Jumin's POV

I stand still under the hot stream of water of the shower, letting the heat engulf me. I'm physically exhausted after multiple rounds with Zen, but my mind is engaged, hard at work parsing out this new development.

I never saw myself with a wife - a partner. I never saw myself finding someone I'd want to spend my time with, or trust to the point of feeling comfortable sharing a home, a bed, a life. And to think that now… now I have a boyfriend. A boyfriend whom I never want to be away from. Whom I always want to touch and hold. Whom I'm happy and eager to imagine a future with. …The word itself seems so superficial compared to the depth of my true feelings for him. But as there is no word infinite enough, I shall settle for Zen's chosen title.

Now, the whole matter of keeping our relationship a secret… well, it does put a damper on things. I wish so dearly I could claim him and tell the world we're a couple. I want him to be mine - and not just here, in my penthouse, but everywhere, all the time.

But, obviously, I understand the logistics and motivations he has for secrecy. I always respected his need to do things on his own, and this is just an extension of that. So I did feel torn by his admission, filled with both reverence and rejection at his reasoning. It is so odd to feel so proud of him and at the same time so frustrated and hopeless. Because, ultimately, there is nothing I can do. This is a finish line that only Zen can draw and only Zen can cross.

I lean against the cool tiles as I imagine our days, or rather, our nights, together. As long as I can hold him… sleep knowing he's safe in my arms… I can push my other desires aside. Everything else is trivial in the face of his happiness.

I will be his supportive, secret boyfriend for now, I think with a smirk as I turn off the water. Until he is ready for me to be more. I grab a towel off the stack and clumsily wipe at the water dripping down my body, a different goal at the forefront of my mind.

As soon as I leave the bathroom and turn towards the open living area, I see him. My body instantly settles into a state of serenity at the sight. Stretched out nude on my bed, the curve of his hip and thigh slope beautifully towards the edge of the mattress. His eyes are closed, face relaxed in the tranquility of slumber, as his sculpted chest rises and falls slowly against his curled arm.

"Absolute perfection," I murmur as I sit on the bed next to him.

I stroke my fingers lightly down his leg, which raises goosebumps across his skin. I smile, that internal hum buzzing like a summer night inside my soul. You're my everything, I think, rubbing the goosebumps away with the heat of my palm. And I will never have to feel the suffocating weight of isolation again. Because now… I have you.

"Jumin…?" he mumbles, shifting as he takes a rousing breath.

"Your turn, darling. Would you like me to carry you to the bath?"

"Fuck off," he groans, giving me a languid slap to the arm as he rolls over, then picks himself up. His tired eyes lock with mine, narrow, then a smile spreads across his lips. "That was nice, but now I'm exhausted. If I'm gonna get that monster role, I really need to step it up with my practicing. But…" He leans in, nuzzling his nose into my cheek in a way that sends blissful shivers down my spine. "What if we rest a bit longer first? Would you be up for a movie and some cuddles while we eat lunch? Then after that I'll get to work."

A movie… cuddling… My thoughts fail coherency as I imagine it. As much as being inside him is heaven, this sounds like another type of paradise. And he suggests it so lightly, as if it is not a thing of magic, a miracle to hold someone you love and relax together.

"That sounds lovely," I reply, bringing my lips to his.

He returns the kiss, our mouths moving in a slow, sensual rhythm that makes my chest thrum and pulse run faster, then a whimper slips out of him.

"No more!" He pulls back and shifts away from me on the bed. "I'm tired of being sticky. I'm gonna shower."

"Would you like some help?" I offer, holding out my hand to him as he stands.

"NO. I can walk and bathe myself, thank you very much," he insists with a stubborn pout, shifting on his feet as he finds his balance.

I chuckle, rising with him as he stumbles off towards the bathroom.

"DON'T follow me," he says sharply, one finger wagging at me offensively as he shoots me a death glare.

I can't help my grin. I love these moments with him, so fun and so frivolous. "I'm heading to my closet," I clarify.

"Good," he says as he slips behind the bathroom door. "I'm locking it!" he calls.

I don't respond, but do hear the door click once as it latches, then again as it locks. I throw on some underwear, then make my way through my closet and to the door at the back, which connects to the far end of the bathroom. I would bet my fortune he forgot about this door.

The corner of my lip twitches with eagerness as my hand hovers over the knob until I hear the shower kick on. I give it another thirty seconds, then try the handle. Without hesitation, it opens. My smirk turns to a grin as I quietly slip inside. This is like when he first came here… How marvelous the differences between that moment and this. I felt so unsure walking in on him, knowing he'd be indecent, but was worried for him. He had been acting so odd, and between the thud I heard and his yelling, I made the decision to check on him anyway. But now… now I'm slipping in here with the sole purpose of teasing him. No hesitation for his nudity, no concern for modesty. I am only filled with this feeling of playfulness that is so strange yet so incredible.

I step up to the shower door with silent footfalls. I pause for a moment, listening to the water fall, to his gentle sighs. Suddenly he starts to sing a hushed song, some pop song I believe, and my heart beats heavy against my chest. So softly he sings, yet the sounds have such depth and clarity. Such a beautiful voice, I muse. Staring at the frosted door, I wish it was clear, but only one-way. I wish I could watch him undetectably, singing to himself in a private moment, as the water cascades down his stunning body. …Just another type of paradise. He is always showing me so many glimpses into heaven on Earth.

I listen for a moment, but as the seconds tick by, I begin to worry I'm being immoral. Even if he is mine, is it right for me to intrude upon his privacy like this? Am I letting my desires get the better of me? With a silent sigh, I turn back the way I came, leaving him in peace. As wrong as it may be, I will treasure this secret moment.

As I am finishing getting dressed, Zen comes out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and another over his shoulders.

"What are you wearing?" he chuckles, looking me up and down.

I look down my body, then back up at Zen. "I believe they're called clothes."

"Well, yeah," he cocks his head to the side with a laugh, "but I thought we were going to cuddle and watch a movie. You look like you're dressed to go to work."

My eyes narrow as I consider his words. "These are my clothes. What else would I wear?"

"Seriously?" His eyebrows shoot up. "What about comfy clothes? Don't you have anything that you wear for a day around the house?"

"No. I'm comfortable in these," I say, buttoning up the final buttons of my dress shirt.

"Oooh no. We're not cuddling in that. Come on. You have to have something in this Goliath of a closet." He grabs my wrist and pulls me back in. Leaving me just inside the door, he begins pacing as he surveys my clothes. "Alright, stand there and take off your clothes."

I raise a suggestive eyebrow, but before I can speak, he continues.

"Leave on your underwear, though… Got it?" He turns his gaze to me to give me a firm stare, then at my nod of compliance, returns to the walls of business apparel.

I watch him as I undress. He flips through the hangers brusquely, then begins opening drawers. There, he seems to find what he's looking for, and finally approaches me with a white undershirt. He holds it against my bare chest, grinning at me as he does.

"Just wear this and your undies, okay, babe?"

We were just wrapped in each other less than an hour ago, and yet here I am, desperate for his touch again. "Certainly," I reply, unable to stop my hands from sliding along the bare, damp skin of his waist. "Anything for my darling boyfriend," I murmur as I give his cheek a tender peck.

"H-hey, don't go getting too excited," he murmurs, wriggling under my touch. "Just cuddles! My ass needs a break."

I grin, a swell of smug delight filling me. "I was simply giving you a little kiss," I coo, letting my voice dip to a low rumble. "Hmm… Could you be the one getting excited?"

"Just cuddles!" he yells, pushing me away and out of the closet.

I laugh, once again filled with utter joy at these silly moments. He makes such mundane things enjoyable, bringing a life into my home I never thought possible. My chest thrills and hums, even as I am being shoved into the living room. "I'll get the TV ready. You want it aimed at the bed again, correct?"

Zen huffs, tosses me the undershirt he'd had balled in his fist, then crosses his arms. "Yes, please. And hey, can I wear one of your shirts, too?"

I slide the shirt on and look at him quizzically. Why even ask? "Of course. You may help yourself to anything that's mine. What's mine is yours now, Zen."

I am surprised to see his eyes widen with shock at my words, though his features quickly settle into flushed cheeks and a shy smile before he turns to head back into my closet.

It feels weird to walk around in just an undershirt and underwear, but I can't deny it's comfortable. I slide the TV over, then sit on the bed with a sigh.

"Meowww…" comes an angry sound from my feet.

"Ah, Elizabeth the 3rd. My dear."

She jumps up onto the bed and lays next to me, tail swishing mercilessly.

"I know, I'm sorry. We uh… were very busy when we arrived home today…"

She looks up at me with her sapphire eyes glaring.

"Elly!" Zen calls as he parades towards us. "You gonna watch the movie with us?"

I glance at Zen, then do a double take. "Are you… wearing a pair of my underwear?"

"Huh?" He looks down at himself, then back up at me with a grin. "Yeah! What do you think? I've always been a boxers guy. Thought I'd try them out. It's actually kind of nice having this extra support…" He pulls up the undershirt - my undershirt - to show off the boxer-briefs - my boxer-briefs - giving me a fine view of his bulge, the V shape of his hips, and his lower abs.

There is something undeniably intoxicating and hypnotic about the sight.

In the span of about one second, various scenes of me removing those flash through my thoughts. Then thoughts of us out together, him wearing my underwear the whole time, as if I am holding him and claiming him without anyone knowing. Both ideas are… appealing. I clear my throat and say, "They look good. Wear them whenever you want."

"Oh yeah…?" He asks in a teasing tone, a flirty smirk lifting one corner of his lips. "Well, thanks, babe."

He takes a seat on the bed, but not next to me, at the edge. He moves to his usual sleeping spot, but propped up into a half-sit against the pillows.

"Come here," he beckons, patting my spot with a grin. "You too, El!"

"I was finally getting used to you calling her… Elly…" I say with a grimace as I slide into my spot, "and now you've shortened it even more? She is a refined and dignified cat, and requires a name befitting to her."

"What's wrong with a nickname?" he laughs, snatching the remote from me. "Elly likes it, doesn't she?" he asks with a put upon baby voice.

To my surprise, she sidles up to him and lays directly across his lap, looking up at him with loving eyes.

"You two really did get very close, didn't you?" I murmur.

"Don't be jealous, Jumin. You're still her favorite." He scratches her head and she closes her eyes with a blissful expression, leaving me to wonder how he's so sure of that. "Now, what do you want to watch?"

We end up warming up some lunch and watching John Wick 2. It's an easy pick after we enjoyed the first so much. Once we are settled in, the magic begins. The entire time, we touch. Sometimes it is just our hands, fingers laced together. Sometimes, like while we're eating, it's our legs, just resting side by side. But sometimes… for most of the movie… we hold each other. I hold him against my chest. He holds me against his. We have our arms wrapped around each other, fingers tracing lightly against the other's skin, all while we watched Keanu Reeves murder what I can only assume to be over a hundred people. Even Elizabeth enjoys herself, cuddling with us and purring through all of the gunshots and mayhem. It is all so… fun. Just as I had predicted, this is just another way Zen can bring heaven straight to me.

As the movie ends and the credits roll, I am propped against Zen's chest, his arm around my shoulder, holding me close.

He gives me a tight squeeze, and asks, "What'd you think?"

"It was good. I have to say I enjoyed the storytelling and surprise factor of the first a bit more, but this was still a quality film. …Even if the number of deaths did reach a point of implausibility."

"Yeah," he chuckles, "agreed." A few silent moments pass between us, and then he adds in a delicate undertone. "And what'd you think about this?" He pulls me tighter against him again.

I turn to look at him. "I don't understand the question."

Suddenly he shifts, rotating him and myself so that we're laying on the bed, my back to his chest with his arms wrapped snugly around me. My body molds into his, reveling in the heat, the shape, the strength of him. I have never been held so tightly in my life - I'm sure of it. And something about it… scares me. Not that I'm scared of Zen, obviously… but this feeling. It's too strong. It's too… confusing. It's like… I feel safe but weak at the same time.

"I don't…" he begins, trailing off and pressing his face into the back of my neck. "I don't want you to think I'm unhappy with the way things are."

I tense up, on guard at his words. I try to break free, to look at him, but he holds me solidly still in his grasp.

"Just… give me a minute, okay?"

I hesitate, trying to relax back into him. But this odd feeling combined with the unsettling things he just said… It feels as if my mind is simultaneously going 100mph and rooted to the spot.

"Jumin… I love what we have right now. You have been nothing but wonderful to me. You have been making me feel wonderful in ways I didn't think were possible. And I just want you to know… that if you ever wanted me to, I would love to make you feel wonderful, too."

I blink, my eyes searching wildly as I stare ahead at the open room, trying to make sense of Zen's words at my back. "You already have been making me feel wonderful," I answer. "Just by being here with me."

He laughs softly, pressing his face into me and nuzzling. "Ah jeez… Okay. Let me say it more plainly." I hear him sigh, then he continues, "When we have sex… when you're inside me… it feels so fucking good. I can't even explain it. And I know earlier, you thought I was trying to be the one to… to be inside. And I know you were nervous. And I just want to make sure that you know, Jumin, I would never do that without talking to you first." He gives me another tight squeeze.

"Oh," I say, heart now racing despite my frozen form. "Okay."

"But if you ever wanted me to… if you ever wanted to try it, because it does feel really fucking good somehow… I would love to do that for you." His hips roll against my rear, and I can feel the bulge from the briefs pressing against me. "I would be so gentle, baby," he murmurs, his hot breath falling against the back of my neck and raising goosebumps on my skin. "So gentle. I would hold you just like this… and pour my love into you so sweetly."

My eyes are wide as I lay rooted in his clutches. Does Zen… want that? It sounds like he does. But I… I… I had originally entertained the idea. I was open to whatever Zen wanted to do. But I had my preference, and he never opposed it. He seemed to expect it, almost, in a way. So I never thought that… that… And yet, here he is, giving me a taste of it right now - the feeling of being in his arms, of being seized by him. Do I like it?

"You could relax, let someone else take control. You could let it all out… and I would take it, all of you."

You would take… all of me? I distantly feel his mouth plant sucking kisses along the back of my neck, and this, all of this, feels amazing, yet terrifying. Because I know it's a lie - or rather, a well intentioned naivety. He could never accept all of me. Not this darkness inside. And yet his words… His actions… This feeling of being held so tightly by his ignorant love… It's almost as if it's opening something within me, something powerful hiding behind a long-sealed barrier. Is it my inner monster? The part of me that disturbed my own mother? The part of me that is 'far from a human being?'

"Jumin? You okay?" He releases me and leans back a bit, pulling me with him so he can see my face. I'm not sure what he sees, but he suddenly begins to backpedal, worry plastered in his gaze. "Like I said, only if you want! I'm not trying to pressure you. And I promise, I'm happy the way things are. I like…" His voice suddenly drops off, lowering to a quiet murmur. "I like having you inside me."

I swallow. What are you thinking, Jumin? You're letting your mind run wild. It's only Zen suggesting a different way to have sex. Nothing more. I steel myself, forcing out a modicum of composure. "And you thought I might… enjoy it as well."

"Yes," he says, visibly relaxing. "Who's taller or older or… bigger," he chuckles, snuggling up to me again, this time his cheek to my chest, "I know you know none of that matters. I just want to make you feel good. I want us to feel good together. And I just thought… I'd give you another option."

I can feel his smile against me, and knowing his motivations makes his suggestion sound… worth entertaining. If I can manage to maintain control, that is.

"I'll consider it." His arms wrap around me in a tight hug, and as I hug him back, I clarify, "But you are happy? With the way things are?"

"Yes," he says assuredly. "Very happy." He tilts his head up, looking at me with such love in those piercing red eyes.

And that is all I need. Being with him. Seeing him happy, I think, the darkness that plagued my thoughts just a distant haze now. "I'm happy, too," I say, kissing his forehead. "Happier than I ever dreamed possible."

He gives a soft, heartwarming laugh, then leans up into me, our mouths coming together in a tender caress. I slide my tongue lightly along the seam of his lips, and my hand up his back and into his hair at the base of his neck. His ponytail hinders my fingers, though, and so I grab the tie and pull, eager to loose his silver hair.

"Nnh nnh," he chides into the kiss, swatting my hand away. When he pulls back to speak, he's flushed, and I can now easily recognize the heady lust brewing behind those eyes. "I need to go rehearse," he pouts. "How am I supposed to get this role if all we do all day is fuck?"

"Counterpoint," I say, settling for twirling the long strands of hair through my fingers. "What if we both stop working, and just live on a private island together, spending our entire days in each other's arms?"

His eyes roll wildly into the back of his head. "Even your fortune will run out eventually."

I smirk, about to counter that no, it really wouldn't, not if managed properly. But my phone rings, interrupting me before I speak.

"Excuse me," I say, sitting up and going to find my phone.

"I should probably check mine, too. I bet I have a ton of messages from fans about the press conference today…"

I look at the screen and see my father's contact. I mentally curse myself, realizing I never mentioned to my father the details for today's conference.

"Hello, father."

"Jumin, hello. You told me you were holding a press conference to handle the PR, but why am I just now hearing about a new department to fund a charity? And why is that RFA friend of yours so involved in a C&R conference?"

"I apologize, father. I should have been more upfront with you about the charity. I didn't mean for it to be a surprise."

"This is very unlike you, Jumin. What has been going on with you lately?"

I look over to Zen, who is sitting on the edge of the mattress on his own phone, typing away. He suddenly raises it and smiles, and I realize he's taking a selfie. My lips twitch up at the corners, this behavior of his that I once found conceited, now just seems adorable.

I turn away, unable to focus while looking at him. "Nothing that concerns C&R, so you need not worry. And I will of course be happy to go over my plans with you for the future of C&R with this new addition."

"Good. Let's have lunch tomorrow and discuss everything."

"Tomorrow?" I ask, looking back to Zen. Would I go without him? Just the thought of being away from him, even if for a few hours, tears at something in my chest.

"Yes, Jumin, tomorrow. This can't wait until Monday."

"Of course, father. I'll see you tomorrow, then. Goodbye."

I hang up and immediately look to Zen, already wanting to cling to him in preparation for our separation tomorrow.

"Plans with your dad for tomorrow?" he asks.

"Yes. Father is insisting we meet… Would you like to come with?" I ask, too much hope behind my words.

"Actually, Jaehee messaged me! She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow," he grins. "So we can both have our own lunch dates and then meet up back here for dinner. Works out perfect, huh?"

I force a smile. "Yes, perfect."

I'm not sure if it is because of how worked up I just was, but even this is straining me. I can feel my emotional tethers tugging and stretching, trying to break out. But I tuck them away, string by string, forcing my feelings into a tight knot. Don't let them out. Don't let him see the darkness, how desperately needy you are. He's happy right now - don't ruin it. You can make it through one lunch without him.