Chapter Twenty-Six

Cas was much more animated at school the next day, happily chatting about his sister and his family, more than Dean had ever heard from him, as though a part of him that he'd kept tightly hidden away had come rushing out of him when he saw Anna.

Ann too opened up more when she was talking to Cas, and seemed excited to meet Sam. She insisted on helping Mary make dinner, and sat next to Cas at the table while they ate.

'My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together when we graduate,' Anna told them, 'but eventually the plan is to get to Chicago. I didn't make it into their undergrad program, but they have a killer cephalopod breeding center that I'd love to work in.'

'Cephalopod?' John said.

'Oh yeah, squid and octopus, and they have the cutest little dwarf cuttlefish,' Anna smiled.

'How long have you and your boyfriend been together?' Cas asked.

'Just over a year,' Anna said, her smile widening. 'We're both studying marine biology. He's more into corals though, he wants to build reefs.'

'That could mean a lot of travelling,' said Cas.

'I hope so,' Anna said excitedly. 'Lots of reefs to build, and all the good labs have cepholopds, so we can go pretty much anywhere.'

'That sounds really nice.'

Anna nodded. 'What about you, you have a girlfriend or anything?'

Dean forced himself to keep a neutral expression.

'Girls aren't really my area,' Cas mumbled.

'Oh, okay, a boyfriend then?' Anna said, without skipping a beat.

Cas shook his head, but couldn't control the pink flush from spreading across his face. 'No.'

'But there's someone you like, right?' said Anna.

Cas flushed even pinker. 'There… might be…'

Mary gasped. 'Aw, Cas! Tell us all about him.'

John gave her a firm look. 'Maybe Cas doesn't want to tell us about him.'

But Mary and Anna looked at him expectantly.

Cas stared down at his plate. 'He - um - he's nice.'

Anna grinned and Mary clapped her hands together. Dean knew Cas was doing his best to keep their secret, but Dean could see on his face how much he wanted to talk about it.

'He's nice? That's all we get?' Dean teased.

Cas looked up at him, but quickly hid his surprise.

'Yeah, come on, Cas,' said Sam. 'What's he like? Is he hot?'

'Sam!' Mary chastised. 'Is he?'

Anna laughed.

Cas smiled. 'Yes, he is.'

Amusement bubbled up inside Dean. 'Really?' he said. 'How hot?'

Cas rolled his eyes. 'Very,' he said. 'But more importantly, he's sweet, and considerate. Smarter than he thinks he is. Pretty eyes…' Cas trailed off, embarrassed.

'He sounds dreamy,' Dean grinned.

'Sounds like you really like him. Do you think he likes you back?' Anna asked.

'Well, why wouldn't he?' said Dean, with a brief wink.

'Yeah, I bet he feels the same way,' said Mary. 'You're very handsome too.'

'Thanks, Mom,' said Cas, and the room fell silent. The colour drained from Cas's face as he realised what he had said. 'S-sorry - I didn't mean - I didn't.'

'It's okay, honey,' Mary said quickly, welling up slightly. 'You can call me whatever you're most comfortable with.'

'Don't worry about it, I call her Mom sometimes too,' John said with a smirk.

'EW!' Sam said. 'Gross, Dad.'

Cas relaxed and laughed.

'I want to hear more about this boy,' said Anna.

'I think we all want to hear more about him,' Dean grinned.

Cas chuckled. 'I'm sure you would,' he said. 'He's nervous about having a boyfriend though.'

'That's such a shame,' said Mary. 'I hope he comes around, especially if you like him this much.'

'He just needs some time, I think,' said Cas.

Dean nodded. 'It's gotta be hard if he's not out yet,' he said. 'But I'm sure he'll get there.'

'I wish I could give him a big hug and tell him it'll be all right,' Mary said.

'You want to give everyone a big hug and tell them it'll be all right,' Sam said.

Mary laughed. 'Yeah, that's true.'

Dean said nothing, but he smiled as warmth spread through his chest. 'Cas has a race on Friday,' he said to Anna, changing the subject.

'You race?'

Cas nodded with a shy smile.

'He's repping the state.'

'My team are repping the state,' Cas corrected.

'That's awesome,' said Anna. 'You were always fast on your feet. Mom could never catch you for bath time.'

'They're live streaming it, you wanna watch?' Dean asked.

'I'd love to.'

Cas looked pleased.

Once they finished dinner, Anna got ready to leave, but Cas hugged her tightly, reluctant to let her go.

'I'll talk to you every day,' Anna reassured him. 'And I'll come visit you whenever I can.'

Cas gave her an anxious look, but nodded. 'All right. Have a safe flight.'

She once again refused a ride to the airport and called herself a cab. 'I love you,' she said to Cas, hugging him again. 'I'll be cheering for you on Friday.'

'Bye, Anna.'

Once she was gone, Cas let out a deep sigh. 'I think I'm going to go upstairs. I have homework to do,' he said, but there was a glimmer in his eye when he looked at Dean.

Dean held back a grin. 'Yeah, I'm gonna head up too.' He followed Cas up to their room and closed the door behind him.

'You are such a dick,' Cas said quietly, wicked amusement on his face, and pulled Dean further into the room.

'I know,' Dean chuckled. 'And you said all those nice things about me too.'

Cas shook his head, then kissed Dean deeply, pressing their bodies together. Dean gasped, surprised, but kissed him back just as fiercely, shivering as Cas's hands ran all over him. He let Cas push him back towards his bed, holding Cas at the hips. His heart pounded and his fingertips tingled, heat rising through him. He sat down, and Cas followed him, straddling him and tugging at his shirt. He let Cas pull it off, briefly stopping for breath and to admire Dean's bare chest, but it wasn't long before he was back to kissing Dean, tasting as much of him as he could.

Dean shivered. At first, he held Cas close, but then the sensation of Cas's fingers on his skin made his stomach lurch. All of a sudden he felt exposed and claustrophobic, and his chest tightened. 'S-stop,' he said breathlessly, pushing Cas slightly. 'Stop.'

Cas stood up and took a step back. 'Are you all right?' he said.

Dean put his hands up to his chest, dragging his fingernails against his skin. 'I - um - sorry.'

Cas knelt down in front of Dean, putting a hand on his knee and handing him back his shirt.

Dean felt a little better once he was covered up again. 'Sorry, I didn't realise you were ready to - you know - and I guess I - I'm not - yet. I- I'm sorry.'

'Stop saying you're sorry, it's okay,' Cas said softly. 'I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I should have asked.'

Dean shook his head. 'It's not your fault,' he said. 'I've thought about being - with you - a lot. I don't know, I didn't know that I couldn't…'

Cas squeezed his knee. 'You don't have to do anything you don't want to.'

'You sure you're not mad?'

'No, of course not,' said Cas. 'Listen, I would really like to be with you in that way, but I'm not in any hurry. I'll wait as you need.'

Dean took a deep breath. 'What if…'

'What if what?' Cas prompted.

Dean bit his lip. 'What if I'm never…'

Cas looked into his eyes, full of sympathy. 'Can I sit?' he asked.

'Sure.'

Cas pushed himself back up and sat next to Dean on the bed, taking his hand. 'Then that's okay,' he murmured.

'You mean that?'

'Yes. I don't need to have sex with you to know how important you are to me.' Cas lifted up Dean's hand and kissed it.

Dean let out a breath and let his head drop against Cas's shoulder. 'I don't want you to think that I don't really like you.'

'I wouldn't think that,' Cas whispered, putting an arm around Dean. 'Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?'

Dean clasped his hands together. 'Actually, can I just - can I have some space?'

'Of course.' Cas said. He got up and stepped over to his side of the room. 'Do you want the curtain closed?'

'Do you mind?'

'Not at all.' Cas gave him a small smile, then pulled the curtain across.

Dean heard him switch on his lamp, and start working on his laptop. He just listened to the typing for a while, then got up and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water over himself. He shook out his hands, then went back to their room and changed into his pajamas. Cas was still typing on his laptop and Dean nervously approached the curtain, knocking on the wall.

'Come in,' Cas said.

Dean pushed aside the curtain and Cas smiled at him.

'Can I come hang out with you?' Dean asked.

'Always,' Cas said, shifting on his bed to make room for Dean.

Dean climbed onto the bed. 'Oh, you actually do have homework,' he said, pulling up the covers.

Cas nodded. 'Almost done now.'

'No rush.'

Dean settled down beside Cas and eventually fell asleep to the sound of typing, one arm draped over Cas. He had another suffocating nightmare, and woke to Cas shaking his shoulder.

'Dean - you're hurting me.'

Dean realised he'd clenched his fist in his sleep and was digging his nails into Cas. 'Oh, I'm sorry,' Dean mumbled, forcing his fingers to relax.

'It's okay. I'll get you some water.'

Cas left the bed and Dean sat up, trembling from the residual adrenaline rush caused by his nightmare. He hadn't been asleep long, the lamp was still on and Dean could see Cas's homework still open on his laptop. Cas came back and carefully placed a glass of water in Dean's hands.

'Are you okay?' Dean asked, guilt forming in the pit of his stomach.

'I'm fine,' Cas said, with a soft smile.

'Can I see?'

Cas hesitated, but lifted up his shirt to show Dean the fingernail marks in his side. Dean hissed through his teeth.

'That looks like it'll bruise,' he said. 'I'm so sorry.'

'You didn't mean to, you were having a nightmare.'

Dean sighed and let Cas's shirt drop. He lay back in the bed and put his arm over his eyes. 'DO you mind if I stay?'

'Of course you can.'

Cas went back to his homework, but Dean's mind reeled.

'At least I didn't throw up this time,' he said.

'No. You didn't scream either.'

Dean snorted. 'Well that's something, I guess.'

Eventually, he managed to fall asleep again, this time not waking up until the next morning. Cas was still asleep, and Dean watched him for a while. It was quiet and the sun was only just dawning, the delicate light illuminating Cas's face perfectly. He looked so comfortable and peaceful. Dean smiled, then grabbed his phone to send a text.

Dean

Hey, you got any free slots this week?

It took a few minutes for a response.

Tessa

Thursday afternoon good for you?

Dean

Awesome thanks

Dean put his phone away and smiled back down at Cas, gently brushing his hair with his fingers. Cas's eyelids fluttered, and Dean leaned down, gently pressing his lips to Cas's, waking him with a kiss.

'Good morning,' Cas mumbled drowsily, running a hand sleepily along Dean's arm.

'How're you feeling?' Dean asked.

'Fine,' said Cas, followed by a wide yawn.

'Can I look at it?'

Cas nodded and let Dean check the mark he'd made again. As Dean had predicted, the area around his nail marks had bruised green and purple.

'It's okay, Dean,' Cas said, sitting up and stretching. 'It doesn't hurt anymore.'

Dean grimaced. 'I'm gonna work through this with Tessa,' he told Cas. 'It won't happen again, I promise.'

'It was an accident, don't be so hard on yourself.' Cas stretched widely again and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. 'You know, I'm pretty tired still, do you want to go for coffee?'

Dean chuckled. 'You mean, do I want to drive you to Starbucks so you can throw down three shots of espresso?'

'Oh, there's a difference?' Cas laughed.

'I'd love to take you,' Dean said fondly, then kissed Cas once more, before they would have to leave their little bubble and recede back to secrecy.


Welcome back :) Thanks to EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester for the review!