Lorash!

The scream of terror and horror shattered Lorash's nightmares into fragments, though it was not a clean waking. She lashed out with an fist as she thrashed in bed, striking out at the dark presences in her dreams. The difference was that this time, she connected with something hard before suddenly being unable to move. A light switched on near the head of the bed. The solid physical contact snapped her tear-flooded eyes open and she found herself looking up at Seia, the sith's expression unreadable in the low light as she cupped her hand to catch the blood falling from her freshly split lip.

The glow of the red lightsaber flashing against green was gone. The cries of the twins were absent, only her own harsh breathing filling the air with sound. Even the choking, gasping struggle of her master that had seemed so viscerally real in front of her was nowhere to be seen. She was still on the ship, shaking and crying in her own bed.

Lorash couldn't bring herself to even stammer an apology for striking Seia. Instead, the tears that were already pouring intensified at the sight. It was already starting.

You will destroy everything you love, her own voice whispered to her.

Seia used her sleeve to staunch the bleeding for a moment before rolling her lip to between her teeth, catching the blood in her own mouth. Without saying anything, she released the bind on Lorash and then pulled the crying young woman up into her arms. Lorash tried to struggle away, but Seia was strong enough to hold the jedi padawan tight against her chest with one arm, leaving a hand free to stroke Lorash's hair.

"It was a dream, Lorash," Seia rasped softly, voice so quiet it was almost lost among the sobs. She threaded her fingers through Lorash's hair when the young woman stopped struggling, tucking Lorash's head under her chin.

For a moment, even the roiling conflict in the Force that always surrounded Seia felt comforting and safe. Lorash couldn't help the selfishness of just wanting reassurance for an instant, the way she leaned into the touch and clung tightly to Seia's shirt. "I killed him!" The horror of the image replayed itself too clearly in her mind, over and over: bleeding crimson kyber burning in one hand, the crushing power of bind flowing through the other as she destroyed Vori's throat the way she had seen Seia do to others.

"You did nothing of the sort," Seia said with her customary bluntness, even though the brush of her thumb against Lorash's temple was almost jarringly soft. "You have not left this bed all night."

Lorash felt like she was going to throw up. "Then it hasn't happened yet."

"It was a dream," Seia said more softly.

You know that was more than a dream. Just like the feeling of the lightsaber through your chest. Nabeila is right about her, about all of the sith, Lorash's conscience whispered.

"I know it was real." Lorash struggled away as the dream played over again in her minds' eye. "You were there laughing!"

An unfamiliar expression flashed across Seia's face for a moment, gone so quickly that Lorash couldn't even identify what it was. "Lorash, listen to me–"

She's lying. Sith are only satisfied by destruction and chaos. She wants you to believe you're safe with her so she can corrupt you, so she can make you fall.

"No!" Lorash felt the tears building again. "I'm not some toy you can play with and break, Seia, or a pet you can lead around by the collar! I'm not going to fall!"

Seia struggled with herself for a moment, biting back whatever words were her first reply. "That is not how I think of you," she said evenly after a moment's pause. "Nor is it what I would ask of you."

"That's not what you told Zul!"

"I told Zul what he needed to hear to keep you safe and away from him, because you are…" Seia closed her eyes, clearly struggling with herself for a split second.

Your feelings are a game to her. She only cared about you and Kherang because it meant she was losing.

Lorash pulled in a deep breath, calming her breathing. "I'm tired of being your plaything, Seia," she said, hardening into a solid resolve. "Get out."

Seia's hands clenched into fists at her side, but she stood from the edge of the bed. "As you wish," she said curtly, turning on her heel and striding out. Out in the hallway, the padawan heard her say much more quietly, "Eso, go back to bed."

"Seia, what, uh, happened to your face?"

"Suffice to say that she is not interested in my comfort."

The door slid closed, ending Lorash's ability to eavesdrop for a moment, at least in the traditional sense. She closed her eyes and let her grasp of the Force expand, seeing Seia not through her own eyes, but through Eso's.

The sith looked as arrogant and angry as ever, at least on cursory inspection. There were hints of other things flashing through her golden eyes, brief microexpressions that Eso wasn't familiar enough with Seia to catch. Lorash tried to find a name to put to the feelings that she could see, but they never stayed visible long enough to really understand them. Even with a heightened sense of the Force, Seia guarded her mind like a beskar prison, though the conflict in the Force itself seemed worse than before, responding to the sith's mercurial emotions.

"Everything okay?" Eso asked, rubbing the back of his neck. He sounded hungover, but sincerely worried and awake.

"Go back to bed, Eso," Seia said, prowling towards the kitchen. Eso trailed along behind her, bringing Lorash's senses with him.

"You, uh, you know, maybe if you talked to her…"

"It is too late for that," Seia said quietly.

Lorash could almost feel Eso sober abruptly at that comment. "What's that, uh, supposed to mean?"

"You would not understand."

Eso sighed and climbed the stairs to the kitchen after Seia. "So make me. I've got all night." He fumbled to switch on the light, then blinked owlishly as he saw the sith warrior turn towards the collection of assorted teas as she picked up a mug. "Tea?"

"For you," Seia said bluntly. "Before you vomit and have to clean it up." The sith planted the mug on the table in front of him as he took a seat and filled the kettle on the stove's surface.

"Right. So, uh, what's going on?"

Seia's brow furrowed. "Nothing that you can alleviate."

"I mean, she doesn't seem the type to clock you, even if she was mad about, uh…earlier." Eso's embarrassment radiated off him.

Lorash expected a snap of annoyance from the sith, but one didn't come. "I have already said more than enough tonight."

Eso sighed, clearly not certain how to handle this particular version of moodiness in Seia. "Y'know, maybe if you, uh, went in a little more for romance, Seia–"

Seia scowled. "What is the use of flowers and empty air when she will turn upon me at the behest of a dream? Actions speak louder than foolish promises. Besides, she would take any sweet words from a warrior of the Sith and see it as a manipulation. The Jedi trained her well."

The pilot seemed to feel the magnitude of things going unspoken. He ran his hand up and down the back of his neck. "Okay, so maybe, uh, we change the subject a little. Are you okay?"

The kettle started to whistle, so Seia stood up and took his mug instead of answering. As she poured, the tension seemed to settle slightly in the Force around her. "I endure."

"Uh, not a yes."

Seia returned the mug to him, now full of steeping tea. "It will suffice. I am returning to bed."

Eso softened slightly. "I care about my crew, Seia."

Something flashed in the sith's eyes that Lorash could identify: pain. Seia touched the very edge of the wicked scar across her throat, looking down at the floor. After a split second, her face hardened into something as unyielding as durasteel. "You are not the first to say those words to me, but I have a feeling you will be the last."

The pilot knew he'd stepped on a nerve and held up both hands. "You, uh, get some good sleep, Seia. See you in the morning." Eso rose to his feet while the sith retreated to her room.

Lorash knew he was coming to check on her and allowed her heightened sense to collapse back to her regular senses. She didn't know what to make of the interactions she'd seen. She sat up in bed, looking down at her bruised knuckles. She'd hit Seia harder than she realized, but then again, she'd also become much stronger since the sith started training her.

Actions speak louder than foolish promises.

Those words echoed in her mind with an unpleasant clarity, maybe because she wasn't certain if the 'foolish promises' meant Seia's opinion of love or Lorash's own declaration in the ruins that she would stay. More than that, as her mind came fully into wakefulness, she realized that she had responded to one of the only acts of seemingly sincere care from the sith with a stinging rebuke. But wasn't that the point?

Eso rapped on the doorframe, then poked his head in without waiting for an answer. "So, uh, are we giving Seia bruises as payback now or…?"

Lorash curled up in her bed, still shaken from her dream and feeling an unmistakable knot of guilt in her stomach. "I'm not in the mood for jokes, Eso."

"Can I, uh, come in?" He stood in the doorway awkwardly, shifting his steaming mug from hand to hand as the temperature became uncomfortable.

"Yeah," Lorash said more quietly.

Eso stepped in and closed the door behind him. He took a seat on the ledge beside the window that displayed the stars visible with such brilliant clarity over a moonlit ocean. "I don't, uh, think she means to mess up, Lorash. I mean, I, uh…" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I mean, it seems like she really likes you."

Lorash knew there was more he wanted to say, but her dream made it hard to listen. "She likes controlling me."

The pilot studied her quietly. "I mean, it's, uh, Seia. I don't think Korriban, uh, left her much of a vocabulary for feelings except rage."

The comment surprised her. Aside from a few mentions, Seia hadn't spoken much of her own training. "What's she said to you?"

"After you and the, uh, bothan left, Seia and I had a heart to heart," Eso admitted. "I wanted to make sure Yyrfh and I were safe. She just kinda…shut down, once the rage ran its course. I asked her about it and she, uh, said she was tired of betrayals. When I pressed a bit, asking why she hadn't tried harder to keep you, she said, uh, When you give the freedom to choose, you accept the reality that they may choose something you hate."

It was difficult to hear, especially if it was true. "She doesn't like me the way you think, Eso."

"She didn't buy me armor or train me or, uh, get blasted fighting Dren Organa to protect me," the pilot pointed out gently. "And, uh, risking a fight with Zul when she was weak to keep you seems like an awful lot of liking." He sighed. "Maybe Seia's not star-lily and dinner kind of romance, uh, but I doubt anyone's ever been that to her."

"What did she tell you about Korriban?" Lorash asked, realizing he'd avoided talking more about it.

"She, uh, had quite the story," Eso said with a wince. "She told me when she, uh, claimed her lightsaber from the tomb of Tulak Hord, she was with another apprentice: a pureblood named Zraesia. They'd, uh, teamed up in the Academy, fought together, and Seia made it seem like they were, uh, close."

Lorash felt a knot form in her stomach. "What happened?"

Eso sighed. "They had to fight past ancient guardians, but, uh, well, you've seen Seia in combat. They made it through, but Zraesia took a blaster shot to the leg. Seia removed the lightsaber from where it was hidden behind a trap. But Seia said, uh, Zraesia was faking her injury and set an ambush. She didn't realize until she felt the strike coming from behind."

"I imagine she was angry."

"She said she, uh, didn't believe it at first. Tried to get away, but Zraesia blocked off her escape with a falling statue. It sounded, uh, like Seia tried everything to talk her down. Zraesia didn't give her the option. Wasn't until later, uh, she found out her own master had pitted Zraesia against her. A lesson, she said. She didn't say it, but, uh, seemed like Zraesia was the only person she let close her whole apprenticeship."

A horrible realization hit Lorash. "But Seia said she was her father's apprentice…"

Eso grimaced. "I guess when that's, uh, what you know…well, I can see why she is how she is. At least when you and the bothan left, she didn't have to fight you. Dunno."

Seia's intense wariness in the ruins made an uncomfortable amount more sense now, Lorash realized. How alike had that been to her battle with Zraesia? Knowing what she knew now, it was amazing the sith hadn't killed her the moment she showed up again.

Nabeila, I need you, Lorash thought.

She felt the Jedi Master's presence like the spread of cool water through her tired body, bringing a tremendous sense of calm. I am here, Lorash.

Did Seia ever tell you about Zraesia?

There was a brief silence. Not precisely. In the interrogation when I determined I would assist her by concealing her in the temple, I asked her if she had ever felt remorse for one she killed.

What did she say?

Nabeila's presence seemed subdued, regretful. She said no, only that she had not struck some down sooner, but she was lying. I saw her in Seia's thoughts. I will show you.

Lorash blinked and for a moment, she was somewhere else: dark red stone and shadow all around, the smell of seared flesh and blood overwhelming her senses. A young woman lay at her feet, red-skinned and dark-haired with bony spurs jutting from her chin and cheekbone. Lorash was standing with one foot on the pureblooded sith's dominant hand. "Don't try it, Zraesia." Seia's voice sounded young when it passed her lips, cracking under the force of her emotions. Lorash could taste salt.

The downed sith snarled up at her, flicking her fingers of her other hand to summon a training saber. "Tears, Seia?" Her lip curled in contempt. "Your master was right. Weak , just like your mother."

The rage that flooded through Seia was more than Lorash could stand. She couldn't look away as the warrior brought her burning red saber down in a wicked arc, severing Zraesia's head. The howl of pain that followed echoed off the walls of the tomb, distorted among the statues and broken pieces of guardian droids. She had been so careful never to allow anyone close that she had never been hurt before, not like this. It felt like being ripped in two.

Seia promised herself as she sank to her knees beside the body that it would never happen again.

A promise she could not keep, Nabeila said as she gently brought Lorash back to the present. Which you know as well as I.

Lorash looked up at Eso, who watched her with concern. "I need some time," she said quietly.

He bobbed his head in a nod. "Alright."

The more you come to understand the ways of the sith, the more you will see this in them. Seia either cares with nothing or everything. She sees the world in absolutes.

Lorash sighed and put her head in her hands. "I don't want to hurt her."

But you will. You are a Jedi, Lorash. Duty to others must always come first. She is a far more selfish creature, and that will never satisfy her. Or you might die and leave her, even if you abandoned your path for her.

She isn't asking me to choose.

Nabeila's hand seemed to rest on her shoulder. We are never free from choice, Lorash. There will come a time when you have to decide.