belly, much to the woman's annoyance.

"For your information, this swollen belly happened to contain, not one, but two babies inside," she flat-out stated.

"Ew!" the demon baby replied.

"Neither that I ate, but for which I will give life to."

"Ew!" the demon baby said again. "That's worse you disgusting whore."

CJ was beginning to lose her cool again, and it was difficult for Mordecai to do anything about it because he was holding the little terror. Though he did attempt to calmly coo his pregnant lover.

"Ssssshhhhhhh… it's okay love. Just breathe in and out. In and out," he said in a soft voice.

Doing as instructed, CJ breathed in and out multiple times, slowly recomposing herself.

Just when she felt relaxed again, she saw that the baby had escaped Mordecai's grasp and was creating havoc in the kitchen, splattering food on the floor and breaking dishes.

As CJ began to grind her teeth, Mordecai attempted to grab hold of the little monster who viciously cried and screamed.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

Mordecai did his best to hold on and took Thomas out of the kitchen. Leaving CJ to clean up.

"Oh boy," she said sarcastically.


Mordecai took Thomas into the living room and put the toddler down. He then went over to a nearby shelf where some new toys for his future kids rested, grabbed several and brought them over. By this time, Thomas had gotten hold of the TV remote and had a show blaring that Mordecai recognized as Extreme Baby Fights, where children would fight viciously with real-life weapons. It was bloody, but Thomas seemed to enjoy it.

Unfortunately, his enjoyment was short-lived when Mordecai yanked the remote from his tiny fingers and then shut the television off.

"What the fuck!" he cursed.

"Baby dude, that is no way to act," Mordecai scolded. Dropping the toys, he'd been carrying onto the floor next to Thomas.

There were several stuffed animals, some blocks and a ball. All of which, Mordecai deemed much safer and appropriate for the kid than that show.

Thomas looked at the toys and then back up at Mordecai. "What the hell am I supposed to do with these?"

"Uh… you play with them," Mordecai answered confused that Thomas didn't know this.

"Pah!" he said ripping up one of the stuffed animals and throwing the pieces on the ground. "I don't wanna play with baby toys," he whined.

He then clapped his hands and suddenly a hole in the floor opened up with a box made of bones that appeared filled with sharp and pointy-looking toys.

Mordecai reached into the bin, immediately ranking his winged arm out when one of the sharp toys cut him.

"Ow!"

CJ, having heard her boyfriend cry out, came into the living room and checked over Mordecai's now bleeding arm. When she looked down at the tiny demon, who was laughing at Mordecai's pain, she did not look pleased one bit.

She picked up the bone toy bin, which upset Thomas, and put them on a nearby, but high, shelf.

"These toys are not safe for a child," she stated. She then grabbed another one of her toys off the shelf and placed it with the other ones.

"But I wanna play with real toys."

"Play with these, or else you'll be going into time out!" CJ threatened.

Thomas' eyes glowed a violent red in response. But CJ crossed her arms and held her stance, not budging from her threat. "Your choice. Play nice, or time out."

Reluctantly, the little demon ended up playing with the toys given to him.


Later Thomas got hungry, so Mordecai, who'd bandaged up his arm, and CJ fed him a diced-up peanut butter sandwich and baby carrots. At first, Thomas refused to eat the food.

"It's yucky!" he whined. "I want candy and ice cream."

The couple just looked at each other unamused then back down at the little monster.

"No treats until after you eat your nutritious meal," Mordecai stated.

"But…"

"Unless you want to go to time out," CJ warned.

Like before, Thomas gave his devil eyes but reluctantly ate his lunch.


Turns out, Thomas wasn't potty trained. Meaning, that after lunch, Mordecai and CJ had to deal with an exceptionally stinky diaper. While Mordecai was somewhat used to dealing with foul smells, having cleaned both Muscle Man's trailer, and his dumpster, and done his laundry once or twice, CJ had a hard time taking in the disgusting odours.

Worse, Thomas kept squirming and slapping his sharp-clawed hands at Mordecai whenever he tried to reach down to remove the dirty diaper.

"Stay away from me!" Thomas whined.

"Dude, we need to get this foul diaper off and replace it with a clean one," Mordecai argued.

"But I like it dirty," Thomas rebuked. "It makes you and your fat whore of a girlfriend suffer."

"Ugh!" CJ moaned. The insults were getting old fast. And while there were things she could've done to make this toddler suffer for his obnoxious ways, she knew of a better idea to keep him under control.

"If you don't cooperate, you'll be going into time out!" she warned.

This caused Thomas to stop squirming. Though he grumbled, he allowed Mordecai to remove and replace his dirty diaper with a fresh, clean one.


Then it was time for Thomas to take a nap, but the toddler refused to go to sleep. He cried supper loudly and threw stuff like the plushies the couple provided for him to sleep with and his pillow and blanket.

Oh, and he apparently could shoot lasers from his eyes, so he did that and blasted several pieces of furniture, as well as a priceless vase that had been given to CJ by her late aunt before her passing, and the two had been quite close.

That was CJ's final straw. "Enough!" she shouted. "You don't wanna sleep? Fine! But you're going into time out, right now!"

Thomas immediately stopped his tantrum and began to panic. "No, anything but that. Please!"

But CJ had had enough. She picked up the little demon, yanked him up and carried him over to a nearby chair in the corner, despite Thomas' attempts to squirm and even bite her arms. She then placed him on the chair and shook her index finger at him.

"Now you stay there and think about what you did until you're ready to behave," she commanded.

To her surprise, Thomas sat there quietly, but with a confused look on his face. Eventually, he spoke up.

"That's it?! That's what you people call a time-out?!"

CJ was surprised that he didn't know what time out was, considering how naughty he appeared to act and assumed that he got these countless times at home by his parents and other babysitters.

"Yeah…" she replied.

"Pah! Where I come from, when you say time out, it means you're going to torture me with whips and other painful devices until I beg for mercy or pass out in pain."

This… this horrified CJ. "What the fuck?!" After she said this, she immediately covered her mouth as if it would undo what she'd done. But it was already too late.

"Ha!" Thomas laughed. "You just said a bad word. And just wait until my parents hear how bad you've been treating me. Forcing me to play with baby toys, eat terrible food and change me against my will… When I'm done, you and your boy toy will be my slaves for eternity. Eternity! Maw ha, ha, ha!"

It was then that Mordecai stepped in with a glass filled with a brown liquid in his hand. "Would you reconsider telling on us in exchange for a glass of extra chocolaty milk?"

Thomas' eyes lit up, though happily, while CJ's eyes widened in shock. "No!" she shouted. "Give him chocolate and he'll be super energetic and won't be able to sleep. He'll be worse than he already is."

"Oh, now I want it more," Thomas said while sticking his arms out in a failed attempt to grab the glass; even though it was on the other side of the room.

"Mordecai don't," CJ pleaded.

Despite her argument, Mordecai didn't halt as he walked over to Thomas and handed him the glass. "Trust me dear, I know what I'm doing."

Thomas gulped down the chocolate milk, but instead of getting even more rowdy than he'd already been, he yawned, collapsed onto the chair and fell asleep.

Shocked, CJ looked over at her baby daddy who simply smirked.

"Oh… did I forget to mention it was chocolate hot milk?"


That did the trick. Thomas remained asleep for the next few hours, even by the time his parents came to pick him up. Once they handed him off, CJ warned the toddler's father that they would never be babysitting Thomas again, and also reminded the lord of the underworld that he owed the couple seriously big time.

Death agreed and took the little monster back to his car. Once the vehicle had left and the door was shut, both Mordecai and CJ breathed out a long sigh of relief.

"Augh what a day," CJ stated as she dropped onto the couch. "I knew parenthood would be a challenge, but if our kids are anything like that monster, we're screwed."

Mordecai could see the worried expression on his lover's face. He heard her swear in front of Thomas, and while he didn't blame her, he knew she regretted it big time.

Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, he tried to soothe her worries. "It's gonna be alright babe. I promise."

She looked up at him, with a not-so-sure look on her face. "What… what if my temper gets the better of me like it did today? What if I do something worse to our kids than swear? What if they grow up to hate me because of my temper."

"Don't be ridiculous," Mordecai argued. "I know you would never do anything to harm anyone you love."

"Um… what about the times I turned into a storm cloud and almost killed you?"

Mordecai had to agree she had a point there. "Okay, maybe you could afford some professional help with your anger. But even on your own, your anger has been improving a lot lately. You didn't turn into a storm cloud today, and you were given multiple times to do so. You held your cool, even when fighting hormones and an obnoxious demon toddler. You held in because you're a strong, capable woman."

CJ felt touched by this. "Really?"

"You know it," he replied, kissing her on the forehead, which made her blush. "Now," he went on, "The days not completely shot, and I still have a surprise for you."

CJ's exhausted eyes lit up when she heard her lover/boyfriend/baby daddy say this.

"What is it?"

Opening the door again, and holding it wide open, Mordecai flung his wings towards the outside. "C'mon, and I'll show you."

Following Mordecai, who led CJ over to her car, the cloudy girl got into the passenger's side. The blue jay then got in the driver's seat and drove off.


It wasn't a long drive, but CJ almost fell asleep by the time Mordecai parked the car and nudged the pregnant girl to get out, which was a bit difficult given her condition. Once she was out, thanks to a little bit of help from Mordecai, CJ saw that they were at the beach, the same one where they had had their first official kiss as a couple. Mordecai led her across the sandy ground until they reached a familiar area near a recently fixed-up dock.

CJ remembered their first official date, how both had tried too hard to make it perfect that it turned into a literal blast. Rubbing her belly, thinking about the lives growing inside of her, CJ couldn't help but daydream at the thought of what lay ahead for her and Mordecai and their new family. Yes, as they'd seen today, there would be some, if not many, long tiring days that would make them feel like crap. But what parents didn't have those days? She knew with Mordecai by her side, being so supportive and reliable as he'd been since she told him about her pregnancy, along with their parents and friends, they could handle whatever was thrown at them.

She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't see what Mordecai was doing until he fake coughed, which got her attention.

Her eyes widened as she saw her lover down on one knee in front of the sun-setting ocean, which made his body glow. When he saw that she was looking down at him, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, black, velvet-cubed box.

When the blue jay opened it up, revealing a sparkling diamond ring, CJ's mouth just dropped in shock. She knew what was about to happen next, but she couldn't help pinching herself several times to make sure it was real until Mordecai spoke up and stopped her pinching.

"CJ, it's not a dream. I can assure you that," he said with an awkward grin on his face that showed this was the real Mordecai whom she'd fallen in love with. "Listen," he went on, "We've been on quite the ride ever since we met a few years ago. I know there were some tough spots, mainly caused by me."

"Yeah," CJ chuckled, knowing what he meant by bad stuff. "Don't bring that up."

"Right," Mordecai said before continuing. "Anyway. It's been one hell of a ride, but despite that, my life has never been as great as it is now with you by my side."

CJ was starting to feel an immense amount of emotions building up inside herself. The good kind.

"CJ I love you, and what I'm about to ask you, it's not just because you're pregnant with my kids, it's because I really, truly do love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you." He then said the words that caused CJ's heart to explode with joy. "Cloudy Jay Putter, will you marry me?"

She couldn't believe it. After all the times she and Mordecai had split, or their relationship had fallen on rough parts, or when Rigby and Margaret had tried to break them up, everything now suddenly felt so perfect. The cloud girl couldn't help bursting into tears. "Yes!" she cried as tears poured out of her. "YES, I WILL!"

Mordecai pulled the ring out, reached over to CJ's arm and placed it on her finger. Kneeling to Mordecai's level, the two newly betrothed kissed each other with such passion that it felt like fireworks were going off.

No wait, fireworks were going off in the background as the sun set.


Unbeknownst to CJ at the time, Eileen was the one setting off the fantastic display. She'd been trying to find a way to make amends with Mordecai and CJ after not warning them about Rigby's plot to break them apart. Seeing them kissing right now as they celebrated their engagement on the beach brought tears to her eyes.